hiya

Who

Who am I
When taking away all my fears
That shouldn’t even be there

Who am I
When I stop to hide away
From something I don’t know

Who am I
If I could be so free
That I would feel there is a me

Who am I
And should you see
would you be afraid for me

Love and Peace
-,-{@

hi gabrielle
i thought this was really nice message not heard from you either in ages hope you are ok and how is the new home got it perfect yet hun
love
M

Hi Louise

I have not seen you around for a while and hope all is well with you

All my love and hugs

-,-{@

hi gabriele i got your email will chat sometime during this week as i am not at work but i am at my sisters monday and tuesday
love you
XXXXX LOVE LOUISE XXXXXX
TAKE CARE
ps great news

~ Gabriele ~

Hello you big wide world
How do you do these days
May I give you the pleasure
Whilst you here with me
To now introduce to you
The bravest woman
You will ever meet
A heart of gold she has
Her hands forever reach
For anyone that is in need
Often she cries and prays
For humanity to cease
With all its brutalities
Though when she smiles
She sets the world alight
And is daring enough to dream
Of a better world for all to see
Despite all pain and adversity
This indeed is for her by far
The bravest deed of all
Courageous to the extreme
You are reading her right now
Here this is me it’s Gabriele


----------------

Louise darling I have sent you an email and do hope to chat to you later on msn

Love you

((HUGS))

Love and Peace
-,-{@

hi hope your doing ok im not doing so well had enough of it all roll on the end of the week feel like shit more new cuts and i had done so well two weeks no self harm gone up in smoke started bingeing ang purging again oh and even started laxitive abuse which is bad andi feel as if i deserve it and can not do anything right at the moment lot of stress at work and at home at moment as well god when will it end
how are you gabrielle sorry not on msn in such a downer did not want to bring you down with me anyway hope to chat soon hopefully when i feel betta dreading my dress fitting on monday it will show how much weight i have lost and my mum is going to be with me ahhhhhhhhh no im gunna be dead meat as they can only take it in so far before it will look awful otherwise will have to buy a brand new one
xxxxx love louise xxxxxx
take care

Hi Louise

So nice to read you and hope things don’t get you down too much

I have been having a pretty rough time and I am not really on top of the world so to speak

As for the poem it’s well over due to say good bye to my old life and start looking ahead and not back.

It is awful though to think you have a man that you love over everything, give him two beautiful children, build up a good life with, put up with immensely awful things for the sake of keeping the family intact and then over 20 years later we part and cannot say a farewell, how utterly sad is that I ask you?

Therefore this poem is me saying my farewell and good bye because it is the decent thing to do no matter how bad things may have been or whether he ever reads it, as I will always know I left this mess with dignity.

Perhaps one day he will realise that one has to be able to be soft to be strong not hard and brutal and then perhaps he will for once be able to love himself enough to care for others.

If he does not realise that he will just have to carry on living his life the same miserable way as he has done so far and in that case better out of it for all of us. Either way I am off going my own way where ever it might take me but it will be without him that is for sure.

Hope to read you soon take good care until such time as we will meet again

Love you

((HUGS))

Love and Peace
-,-{@

loved the poem hun can feel your emotion how are you sorry not online neeeded time to myself had lots to think about im sorry ihave not being around
love louise

Farewell

This is where we go our separate ways
No time to say good bye or a farewell
A last kiss is not what’s on the cards
For that we hate each other far too much
So tell me what we have achieved
No better not mention more about it
As this finally is the end of the road
Looking back there are too many tears
Nothing to salvage with questions I ask
Answers are meaningless the way we part
Never the less to go without a farewell
Feels to me like forever sheer hell
Therefore I say a good bye to you
Make your life what you want it to be
Now I shall go my own separate way
Knowing it’s over for the good of all


Love and Peace
-,-{@

Hi Louise

I am so glad to read you as it’s as it has been an absolute horrendous few days not that it was much better before.

This examination excelled even my worse nightmares and fears prior to going to it and I cannot believe that it had happened.

Need to go to see my doctor now because I had hit my head when I lost balance trying to pick up an item of clothing and still got a bump there.

What about them using the receptionist to assist with examinations? Never ever heard of that one before!

Hopefully we chat later as I miss you

Love ya

((HUGS))

Love and Peace
-,-{@

hi gabrele
im sorry they did that to you it is shit and wrong powerful write tho hun you were so brave to go in the first place and then they treat you like shit is disgusting sorry not being on msn still having problems signing in
love
louise

Edited by author 19-02-2007 11:44 AM
Government Examination

The told me that I had no choice
A man was going to check my health
I pleaded please don’t do this to me
As I don’t want to do sexy tricks
For doctors of the government
So I might get money on the end
From this lovely caring administration
It did not matter what I told them
My doctor’s letter was in vain
The shoved me through the corridor
Me crying did not matter though
The doctor was of most importance
Authority far beyond my questioning
He smirked taunted and belittle me
Asked question just nonsensical
Receptionist assisting him
Me thinking this is a nurse
Then the demand came along
To take off my clothe to be examined
Whilst omnipresent medical professionals
Watched me take off all my clothe
The laughed at me and had good fun
Invited others to come along
To watch me crying in despair
Not knowing why no one cares
Me breaking down in sheer fear
I fell and stumbled hit my head
Finally I just fled in flood of tears
Wondering what government this is


Love and Peace
-,-{@

Hi Louise

Seems like we both had a bad day on the same day again, but that is not so difficult for us having a bad time at the same time, is it.

You most likely have noticed I posted in our fem’s forum more details about this whole sorry mess with this government medical examination and it will be interesting what the response to it is going to be from the feminists. I somehow get the feeling something is happening that should not be going on at all.

A man ringing me on Saturday telling me he can call me whenever he wishes because he is a government official, seems highly irregular to me alone not even to mention of having to take all my clothes off to get money from the government.

My injuries from my accident are very well recorded and I have given the government access to everything the need to confirm my situation so why do they need to examine me physically?

I find it hard enough to seek medical help when I need it but a medical examination so I get money seem disgusting and the idea repulses me hugely. Who could blame me if I was to turn around and say I don’t want the government statuary sick pay I should be entitled to if it means having to take all my clothe off, as this is a very attractive solution even though it would result in injustice again.

Anyhow, I will got to this appointment but I shall tell them any items of clothing I am asked to remove I will do so against my free will in the hope that I will be given the support from the government I am perhaps entitled to. This I will give to them in writing so the are aware that I am being violated for the sake of satisfying the government that I am perhaps not making any false allegations in relation to my inability to work as a youth worker.

Let’s face it how can anyone expect of someone in my condition to work as “Youth Worker”, when it is a highly stressful and indeed at times dangerous occupation. I can’t even manage my own young people at home at the moment because I am in such a bad way, so how can I be expected to deal with other peoples children that have problems?

Totally and utterly inane if you ask me!! Besides, from that point of view it makes one wonder why the even should have to look at my scars as these are not the reason why I am not able to work as youth worker anymore!


Hope to chat to you later on msn perhaps

Love ya

((((HUGS)))


Love and Peace
-,-{@

hi gabriele
i am so sorry not on line again yesterday had a rough time at counselling and came home in a flood of tears and had major headache even had nosebleeds to hope you feel bit better today also glad to hear you got another appointment with rape crisis well done also thats this fuckin goverment for you darling
much love
louise