Midday Connection Forums

so many years ago, i thought i was ready for God, i mean, i felt him calling me but i couldnt give myself to him the way i know he wanted me to. i knew i was choosing the path of death in choosing to stay in this lifestyle. i know that my heart was not in line with what God wanted. even as i tried, it was like no, i couldnt give up what i clung to so desperately, yet i knew that i would be like an albatross around my neck. even as i tried to come up for air this thing was causing me to sink lower into the depths. and i came to the conclusion that i cant do it on my own. i need a power or strength greater than i have. there's a 'want to', in me but finding that way out is harder than just making the decision to choose God.
does anyone understand? underneath all the toughness and stuff its still me under there, waiting. please dont look at how i dress or what i say or how i say it. just love and accept me for me.