How sad to hear about doughboy.This is one time "sad" news brought laughter. Everyone needs a good laugh sometimes - especially in this "uptight" world we live in. Boy! Would I like to be "rolling in dough" right now!

Also, Anita, I want to thank you for making things so easy to read and find in your magazine.I will be forwarding your link to all of my email buddies.

Regarding Dads: This is an excerpt from my autobiography, Born Grown. Chapter One: "Eyes Like My Father."

"You have your father's eyes." These are among the few words my mother could tell me about my father. I never knew my natural father, wish I never knew my stepfather and, in many ways,I grew up without a mother. In essence, I raised myself, my brothers, my sister, and I was a caretaker for my deeply troubled mother. I had no aunts, uncles,or cousins, no grandparents to provide the unconditional love that only a grandparent does instinctively. If I were to describe myself in one word it would be "Orphan."

Last words, last chapter, Born Grown:

"Although my natural father never laid eyes on me, my Heavenly Father has never taken His eyes off me. The orphan spirit is gone...And I know what it is to be called "Daddy's girl."

Thank you, Valerie Coleman, for you article on Blended Families. Reading it brought back the memories I had as a child. On top of being adopted while a baby, I saw my parents go through a divorce, had to "get use" to a stepmother, stepfather, stepbrother and stepsisters, heard the argument between mother and stepmother as to who should present me at the debutante ball, etc, etc, etc. The struggle definitely takes a toll on those involved. Your article presents ways "blended families" can work together to make life less stressful and more enjoyable. Sure, it takes some work, but is there anything in life that doesn't. Looking forward to more articles from Valerie.

I would agree, that fathers are portrayed negatively. However, what we can do is speak power into being by looking at the positive things fathers contribute. Hold them accountable. Ladies, please be gentle with your words.... their are two ways to get something done with honey, which has a good taste or vinegar which is bitter. The chose is ours... We are the mothers of the entire earth! We give life to all things!
 
I wrote my own analogy of a father: he is the provider,the head of the family, the supporter to his mate, the protector, the strong hold to our nation. Women we hold the key to support and empower our men to be all they can be. The spirit must be nurtured in order for these men to go forward and thrive in this world.
 
Associate yourselves with people who value life and life with wisdom. God Bless



************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

Hey Everyone!

It's May. It's our Annual "Men's Issue" and we've got a new HOT TOPIC to delve into. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems as though popular media gives Dads a bad rap. They are either not around, negligent, abusive, irrelevant or dopey.

Do YOU think today's Dads are misrepresented and underappreciated? Yes? No?

If you do, what can we do to stop the Dad-bashing in our culture?

Let's Dialogue!


Anita S. Lane
Founder and Executive Editor
Keeping Family First Online Magazine

I truly believe when married people are equally yoked, whatever they do in harmony will prosper. May God continue to bless you and your family.


************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

Edited by author 03-30-2007 01:51 PM
In response to the question of the month...
"She earns MORE money--She may even be the primary bread winner. Does this impact traditional family roles? Should it?"
When my husband and I were first married, it seemed that I was always able to land the better paying jobs. This became an issue mainly because we were very young and immature! But, also because at the time my husband was content with it being that way and I was not. Being physically tired most of the time attempting to keep the household going while working a full-time demanding job, placed such a heavy weight upon my shoulders that after seven or eight years I completely “burned out.” With our marriage “burned out” as well, we were “divinely interrupted” and we were both “born again” and experienced a “born again” marriage all at the same time! We began to understand our dilemma from a Godly perspective. My husband now desired to serve our family and God blessed him to bring home the “bread the butter and some bacon and eggs too” and a great load lifted off my shoulders!!!
I believe in an ideal world (the world before the fall of mankind) if "she" earns MORE money than "he" it would not matter because they would surely understand that whatever they brought to the table it was for the common good! There would be no need for competition nor would there be any fear of abuses of power or authority.
Unfortunately, we don't live in an "ideal world" and because we do not, we require a lengthy list of rules and regulations that define clear roles and boundaries that are now imposed from the outside in.

I believe God created men with a built in need to protect and provide for his wife and children (which is part of the image and nature of God that man inherited). God gave man a job after he created him and that was before he had a wife. The scriptures teach us that “it is good for a man to work” and I truly believe that a man’s self esteem is wrapped up in his ability to provide for his family. Whenever the man is "established in the field" as scripture suggests, his role is not threatened but edified when his wife adds to the home in financial abundance (Proverbs 31).

When “She” makes more money than “He”... it will take a "new heart", maturity and lots of LOVE between spouses in order to rid the marriage of any “fear” surrounding this delicate issue. But, when “Love” not "money" is the most important ingredient in a marriage, not only will the two flesh become one, so will the purse and the wallet!

Well said, Mr. Faulkerson!

Mr. Wendell, blessing to your family for having staying power. What is your family remedy. To have such stability you must be doing something consistant. I don't want to assume so I thought if not to personal please share. thank you and may god continue to bless you and your family.

There are so many African American Men that make it very hard for their wives in staying married and being family. I understand the struggle, however, it does not have to control your life. If the front door closes go around the back. I believe that black men are afraid of a an educated successful black women. They act out their little boy insecurities by cheating. That doesn't solve the problem it only complicates the issues at hand. Lies, betrayal and deceit have truly taken its place in the family. Not many people think about the future or how its going to affect their children. The new demon is the internet, cellphone and any other high electronic technology that people use to be deceitful. For those that confess they beleive can commit such behavior and say that God is the head of their lives draws me to a conclusion of silence.......

Blessed love to all of you. My thought is how do we empower when we seem to always talk our blessings away. That is my problem. I know better than to listen when I am going through a situation that may cause a little stress, is to try to stay away from ones who will give me a big present of doubts, and fears. I know the creator is the only source of my /all good. I must overcome my mind's MP3 ready loaded little sayings to make you feel depressed or alone etc. We must see the conditioning from our childhood and the TV and the people around us as wombman to keep us limited and somewhat useless and powerless to ourselves and families. I want to change. I am determined to change that in myself.
Stay strong and know that you will overcome what ever it is holding you back my sisters.

Re: CASA
Hello everyone, hope you're all ready for a blessed weekend.
Can anyone tell us more about CASA, sounds like a great opportunity to do something in the community. Who is eligible to work with them and how can one get involved if willing to volunteer?
Thanks

I really shouldn't make a difference who makes more, but that's what more and more men are having to face in this day and age. As the article suggested, a women will feel more at ease submitting to a man (spouse) is has a vision and knows or has some sort of plan to get there, but it she feels that they are just going around in circles, then the gifts that God has placed in her start to becoming more dominant and her mode of survival starts to kick in. It's not biblically right by all means, but men have got to step up to the plate and stop sitting back and waiting on the woman to do things that he has been placed in position to do. I mean, if he's going to "claim to be the head of the household" that means in all that he does, not when it is convenient for him to do so. We are loosing too many of our your men to crime or jail, so women are finding themselves having to step into the role of being provider, but instead of loving us more, we are being overlooked and passed by to go to the next person who will just lower herself or her desires just so she can have a man!
Women, black women especially, we blessed to be so adaptive to their environments, being able to function with or without a man, single or married parent and now our black men just can't seem to adjust to that! So, I say, start having classes that are showing our men how to get back to the days where truly walked in their positions of the head and the woman submitted and did all that she could to make him and let him know that he was such instead of making us bear the weight all by ourselves

I believe that it ought not make any difference who is making the most money. If the primary focus of that money is the sustaining of the family, why would anybody care who brings in the most? My Manhood is not determined by the amount of money that I make. Nor is it lessened if the Woman to whom I am married makes more than me. Because she has the drive to be the best that she can be, ought I stop her from fulfilling and achieving her dreams? I don't think so!

As a Men, we ought to get over the idea that because a Woman makes more money than we do that we will be subservient to her. We each have roles to play and as long as we compliment one another, something as fleeting as money ought not even be included in the equasion(sic).

And for those who DO want to make more money or help others make more money, there is a wonderful Opportunity to do that:
http://www.ourgv.com/mrmillionaire

It has been my observation that the issue of the woman as the primary wage earner brings up feelings of resentment, on one hand, and gratitude on the other. To the man who has been struggling with his issues of low self esteem, prior to such a relationship,resentment may well develop.The trappings of low self esteem begin to manifest itself into behaviours indicative of resentment.If the couple fails to effectively communicate and address the underlying problem appropriately ,things tend to get worse.

On the other hand ,a couple who can separate negative and foolish societal views and standards on the subject, may not have problems in the area at all. It's not the most money that makes the man, it's the man, and woman, who makes the most of the money that they have. A man who has his self esteem in place, and the woman who helps to keep it there can only be grateful to God for whatever they have, and whomever brings it in.

Thanks a million Valerie Coleman for your insight on "blended families" and how you can THRIVE and not just survive in that situation. I am proud NOW to say I have come from such a family. I did not understand why I had to have step mother and step father and I was a bitter child during parts of my growing and formative years. However after reading your insights and personal experiences, it lets me know GOD had a plan in spite of man. As humans we make mistakes, But the WORD tells us that "GOD always has a way of escape" if we seek his way! I grew up and lo and behold, my children had to experience "the blended family" concept as well. Society tries to label US and make those type of families feel that are not as important as the traditional family. I thank GOD for people like Valerie Coleman who boldly share the experience of a Blended Family with no holes barred!

Hebrews 10:24

Because I care, I share

Why do you think guys are so intimidated by high wage-earning women? I'm sure some believe that situation contradicts the biblical mandate for men to "provide for their families." But in talking to guys about this issue, I find that a lot of it is due to insecurity. And lack of training on what "leading" really is. I think some men believe that if their wife earned more money than them, they would lose the power to lead or be the head of the family. I don't think that's true at all. My wife earns more money than me, yet she submits to my leadership, probably because I'm not threatened by her intellect or skills.

But hey, admitting insecurity is the first step to changing your attitude.