Edited by author 08-18-2001 04:35 PM
Anne's Rules For Recovery For Ex Ardent Devotees

Anne came from a Christian cult and would be glad to correspond with anyone who wants to share. The 'wave thing' that Anne writes about is a form of the emotional pain than can be felt physically.
Kind regards, Andries K.D.


Anne:

This is NOT the way I did my recovery, it is more the way I WISH I'd done it... but I did catch on eventually. If I had it to do over I would:

 1) Give myself plenty of time & space to grieve my losses. When you leave a cult you leave behind something that was a huge part of you daily life, thoughts, emotions and actions. Not to mention all of the relationships that are suddenly severed. When all that is gone, there is an immense void. Don't be quick to try to stuff something else into it. Don't censor your own feelings. Grief hurts, but it heals, and it diminishes over time.

2) Take the time to realign my beliefs. This works better when the grief is not so acute. Bring everything you were taught out into the light and examine it. A journal comes in handy. Look at every so-called truth you accepted in the cult, item by item. Ask: Do I still believe this? Why or why not? What is wrong with this belief? How has holding this belief affected my life, and does it still have power over me? Is there some real truth that this belief distorts? Where can I go for more information on this issue so I can decide for myself?

3) Consciously place the cult experience into the context of my life. What inner needs (if any) drew me to the group? Is it part of a larger pattern in my life that needs to be changed? (Note this is not true of everyone who has been in a cult, but for me it definitely was.) What did I learn from this experience? What good things have come out of it? How will I use what I've learned?

4) Not allow my heart to get hardened; for then the cult truly does win! Learn to forgive, and that forgiveness and acceptance are not the same thing.

I don't know if any of this will help with the wave thing. That may just be the way you as an individual experience grief. Be very patient with yourself -- as others have said, it takes much time. 20 years later I still deal with it from time to time. Good has definitely come from it, as I am able to help some others now.

Love, Anne
Anne Briggs <ABriggs@IOL21.com>