That Carl Sagan thing was apparently the big meme yesterday-- my brother emailed it to me, I stuck it up anywhere I could, I saw it twice more in unlikely places.

Also, you're absolutely right-- DVK is somehow slipping in his artistic accomplishment. Or should I say, digging a way to new lows?

Thoughtty - I saw this cartoon and thought just of you.

Vintage Splutness on le rant, and as per usual, right on the money. Well done, my friend. :)

S'wounds, Spluttington! Thou hast erred like a commoner! Wasps ain't bees, and bees ain't wasps! Bees are industrious little flower-suckers, while wasps are natures own bastards.

-Member of the Society for Cuddily Apiary

As someone who was stung by a whole hive of (probably africanized) bees, I can safely say, I don't care and both of them can fuck right off, as far as I'm concerned.

"Sunny, beautiful and full of bees" sounds better than "full of wasps."

And I'm with Zef. Fuzzy bumblebees, let 'em pass. Every other stinging bastard, bee or wasp, you're name is motherfucker to me!

I need to learn Zoltan's "kill the killer bee" trick...

I love Scotch eggs too, though I realize it would be far more effective to simply jam a syringe full of lard directly into my heart sac.

My brother has the kind of bee sting allergy that's rather serious--i.e. he will die if stung--and thus that makes me slightly prejudicial toward all insects of that ilk; Dad and I had to set up a yellowjacket trap the other week and I am happy to report that it's about two-thirds full at this point. I've worried about the karmic implications there, but considering it's in my direct line of sight whenever I go outside to smoke, I figure that I'm doing my bit to curtain my own mortality accordingly (which I guarantee is the strangest rationalization for nicotine addiction you will read this week).

I don't think I knew what "dirty Sanchez" meant until I read this little nugget o' internet hilarity that my niece, bless her, was kind enough to have tweeted about semi-recently. (I still haven't read the whole thing but literally blew snot out my nose laughing at, "the Bullwinkle.")

The other day Dad reported that MOT had had hiccups earlier, but after he described the motions involved, I had to explain that El Emmo was hairballing instead. Still, we've had the kids on Science Diet Sensitive Stomach since I moved up here, and it seems to be quelling their urpyness to some extent. (So much for Hairball Formula, eh?)

I've got Dave Thomas' SCTV book, but much like with that book of weird postcards I sent you, I've had my fun with it already, so do you want me to send it along? Or do you have it already?

Edited by author 10-16-2009 07:26 PM
I've got Dave Thomas' SCTV book, but much like with that book of weird postcards I sent you, I've had my fun with it already, so do you want me to send it along?

Oh yes, please! That's a book that I heard was coming out, then completely forgot about it! I really only bought the Second City book for the SCTV chapter anyway. Thank you!

edit: Can I send you something in return? Like the Colbert book; no matter how good, I don't imagine that I'll read that more than once.

Nah, all I require from you is positive karmic vibrations and reports of happy kitties. (The occasional GQ shot don't hurt none either, mind you.)

I'm srsly OMGWTFBBQ?! about your boss, though. Can you not report his ass and/or get him fired, or will that simply rebound inconveniently back onto you? Jeez, I may be a former drunk, but I was never that way at work, at least. Pathetic addict unprofessional much? D=

Can you not report his ass and/or get him fired, or will that simply rebound inconveniently back onto you?

He's been friends with the owner, Dave, for about 40 years, and Dave knows about the boozing. We've lost customers over the years because of his antics, but he fortunately spends most of his time out of public view.

When my last job sold a store and didn't have a position for me, they got me my current one. Jimmy, who knew Dave but only knew of the store from what salesmen told him, said, "You'll like working for Dave! He's a great guy, and takes good care of his employees. [pause] The store manager's got a real drinking problem, though." That's some widespread fame.

I lost a friend (only 19 years old) to a drunk driver who got a slap on the wrist (he was from the richest family in town--named Cheney, although I don't know if there's a relation to the most evil person in recent American history--and the cops waited 3 hours before giving him the breathalyzer, so he could sober up). When I first started working here, believe me, it was hard not to call the local cops and report him. He somehow managed to get off a "fleeing the scene of an accident" charge on a fender-bender. His story was that the driver of the car he bumped acted crazy and he was afraid, but we all know that he'd had 9 beers and took 2 more for the rush hour commute home.

Funny thing is, is that when he drinks, he's an angry drunk, screaming and swearing over nothing (usually not at employees, though), but when he doesn't drink, he's HAPPY. I always thought that the idea of drinking was to make you feel better! I learned early on "Don't drink when you're angry or depressed, because you'll just feel worse." I guess he likes feeling worse.

Pathetic addict unprofessional much?

He's convinced himself that everyone at work thinks he only has a couple of beers a day, rather than a couple of 6 packs. Oh, and he's on methadone, from his old heroin addiction. Great guy, total role model for me (to avoid being).

Chutes and ladders is called 'Serpientes y escaleras' here.

'Snakes and ladders'. That'd make a so much better movie, and you could cast Samuel L. Jackson as the lead!

-I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking ladder!

Edited by author 10-20-2009 07:18 PM
I lost a friend (only 19 years old) to a drunk driver who got a slap on the wrist

We recently had a traffic fatality here for the first time in years--a 27-year-old woman who had the misfortune to be riding shotgun in a car driven by a smashed-outta-his-gourd guy who not only had his license suspended but also had eluded one charge of vehicular manslaughter via DUI already. Every time we drive past the little roadside memorial for her, I am filled with the fervent hope that they throw the fucking book at him.

He's convinced himself that everyone at work thinks he only has a couple of beers a day, rather than a couple of 6 packs. Oh, and he's on methadone, from his old heroin addiction. Great guy, total role model for me (to avoid being).

Yeah, I've always thought that a crucial component of addiction is denial (and I would know). Part of why I'm sooo glad to have vanished without a trace from Motown--more or less--is the fact that Bobby, the guy I used to use with, has no way of getting in contact with me ever again, cos it absolutely sickened me the way he thought being "clean" meant, "not doing heroin." Meanwhile, he was perpetually tanked out of his gourd on booze, pot, benzos, etc., not to mention his codeine prescription. Yeah, way to follow through on that whole sobriety concept, dude.

I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking ladder!

LMFAO!! *hearts da Zef*

If you check your brain at the door, Transformers 2 is hella fun.

I saw it on IMAX and was laughing the whole time -- between the visceral impact of those special effects, and the sheer dumbness of it, it can be really enjoyable, even the gratuitous "our real armed forces at work" shots.

I think that we'll have to agree to disagree on this one! Hoo-whee, it was so bad I thought that it stinked the whole house up!

Every movie is better in a theater--as anyone who remembers my manic praise for Speed Racer knows! I'm sure that I would've had a better opinion of it if I'd seen it in IMAX. I also would've had a much better opinion of it at home if it was, say, 90 minutes long, rather than 150.

haha yeah, I wish i could get those super fast acting weed brownies just as easily as the transformers mom.