Hi Gareth - what a fantastic site! It's great to see someone tackling so many sticky issues head-on.

I was wondering if you could do something on chat-up lines. Like many 21st century boys I seem to have trouble hitting the right note. I realised a while ago that 'Do you come here often?' just wasn't up to scratch, but when I try to introduce a more imaginative or comic touch the results seem even worse.

The last one I tried was 'Do you like cycling? How about sitting on my face and peddling my ears?' I'd been saving this up for a while and thought I'd found the right girl to try it on. Unfortunately, it was in a crowded pub and I had to shout it a couple of times, and when she did finally figure it out she just stared at me like I'd crawled from under a slime-encrusted stone.

What am I doing wrong?