Lord of the Cows, do you suppose you could forward that transcript to me at supermanspaljimmyolsen@yahoo.com? I'd appreciate it, my connection sucks, couldn't watch the stream but it sounds funny.

Tyranny and communism and oppression are wrong.

thats right and no, in that regard, we don't care what anyone else thinks.

Sakusha: Keep in mind that Canada and Canadians identify closely with the British. Our political system is based on the British one. The Queen is still technically our monarch - when she visits Canada, she is indeed officially referred to as "The Queen of Canada". We are a Constitutional Monarchy, as Australia is. As the Irish troops were acting under British orders, and as the British ruled Canada at the time, then they were in a sense a Canadian force.

hornsofthedevil: Grow up. It's that sort of "we're right, no matter what anyone else thinks" kind of attitude that is *why* the rest of the world has problems with the US today. The world is a big sandbox, but that doesn't mean that you don't have to play nicely with the other kids. Your foreign policy (or lack thereof) and institutional xenophobia is the root of the problem.

"I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons."

Wow. We're sorry for overestimating the Europeans for being able to fight liek they got a pair. Next time we'll take charge right off the bat and since we know what the fuck we're doing - oh wait! Thats what everyone is so peeved about!

Damn we just can't make anyone happy. Sucks to be the superpower. Okay, we'll step aside and the superpower next in line will take over - CHINA. I'm sure no one will have any gripes about their human rights record, occupyng of countries(Tibet?), attrocious environmental record, etc. etc.

>I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron
>but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any
>consolation, the fact that he's a moron
>shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all >it's not like you actually elected him.

We apologize for constantly bitching about our own moron PM while knowing if we had an electorial system like yours, he'd be gone.


>I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have >more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you
>lumber that's cheaper and
>better than your own.

We apologize for bragging about our third-world resource-based economy.


>I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I
>guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, >much, much better than yours.

We apologize for thinking everything's miraculously better after the '96 World Cup of Hockey and the 50-year Olympic-hockey-medal drought. Couldn't ever happen again. Nah.


>I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of >1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

We apologize for confusing a sideshow skirmish for the real War of 1812 and claiming we won it.


>I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with >your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

We apologize for Blue, Canadian, 50, Export, Carlsberg and other Canadian bottled shite only slightly less bad than your own.


>I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're
>going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your
>friends by your side. I realize it
>took more than two years before you guys pitched in
>against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had >weapons.

We apologize for yet another inane reference to Hitler in the current war debate.


>And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're
>constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive
>way which is really a thinly
>veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over >this.

We apologize for yet another embarrassing manifestation of our inferiority complex.

In order to get the meaning of the line relating to the white house, you have to understand the Canadian way of apologizing.

Canadians apologize to others not only to accept blame, but also to express sorrow.

Saying things like "I'm sorry your dog got hit by a car but your new one is nice too" does not indicate that the person making the statement actually drove the car. It's an expression of sorrow.

So, the writers of "22 minutes" or whoever created the "Canadian Apology" are mutually expressing sorrow and taking blame.

This is the kind of thing that really drives home how screwed our foreign policy is. I'm not that interested in what the governments are saying - they've mostly lost touch with the real world in every country anyway. But it's the opinions of the people you meet everyday on the street that worry me.

In this case, Colin is being humorous if sharp-edged. But I'd wager that even some Canadians - polite as they usually are - would have angry words for Americans visiting their country. This is what bugs me - we're so far out of step with what the rest of the world agrees is the proper, civilized course of action that being an American doesn't engender respect or admiration anymore. It engenders scorn, disgust and anger.

I'm still proud of being an American and of the American people (mostly). But the actions and ridiculously poor decisions of those occupying the Judicial (Eldred, Florida Election decision), Legislative (Freedom Fries, lack of pressure to find out dollar cost of Iraqi war), and Executive (god, where do we start?) branches of the American government embarass me. We really need to clean house, folks.

I wasn't able to watch the real-stream (having a real-slow internet connection), but I got I transcript in my email a few days ago. I really *really* liked this part :

"I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons."

Yeah, damn those french people and their freedom fries :p

Willy, I researched this once, and the Marines were predominantly Irish, just pulled away from service in the Mediterranean. There are some really great stories from the War of 1812, but Canadians burning the White House isn't one of them.

The trouble with Canada is that it's full of Canadians. ;)

this segment is a classic bit with a similar theme from the same show.

coincidentally, 22 mins. is produced by the same company (halifax's salter st.) that did bowling for columbine.

Edited by author 03-15-2003 03:56 PM
It was in... oh yeah, in Bowling for Columbine that Michael Moore asked some young Canadians how they'd express their anger at someone, since they'd previously said they wouldn't be likely to use a handgun. One person replied something like, "We'd just make sarcastic remarks about them."

From my extremely extensive study of Canadian humor and society I have come to believe that statement is largely true. How much more civilized a solution than blowing someone's head off.

Which means that if we're actually hearing these remarks from Canadians, instead of them continuing to say these things behind our backs, they must be really, really pissed.

Not that I blame them.

My personal problem with this approach is that I wholeheartedly enjoy well-composed vitriol and invective. So now I'm looking forward to the Canadian criticism renaissance. Bring on the bitter irony!

Edited by author 03-15-2003 03:14 PM
"Urban Legend Alert! Oh boy am I sick of that old canard about canucks burning the White House in the War of 1812. FYI, it was burned by Royal Marines, a 100% British batttalion."

Canada didn't become separated from the British until a few years later. (1867 was it?) So, I guess you could consider them the same group of people.

Well, for a lot of thing, Canadians really are pissed at the US.

Just think of what would happen if any other country than the US did the following:
- sneak nuclear subs into sovereign waters of a peaceful nation
- impose duties and tariffs with a country that has signed a free trade agreement specifically to get rid of those duties and tariffs (and cause 30% of an primary industry to be laid off)
- arrest citizens for legally trading with a third party country, even though to NOT trade with that country is illegal (as trading with Cuba is in Canada)
- develop power plants and other industrial plants next to sensitive border points without regard to the pollution that is created in residential areas (Sumas BC is one small example)

There are plenty more...and think of turning the tables: what would happen if another country did these things to the US?

I think the soft lumber comments are based on a genuine anger at Anerica that is present in Canada though . Isn't it? I mean, Canadians are usually consumately more funny than that article. I expect more humor from them dammit!

What you said, Jim! SORE-y.

hornsofthedevil, its not a rant, it's a joke. He doesn't really mean it. He's trying to be funny. He says funny stuff for a living. Juxtaposing Canadians' penchant for being very polite and apologizing at the drop of a hat and Americans' penchant for being easily offended is funny.

I just like the way Canadians say the word "sorry." Sore-y.

Urban Legend Alert! Oh boy am I sick of that old canard about canucks burning the White House in the War of 1812. FYI, it was burned by Royal Marines, a 100% British batttalion.

Edited by author 03-15-2003 11:17 AM
This is such a misguided rant. I, like MOST Americans, adore Canada and all Canadians. Hell, i was rooting for their Olympic team(The US has done nothing but try to ruin the sport), and besides, last time i checked the booing of national anthem was happening in both countries. If he has a problem with the US, it is with the large companies and political institutions - and we ALL have a problem with those.
Why generalize and attack US citizens? So stupid.

BTW, just in case someone was confused at first, according to the 22 minutes website that is indeed Colin Mochrie, who can be seen on Who's Line Is It Anyway on ABC and Comedy Central. Usually a hilarious show, if you haven't seen it yet.

He could have added that he's sorry that all the most talented comedy writers and half the performing comedians seem to come from Canada.