Edited by author 05-06-2009 05:05 PM
Season 5 - Episode 3 or 4 (could someone write the real quote as I don't know it exactly cos I watched it in French)
All women poo, cry and have bad breath when they wake up... or else it is a plastic puppet or a dead woman"

Christian to ?? "Kiss my tanned, waxed ass"

Escobar: [grabbing Sean's hand] I tell you when you're done. And know this, if you don't do what I've politely asked you to do. I'll take this hand back to Columbia with me. And then your family will learn what it means to be hungry.

I think it was season 4 Episode 6 when christian said to the older women during their recruiting session of a new plastic surgeon.

(Christian) Well, I did not walk with my graduating class because I was too busy screwing all of the cheerleaders, But if you really want to see my qualifications.. {un zips his pants} ((The jaws of everyone drops)) The bigger the cock the more confidence in the surgeon, the more confident the surgeon the better the surgeon.. Anyone want to challenge my credentials???

Season 4, episode ?

Christian (to Wilbur): "Never get too jaded to care"

Edited by author 12-11-2007 10:13 PM
Eden (to Sean): "You're hot because you screwed the girl who screwed my mom but I dont date guys with gray pubes"

Christian (to Kimber and Matt): "Make sure you take the back door. That's where we take out the trash."

Christian (to Kimber): "What makes you think I want to stick my dick in that cesspool of a vagina you have down there and risk being bitten by one of those alaskan king crabs down there?"

Nurse Linda: Dr. Troy we received a package.
Dr. Troy" so...open it.
Nurse Linda: umm...the package is bleeding.

Season 5, Episode 4
Christian (to Sean): "He's just grumpy this morning because the only whale he's seen this morning is between the sheets (referring to Kate)."

Nip/Tuck Season 5, Episode 3 Quotes:

Sean: "I put enough antiseptic in there to kill the ebola virus."

Kate: "Are you comparing the birth of your children to me shitting in the hottub?"

Nip/Tuck Season 5, Episode 2 Quotes:

Fiona: "what are you? Leg man, ass man, tit man?"
Christian: "Tit Man, why?"
Fiona: "(while undressing) Mommy issues..."


Christian: "(with Sean operating on Kate) She seems very special, you just add a mast and a good wind and you can sail her around the planet."


Christian: "Careful where you poke down there, I'm going to need that for later (while getting tux adjusted and referring to his date with Kate)."


Liz: "A woman almost died under your watch today you deal with it by fighting over a Yoplait"
Christian: "Gimme the Yoplait..."

Liz: "They never listen to me anyway. I'm just white noise in a lab coat."


Christian: "(To Ollie regarding her kid) What about daddy, you pull him out of the drawer on Thanksgiving to baste the turkey?"


Christian: "After all these years, Julia was the reason for the biggest dick contest and now we find out she doesnt even like them. Julia is a dyke."

Sean: "She's the mother of our children"
Sean: "Too bad she didnt figure it out in college. I spent a lot of years barking up the wrong tree."

Sean: "I must be such a lousy lay that my wife went from dwarf humping to carpet munching"

Christian: "I feel like I am trying to sell semen at a whore house"

Oliver Platt: Making fun of Hearts and Scapels and a musical episode--"Something so gay should atleast be put off till season 5"

Christian: “Pineapple juice baby... makes a man’s shooty-shoot taste infinitely sweeter. It's natures guarantee of a second date."”

Christian: “We own Miami, right? So sooner or later we’re going to make this town our bitch too!”

Christian: "I'm a jack rabbit. I don't do slow & steady.
I've paid my dues and I want some overnight success!"

Sean: [To Naomi]- "Can you smile for me, Ms. Gaines?"

The Carver: [To Sean]- "Beauty is a curse on the world."

Christian:[To Sean]- "That’s a really nice suit, Gucci? It’s tight."
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Christian: "Oh, come on Lizzy! Even lesbians enjoy a little levity at Christmas!"
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Christian:[To Poppy and Liz]- "What is this the dynamic dyke duo?"
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Christian:[In arguement with Kimber]- "Oh that's bullshit, and you know it. What we had was spiritual, Kimber. I made you see God everytime you came."

Kimber: ?"You made me see garbage, Christian. I was nothing to you, I was a fixer upper, that you could throw a coat of paint on."

Christian: "You are such a freaking hypocrite. You were the one who seduced me when you realized I was a plastic surgeon who could get you everything you wanted. You were never anything more then an ambitious piece of ass."

Kimber: "You need to go, you need to go right now! How much more pain do you need to cause me before you think I’ve had enough?!"

Christian: "Look whatever I did, whatever we did to each other, I-I loved you."

Kimber: "You loved your creation, you never loved me because you never saw who I really was. I was just something made up in your head."

Christian: "Well I see you now Kimber, and you know what?! You’re dangerous, because you’re weak. You can’t survive without someone, or something to suck off. A new lover, a new religion. And if you, start feeding on my son, I swear, there is not one place on earth that will keep you safe from me.....You can bill me for the door.
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Christian: "Goodbye ladies, it’s been swell."
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Christian:[To Sean]- "You're such a goddamn moralist. We lie, Sean. We keep secrets in order to protect the people that we love. Friends, family, even strangers. Shit. If Anne Frank was hiding in your attic, she wouldn't have gotten past the words 'Dear Diary'... I'm putting pussy lips back on the schedule!"
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Christian:[To Michelle]- "I suck. I suck as a friend. I suck as a lover. I suck as a fiance. I'm tired of defending myself."
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Christian:[To Michelle]- "God gave me a dick, and I intend to glorify him by playing that organ as intensely and often as possible"
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Christian:[To Sean, about the "gay" crisis]- "Have I been doing something lately? Walking weird or something? Is it my eyebrows? Because I tell ya if I don’t wax, then I get this whole unibrow thing and it just, it looks ugly. But just because I groom, doesn’t mean I’ve gone ‘broke back’!"
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Christian:[To Sean]- "I think I work better on women I've screwed. Once you've seen a woman's cumface, you've seen her soul."
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Christian:[To Sean]- "I get confused and it’s really hard for me to express myself…that sounded really gay, didn’t it?"
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Christian: "Even a squashed spider spins its web before his last breath."
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Christian: "Fourteen hours in this place without a cup of coffee even Ghandi would become a narcoleptic."
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Julia: "I'm a terrible person."

Christian: "Your not a terrible person.I just think you make bad understandable choices,you have a history of that."
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Christian:[To James]- "I want her dazzling enough to give my dick Amnesia."
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Christian: "I always wear a condom when I'm performing a slipindictomy."
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Christian: "You and I both know you spent hours deliberating which dress in your closet best displayed that world class cleavage of yours. Since you love being a business woman so much michelle, let me give you the bottom line---You either get real with me and give in to what we're both feeling, or sell me my business back. Although my nurses might enjoy it, I don't like doing surgery with a hard on."
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Christian:[To Gina]- "There will be no suckage of any kind ... So milk 'em yourself, Heidi."
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Christian:[To Wilbur, the Goodbye]- "Never give a girl your number, always take hers. Keeps you in control. No American cars. German, Italian or the occasional English. Treat yourself to a barber shop shave once a month. Take a beautiful girl to Florence, eat at the Enoteca. Talk to Marino, he'll take care of you. Tell him you're my son. Don't take any crap from anyone, you're better than that. But.. try to be good to people. Never get too jaded to care. Remember me."
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Christian:[To Michelle]- "Shit Happens. Unexcpeted Shit. You have to learn to roll with it."
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Christian: "Throw a stone down South Beach and you would hit some model I did not call back."
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Christian:[To Sean]- "Look, Sean, you may be the expert on complex microsurgery, but I'm a goddamn genius when it comes to pussy. If I build it, she will come."
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Christian:[To Sean]- "The line that divides the porn industry and the plastic surgery is a thin one. We're both selling fantasy, aren't we?"
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Christian: "I'm a wildly successful plastic surgeon and I have a 33-inch waist. I'm a superhero, so now I'm going to put my cape back on and get back out there."
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Christian:[To Kimber]- "Here’s the deal. You think a jockey wants to come home to see his girlfriend dressed like a horse? I’m around nurses all day, sweetheart. If I wanted to screw one of them, I would’ve by now."
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Christian: "I laughed, I cried, I came."
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Christian:[To Natasha]- "Look it's men. We're just wired that way, even if some small part of our brain actually gives a damn about your soul, it's always short-circuited by the part that wants to get into your pants."
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Christian:[To Gina]- "You're like herpes. Every time I feel like I'm getting my life back, I have a Gina outbreak."
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Christian: "Sweetheart, you're never going to look like angelina, and you're never going to sleep with brad."
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Christian:[To Ava]- "The ditch was dug pretty deep, sweetheart. Just not deep enough for me."
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Christian: "Ever notice how monogamy rhymes with monotony?"
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James: "That car is worth more than a hundred thousand dollars!"

Christian: "A woman who won the lottery paid me four times that much to ride my dick which means sweetheart you owe three hundred thousand dollars."
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Christian: “You’re officially a whore now”

Kimber: “Wrong, I’m a business woman”.
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Sean: “I got laid real good. By Kimber”

Christian: “How much did you pay her?”
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Season 3 Finale Quotes

During Julia's Dream about the baby, Quentin makes a comment
"it almost looks human"


Quentin to Kit
"you spread your legs like a romanian gymnist"

Quentin to Kit
"You really ought to expand your pool of suspects to people who dont know if you are trimmed, shaved or waxed"

Quentin to Christian as he's about to cut off his hand
"I can't do it... We've slept together"

Matt to the makeup lady (regarding Cherry Peck)
"she's more of a woman than you'll ever be!"