OK lads, closed for 2006. onwards upwards to 2007. I hear GoJo will be our new wickie, if he can get in the team...

I assume there were no stats of note...

Tommy Cooper's jokes are still the some of the best.

Given the season is nearly at the end. Are there any interesting stats for the 2006 season?

Edited by author 09-22-2006 07:38 AM
A guy goes into the doctor's
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse"
"How's that?'
"Don't you start"
====================

Bascially I have just cut and pasted the old guestbook stuff a page at time. It was all nonsense anyhow..

56 Date: 2006-09-18 15:20:08
ginge ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Despite the "drop" being off my bowling, I'm counting as a boundary saved and, as evreybody knows, economy rate is much more important than strike rate in low scoring limited overs cricket...
Edit by the Direktor this email refers to a post that has been deleted re a dropped catch that in true stalinist fashion never happened either!
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55 Date: 2006-09-14 15:19:21
Dom ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Thanks for the card. Much appreciated.

Dom
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54 Date: 2006-09-04 21:07:51
Elvis Pornstar ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

So what does that make the winning margin? 8 wickets. Embarrassing ginger team, embarrassing.
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53 Date: 2006-08-22 13:33:56
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

I'm not even sure what SQL/PhP is, but it sounds very like a noise I made after the obligatory vindaloo on Sat.

If you feel like handing out abuse, Rog and Adam were the only people to opt for the easy option and have a madras.

Although Rog with 8-2-8-1 put some pretty mean bowling in and I might forgive him.
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52 Date: 2006-08-20 09:23:34
The Direcktor ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Dear Elvis, thanks for your note from the beyond the grave. This is whats known as an html lash up, slightly less calories than a peanut butter and jelly bap. its fixed now. On another topic, I'd like to make a plea for someone to learn SQL/PhP so we can have a really swish web site befitting the true pro's that we are
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51 Date: 2006-08-16 14:01:59
Elvis ( elvispornstar@yahoo.co.uk / no homepage) wrote:

Why has the change of server moved all of the text on the front page to the middle? I must protest at how ungainly this looks and impress upon the editor to rectify this issue immediately.
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50 Date: 2006-07-24 14:33:40
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

In fairness, Wanderers decided that we should have a timed game only after I'd won the toss and elected to field. I suspect that in a limited overs match our exceptional bowling attack yesterday would have had the match sewn up a little more quickly and we'd all have been home in time to watch Tiger blub like the little girl that he is.
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49 Date: 2006-07-18 06:46:09
chazza ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

a most entertaining report, i particularly enjoyed the enjoyed the '...whirlwind of unplayability...' expression (not sure about the two '...very old men...' though !)
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48 Date: 2006-07-17 14:17:27
Lord CK1 of Fifer ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Cheers, Bison. Count Hoguester of Stickycatching is looking to challenge you to a duel, it seems, on this catching stuff.
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47 Date: 2006-07-17 12:58:54
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Sounds like CK got some justice at last. Shows the wisdom of the old adage "If at first you don't succeed...pick the seam and take a bottletop to the ball", which saying was of course coined in Asia in the early 90s. Congrats mate.

46 Date: 2006-07-17 07:23:12
Chazza ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

reading this report (chealsea arties) one is given to question...do any of our players have real names ?
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45 Date: 2006-07-13 13:37:13
The director ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

I mistakenly asked for players for a game on 6 july, when i meant 6 aug. couple of good replies:

"the flux capacitor on my DeLorean is crocked, and barring handy lightning strikes I won't be able to make it to the match last Thursday."

"I don't know Dr Who, so I can't borrow his time machine and travel back to the 6th of July"

IMHO none of these beat:
"I can't play as I have emigrated to Brazil"
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44 Date: 2006-07-11 16:05:01
ginge ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Sorry Elvis, the catch was a blinder. The nerves of writing my first report must have got to me. From an earlier e-mail conversation, Bison would have gone for Garfield in an Italy kit - I may got some details confused there though.
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43 Date: 2006-07-11 14:03:04
rog ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

excellent report ginge. completely ignores my hideous opening over, though for the record i'd probably have gone for zambrotta
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42 Date: 2006-07-11 13:27:49
elvispornstar ( elvispornstar@yahoo.co.uk / no homepage) wrote:

Having used this forum to disparage Bison's attempts in the field, I feel it only fair to congratulate him on another good display on Saturday. This is no way reflects the fact that he happened to take a catch off my bowling. I'd also like to mention that I was genius in the field and am very disappointed that my scorching catch didn't make it into the match report.
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41 Date: 2006-07-04 17:25:09
Nurdler ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Surely some danger now that Bison may be leading fielder for the season. How goes the Lurpak league?

I thought The Pornstar was a bit harsh on himself - the bowling was patchy rather than medoiocre, several edges were induced but none went to hand - and the caught and bowled gave Fletch a large area of rough to aim at!
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40 Date: 2006-07-04 09:03:03
The Direcktor ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

That would be the new look Bison who has responded dynamically to the request that he "get a watch" and not only turned up on time, brought his own crowd of supporters but also fielded through a repetitive strain injury to his right arm (cause unspecificed). I understand he is also off to a health farm in Scrotesville, Arizona to further sharpen his athleticism.
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39 Date: 2006-07-03 14:19:12
Elvis ( elvispornstar@yahoo.co.uk / no homepage) wrote:

I forgot to mention in the match report that some thanks should be given to whomever was impersonating Bison in the outfield.
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38 Date: 2006-06-13 12:08:38
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

If anyone's interested, the Nurdler is down in the opposition scorebook as "Retired - Old". I know, because I had the honour of copying the scores across.
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37 Date: 2006-05-17 11:18:18
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

I would ask you to note that all three drops were awarded to me for lazy fielding rather than actually dropping the ball. And I caught two from two on tour, although admittedly whilst playing for the opposition. Yah boo sucks.

36 Date: 2006-05-16 14:17:29
Nurdler ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Rog,

I was hoping everyone would forget this in the euphoria of victory, giant batting stands and heroic bowling etc. I'm putting it down to the vagaries of a rain-affected wicket and a brilliant piece of bowling. That and the fact that I was rubbish.

T'Nurdler
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35 Date: 2006-05-12 16:59:49
The bloke in charge ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

in 15 games the Bison has c1 and dropped 3 whereas Elvis the lunatic hairdrier has c11 d13 in 43 games so therefore i would normally totally side with Elvis on this one except that he called me "unathletic" so i have therefore retired to the sofa in a sulk. on the other hand the bisons ave of 21 compares well to elvis's 13, and they are all better than me, so basically sort it out with own handbags lads, I dont give a f.. (wheres my green felt tip)
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34 Date: 2006-05-10 13:16:08
elvispornstar ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

When can Bison catch?
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33 Date: 2006-05-10 09:03:45
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Bison can catch. He just can't be bothered to dive for them. Particularly when he's still shellshocked from witnessing what was possibly the ugliest hoik the poor Glaxo ground has ever seen, and wondering when the skipper will put the good bowlers back on.
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32 Date: 2006-05-09 16:54:55
Rog ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

What a lovely report, though you neglected to mention that the Nurdler got out to a girl. Albeit a girl who plays women's league cricket and is better than most of us, but there needs to be some ribbing, it's tradition.
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31 Date: 2006-05-09 13:43:18
Elvispornstar ( elvispornstar@yahoo.co.uk / no homepage) wrote:

Come on chaps, let's have some report bashing and get the guest book going. Surprised there's been no rebuke about my questioning the slips athleticism. Perhaps another pop at Bison's catching ability or a politically incorrect suggestion that the German's ton was spawny (dropped twice) will stimulate a bit of debate.
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30 Date: 2006-03-12 06:46:20
Podge ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

In my defence I do disinfect my head after each time I wear the baggy green. Still hasn't improved my play though and each of those 26 runs was oiked over square leg you'll be unsurprised to hear :o)
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29 Date: 2006-03-10 15:08:59
the Direktor ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

well stuff my meerschaum with pipe tobacco and send the youth up the Opiates shop for 20 Regal, Watson, our ageing fastie has it on the nail. Where's my violin
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28 Date: 2006-03-10 10:27:05
Steve-O ( stephen.jacobs@directexcellence.co.uk / no homepage) wrote:

Could that be the P Rogers who scored 26 not out versus the MCC Forty Club on 21st February?
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27 Date: 2006-01-16 12:50:58
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Wow, we were worse this week.

26 Date: 2006-01-12 13:22:55
Elvis Pornstar ( no email / http://www.elvispornstar.com) wrote:

I thought there was going to be a match report for the first Rodbert cup match?

I can write it here: we were shit. Especially in the field. Forgetting your contact lenses is not an excuse, Bison, as well you know. Our batting wasn't much cop either. You need to spank the ball.

Anyway, not a great start to the campaign Salix. If the German and I are to retain our spliff-tray, I mean the cup, there needs to be much improvement.
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25 Date: 2006-01-06 16:15:55
Ian ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Just trying to keep things alive and shame the 244 people so far, who can't be bothered to write anything as dull as this. Happy New Year everyone!

Bring on the Rodbert Bros Cup
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24 Date: 2005-12-16 17:34:44
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Just us fat c*nts by the looks of things.
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23 Date: 2005-12-16 17:21:13
Rog ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Who's there?
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22 Date: 2005-12-14 10:44:22
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Knock knock
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21 Date: 2005-11-17 13:57:35
Elvis Pornstar ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Well, I hate to admit it, but Herr Direktor was right; this has proved as popular as water at the annual rabies convention.

I'm off down under next week and I'm not talking about that fat bird I brought to the cricket. No, I'm going to Sydney, where hopefully I shall find Podge, several pies and a healthy serving of melanoma. I shall pass on all your felicitations to the aforesaidmentioned closeted chubster and arrive back in the UK in time for the German to spank me around at the Christmas dinner. We might also play some cricket. Titter.
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20 Date: 2005-10-19 10:01:03
Herr Direktor ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

The real record this year belongs to the smutmeister who mamanaged three golden ducks in one, two innings match and I strongly urge him to email the gentleman below and book an eyetest simultaneously

19 Date: 2005-10-19 08:17:16
David Morgan ( enquiries.coacheducation@ecb.co.uk / http://www.ecb.co.uk/ecb/development/crick...st-class,67,BP.html) wrote:

So it is true, a 46% drop rate sounds like a record.

As I am sure you are aware, Project Crimbash is well under way. As I am also sure you are aware, Salix fever is spreading and is likely to reach Byron Bay by mid 2006. This will cause a real and significant threat to our aims, reigniting the vision of the flailing pom.

I therefore plead with your members to e-mail us post haste to book a training package.
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18 Date: 2005-09-24 10:35:39
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

No, nothing like that; but slightly disconcerting that's what came into your head.
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17 Date: 2005-09-23 15:39:28
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

What, like:

"Imagine you're lying on a deserted beach, the waves gently lapping at your feet. Er..eating a banana. Aaaarrrgg! No teeth, not teeth! You've got no teeth! That's better. WAAARGH! DON'T PEEL THE BANANA! Just suck it!"

I'm sorry, I've gone reet autistic again. Sorry.

16 Date: 2005-09-23 15:28:07
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Feck, and there was me thinking I was original. Obviously the German has been using some sort of suggestion technique on me in my sleep.
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15 Date: 2005-09-23 13:20:59
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Wasn't sure what a gay leper was, so went to the urban dictionary. Imagine my surprise:

1. GAY LEPER (n.)

A person who is so homosexual that it reduces their ability to function in everyday life. The person is often to "weak" or "sissy" to participate with peers. This "sickness is also contagious as others get sick because of how gay they are.

2. gay leper

a person who has no faith in a normal or "straight" life once they have encountered the wonderful world of cock. After all of their time is dedicated to the penis, they are far to weak to carry on with any other aspect of life.

Example of use: "The German is the outbreak monkey of all gay leperacy."
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14 Date: 2005-09-23 10:45:12
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

I knew I shouldn't have suggested that we played the gay leper colony. The German's family will be so disappointed.
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13 Date: 2005-09-23 09:09:00
Rog ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

A guestbook! How lovely. Does this mean we have to append smiley faces to our comments? lol ;-)

No probs submitting mine. Perhaps anything too reactionary gets automatically filtered out...
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12 Date: 2005-09-23 08:01:26
Nurdler ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

I can't submit my suggestions either. If it's a theocracy, perhaps we're just meant to pray.
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11 Date: 2005-09-22 18:52:43
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Why can't I submit my thoughts on the fixtures that I took so long commiting to webpage? Anyway, why are we dropping Nigerians?
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10 Date: 2005-09-22 18:48:21
Bison ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Why is this green? It's hurting my eyes.
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9 Date: 2005-09-22 09:35:48
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

We could tell by your batting.
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8 Date: 2005-09-21 12:26:08
Daveski ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Sorry, forgot all about cricket since Sunday. Come to think of it, didn't remember much on Sunday either.
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7 Date: 2005-09-21 07:52:00
Nurdler ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

If it helps, I can re-write the report with some nasty comment about Elvis or mention lbw decisions.

Nurdler

Edited by author 09-21-2006 07:21 AM
6 Date: 2005-09-20 12:57:24
Direktor ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Dear Elvis, the lads have trouble counting to 5 in increments of 1, let alone using computers. lets give a year or two and see what happens. until 2009 then....
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5 Date: 2005-09-20 11:14:20
Elvis ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Bollocks; Director's right, nobody is using this. Shame.
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4 Date: 2005-09-19 14:39:39
Elvispornstar ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

And who on Earth is Ian? Same bloke that keeps scoring about 50 odd and then bottling it?
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3 Date: 2005-09-19 14:39:01
Elvispornstar ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Look Doris, give it a bit of time; a couple of incendiary match reports next season and this'll be more popular than a bunch of carrots in a convent.
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2 Date: 2005-09-19 11:11:41
Ian ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Brilliant idea, already 13 people have not bothered even to take the piss!
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1 Date: 2005-09-18 21:09:03
Your revered Director ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Put mustard on my cricket shorts and call me Doris, this'll be as succesful as one legged man in an arse kicking contest