Chutes and ladders is called 'Serpientes y escaleras' here.

'Snakes and ladders'. That'd make a so much better movie, and you could cast Samuel L. Jackson as the lead!

-I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking ladder!

Can you not report his ass and/or get him fired, or will that simply rebound inconveniently back onto you?

He's been friends with the owner, Dave, for about 40 years, and Dave knows about the boozing. We've lost customers over the years because of his antics, but he fortunately spends most of his time out of public view.

When my last job sold a store and didn't have a position for me, they got me my current one. Jimmy, who knew Dave but only knew of the store from what salesmen told him, said, "You'll like working for Dave! He's a great guy, and takes good care of his employees. [pause] The store manager's got a real drinking problem, though." That's some widespread fame.

I lost a friend (only 19 years old) to a drunk driver who got a slap on the wrist (he was from the richest family in town--named Cheney, although I don't know if there's a relation to the most evil person in recent American history--and the cops waited 3 hours before giving him the breathalyzer, so he could sober up). When I first started working here, believe me, it was hard not to call the local cops and report him. He somehow managed to get off a "fleeing the scene of an accident" charge on a fender-bender. His story was that the driver of the car he bumped acted crazy and he was afraid, but we all know that he'd had 9 beers and took 2 more for the rush hour commute home.

Funny thing is, is that when he drinks, he's an angry drunk, screaming and swearing over nothing (usually not at employees, though), but when he doesn't drink, he's HAPPY. I always thought that the idea of drinking was to make you feel better! I learned early on "Don't drink when you're angry or depressed, because you'll just feel worse." I guess he likes feeling worse.

Pathetic addict unprofessional much?

He's convinced himself that everyone at work thinks he only has a couple of beers a day, rather than a couple of 6 packs. Oh, and he's on methadone, from his old heroin addiction. Great guy, total role model for me (to avoid being).

Nah, all I require from you is positive karmic vibrations and reports of happy kitties. (The occasional GQ shot don't hurt none either, mind you.)

I'm srsly OMGWTFBBQ?! about your boss, though. Can you not report his ass and/or get him fired, or will that simply rebound inconveniently back onto you? Jeez, I may be a former drunk, but I was never that way at work, at least. Pathetic addict unprofessional much? D=

Edited by author 10-16-2009 07:26 PM
I've got Dave Thomas' SCTV book, but much like with that book of weird postcards I sent you, I've had my fun with it already, so do you want me to send it along?

Oh yes, please! That's a book that I heard was coming out, then completely forgot about it! I really only bought the Second City book for the SCTV chapter anyway. Thank you!

edit: Can I send you something in return? Like the Colbert book; no matter how good, I don't imagine that I'll read that more than once.

The other day Dad reported that MOT had had hiccups earlier, but after he described the motions involved, I had to explain that El Emmo was hairballing instead. Still, we've had the kids on Science Diet Sensitive Stomach since I moved up here, and it seems to be quelling their urpyness to some extent. (So much for Hairball Formula, eh?)

I've got Dave Thomas' SCTV book, but much like with that book of weird postcards I sent you, I've had my fun with it already, so do you want me to send it along? Or do you have it already?

I love Scotch eggs too, though I realize it would be far more effective to simply jam a syringe full of lard directly into my heart sac.

My brother has the kind of bee sting allergy that's rather serious--i.e. he will die if stung--and thus that makes me slightly prejudicial toward all insects of that ilk; Dad and I had to set up a yellowjacket trap the other week and I am happy to report that it's about two-thirds full at this point. I've worried about the karmic implications there, but considering it's in my direct line of sight whenever I go outside to smoke, I figure that I'm doing my bit to curtain my own mortality accordingly (which I guarantee is the strangest rationalization for nicotine addiction you will read this week).

I don't think I knew what "dirty Sanchez" meant until I read this little nugget o' internet hilarity that my niece, bless her, was kind enough to have tweeted about semi-recently. (I still haven't read the whole thing but literally blew snot out my nose laughing at, "the Bullwinkle.")

"Sunny, beautiful and full of bees" sounds better than "full of wasps."

And I'm with Zef. Fuzzy bumblebees, let 'em pass. Every other stinging bastard, bee or wasp, you're name is motherfucker to me!

I need to learn Zoltan's "kill the killer bee" trick...

As someone who was stung by a whole hive of (probably africanized) bees, I can safely say, I don't care and both of them can fuck right off, as far as I'm concerned.

S'wounds, Spluttington! Thou hast erred like a commoner! Wasps ain't bees, and bees ain't wasps! Bees are industrious little flower-suckers, while wasps are natures own bastards.

-Member of the Society for Cuddily Apiary

Vintage Splutness on le rant, and as per usual, right on the money. Well done, my friend. :)

Thoughtty - I saw this cartoon and thought just of you.

That Carl Sagan thing was apparently the big meme yesterday-- my brother emailed it to me, I stuck it up anywhere I could, I saw it twice more in unlikely places.

Also, you're absolutely right-- DVK is somehow slipping in his artistic accomplishment. Or should I say, digging a way to new lows?

Edited by author 09-23-2009 05:44 PM
"That bike gets way too much attention."

Really? Ya think?

Eric would be overcome with a need to impregnate his bike if it were possible. That's what he was thinking when he first saw it, FYI

Not "have sex with," but actually impregnate, giving birth to a 1/3 human, 1/3 vaguely doglike critter, 1/3...motorcycle. Prly have to do a caesarean delivery on the gas tank. To make it worse, the "drawing" looks like the impregnation process has just begun!

Wow, hard as it is to believe, it looks like his "art" has gotten worse! Even the "drawings" he admits to tracing! And these are illustrations for his "book"? (Sorry, there's just no way to describe this stuff without qualifying quotes) Thanks for "arting" an IV bag. Because anyone stupid enough to buy your self-published "book" isn't going to have any idea what that is. Unfortunately, they prly won't know what a book is, either. Also, "barn," that's helpful, as it doesn't look anything like a barn.

Eric hates that Hedgehog! is a nice callback to the much beloved NiTRO, and apparently Eric hates Sonic so much he's impregnating his ear.

Negs:
Howza bout a cartoon you might like?

Thoughtty, got your brain bleach handy?

A very sweet ride.

That bike gets way too much attention.

“less than 10 years to halt (the) global rise in greenhouse gas emissions if we are to avoid catastrophic consequences for people and the planet,”

Out of all the global warming stuff, this tidbit is what really gets under my skin. Humans can't destroy the planet, as much as their hubris loves making them think so. Now, don't get me wrong, life *as we know it* in the planet is at risk, yadda yadda yadda. That can indeed be wiped out, sure. But the *planet*, as a whole? Hell naw. Even if humans screwed up hard enough to make the planet clicking hot with radioactivity and all life as we know it were vanished, the planet would still be kickin' around, getting sunlight, and pretty soon new life forms would evolve.
(There ARE bacteria that dig on radiation, just as a way of example, but there's so much still we don't know of evolution and nature, and evolution takes so long, it's hard to predict anything, other than life tends to pop up invariably)

Same for the global warming. Natural catastrophe after natural catastrophe could fall upon the planet, and yeah, it'd probably flood, and most land based species would vanish, but life would go on. It's not like the planet would (in 10 years, no less) say 'enuff o' this stuff! I'mma 'splode right heah' and then do so.

Humans have the potential to wipe themselves and a bunch of the current life cleanly off the face of the planet. They can't harm the planet otherwise. We must care for our lives and current enviroment, the planet can take care of itself with or without us.

Now, typing this I got the image of a post-global warming world with the production values of Waterworld, now that's a scary idea and worth battling global warming.

I've read ALL of Dan Brown's books. (Already stole "procured" his latest and have to read it yet) They're every bit as painful as they sound, not to mention they're all the same, only with different characters/settings.

The book ends in 2004, and BI2 came out in 2006. Although Wikipedia says that it cost $70M and made about $3M, so, yeah, it could've been in the book.

But the book's about "tortured production histories," so the film's background story may be why he chose the movies he did. With a loss of "only" $8M, Showgirls actually was less of a bomb than the other movies chronicled. You'd certainly think that Howard the Duck would make the book, but maybe the history wasn't interesting enough.

Here's a longish interview with the author. He talks about Showgirls near the end.