December 17, 2002

stuffed monkey day

As predicted I hit a nadir of motivation today, sitting on the machine and feebly sliding back and forth for an hour, watching the meter recede and grow, recede and grow as though I was stuck in a micro-cycle of infinite recurrence -- a three-frame flip book by Kafka.

If not for the Challenge I surely wouldn't have done this. On the surface I did it for the meters. But did this do me any good? At a minimum I learned about the value of consistency. If not for the Challenge, I would have skipped a day, which would have put me perilously close to missing another day and falling off the merry go-round altogether.

A day like this maps -- in the fractal scheme -- to an existential crisis on the larger scale; it's like a month of feeling the same way about my job or a year of angst about my general pattern of my life. "This feels useless -- is there value in keeping going?" I'll keep that in mind over the next three days as I watch my motivation to row.

Posted by syost at December 17, 2002 07:24 AM
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