XE3kZH comment1 ,

Tis Spring, and a young man's fancy lightly turns to a new Comments page {cc}.

I want a Kilgore Trout of Doom.

I might not know everything about Disney, but what I lack in knowledge, I make up for with the shinanegains, more often than not involving that large trout.
Beats research!

We should all take a hint from the Gontermaster of writing and just insert Trouts of Doom in our posts whenever:
1) we receive a comment.
2) we don't understand something.
3) we're lacking in knowledge of something.
4) whenever we're starving for attention, when even a halfhearted LOL will make our spirits rise and make us glad to be alive

But back to the Wiki post:
Anyone else catch that that godawful sketch was for the Glenn Beck Insider Forums? Boy, I bet Beck's just creaming his slacks knowing that someone with an obtuse sense of humor and a shitastic drawing style drawed him some fancy art! Gontie's probably readying himself for an onslaught of conservative pundits slavering over his Trout of Doomy goodness!

Kisso: Okay, you know the rules, Mister. If you don't do what I say, I'll demote you.
AdamPackbell: And I'll slap you around with my Trout of Doom{cc}

At this point a lot of other pirates were LOL-ing.

Kisso: Keep it up and I'll expell you from the crew.
AdamPackbell: And I'll *still* slap you around.

By this point, even Lady Kisso was laughing.

Davey? They weren't LOLing at your cute shenanigans.

Speaking of bad writers and trout of doom, here's wingnut extraordinaire Jeff Goldstein. I read the whole thing because I am very bored. Peeyew!

On the second page of the Google results, there's someone else who uses the phrase and puts a copyright mark after it...So he wasn't even original in doing that.

I think he's trying to say that he invented it, and ain't it cool, and people think it's so wonderfully amusing. Um... if the only one using your wonderful idea is you, then I don't suppose it's really anything to crow about.

Hey, I'm the one who first called Brak a "Saber-toothed Bubbacat," waaaay back when. I've heard others call Brak that, and I see "Bubbacat" here and there on the web. Why in the world didn't I trademark it? I could be rolling in nickels!

Edited by author 03-20-2006 02:33 AM
Bill: Yeah, Toni's ear-hoop is getting so big I expect him to start going 'ARRRR, me HEARTIES!'

And the Wiki - Wow. He didn't take ten seconds to google it to see how unoriginal it is? I'm gonna guess he's never even seen the Fish-Slapping Dance sketch, either.
I might not know everything about Disney, but what I lack in knowledge, I make up for with the shinanegains, more often than not involving that large trout.
Ooooh, isn't he a little DICKENS? Isn't he just the CYUUUEST wif his widdle online japes and jests at the general populace?
No. Not for a second.
So the Trout of Doom is his oh-so-witty response to things like trolls or when someone doesn't take his work seriously? He mentions it twice here when people make joking replies to 'what's in the box?'
So his attempt to be humourous ironically demonstrates that he has no sense of humour at all when the joke's on him.

Edited by author 03-19-2006 03:54 PM
I'm not sure what he's talking about, something about a fish or something.

Umm...yeah, wtf? He came up with the incredibly original line "Trout of Doom," and he puts a copyright dingus after it when he uses it in a chat? I coined the nonword "InExOb," but I don't expect people to pay me a nickel every time they read it.
(Yes, yes, I know it's Creative Commons, but it's still a pretty vain thing to do)

edit:
Hey, Davey! http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22tr...&btnG=Google+Search
REAL ORIGINAL.

New Scarlett

Just a title page, and thus not as horrible as most of them. I'm really surprized that he didn't give Toni hearts for eyes with "He thinks he's cute!" written next to his head, like he did when Sailor Moon met Davey in SMUSA.

Is it me, or is the earring getting bigger every time he draws it?

There's a really lame and boring and lame post on Davey's Wiki, if anyone's interested. I'm a little too braindead right now to decipher it. I'm not sure what he's talking about, something about a fish or something.

Hey Davey, if you have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore. Oh, wait, it wasn't funny to begin with. I guess you can do whatever you want with it then.

John Varley

I have all 3 books in that trilogy, and yet I've never read them.

For something different, try "Jonathon Strange and Mr Norrell." It's an historical fantasy, set in early 19th century England and also written in the sylte of the time. It's an 800-page slab, but there wasn't a single boring bit in it. I got it for $4.67 used on Amazon.

While we're on the topic of good writers, I'd like to throw in two names: Douglas Adams and John Varley.

I've only read one book by Varley, "Titan," from the Gaea Trilogy. It's your typical "Earthlings wander onto a strange planet story," but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I liked his style, loved the creatures on the planet, and I loveloveLOVED Cirocco (men can write strong female characters!). Too bad my library's missing the second book, though I may just go ahead and buy all three books from the used bookstore or Amazon.

Ernst - are you perchance adding insult to injury? My ass is not amused.

Ooo ooo ooo, I looooooooove Tad Williams. The Otherland series is so good. I think that's actually partially why I don't like Mercedes Lackey; I was waiting for the next Otherland book when I read one of hers. But I only made it half-way through the first Valdemar book, so maybe I shouldn't judge. I've heard that she got better later on.

a cat that is a God, that can be copulated with by mortal man to produce an offspring???

Well... it doesn't seem MUCH more far-fetched than Zeus turning into something wierd to molest every second woman in pre-Homeric Greece (I mean-- a swan? How's that gonna work?). Maybe there's a context issue I'm missing. Pratchett is definitely the king of music with rocks in it, and sprained asses lie towards the other end of that spectrum. Yike.

Hey cool! The Belgariad

Well the first series qualifies as a "I can't put these books down."
The second series is umm, OK, but it's just the same story with different character names.
Eddings last book is just weird, a cat that is a God, that can be copulated with by mortal man to produce an offspring??? Umm yeah, that happens all the time and does not take giant leaps of logic to believe.

My opinion of Eddings went down hill the more he wrote.

Hey cool! The Belgariad! I still have those books sitting around here someplace.

I don't think they're $67 worth of cool, though.

Sprained ass. Ouch.

As to Tailchaser's Song- yeah, that was actually his first book, and it has a lot of problems, as you noticed. I've read most of what he's written, possibly all of it, and my favorite books are still his Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series (consisting of The Dragonbone Chair, The Stone of Farewell, and To Green Angel Tower)... but his Otherland series (City of Golden Shadow, River of Blue Fire, Mountain of Black Glass, Sea of Silver Light) is also awesome.... MS&T is much more classic medieval-based epic fantasy where Otherland is more of a cyber-fantasy, but they're both extremely good books. Unfortunately everything he's written since finishing Otherland is rather... meh.

I just came back from the hospital. My doctor told me that I have coccydynia, which in my case means that the ligaments between my coccyx and gluteals have torn. In plainer terms, I have a sprained ass.

For fantasy writing, I got Terry Pratchett. I just love his style. He's right up there with Larry Niven. In fact, I'd say that as far as craftmanship goes, his writing is even better.

The ony one of Tad Williams's's books I've read is "Tailchaser's Song." It was a good book, worth the reread now and then. However, it's a bit theatrical, and he made foolish mistakes, such as having every other male cat be tortoiseshell, and saying newborn kittens are hairless. Surely if you're writing a book that will appeal specifically to cat lovers, you should make sure you know your subject matter.

I got a 33, and I've only seen the movies. I half-expected to get at least a 50, considering my innate nerdliness.

Wheee, fun quizzie thing. I got 35! That's what I get for reading all the Star Wars novels about until, oh, summer of '02 or so.

I read "If I Pay Thee Not In Gold," it was kind of amusing. But I refuse to touch any other Piers Anthony stuff. I'd rather re-read Tad Williams or Jacqueline Carey. Now Carey is one hell of a fantasy writer.... mmmmmmm~

Mercedes Lackey? I have a book of hers (written with another woman whose name I can't recall) based on a space fighter computer game. It looked so wretched in the Recycled Reader, I had to buy it. Haven't read it, though.

She collaborated with another horrific writer, Piers Anthony, on "If I Pay Thee Not In Gold." It was supposed to be the first book in a trilogy, but both writers got into a squabble, and the world was thankfully spared of any more of their united crapness.

If you SERIOUSLY want godawful fantasy writing, try Piers Anthony. Honestly, he's gone down the crapper and into the sewer system, but he's so freaking untouchable, he can get away with softcore porn involving minors.

A common warning from Xanth veterans is to read the first six books and go no further. But because I'm a pop culture masochist, I'm thinking of reading all thirtysomething books in the series.

Thanks for the concern, but when the endoscopy turned up nothing, I gave up trying to fix my problem. I just live with it now.

Man, I've been reading a Magic: The Gathering novel, and if that's what Davey usually reads, no wonder he writes like he does. They are in dire need of Editing too.

*cough Mercedes Lackey cough cough*

Oh, really? I have to admit to being a biiiiig fan of hers. At least the Valdemar and Elemental Mages series. The Bardic Voices series was crap.

Now if you REALLY want bad fantasy writing, try Sarah Douglass. UGH >.<

Gag me with debris and shards of glass. That's some GAHDawful writing. Did anyone tell this guy that short sentences are less likely to hurt readers' brains?

I agree with Ernst, Bill: you've done more puking than the entire population of cats in America does in a single night. Seeing a doctor couldn't hurt.

Holy crap. Although, I must admit, he does stir great sympathy for those poor terrified sounds. That's some brave editing.

Bill, I appreciate that this sort of thing is phenomenally expensive down there, but when is the last time you had a man of medicine poke at your guts? That's way too much puking, and even a witch doctor who skipped several classes should be able to suggest something to do about it (although, if that something is a witch doctor-y "Do this dance to cast the foul spirits into a stone, then cast that stone into running water", maybe it's not worth the consultation fee...).

ACK! CALL THE PUNCTUATION POLICE!

That is painful Negs. That's enough for a stiff drink after parsing that...

Hey, I'd buy that for a dollar!
Too bad that it's not a dollar.

Thanks for the moral support, guys. I wish I'd had it when facing writing like this:

High caliber machine-gun fire tore across the city. The day to day sounds of city life hugged pavement in terror while debris and shards of glass spilled over them as an inexplicable explosion rocked the earth and gave way to a cacophony of screams that mixed into the tumultuous cocktail of civic chaos.

That's the book's very first paragraph. Ow.

I third the proppings, and the stabbinating. Bad writing drives me crazy, especially when it's published. *cough Mercedes Lackey cough cough* I may not be the best writer out there, but at least I know to let somebody else read my stuff before I put it out there. It's my precious baby and all, but I want my baby to thrive, and to do that it needs outside input. Can't make art in a vacuum, as they used to tell me in school. Then again, you can't do much of anything in a vacuum, since it doesn't have any oxygen.

Wow. I second the proppings. I'd have snuck in his house and stabbinated him after about ten pages.

Props for actually getting through it with patience and sanity intact?

Props for what? For spending about a thousand hours editing a story for free? It was a lobbotomy in text form.

Then he asked me to edit the sequel, which he's currently writing. I told him that I wasn't up to doing that much work for free again. (I didn't tell him what I was really thinking: Go back to college and pick up where you left off, starting with the English composition courses.)

Wow. props to ya, Negs.

I love my editor. He's very cool. Must add him to the Christmas card list....

Re editoringness...

Having other critique your work is a good thing no matter what level you're on. For amateurs, it's a chance to see how your works come across to others, and decide whether that's how you want your works to come across or not. I always have a beta reader or three look at my stories or kisekae sets before I release them, and if people really dig in and give me lots of criticism, I'll ask 'em for more the next time around. Sometimes crits sting, but, shoot, if you don't ever want criticism don't let anyone see your works.

Last year Brian "8-Bit Theater" Clevinger published "Nuklear Age," a book he's been working on for years, via vanity press. His fans snapped it up, and it rose to #23 in Amazon's bookshop the day it was released. However, the writing was... ouch. Bad. Really bad. He makes a funny web comic, but he can't even keep punctuation and spelling under control, or be consistent about the spelling of minor characters' names. Even his most ardent fans said that it's a funny book, but it needed editing. Guess who was silly enough to offer to be his editor? Right here, folks. The book's over 600 pages, might I add.

That took months and months, lemme tell ya. All the while I was thinking "Why the HELL didn't he have someone look at this before it was published? My GOD, did he even look up at the screen after his fingers touched the keys?!" Long story short, I finished it up late last year, and the second edition is out now. I haven't compared it to the first, because I don't feel like paying for the book a second time. It still isn't a *good* book, because all I could do was point out problems - often five to ten a page - not rewrite the flippin' thing. I don't even know if my work is acknowledged, and I don't know whether to wish I was slighted by not being credited, or to have my name as editor on a book like that.

Not that this was more than vaguely relevant, really. Er, wait, my point is that editors are doing it for your own good, so be nice to them and send them boxes of chocolate.

Er.

Edited by author 03-12-2006 11:48 PM
But Mr. the Splut! That would be a plot twist!

No, for there to be a plot twist, there'd have to be a plot.

Remember that plot I pulled out of my anterior regions a week or 2 back? The next day, I thought "I forgot about Pippkin!" And immediately decided that he could be a part of the ETPP attack force. His human host gets killed and is replaced by Toni. But as the costumes are the stronger influence, could they trust Pippkin to stay loyal? There would be myriad story possibilities! And my plot is TOTALLY LAME. If I could come up with it, anyone could. Except for Mr the 'Kins, apparently.

68 strips, and so far Scarlett has appeared, beaten some muggers, and got somebody a job based on her recommendation. A fast food job, where you don't need a recommendation to get hired, you just need a pulse. Outside of the muggers, that's exactly what "happened" in the same number of LiveWire Latte strips. In short, nothing.
Davey needs to go back to the Old Meds. At least shit happened back in those days.

edit: I should say that I fully expect the next 20+ strips to be about Toni putting Dippshit on, having sex with Scarlett, and that's it. I'm not sayin' that Davey won't try to spice it up with another tea party, of course.

Ah, Mimi explained the whole editor matter more succinctly than I did.
I meant to add that an editor provides concrit, but it was late, and I probably shouldn't write when it's late... *looks at the clock* About 10:35, that's still early enough for cognizant thought.

One might think that the ETPP did it, in order to infiltrate the good guys.
But Mr. the Splut! That would be a plot twist! Daveykins can't think of anything so complicated and mind-boggling.
No, wait, he can. We've seen Scarlett P.I.

Davey: Why did he FedExed himself is beyond me.

Since the costumes just seem to be immobile talking heads until someone puts one on, the question is less "why" than "how?" One might think that the ETPP did it, in order to infiltrate the good guys. But even Davey admits he has no idea what he's doing.
Sorry to keep going on about the ETPP, but if they were involved in the story, it'd HAVE A PLOT.

Edited by author 03-12-2006 03:26 PM
Hey look, here's one of Zef's comments on the Scar pic Davey ripped off:

Well, yeah, i'm a speed freak when it comes to stuff. it miffs me if i'm not the first one in a group to finish a test, let a round off (albeit on target), etc. So when it comes to art, my usual thoughts for rad stuff was 'man, it must've taken then AGES' since my simple stuff usually can be done in one sitting, and in short as 15 minutes. so it BLOWS my mind when someone does something rad very fast. of course, Davey...

Did you read this thing from another commenter on the same page, though?

"It's probably the best I've ever done. It took me like 3 hours to do the shading on your upper lip."

What, is he implying Davey *talks* to his creations? man, how could anyome think that? X3

Oh man, so much gonterness;

This is why I have never purchased a music CD since the late 90s and never will for time and eternity.

Heh. suuure. not because most CDs are around $10-$20, and you can't afford THAT.

You're not claiming that you made that Metallica song, did you? And why the phrack do you have music from that bunch of talentless hacks anyway?

Never was the phrase 'it takes one to know one' more valid. (i don't care much for Metallica either, btw, but they make far more money than me)

Would you be able to look at yourself in the mirror if you knew you sole an idea from me?

Well, shit, he's right, now Bush can look at himself in the mirror peacefully, knowing he's never done something as UNHOLY as stealing ideas from Davey.

It's cute how Davey has to draw Toni's left ear, so the earring can be seen, totally fucking up what little perspective there was, because otherwise people wouldn't know that 'ZOMG HE'S GAY!'

Though as i was reading halfheartedly Dippshit's (XD, Bill!) dialog, i thought i read 'I'm feeling quite a shaft comming on.' That WOULD have been gay of Toni.

"Turbo" buttons? When was that, 10 years ago?...

Man, i totally learnt QBASIC in elementary on those! it was 10 years ago, yeah, but i bet those kinda comps are pretty probably 15 years old. Expect nothing else to send info but some old tired mice who've been feeding on dust bunnies and building up anger. or some hot shit for the time 14.4K modems, just the speed I AM CONNECTED AT RIGHT NOW because i live in the middle of godforsaken nowhere.

/goes into hiding for another week because now totally has a social life! ZOMG!

Man, I just had a more extended flip through his favourites. He's either long-line trolling for inspiration, trying to build up reference materials he clearly never uses, or revealing some distressing fixations (and not just his own-- there's an AWFUL lot of cheesecake poses of Sally out there).

Hmmm. I'm not sure I like the implication that every bit of creativity that flows out of a person isn't a flawless germ.

Oop. I seem to have made a small typo ;-)

I know as far as writing goes, a smart person doesn't let the work out in public without at least a quick proof-reading by a third party. I'm looking forward to the day when I have an editor explaining necessary changes in stuff I've written, because it'll mean I've gotten off my ass and submitted it, AND had it judged potentially saleable.

I was about to post the latest Scarlet, but then I found this latest comment. What the Christ??

I don't know what that fella's on, but I like his response to the D-ster. I notice, on a quick glance, that he seems to have vanished from the Ego-nterman's favourites list. Wonder why?

Kits:As much as you'd like to have all of your creation intact, some of it has to go
Well, more to the point, you as an artist can NEVER totally trust your own opinion of your work. Just because YOU think it's perfect doesn't mean it is. Case in point - only the nutjob we mock just about every message here.
An editor is, in essence, professional constructive criticism. You may not KNOW when your story is drifting a bit, or pacing is a little off. They're paid to make sure your project is as good as it CAN be to sell the most.
And if you're stupid enough to sign on with a company who makes it their BUSINESS to make extreme alterations and adaptations where they deem it necessary (like Disney) and think you can have sole control over the work, you're dreaming.
This isn't rocket science, it's just common sense. You want full control? Self-publish. Otherwise stfu and take your editor-medicine, it's good for you ;)

I was about to post the latest Scarlet, but then I found this latest comment.
What the Christ??

Anyway, New Scarlet
Wow, we're at the END of a CHAPTER! Everyone take bathroom breaks NOW, the next chapter doesn't stop till 150!
And Toni is underwater all of a sudden. Those ARE bubbles rising from his mouth, aren't they?...
Pipkin assumes an awful lot, doesn't he? The box is found out the back of the Arby's - NOT Jim's home, where Scarlet was found. He assumes Toni knows Scarlet without Toni even uttering a word (Toni's too busy thinking the answer to whatsername's side-saddle mouthed question).
And why is Toni's earring now the size of an egg ring and hanging from his cheekbone?

Online artists have spent years drawing exactly what THEY want, but when they get to have an editor whose JOB it is to make sure your work is marketable, meaning things might have to be tweaked, they can't handle it.

Mm-hmm. I've been told it's going to be the same thing when I try to get my stories published, but I'm prepared to deal with it.

Sheesh. What do these folks expect? As much as you'd like to have all of your creation intact, some of it has to go. Of course, you have a right to debate the matter with the editor (and you might win a few arguments), but if it has to go... well, you don't have to like it, but don't complain so much.

The absolute worst that could happen is if the editor makes so many suggestions that your original creation is transformed into a totally different thing, and is no longer your own.

Of course, those who become insanely popular might one day be allowed to return to their earlier works and, uh, re-publish them with new material. I think Stephen King did that with The Stand.

Davey: As for someone making Spin-offs for sale
Ask him what he'd do if someone made a tshirt based on SMAK or BAM, and out it up for sale on CafePress.

Edited by author 03-11-2006 06:36 PM
Rabbit: I hear ya about the 'do it over and over until you hate it' bit. With me, it was singing. It got to the stage where I couldn't feel the music anymore, every note I made was being dissected so much.
apparently TP's editor-in-chief is one of those guys who can't really voice what he wants, but 'he'll know when he sees it'. People like that are annoying, but it really tests your mettle and flexibility.
Online artists have spent years drawing exactly what THEY want, but when they get to have an editor whose JOB it is to make sure your work is marketable, meaning things might have to be tweaked, they can't handle it.

Heh. re Davey's last journal entry. I left a comment calling him on a few things which he replied to.
1. I have heard stories where people are doing fanworks only to be hit with a 'Cease and Desist' order. I want to show the public that you don't need to fear that happening with my works.
Oh yes, because people regard Davey with the same fear and awe commanded by the queen of egotistical Fanwork-hate, Ann Rice. Does he honestly think people aren't doing fanworks of his stuff because of fear of his reprisal? As I've mentioned before, I'd maybe toy with DOING Davey fanart, but I have a reputation and would never want people I respect going 'Oh man, you did fanart of THAT GUY?!'
that's the risk I can take if it means that I can get into partnerships like what I'm having with Ivan Mayne.
Yeah, THERE'S a special one. Ivan Mayne's been hanging around Foxfire forever writing crappy songfic 'parodies' and long-winded screenplays. Davey says that it's his hope to bring Ivan's works to life but has he EVER done anything based on Ivan's works? Nope.
D:And remember what I said earlier; who can look in the mirror and see his own reflection knowing that he or she stole an idea from "one of the worst fanfiction writers in the internet?"
I'm sure they'd worry for about 2 seconds.

*joins in the Mimi fangirling* Thorn is supercute. I like that incarnation of Rosie better than the As If! one, though the latter definitely worked for that story. One of my favorite parts of As If! is where Rosie actually feels bad about hurting Peter. It was done so simply and elegantly and with that nummy Mimi art... </fangirl>

I've been thinking about how some artists on DA can't take criticism, too. Some of them will get tons of comments, but get freaked out by someone who says they don't like one little part of the picture. Geez people, can't you just ignore it if you don't want to listen? In school, I always heard how hard it was going to be in the real world, but really I haven't gotten anything like I did in school. You don't know criticism until you've reworked a project a dozen times until it's something that you absolutely hate, and then of course the professors love it and want all your work to look like that. Until the next project, when they've completely changed their minds. Maybe I just had picky professors.

The dawning light of self-awareness in the Gonterverse:
(Something tells me that I need to use a straightedge for the straight lines,....
[I didn't close the parenthesis because HE didn't.]

And then the light goes out:
please save my strips on your web server if you're going to make a Scarlet PI mirror site, though. Intellectual Property is one thing, Bandwidth Leeching?
I get this funny feeling that he's confusing "Phrack Whores of World Getting Latest Horrid Fix" with "Legions of Fans Spreading The True Way", in his site-hit count. Mirror site?! Man, gutenberg.org doesn't have much in the way of mirror sites, and that's actual ART.

Oh Jebus, he's splooging again. His 'rant' on Creative Commons. I'm not sure what really makes it a rant, as 99% of it is him defending CC, but whuddever, dude. It's all fresh meat to a Phrack Whore ;)

Good god, he's so full of shite. Admittedly, and a bit oddly, it's at least properly spelt and grammarised shite this time. That still throws me.
And he still seems to be trying to attribute traits to CC that are simply not true.
THIS is the basic CC agreement in a nutshell:
You can copy, redistribute and make derivative works of a CC'd piece IF:
1)You give credit to the original creator and license your work under the same CC category they did
2)You may NOT financially profit from it (some of the CC license options do allow for commercial use, but Davey's is not one of them).

He slaps this thing on his stuff like people are raiding and disemminating it like the plague! I don't use CC. I can see how it would have its uses for things like freeware coding or online journalism or role-playing communities, but the conditions set out by CC are pretty 'Well DUH!' to most sensible people who would want to link or disemminate a work.

My comment noting that people could still rip him off had nothing to do with CC, I was commenting on the fact that he puts every single half-baked thought he has online.
"Here lies David Gonterman, the writer of BAM and SM:AK" is not what I want on my tombstone. That is why I have Scarlet PI on the Deviant Art site and intent to put Lost Boy Found out on every venue possible. I want to show the world that I'm more than just a pair of shitty stories written in the 90's, no matter what it takes.
ROFL.
No, instead it'll read 'Here lies David Gonterman, the writer of a whole BUNCH of really shitty fics. Never got Better.'
He is NEVER going to live SM:AK and Blood & Metal down. Never. Not unless he drops the meds. Say, that's a thought.... shall I posit the idea to him that Scarlet and LBF could get more attention if he went off the meds? Heeh...

Plain and simple. The main diff from

Uuuh, okay. Thanks ^-^;;
Oh Fal-chan, shush, you're making me feel bad that I rarely update my site /_
I just don't think an artist should EVER get too precious with their work, especially once you go pro and have to work with editors. You see artists online all the time who throw tantrums at the TINIEST critical comment and these kids will NOT get very far in the real world.
Of course anything a person create won't be to everyone's liking - that's just impossible.

My Tokyopop editor had to inform me last week that my cover design for Divalicious had been rejected by the editor-in-chief, so we had to do another one. I think he was half expecting me to throw a huge hissy and threaten to kill myself. Hell, naw. We just design another one. These things happen. I think I made his week by shrugging it off. Kinda makes me wonder what kinds of behaviour they have to take from artists sometimes...

Sorry folks, not meaning to hijack the messages here or anything...
Hey look, here's one of Zef's comments on the Scar pic Davey ripped off:
Also, it almost took you NO time at all! Wow!
Nice :)
HA! And someone else just shattered his print-making dreams:
It's really hard to get ANYONE to buy prints...I see really awesome artists on DA that are lucky if they get a few orders a year.
Sorry Gont, but people get better value for money buying REAL toilet paper...

Mimina, I love you. I want to worship you and adore you and have your babies~~~~

No seriously, you're awesome! Thorn looks really cute~ and Kitsch Korner is always an endless source of amusement~ and your website is just generally really nifty-looking~ so, yeah~ you rock! *fangirls*

Ah, but Davey also says 'Bear with me, it'll be better once it's finished' a lot, too ;)
Most of Thorn is not online(and could very well NEVER get online), it's in little thumbnails in a notebook I carry around in my bag. When I'm on the bus, I usually pull it out, have a think and come up with a few new strip ideas. The fact that I haven't run dry yet is one of the main reasons I feel that Thorn has legs. There's a huge untapped well of Funny in Rosie that could work very well if, as Bill and I agree, Rosie is taken several notches down from Chibi-Sociopath to a character one could identify with and laugh AT as well as with.

I adore Calvin & Hobbes, but I freely admit I do not like Calvin much. I'm a wuss, so I don't identify with him much. I can understand his frustration at being a kid and having his imagination not QUITE match reality, but I just think he's a little bastard who needs to be smacked.
I liked Hobbes and Susie much more ;)
As for Peanuts.... my husband will never outright say it, but I'm more like Lucy than is probably healthy ;) I need a 'Who Says I'm Crabby?' tshirt.
Maybe that's why I have fun drawing Rosie. She embodies the little know-it-all I have to suppress a lot of the time.

Edited by author 03-10-2006 12:21 AM
But concrit appreciated, Bill. Your points are very legitimate and I'm aware of them and working to avoid them.

HA! WATCH AND LEARN, DAVEY! XD

Edited by author 03-10-2006 05:19 AM
Bill: Point taken. Yes, Rosie was a truly unlikeable character in As If!
And I'm fully aware that people won't identify and empathise with a lead character as nasty as that. You're absolutely correct, there is nothing funny about a character who is just pure Hate.
I can only say Bear With Me. The Rosie in Thorn will NOT be the Rosie of As If! About the only things they share are megalomania and cute bouncy pigtails.
Cute little girl ripping her helpless big sister to shreds for kicks isn't funny(watching her get punished for it is, though).
Cute little girl wanting to rule the world in spite of parents, society and big sister is funny. At least to me, it is ;)

Her new sister, Edie, isn't NEARLY so helplessly adorable as Angela, is better at rolling with Rosie's teasing and even capable of getting her own back. I assure you the direction I'm developing Rosie for Thorn is VERY much toned down from the sociopath Rosie was in As If!
I know the few online Thorn strips don't really show that yet, but it's something I'm VERY conscious of in the numerous other strip ideas I have.
I want Thorn to really be a comic about sisters, not just all about Rosie.
Hell, the other day I thumbnailed 5 strips just about Rosie comically pretending to be a cat. Trust me, none of Thorn's strips I've written so far involve Rosie seriously breaking a person's spirit.

Comparisons could indeed be drawn between Rosie and Lucy/Calvin, but unlike them, she's not an adult mind in a kid's body. In Thorn, she's really just a kid. A very cocky, self-assured, snarky kid, but still just a kid.
IMO, Calvin is a LOT more unpleasant than Rosie as I'm developing her. Even Charlie Brown was an arrogant little arsehole in the early years and he was the star!

Thorn is very much just an idea in progress. I don't think it's anywhere near ready to be syndicate material. Lotsa things still to iron out, including giving Rosie the right mix of misanthrope and appealing vulnerability. I think being eternally foiled in your (seemingly) foolproof dreams of getting ahead in the world is something everyone can identify with.

But concrit appreciated, Bill. Your points are very legitimate and I'm aware of them and working to avoid them.

Mimi, may I offer some concrit, as a lifetime lover of newspaper comics, and a big fan of your work?

I don't see how Thorn could get picked up by a syndicate. How many comics involve a truly hateful protagonist? They wouldn't publish a Peanuts starring Lucy, and she was just bossy and crabby, not a pure sociopath like Thorn. Calvin could be a cynical misanthrope, but it's not like Hobbes was a real cat that he maliciously kicked all day.
I hated Rosie in As If!, but she worked as a character. Bad as she was, she'd get her comeuppance. But it was Angie and Hunter that I cared about; Rosie was the villain. Maybe you can write a successful strip centered on an evil, spiteful bitch, but I don't see who you're going to market it to. I hate Garfield, but I hate him because his strip is unfunny and lazy, not because he acts like an utter bastard.
Only my opinion, obviously, but I think that if you want it to succeed, you'd need to tone her down or not make her the center of the strip. No one's going to identify with her. Just dislike her.

I'm sure that everyone else has their own opinion.

Teehee. :D Yah, that's my first comment from him. I figured he stopped paying attention to me after the election last year and he found out that I'm a *gasp* liberal! The dreaded liberal beast, picking on poor poor little Dubya. But yeah, that just made my day, as did the nice comments from my fellow Phrack Whores. Thanks you guys, you're the rockiest rocks in Rockville! (in other words, you rock!)

Speaking of syndication, Thorn should be syndicated. It'd be a million times better than the crap they publish nowadays. I can never figure out why Ozy and Millie isn't syndicated, but Garfield is. Ooo, or Mallard Fillmore. What's up with that comic? It's not even funny. At least Ferd'nand is mildly entertaining. It's like a Dada poem, it can mean whatever you want it to.

Oh, btw Fistlekits - I got all my Pigma Micron pens at Michael's. Only 2 bucks each or something like that.
As for Copics, yeah, good luck. Bastards are pricey no matter where you go.

Wow, Davey comments on another fellow Phrack Whore's piece. First time, Rabbit?

Wow... THAT'S what's considered quality syndicated cartooning these days?

The world needs Thorn. Seriously....;)

Okay, not seriously, I just wish it so ;)

Edited by author 03-07-2006 09:01 PM
Negs:

Yes, that always makes me cringe.
Appropriately, this comic from today has another one:
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/fminus/a...minus-20060307.html

Edited by author 03-07-2006 08:40 AM
Re the "cat in the grate" article - The "used up X of 9 lives" bit is a tired cliche, yes. The one that I find most annoying, however, is "purr-fect." That word should be banned in any work of writing that could reasonably be expected to be read by anyone who is over 12. That goes double for the cover of any book by Rita Mae Brown.

Edited by author 03-06-2006 01:44 PM
Garr! I take a two-day break from getting eye cancer, and I miss a whole slew of new comments and Gonterman hilarity!

I gotta friend Zef on dA now. *plink!* Done!

I thought Crichton was OMG kewl! in fifth grade because he wrote about dinosaurs and I felt special reading grown-up books.
Dude, I felt the same way, too, when I read Jurassic Park as a 12-year-old. I felt like an intellectual/prominent book critic when the other kids came up and asked me how different it was from the movie.

Hey, Kits, every time he updates we should post comments exploring the deep intellectual significance of it ;)
Especially as Davey watches him, too. We could blow his mind with all the sick undertones we see in the latest Scarlet pic ;)
Hot damn, that thar's a terrific idea! I already posted a comment on the Afghan Scarlett pic Zef drew.
I wonder why Davey hasn't said anything about the image itself?

And... BWAHAHAHAHA!! Cripes on toast! I'm almost tempted to download that wallpaper.
(Zef, your comment on that piece was priceless! Take that, gradients!)
[EDIT: Ah, c'mon, we've all seen the wallpaper. Why'd I provide a link to it?...]

Also, more Iori pics! WHOOOO!

Holy Coprolites, Zefman! Gontey is turning into a Bill Gates of Art!

Slow night, huh? no matter. i just realized, since you already know it's me and it would give nothing away, i can post Iori pics on DA! And they might even prod the Gont with their commentary on consoles! XD! Also, i got my background from the Gman himself, on glorious 1280x1024 res. i'm afraid that opening it will make monitor 'splode. he thanked me for letting him use my pose, and now i'm thinking, he'll get money for MY WORK??? o.o

Nothing puts across 'head turning' like little white ARROWS!

Oh, MAN. Mimi, you ruined it for me, dude! I so thought that those were air lampreys that were gonna suck their eyeballs out!

Ugh. Words.
Oh, C'MON! They delivered Dippshit--sorry, Pippkin--right to the MacDonald's? They're better be a REASON that the ETPP are doing this. This is the most advanced AI tech on earth; can't they keep track of it? And if it is deliberate, I mean...arrrgh! It can't be deliberate! They sent it to a fast food place so well-staffed that 2 people can take breaks at the same time (I've never worked fast food, but that never happens in a retail establishment smaller than a department store), where there would be multiple witnesses. On the other hand, they just threw the last one in a damn alley. Here, they try to dissuade theft of their android by writing "DO NOT OPENS NO GIRLZ ALOUD!!" in Sharpie on the side. A little packing tape might've made it even MORE secure! And drawing a skull and crossbones. No one would open a talking box with a skull and crossbones on it!

I'm sure that the answer to why the ETPP regularly abandons their hi-tech robots lies somewhere within the koan, "And then he pulled something from his ass."

Zef: Why do you think it's usually me who posts new Gont crap? Devwatch, buddy ;)

This woman was a castmember? The ONLY one of *hundreds* of cast members who has a daughter? A daughter so adowable she's 'accepted as a princess'?
PRETTY sure that's not covered under Disney Castmember employment policy.....

HA! Movement lines are baby stuff for the Gont. Nothing puts across 'head turning' like little white ARROWS!

I wanna go up to these two and bellow 'GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK!' ;)
But no, the Deux ex Daveykins hath decreed that a box/plot point shall appear for no plausible reason.

So who DO we think's in the box? I'm gonna say girl scout cookies.

Haha, there's one "advantage" to having Gont on DevWatch. i get the early scoop on Scarlett. of course, that's like having first turn at latrine cleaning.

Am i finally having eye problems, or is he finally starting to smudge some *areas* of his pencilwork? (left, behind all that talk)...or i think it's a compression artifact... i love the stupid perspective on the box. how can you get that wrong? and shit, indeed, Negaduck, has he even seen a ruler?

Zef, yours appears to be rough and sketchy, but it also has a fairly subtle expression, and the speech balloon "reads" like real speech, complete with inflection. Davey's, on the other hand, has his usual vapid crosseyed what-is-it expression, every part of her head is tilted differently so nothing matches, and the speech bubble is pure schtick. A ridiculously exaggerated body shape, tense shoulders and arms, pebble-like nips & camel toe, and awkwardly unbalanced legs all make her anything but believable, let alone sexy. As for it being a sketch, I can only imagine him saying that because the fill wasn't done with the MS paint bucket. We've seen MUCH messier shading on most of Davey's works.

Damn, does he even own a ruler? Would he do a commission piece if I sent him one?

Edited by author 03-04-2006 03:19 PM
I just got it. it must mean "wanna come inside mah HUGE, CAVERNOUS, BAGGY, CLOSET-LIKE pussah?" meaning that either Davey's got no idea about sex whatsoever, or a desire to return to the womb.

He already THANKED me for the KIND words on his stuff. I suspect we could grow bored before he ever catches on to us.

Zef:
The new sketch and the comment on Davey's rip-off--hilarious! Keep it up, let's see how long (if ever) it is before he catches on that it's a joke.

As to Davey's sketch..."wanna come IN my closet"? Clearly he doesn't know what "coming out of the closet" means, but what is THAT suppposed to mean? I guess it's meant as a sexy come-on, but it makes no sense.

Edited by author 03-04-2006 03:14 PM
What cracks me up is how you can send him as little as $1, and get his woooonderful art. back when i used to follow studio cutepet, before they hit it with tokyopop and were total sellouts, they said that the less you can donate realistically is $2.5, otherwise paypal takes the most of it.

Ernst, i took a level of Italian back in HS. now i'm thinking of taking it again, maybe. anyway, i thought it'd be best to do it as realistically as possible, without tracing back to me (of course, i didn't think i had such a recognizable style) and i thought i know enough of italy/the language to pull it off. *shrugs*

But of course, since you gave me the idea... ("having only davey to look up to" is great, because i have to do NO research at all, can preserve stereotypes AND i can write stupid, almost offensive comments)
man, i have to work on some of MY own stuff and post it, or he'll realize i'm just pulling his leg, or will think i'm obsessed with him, none of either is a good result...

see a lot more subtlety in the pose.

Well, i thought it was a weak pose for a start (the arms must be wrong, and i drew them like that to avoid drawing hands) so i was surprised he used it EXACTLY. and man, he dared call my version a SKETCH, when it's better inked than most of his stuff. >_< anyway, i DID go 'AUGHHH' when i saw his version. i thought it wasn't posible for that to look worse. he even ruined my cute lingerie design. (that admittedly has a borrowed element from Bree from DH)

Thanks for the kind words about da styla, Bill. I didn't want to accept that as my style as i usually am not totally happy with the results, and always think that i have to develop a better one, but it seems i use this style so much i might as well admit it's good enough for most of my purposes. :)

Oh, of course people will give him money-- people LOVE to pay for nipples and cleavage. [small strangled sound from somewhere inside skull]
I've been flipping back and forth between Zef's and G-spot's versions, trying to work out why it is that the latter sucks so much more. I ain't got the arts theory to pin point it. Perhaps after so many years of trying to polish turds, it's the only real skill he's got, so anything he does comes out as a highly polished turd.

Curiosity compells me to ask-- why Italy, Zef? There's more mean fun to be had by claiming to be Turkish, or maybe Indonesian, and later running out a series of "Scarlet Fan Art for Devout Muslims".

Edited by author 03-04-2006 07:16 AM
Whoops, too late. he's already whipped up his own version - here.
With all Zef's subtle irony removed. It's almost like he has no clue of the whole 'in the closet' reference.
We'll get in next time, Zef. And if he asks to use your work again, try telling him no. That you worked really hard on it and would rather not have it copied. See what he says, then ;)

I agree, Bill. I look at Zef's scarlet and see a lot more subtlety in the pose. Davey's version looks like bad generic cheesecake. And he honestly thinks people will donate money for it. 9_9

was only my style what gave me away?

Yes.
But that's the idea, isn't it? To have your own distinctive artistic style?
As does Davey. But the idea is to have your own distinctive GOOD style, and you're way ahead of him there.

I'm not an artist, but I find your style to be simple and clean, and with a wry sense of humor. Davey's I find clunky and messy, which he could make work for him if he HAD a sense of humor. That's why I get angry when he announces future disasters like "Uncle Remus is MLK" or "Alice is a girl who gets raped." There's no way his childlike style of drawing and writing can handle themes like that.

Ironically, that's the only thing he's sworn not to write about.

I meant, he's sworn not to write about dinosaurs EVER AGAIN. sorry, i was in a hurry when i wrote that. topic forgotten now.

Hey, Kits, every time he updates we should post comments...

Don't forget rabbit, too! anyway, if you want to comment, you better hurry. He noticed this last one and is Asking to use it -_- so i guess the pose and stuff are originally mine.

all the sick undertones we see...

You know, i think THAT's why i drew it, back when he announced to the world the triumphal return of Scarlett.

Edited by author 03-03-2006 07:29 PM
I'll fave you too, Zef.

Hey, Kits, every time he updates we should post comments exploring the deep intellectual significance of it ;)
Especially as Davey watches him, too. We could blow his mind with all the sick undertones we see in the latest Scarlet pic ;)

Yay! DA friends who matter ^-^


My dad keeps trying to get me to read Crichton's State of Fear...
I understand. Ignoring the "bad" writing and whole global warming issue, it does expose a lot of things wrong with today's media and way of life. There's few things around that touch on those topics.

it's one of Dubya's favorite books.

It is? FUCK! now i have ONE thing in common with him. still, so amusing that he likes a book where so many of his government's practises are so blatantly exposed. huh.

He should have stuck with the dinosaurs...

Ironically, that's the only thing he's sworn not to write about.

/will NEVER mention Crichton again -_-

Zef, you rock! I'll add you to my friends list.

My dad keeps trying to get me to read Crichton's State of Fear, although he's been less keen on it since I told him it's one of Dubya's favorite books. I thought Crichton was OMG kewl! in fifth grade because he wrote about dinosaurs and I felt special reading grown-up books. But all I ever read was Jurassic Park and the sequel, and the Congo movie was so hilariously bad that I never bothered to read the book. So now I always associate him with all the goofy stuff I liked when I was ten. He should have stuck with the dinosaurs, everybody knows that dinosaurs are awesome!

Guh-huh?! I thought I'd seen that style somewhere, but... Zef! You little sneaky genius! (I like your little penguin, by the way. Very cute!)

I've only read "The DaVinci Code," so I can't say whether all of Dan Brown's stuff is the same, but I'll take everyone's word on it.
I just hope the movie is just as good. (It has Audrey Tautou, so my hopes are high.)

I'm no fan of Crichton. I'be read several of his books, and it frustrates me how he pulls the science out of his ass and writes really irritating characters. What the hell was the title thing in "Sphere"? Nothing more than a plot device. And don't get me started on the scientifically ridiculous copout at the end of "The Andromeda Strain"!

As for Dan Brown's works, yeah, there are huge similarities, including the inevitable back-and-forth doublecrosses and revelations at the end of each, but I like his works anyway. He does weave tight narratives.

Crichton, for all his faults, at least writes each book differently.

Smart-ass maverick scientist is dropped into pre-existing situation, points out flaws, saves day. Except, I think, for Disclosure. Mayhap I am too harsh-- the last thing of his I read was <i>Prey<i> which was truly abominable.

I did the Free Flash thingy. Yay! I'll have a special Microsoft memory stick of my very own by late summer! Maybe it'll even have a whole 16M of space!

Yesyerday I invented mochi brittle.

*sigh* well i guess i can't really say 'It's not meeee!' anymore, can I? dang, so i DO really have a recognizable style. ^-^U I should've posted less stuff, but the gallery was SO empty... it's obvious that it's my first DA account, and i dunno if i'll get a 'real' one.

I am far too easily fooled...

It's ok, that was how i devised the thing, trying to keep it as realistic as possible, was only my style what gave me away? anyway, sure, you can mail me anything and i'll post it in this account, but i think the change in quality would be blatant even to gonterman's eyes ^-^U

Note the comments.

yeah, i know! i tried to make it as sweet a bait as possible, but it seems even Gont took it with a grain of salt, i expected him to be all over me. then again, i'm not a girl, (and i thought of posing as one, but all the possible scenarios of that really worried me.) so that might be why. or he's aware of the comments and he suspected me to be from here? I never LOLed, tho.

RESIST a Scarlet with a muzzle that resembles a piece of watermelon rind...

I took that face from an earlier Gman scarlett i had around, (i can't remember WHY i made it, though) but i can't recall if i copied it off the Gman or if it's my own, so we won't know who does the suckyness belong to. ^-^U

Pure genius of which there is no equal!

Aw, hell, yeah. XD

anyway... Yay, free USB drive! it'll probably have only 32 MB of capacity, and might come wirte-protected, but damn does it look cool. (I'm not a rabid microsoft fan, but i do appreciate them. we should get the G-man hooked up with one, though, see what happens) Those things are getting so cheap they'll come in the Lucky Charms soon. My uncle in PEMEX gets fists of them from the drilling companies X3

Kevin's answers are correct, i took the time to browse around and confirm them. The irony for me is that the whole deal is about 'Licensed Windows" and I'm using a comp with totally hella illegal software. XD They have caught me on this a couple of times before, specially when i try to download patches/install SP2. props to them.

I'm afraid that the drive itself is more useful and fun when you mess with more than one compy in a regular basis, Bill.

they're All. The. Same.

Anyone read Dan Brown's stuff? It amazes me that all his books (ALL) are the same too. Crichton, for all his faults, at least writes each book differently.

/holy shit was this LONG

Welp, colour me owned. I think you pegged it, Bill.

Zef, you naughty pup. I am far too easily fooled and I'm all embarassed now and I'm gonna go slink away and wait for my husband to return with pizza.....

Keep up the good work *thumbs up*

Hey Zef, if I ever decide to do crappy Gont fanart, can I just email it to you and you post it as your own? I don't want my own account tainted with Gontermania....;)

Edited by author 03-03-2006 12:59 AM
I mean, C'MON! That's not Zef art?!

I don't think that they actually read them, just make fun of the covers.

I confess to being bad. I only read that one part of their page, then passed judgement on all of it.
WAIT! I don't mean that! I meant that...No one could have forseen that they'd have more than just that on their page! Heckuva job, Brownie!

As to the fanart...I guess it's just me leaping to conclusions again, but my first thought was "Is this Zef screwing with Davey's head?"
The "Italian" guy's only been on DevArt since yesterday. And for Gourd's sake, there's a pic of a Unicorn and Pokemon snuggling. And a pink ninja girl on the bus. And "Dinner," with a puzzled penguin and what look like chef's hats. How Zefielian.
Note the comments. "I want to be an artist just like you!" Who the hell WANTS to be an artist like HIM?!
Except someone LOLing at his monitor...

Wow, Kits. I think Davey's fans-who-do-fanart are a bit out of your league....
Mmm-hm. I say don't bother. With fanart of THIS...*cough*...calibre around, I think Gont's in a position to start picking and choosing.

I'M RUINED!!! *snaps all her pencils and kicks her art box through the window, shattering the pane into long, jagged pieces with which she'll use to scrawl UNWORTHY, or quite possibly FAILURE, into her wrists...*

I mean, damn, how could you RESIST a Scarlet with a muzzle that resembles a piece of watermelon rind and a head shaped like a truncated football?

I know. *sniff, huck, slobber* That artist's vision is like a mortal who has finally seen Truth Itself... searing his angry gaze past the ethereal heavens and into the gods' faces, defying all logic and earthly shackles. Pure genius of which there is no equal!

[/proof that I shouldn't be reading crapfic this late at night]

Wow, Kits. I think Davey's fans-who-do-fanart are a bit out of your league...Check out this new doozy.
Mmm-hm. I say don't bother. With fanart of THIS...*cough*...calibre around, I think Gont's in a position to start picking and choosing.

I mean, damn, how could you RESIST a Scarlet with a muzzle that resembles a piece of watermelon rind and a head shaped like a truncated football?

(erch, sarcasm this early in the morning is HARD...@_@)

I don't think that they actually read them, just make fun of the covers.

They make fun of the covers and review a few romance novels. Here's a review of one of the books whose cover was snarked (the only one I've been able to find).

Of course, I watch R. Kelly "hip-hoperas" for masochistic glee, so why shouldn't you read romance novels?

True. I can stash those books beside the space I have reserved for my Piers Anthony novels. Pretty soon, I'll have a whole shelf of handbooks on how not to write stories.

Gont tends to latch onto ANYONE who pays the least attention to him. Admittedly, as Bill said, if you draw something that is anything but OBVIOUSLY flattering to his characters, that could mess him up a bit

Hmm. Dare I risk it?... Nah, I'll probably ditch the idea in favor of a Gont-free life.

yeah, Kits, I'd be careful. Gont tends to latch onto ANYONE who pays the least attention to him. Admittedly, as Bill said, if you draw something that is anything but OBVIOUSLY flattering to his characters, that could mess him up a bit ;)
I blocked his email address a long time ago, I have no idea if he's ever tried to contact me since.
Bill:I don't think that they actually read them, just make fun of the covers.
They do the same with crappy records with awesomely bad covers, too.
My grandmother used to have the odd romance novel on her shelves. I'd flip through them and they're All. The. Same.
If you've read one, you've probably read 90% of the genre ;)

Davey fan art...He might actually want to be friends!

Or not. He doesn't seem to know what to make of the "crying Jim" drawing. If you made it open to enough interpretation that the meaning isn't clear, it would at least mess with his sense of "I'm so awesome!"-ness.

I'm actually thinking of expanding my personal library to include trashy romance novels.

I don't think that they actually read them, just make fun of the covers.
Of course, I watch R. Kelly "hip-hoperas" for masochistic glee, so why shouldn't you read romance novels?

All this talk about Davey fan art makes me wonder if I should do a piece. Maybe draw my own version of Scarlet, and off in some corner of the paper have a vignette of Gont's original. Just to compare two totally different drawing styles...
Nah, he'd still think his is better. And I'd probably invite a whole lotta trouble. He might actually want to be friends! Eeuuuggh.

Bill: Thanks for posting that link to the Smart Bitches' site. Everytime I get online now, I have to sift through their site. I'm actually thinking of expanding my personal library to include trashy romance novels. Thank you for leading me further down the path of girlyhood!

Lav: You just described my life right now. Except the one thing I have to look forward to is waking up in the morning and gazing out the window to see the world in all wondrous its glory...
Aw, shit. It still looks like North Carolina.

Today's news reminds me-- it's been an age since I had nasi goreng, and I'm right out of ketjap manis. As Punjabi food is to the English, so Indonesian is to the Dutch... and their offspring.

Niiice, Zef! You can write in a few seconds a funny, clever scene Davey couldn't write--or even finish--in years.

When Kill Kill was teeny, she loved to turn "a nice petting" into "attack the hand!" After much bloodshed (all mine), I started to put on a thick, heavy ski glove. When she'd bite it, her fangs wouldn't break through, but they'd still leave big red bruises on my hands. Which was an improvement. She eventually learned what it meant when I'd say "GLOVE! ARRR!!" and put it on. She learned to attack the glove, not me.
Ski gloves in Mexico, those must be really cheap! After all, who needs 'em? Glad I could be of help!

Edited by author 03-01-2006 01:32 AM
The room is dark, lit only by the glow of the computer monitor. The ashtray is packed with butts, and the smoke fills the air. Only fast typing can be heard. It stops when a nearby phone buzzes.

-Yes?
-The CEOs saw the intel you found on this... David Gonterman.
-And?
-They've authorized a preventive strike.
-When?
-Right now. The Team's taking off as we speak.
-Ok, thanks.
-No, thank you.

He hangs up, and leans back on his chair, crossing his hands behind his head, closing his eyes. What he saw will haunt him forever, but at least it won't harm anyone else. Not anymore.

---

try to not react at all when she locks on...

Of course, i had forgotten, that small yet powerful jaw and those small, ultra sharp teeth, have a way of making you react. I'm trying, though. and she does have lots of stuff to play, like the post i built. or else she breaks stuff to play with ^-^;;;

/Yay, Louisiana!

I've been around. More or less. But very depressed. School sucks. Living with my parents sucks. Having a cat who's starting to get old sucks. The one thing I have to look forward to right now is a volunteer trip I'm taking to Louisiana over spring break. I'm borrowing my Dad's digital camera for the trip and hopefully will end up posting something about it on my empty, empty blog: http://moonlitwaters.livejournal.com/

I did an image search on "sea kelp" and found nothing. Then I did searches on "sweet and sour chicken" and "curry chicken" and found nothing. Then I did one on "brown latex" and found the most horrible porn imaginable. I guess it'll remain a mystery. But someone else I asked also thinks it's kelp, so that's what I'm leaning toward right now.

Edited by author 02-28-2006 10:14 PM
I think that icky stuff is a 3D representation of Karl Rove's soul.

I hope Davey hears about this!
"The Intelligence Analyst anticipates and assesses threats that could harm, or make vulnerable, The Walt Disney Company (TWDC), its employees, guests, or assets."
That should get his moral outrage/self-important paranoia fuses blowing...

Edited by author 02-28-2006 08:03 PM
Thanks for the advice, Ernst! I'll try it as soon as i get home.

I was just wondering one little thing. How'd Gonterman get wind of this latest "Fan Art" thing? it might be obvious in the pages but i forgot already and i'm really wondering.

Nevermind. the artist himself showed it on davey's devart page. DUH me.

I suspect that the donor of those leavings had been swigging liquid latex.

It looks like a big piece of seaweed to me, actually. Kelp or something, but without the big leaves.

Lavender Gray- Welcome back! Haven't seen you around much lately. But I'm kind of oblivious like that, so uh, nevermind if you've been here all along.

I showed that site to a biologist friend of mine and he agreed with me that it looks like chicken. He says sweet and sour sauce, I say curry. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I also googled it and found out that the stuff is mostly made of psylium husk, which is the same thing Metamucil is made of. So it's basically a fancy laxative.

Oh, heck. I forgot Zef-- kitties equate hunting and joy, so pouncing your hands is jolly happy explosion of glee. I suggest this: try to not react at all when she locks on, and be somewhat undemonstrative of affection for a few minutes afterwards. That, gentle pets, and playtime involving things she can claw the living wierd brown goop out of should see you to fewer attacks. FEWER attacks.

Well, it could be the famous Compacted Meat we always hear about being lodged in the "crypts" of the intestine (which lead to John Wayne having an extra 20 pounds of poop in him when he died-- double the norm!). Or its the actual skin off the inside of the intestine, and everyone who takes that product will die horribly. Final guess: Brown latex used to convince people to buy this stuff, although I did know someone who was on a purge of some kind and remarked that one day they had passed something that looked like a cast of their gut.

I think the thing to really worry about is that this stuff clearly induces an urge to fish things out of the toilet.

I want your opinion on something.

Hoax or joke? http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html

Also, what is that stuff? I know it isn't poo. Or "cancer." Ideas?

Edited by author 02-27-2006 03:54 PM
Thanks for all the nice feedback on Iori's work. i forwarded it to her and she was extremely pleased, afterward going on a 15 minutes kitty Dutch Fugue.

On that topic, she's a natural born hunter, and that's rad, because she's so playful and funny, but i can't pet her anymore without her trying to bite my fingers off. i know you aren't supposed to play with them using your hands, so they won't get used to it, but i never did! she attacks my hands even while i'm not moving them. so is she just pissy at me? how do i get her to stop? i really want to pet her -_-

oh yeah, Fistlekits, no, she didn't walk through the paint.

Edited by author 02-27-2006 08:43 AM
I meant to end my post with, "But only the artist could tell us what it really means."

Piffle. When has art criticism EVER required input from the artist? I could declare, as a talented art critic, that the depiction of JimScar is meant to show the hopelessness one can feel when confronting the symptoms rather than the causes of crime in the modern community. OR that it's a wonderful recapitulation of the "broken-hearted clown" trope, in that the exterior Scarlet is happy and accepted despite her freakish physicality, while the normal-looking Jim was a societal outcast thanks to his aspiriations to be a gay cop (as, in the world laid out by the previous artist, Slick G, such a think could never be accepted by the cruelly conformist society). OR it's an homage to the closeted gays who still feel that society's judgement is too harsh to reveal their true nature.

Hogwash sure takes a lot o' words, doesn't it? ;-)

PS-- Hey! Where's the voodoo ads gone? Four blocks of "debt consolidation" must be brought on by talk of artists....

I see what you mean, Negs. it's easy to get confused between the artist or the subject ;)
Mm. Without knowing whether this guy is a Phrack Whore or just someone who likes to piss furries off, it's hard to say what kind of biting satrical comment he might have been trying to make ;)

It lookes NOTHING like either Jim or Scarlet as Davey draws him. I'm INCLINED to think (or just want to believe) that the artist KNOWS who he's dealing with, since Jim hasn't had a word in a LONG time now. This is a depiction of Jim-Scar dating WAY back to the start of the comic, since Jim to all intents and purposes doesn't really exist any more.

Edited by author 02-27-2006 12:07 AM
I meant to end my post with, "But only the artist could tell us what it really means." It all comes down to whether or not he was being truthful when he said that the picture was meant to represent Jim, and not Davey. And it's hard to say, given that he said that only in response to a direct question from Gont.
I suppose it all depends on whether he sees Davey as just another "furvert," or if he's a Phrack Whore like us.

Yes, but it's not Davey-kins who drew that picture, and the artist isn't trying to do a tribute to Davey-kins, but a criticism. I took that gun to mean "God, I've given up my life to turn into a fursuited freak, I ought to just shoot myself."

I'm with Bill - Davey has always been more about exacting revenge than being suicidal. His ego doesn't really allow for the low self-esteem that suicide-prone people tend to have.
Remember too, in Lost Boy Found, Adam has the school principal from Hell and goes on an ass-whupping as the story's climax. It all ends with Adam standing proudly atop the vanquished corpses of his enemies or something.
And getting the girl with the big tits.

"suicidal tendencies."

Point taken, but I don't recall Davey mentioning having those. At least not as much as he goes on about Columbine, which comes up every time he mentions schools or bullies. (And don't forget SMAK's infamous "shoot my community college prof with Black Talon teflon-coated cop-killer bullets" scene)

My reaction to that was "suicidal tendencies."

I looked at the Scarlett fanart pic again to see if there were any new comments (there weren't). I noticed that it had very few full page views, so I clicked to see if there were any details that I'd missed.

Jimmy's got a gun!

Since neither Jim nor Scarlett has packed heat, my first thought was Davey's constant refrain of "if it weren't for my art, I'd have gone all Columbine on my high school."
The facial expressions could be read as "My God--What have I done?!"

Edited by author 02-26-2006 01:45 PM
Last report I read, the mighty dweller of R'lyeh is not less than 400 feet high, when viewed in four dimensions. Scale issues.

On the other hand, kitten pictures equal redemption for Zef. Yay Iori!

I'll admit it - I've been following "Better Days," and to my surprise there have been some plot arcs that I actually liked. They're the ones that don't focus on sex, sex, sex - go figure. And they're the ones that, unfortunately, are not close enough to the main story to be more than a once-and-done. 8^p

Nneeeee, a Lovecraftian pleasure device. The horror...

I've read very few stories that accurately portray the frustrations and curiosities of young people, and remind the reader that teens are as complicated as adults when it comes to deep, personal matters like love, temptation, and sex. This guy's probably writing/drawing/vomitting this stuff because he gets off on it.

Bill: Ah, yeah... the Hollywoodized version of vodun. Some people need to read a book or watch a documentary.

Zef: Yay! More kitty to wash away the grime of the Internets! (Did she walk through the paint while working on that piece?)

Aw, kitty! She's as talented as she is cute!

Zef: She shows real artistic promise!

Anyone else seeing the Voodoo is Real Google ad?

Why, why why why, does he think teenager's sex lives makes for an interesting plot? They're not even realistic sex lives.

Possibly because he's not getting any. Just as the G-man.

Anyway, aw, sowwi. here, lemme try to heal those poor eyes. Iori's a very spastic kitty, but she does take time off her busy schedule of attacking my bare feet, to paint fanart.

Zef: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My eyes! I hate that comic in so many ways.

Why, why why why, does he think teenager's sex lives makes for an interesting plot? They're not even realistic sex lives. Well, not in my experience, but I intentionally ignored those kinds of people. They were boring in real life, and they're boring in a comic.

*goes to re-read As If! instead of horrible horrible comic*

Hey, is anyone still reading Better Days? Thought it couldn't get any worse after the incestual stuff? The author thought so too, so he added...

A Cthulhu... uh... well, find out for yourself, if you dare. -_-

Bill: *sob* You just had to bring all that up and ruin my happy little thought.

At least it's not based on Davey's cybersex chats with Lil' Marcie Mouse.

...YET! [Brief stab of ominous music, distant peal of thunder]

Edited by author 02-24-2006 12:32 AM
I'm thankful Davey's not attempting to write stories about a bisexual or transsexual person

Jim was gay, then transgendered (and trans-speciesed, if that's a word, and it ain't), and Toni...well, I'm not sure where he falls on the spectrum. He was gay, except that his "lover" never once saw his dick, then he immediately had sex with the first giant furry he'd seen, or more accurately, had never seen before. That counts as "bi," or more likely "clinically insane."

At least it's not based on Davey's cybersex chats with Lil' Marcie Mouse.

edit:
That sentence with the strange grammers was written by the cats.

You know... with all the GontCrap we've seen so far, I'm thankful Davey's not attempting to write stories about a bisexual or transsexual person. Imagine the dubya-tee-effery that would produce. *shuddershudder*

Edited by author 02-23-2006 08:42 AM
Good commentary picture. I wouldn't call it fan art at all, but criticism in cartoon form. Too bad Davey doesn't see much beyond the fact that someone's actually paid a little bit of attention to his comic.

A not implausable analogy, Bill. I'd buy it.

That suit he's drawn certainly isn't the DDD-cup foxy bitch that Davey perceives her as.

Edited by author 02-22-2006 11:00 PM
I'd say that the fan art isn't by a fan. If you check the artist's comments he's referred to as a "scourge of the furverts," and one can see the tail end of a furry flamewar.

Has it occured to anyone but me that the flabby, shabby and miserable human being hiding beneath a false front might be the artist's interpretation of Mr Gonterman's private self?

edit: Before you dismiss that out of hand, note that the character is wearing the same fast-food drone vest as Toni and Penn. And Davey.

Edited by author 02-22-2006 04:52 PM
I like the protracted Gontresponse-- Synopsis: "I don't get it."

Perhaps he's crying because any of the potential his character once held got aborted in the first trimester. Maybe it's lingering pain from being devoured by a huge parasite. Maybe he dreams of knife-wielding clowns. Maybe it's the artist who drew the picture using J.G. as a proxy.

Don't ask me. I'm a writer.

PS-- I also enjoy the realistic and dumpy fursuit-look. This assures me the "fan" knows what she's up to.

Oh, that's just precious. I can't figure out if the artist is taking the piss or not. If he is, he's keeping a VERY straight face ;)
I love Davey's first comment - "Nice pic. Who is it?"

Wonder how he'll take to the idea of someone portraying the idea that most people DON'T relish the idea of being absorbed by a giant fursuit.
You know, thinking back to those oh-so-graphic pages describing the suit merging with Jim - the nanobots burrowing into his skin and brain, the general impression that he's being absorbed by a giant fox... anyone else think that sounds just a bit like vore?
If it does, then this firmly places Davey out of the common garden-variety furry and into Sick Fuck territory ;)

Somebody actually made Scarlet fanart. Ahahahahahahahahah... *dies from funny*

Davey: It's a tossup between Toni and Penn. (With Toni, I take out the entire gay theme altogether.)

Mimi: Don't ask me, dude, it's your story.

I'd say that he'll use Toni, just to get the gayness out. Even though Mimi didn't say that.
I also bet that what the story loses in gay, it will not make it up in plot. He'll either go with inertia or entropy, and nothing will actually happen.

Whoa, stop presses! He's replied - and taken it in stride, it seems!
Well. Good for him! Maybe some tiny little synapse has kicked in that helps him distinguish trolling from constructive criticism:
Yeah, I thought as much. In fact, I kinda expected to be off (albeit unintentional: As way way way off as this is, I've gone a long way from the gay-bashing scene in SMAK.) when I made the decision to make Jim Goodlow gay. Like with some people here in the comic, I'm practically tripping over myself, as I'm dealing with characters who aren't so well developed--a fault that is curable--and afflicted with a tendency to be a loner and socialize through the computer--a fault that might not be.

If this comic were about gay people, instead of anti-corporation furries, I would have studied that particular subject further rather than just wing it as I had.

In a nutshell - he can't be arsed to research his characters properly before he creates the comics.
I replied that if that being the case, he should forget the whole gay thing and get BACK to the Scarlet vs ETPP story.

Mimi - whew. I'd rather be wrong than witness the total reversal of reality as I knew it.

Pat Robertson needs to die so he can explain all his BS to the G-man himself.

Mimi:
Schotz, you'd think that Davey would at least start comparing you to the 911 terrorists or slaveowners! He's not being himself at all!
Here's a rant from Pat Robertson. Can't you picture Davey saying this, if he were a fundie?

“Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.”

Say, wasn't Scarlett supposed to have a plot? Starring the evil theme park people, who somehow find it more cost-effective to kidnap and brainwash people and stick them in superadvanced android fursuits, rather than pay some college kid minimum wage to just put on a costume for the summer?
Since Scarlett has become so famous that she's now used as a job reference, why haven't the evil theme park people (ETPP) come to reclaim their merchandise? She can't be living too far from the lab, as she was found in a box in an alley like an abandoned kitten. Not that there's ever been an explanation as to why they threw their hi-tech battlesuit away so casually.
It'd be the simplest of plots to write. A whistleblower takes the suit in order to expose the ETPP to the world, gets killed, Jim finds the suit. He uses it to foil the 7-11 robbery, the ETPP comes after him/her with a bunch of zombified fursuits. They defeat them, and then infiltrate the park to free the zombies and expose the ETPP.
No, instead we get a tea party and a McJob. Just like Livewire Latte.

BTW, I just made the plot up spontaneously. I can't write plots myself. But this should be easy. Of course, Davey would need a lot of sound effects (PUNCH ZOMBIE HARD!! secretly infiltrate!! etc) to cover up his inability to draw any action, even walking. It'd prly go more like, "STRIP 365: 'Tomorroe we inflate the secret bass!' STRIP 366: 'Phrack, but it was hard fighting all these zombys yestreday! Good thing we win!'"

It's now the next morning - he hasn't replied to the message.
He's TOTALLY blanking me, now ;) And you know what? I don't care. He knows my full name, job and what I do. When my book comes out, he can feel safe in the knowledge that the comic-reading public now have a profiled artist who has spoken out publically against his stuff. Mwah-ha-ha!
I wonder why he hasn't called troll on me yet. I mean yeah, I make my comments to him brutally honest, but I try to refrain from personal attacks, just critique of the work. Maybe that's why.
He's portraying gays totally inaccurately and I just listed how, that's all.

Negs:Wait. Straight people go out of their way not to offend gay people?
I think it's the other way around, Negs. I know he's outlined before how Jim is gay, but is acutely aware that it offends some straights, so he doesn't 'wear it on his sleeve'. This is basically tantamount to him saying that HIS gays stay in the closet out of respect for sensitive straights. Yet as the reviewer points out, every non-gay character points out the gayness of Jim and Toni when they get the chance.

Divalicious' author and I are as white as can be. Yet one of our characters is a street-smart black, so we're making DAMN sure he's not some do-ragged gross caricature, even if the story IS semi-parody.

Rabbit: We're getting strange weather here in NC, too. Just a few days ago, we had people wearing cut-offs and short sleeved shirts.
This morning we woke up to about an inch of snow, flurries, and drizzles. Cuh-razy! I can't wait for the floods!

Ugh. Someone tell Davey to stop with the "I'm so totally down with the gays and understand them" crap. If he was going to continue a story like this, he'd have to do a lot of research and not trust the TV to show him how gays are portrayed.

Oh, but I forgot. According to the Foxfire Book of Daveykins, research is the bane of creativity, the TV doesn't lie, and one's own meager life experience provides sufficient knowledge on any given subject.

And here I am, scouring through pages of dragon anatomy and smithing just so I can be accurate in my stories...

Wait. Straight people go out of their way not to offend gay people? Excuse me, but what country on what planet does he live in?! It can't be the same one I inhabit, where the Boy Scouts have fought in court for their "right" to discriminate against gays, where stated have wrestled back and forth over whether or not to recognize unions that don't include a Man and an Approved Receptacle, and where the President tries to ignore the separation of church and state and crayon his prejudices on the subject into the highest law in the land.

<./rant>

Well, at least he's no longer bashing all gays because he was once taunted as a "faggot" in the schoolyard. I guess writing about stuff you don't know shit about, but putting it in a sympathetic light, is better than attacking in print things you know nothing about.

Oooh... alarmingly harsh and truth-filled. The only thing you left out is that sexuality isn't necessarily something that's obvious-- example being the lack of swishiness displayed by either Gandalf or Magneto in their respective movies. "Oh," said I, while watching the extras on one LotR disc, "He's gay, then? Well, how about that."

Hee-hee. Check out Davey's continued rationale for his treatment of gay characters - it's in the same Scarlet link fron my last post.

Reviewer: One thing that kind of confuses me is that everyone in this strip who isn't gay seems confused when they encounter gay people.
Davey:Perhaps. As you may have noted in some areas, while homosexuality is becomming more accepted/tolerated into the modern day world (at least in the comic, your mileage can indeed vary) there still are some times where a straight person is still sensitive twoard a gay person. They didn't want to offend, at least not people like Penn, they just think that they don't know whatever or not they're stepping on any toes. Such as it is with any differing cultures and lifestyles where one of the two parties involved--or even both--are progressing into social waters that they are unfamiliar with. At least, that's what I was thinking at the time I wrote this. I could be off.

***COULD*** be off??
Oh that's it. He can ignore me all he wants, I just replied to it.
The man needs a Reality Stick whupping.

Comic make head go boom.

Ow.

"He's not as gay as he thinks." Oh, that's right, Davey thinks that gayism is a lifestyle choice that you could give up, like smoking.

Wanna bet Pippkin takes over Toni, and Teller--I mean Penn, falls in love with him? Only Davey would create gay characters in order to make them turn straight.
Bet Uncle Remus turns into a right-wing Republican.

Hey, i saw Lord of War. in the national premiere, too. ^-^ (as of this writing, it isn't out in theaters yet)

AWESOME!! pretty good movie, I'm surprised it's basically indie.

I got the poster, too.

/brag brag brag

Man... Global warming and Gonterman. This place has become a warehouse of horrors. Now that you mention it, Bill-- yes, James Burke. It's been a while since I watched it. On Scarlet; I'm casting my mind back, and in my time in a averagely-homophobic part of the world, I've noticed that women are generally not too upset by gay guys. The one notable exception is the coworker I call "The Thing With No Head", and as you might expect, her opinions don't count. Gontie's found yet a new front of out-to-lunch-ism.

New Scarlet
Wow... all the comments about his mishandling of gay characters STILL hasn't settled in.
First we have one of his typical scene changes that happens with all the subtlety of a 3G decelleration. There's 'Penn', presumably the mother of the little girl, Melody. Thanks to Scar, Penn seems to have gained employment at Arby's, where Toni also seems to work.
ANYONE can get a job flipping burgers. That Penn couldn't handle something THAT simple without a kind furry benefactor shows how chronically unemployable Gont must be.
And then it gets fun. Oh my! Penn feels nervous and uncomfortable talking to OMGGAYS!. Luckily Scar is there to mention that Toni CAN'T be all gat because he's boffed the giant living fursuit. So he's at LEAST Bi-Yiffable.
I love how she delivers all this TMI to the impressionable little girl.

Why on earth does she need Toni's patience to learn how to press buttons on a register and shovel fries into cups? Does hearing a camp lisp make her go into siezures or something?

I have on tape from the mid-80s a thing PBS did about global warming

By James Burke? I remember that one.

Crazy weather, indeed. Only for the past two days has it been "Exposed flesh freezes in under a minute" cold, which is the norm December-March. Hell, there have been several days of above freezing temperatures.

My two bets for summer: It stays EXACTLY like this through the summer, and we've got slushy glaciers by next Hallowe'en, OR it's as much warmer during the summer as it has been during the winter: 20-40 celcius degrees (the difference between the freezing point and a comfortable room at the low end, for you fahrenheiters). Either way, nothing good.

I have on tape from the mid-80s a thing PBS did about global warming, couched as a documentary from the second quarter of the 21st century. In it, the narrator kept saying things like, "Thank goodness we did X and Y in the 1990s and 2000s, or things would be SO MUCH WORSE now." We have, of course, done almost none of these things.

We had 2 feet of snow Sunday. By Tuesday, it was in the 50s. Today, the temp went from the mid-50s to the low 30s in an hour.

I remember when I first heard about "global warming" in the early 80s. A reporter asked a scientist, "So you're saying that the icecaps will melt, flooding the coasts, while the rest of the world turns to desert?"
The scientist was annoyed by the phrasing. "No," he said. "Weather is a very complicated machine. Our best short-term guess is that global warming will make the weather go crazy."
I've kept that quote in mind for 25 years. And that scientist was right.

*sticks head out back door*
Hot, humid, muggy, cicadas buzzing...nup, typical Sydney late summer here. ;)

Wow. That global warming thing is the most depressing thing I've read all year. Just out of curiosity, do you guys have crazy weather in your various locales? This has been the weirdest winter I've ever seen. I'm wondering if it's a worldwide thing or just a US thing.

I'm far too European-flavoured to pull off a "Black Like He (ain't)". Plus, as a Canadian raised on multi-culturalism, I'd be afraid of offending the people I was pretending to be.

And the exploding head thing is a real possibility too.

SOMEONE needs to try and pose as a black person and comment, just to see what he'd do ;)

Oh, I HAVE thought about doing that, maybe registering on his Foxfire forums to comment on the Remus/MLK comment and whop him a good one.

I'm not sure what's stopping me. Maybe the thought of actually conversing with the Gonterman repels me, or maybe it's that the blood vessels in my brain threaten to swell and burst if I so much as think about posting on his forum--yaaaghmyheadithurts!

Edited by author 02-15-2006 06:10 AM
Sorry, sorry 9_9
Just about everything I find of his is on Devart or the Foxfire forums. This one was Foxfire
I quoted pretty much the whole thing. There is no further explanation of the 'Geek' defense so far.
Edit - well, there IS another post he did in the above link, but I just quoted the one with more mockable content ;)
I figured we're all looking in the same places *shrug*

the infamous "Geek" defense

Ahem! I believe we agreed for a bit of netiquette here--that there will be links to the quoted Daveyisms?
Surely, Mimi, you don't want us to trod every gourdforsaken corner of the GonterWorld trying to find this? I can't find the original, anyway. (At least just say "Here's the entire quote" or such, so we don't look)

Leaving that group home doesn't really seem to doing a lot of good for Davey's mental health, is it? He could use a reality check.

Davey thinks that most (if not all) of his audience is white, and that if any black person saw his Uncle Remus project and commented on it, he would be quick to trash it.

I'm sure that Davey has no interpersonal contact with blacks (which I don't mean as a comment on the racial makeup of Pontoon Beach. I don't think he has meaningful contact with ANYBODY). But I'm sure he would proudly tell them about his horribly misguided project. How long did he harass the SM and Sonic fandoms before quitting? And when he did, he blamed THEM for failing to recognize his genius, not himself for failing to be one. I'm sure he'd be mystified when he was told that blacks don't hold Remus in the same esteem as MLK, and that a pasty-faced lump of dough like himself has NO IDEA what racism is about. Maybe he's around a lot of loud-mothed bigots, and just decided that since people don't like him, he's just as oppressed. I'll bet that he'd be shocked to find out that people don't like having their entire history reduced to "my middle school years were as bad as slavery."

Davey is incapable of stepping outside his head long enough to see himself as others do. Check out the DevArt he faves...Has he ever once said, "Wow, that's so much better than me! Wish I could draw like that!" No. Because he sees his scribbles as being on par with the true talent that he faves.

He'll pretend that he'd never started the Remus thing once he gets enough ridicule, but I guarantee that he'll just add it to his persecution complex: "Even the blacks are jealous of my genius!" He admits that American Kitsune is hated, but has he ever said it was bad? Has he ever admitted that he was a homophobic racist 10 years ago, and apologized for it? No, he's just afraid that that will become his "eulogy." So he's reinventing himself as Mr Tolerance, and pretending that he was ever anything but.

I'm seriously starting to wonder if he's off his meds. I didn't think his grammar could get any worse, but I can barely understand anything he says these days.

I'll be over here building a pillow fort. *puts up a "No Gonts allowed" sign*

SOMEONE needs to try and pose as a black person and comment, just to see what he'd do ;)

Hey, Gontie, ever heard the story about the bully who lived in an abusive home and took his aggression out on the playground?
Yeah, Gontie just takes all his aggression out by unleashing appalling stories on the hapless Internet. He's been guilty of his own form of bullying for some time, now.

I'll start digging out the shelter and order some helmets from the army surplus store.

Yup, the Endtime's here. Gont constantly compares any success he might have with the coming of the Apocalypse (in an attempt to be self-deprecating), but I think it's his ego that's going to rise up and engulf the world.
I'll start bulding a shelter under the table...

Happy Decapitated Saint's Day, everyone! How sweet, a whole box of Gonterman chocolates!
*sniff* Wait... these aren't chocolates...

Davey: "I look forward to getting on this after I put Lost Boy Found in the Print on Demand service."
Cripes, Davey... any serious writer would actually go through the hassle of finding an agent and an actual publisher first before caving into self-publishing. Of course, you have to be good in the first place to warrant being published at all.

I don't intend to discredit what happened in the past in any way by my saying this, but I can honestly say that I so understand what it's like to be persecuted against for whatever reason.
Davey, honey... high school is over. No one had a wholly good time there. Some of us were bullied, some of us were wallflowers, and some of us suffered with maintaining popularity and living up to preconceived notions of teen beauty. And we all struggled with raging, fluctuating hormones and emotions. It was no picnic for anyone. GET OVER IT.

Shit, even the bullies themselves had problems. I'm not standing up for them, but pushing someone around might have deeper psychological roots than just enjoying other people suffer. I was teased to no end in elementary and middle school, but even now I understand that my bullies were on a power trip.

And believe it or not, Davey, some bullies do grow up to be productive, wise adults, and look back on their bullying days with disgust and regret.

Of course, for the Gonterman, all bullies are just evil people with no souls. It's probably never crossed his mind that some bullies do what they do because it's an outlet. Hey, Gontie, ever heard the story about the bully who lived in an abusive home and took his aggression out on the playground? It happens more than you think, bucko.

This is more GontEgo than we've seen at any given time. He might be ready to blow!
I'll start digging out the shelter and order some helmets from the army surplus store.

-----
I knew I forgot something in my post yesterday: a point!
The point being that I assume Davey thinks that most (if not all) of his audience is white, and that if any black person saw his Uncle Remus project and commented on it, he would be quick to trash it.

Oh gawd, he's trying to talk again...
From the Foxfire boards:
Commenter: It looks interesting. I'm positive it will be quite controversial as well. You better take this. *Hands you a can of Jesse Jackson repellant.*
The man replies!:
Thanks. Although I do have the infamous "Geek" defense. It's never been tried, but then again, nobody has ever compared their horrid experiences of their Public School life they lived through with what happened through the centuries in American History that some people have in their history but not as much in their personal experience.
He knows this as a carefully-checked-and-researched fact, does he?
The Geek defense? What's that? 'Being an insular, ignorant net-otaku jerk excuses everything?'

I don't intend to discredit what happened in the past in any way by my saying this, but I can honestly say that I so understand what it's like to be persecuted against for whatever reason.
Oh here we go 9_9. Once again, it's all about HIM. Bill was right. The man is not trying to seriously put himself in another's shoes or empathise with others, he's trying to make every possible subject matter all boil down to the fact he was teased in school.

I know what's it like to be constant fear of being beaten up, put down in public, looked over, relagated to the low caste section, and whatever else that's in the list.
Hey, bud, be infinitely grateful you don't live in India, where the REAL caste system still exists. You could be an Untouchable and clean sewers with your bare hands for a living. But no, living in a country where the government will ultimately still take care of you despite you being a complete social maladjust is just the pits, isn't it?

At the very most, this could create a sence of empathy (Oh, so in some way he _does_ understand, but what does this have to do with....) which I hope I can turn to getting any detractors of this rather conversational subject over to my corner.
'conversational'? We're used to his typos, but how can you get a whole WORD wrong?
This is a measure of delusion that regular instruments cannot detect, sorry. Get mah gun...

Goddammit, Bill. I was ALMOST fooled by the 'Lilek's' blog post ;). I ignored the non-lileks.com url because I figured he might have made other blogs since the Bleat and the Screed. It's been THAT long since I've read the Bleat. I was even fooled about the 'James gets a visit from Homeland Security', but the thing with his wife and her trainer made me go 'Hang onnnnnn...'

Brilliant bit of parody ;)

Ernst: Yeah, cafepress has done vanity press for a while now. The cost of them is still a bit too expensive to really attract anyone except a total sucker. Like Davey ;)
Wow, to think he ACTUALLY thinks people will buy his crap. I wonder how he feels putting up polls and constantly badgering people to give him ideas and help him and begging for money and noone actually comes.
It's obviously not 'Wow, I guess I'm not good enough, better cut back', though.

I just read that breaking news story about a freight train leaving United Pail and derailing. It spilled over, and everyone in the town ended up in a corner with a bucket on their head.
Odd, really.

Wow... the crazy synchronicity of it all is beginning to panic me. I make a Bob'n'Doug reference, then Bill posts that photoshop contest. Immediately after that posting, I went to CafePress, and discovered that they do low-cost vanity press in addition to mugs and shirts... and now Davey's found out too!

I'm going to go sit in the corner with a bucket on my head now.

I do believe he is going to do a vanity press run.
It's a shame that, if he WERE to send Lost Boy Found or any of his other brainfarts to a real publisher, all he'd get would be stony silence.
I'd LOVE to see his face if a REAL editor gave it a frank and honest apparaisal ;)

Davey explains exactly who he's plagiarizing with his Alice story. He's so imaginative.

Note the 2 commenters. I wonder how sarcastic they're being.

Davey: "I look forward to getting on this after I put Lost Boy Found in the Print on Demand service."

Yeah, sure, you'll finish something, sure you will.
"Print on Demand service"--what is that? He's not literally planning to have it printed as a (vanity press) book, is he?

More on Davey's Alice, notable mostly because he says it's by CS Lewis. *headdesk*

Oh god. Kill me now. Or kill him. Either one would work, really.

My will grows weaker, and the temptation to whittle the massive GontEgo down to the size of a pebble grows ever stronger.

Bill hit the nail on the head, and drove it straight through the workbench. Davey isn't doing this project because he thinks it's a good idea (it isn't) or to reach out to certain people. Like anything he intends to create or destroy, he's doing it for himself.

I'm currently attending a historically black university. Over 70% of the attendance is black. In nearly all my classes, I've been the only non-black person, which doesn't matter a lick to me because we're all there to get an education.

Davey wouldn't be popular in this university, and I can only imagine two scenarios if he were enrolled here and had his Uncle Remus project in his hammy hand:
1) He would brag about his project endlessly to his "vast audience of beta readers" and how he'd reach out to the black community
2) He would keep his project under wraps, afraid that anyone who sees it will attack him, because he knows that deep down inside, it isn't a flattering portrayal of blacks in general

I think scenario 2 is more likely to happen.

Wanna bet that he'll insert a Mini Adam in place of Johnny?

More on Davey's Alice, notable mostly because he says it's by CS Lewis. *headdesk*

I imagine his version of Alice would be kind of like the Jan Svankmajer version, except instead of puppets it would be guys in foxsuits.

That's the king of eulogy that's keeping me up at night.

My first thought was, What an odd thing to say, especially in light of all this talk about him being banned from Heaven. But I've been wondering why Davey is doing this Remus thing, and I'll bet that's it. He's vain enough to have Wikipedia'ed himself. He found that MSTing entry with the bio of him that's accurate up until 1998 or so. He's "homophobic and racist."
So he creates Jim as his positive gay character, and Remus as his black one. He's trying to redeem himself in the eyes of the web. Of course, he's Davey, so he creates the least gay man ever (one who's "conservative" and so chaste that he's not only never had sex, he freaks out at the sight of his boyfriend's penis). 3 times he compares the shufflin' darkie Remus to MLK, a comparison any black would be rightly offended by. He researches homosexuality by watching Queer Eye, and racism by watching black comedians on Comedy Central. He's so clueless as to think that no one would take offense to a "modernized" stereotype who still talks like he's in a minstrel show. It'd be like trying to prove you're not antisemitic by writing a comic called "Hymie the Christ-Killer."
And so he adds a new chapter to his eulogy. "He used to be a homophobic racist, but then he offended people by trying not to be."

"Bare with me..." Careful, Mimi-- it might be some kind of subtle internet come-on.

Oh, wait. G-ster wouldn't know subtle if it approached him in a way unlike itself.

My circle of friends, up here in the frozen north, includes but a single black person.
>Davey<: She must feel homesick without a crack house next door. >/Davey<

[Very slowly, with "Bob & Doug Mackenzie" accent] Naw. Our ground heaves here eh, so most of the houses got cracks in 'em.

"Bare with me, the Powers that Be ain't done with me yet."

He's quoting Rush Limbaugh.
Which should give you an idea about where he gets his Deep Thoughts about those colored folks.

Yesssss, I noticed he hasn't replied. And he normally jumps on any new comments and replies pretty quickly.
He replied to another comment on the same picture, so yes, all signs point to the fact that he has chosen to ignore me.
This was the other comment someone posted:
Wait, are "do'rags" part and parcel of black american life in the 21st century? I admit, I'm a little puzzled by your explantaion of that. And by Bre'er's speech; if you place it in the modern day, why does he still need to speak like the old version?
Excellent question! Davey's reply?:
I'll admit that not everything's still solid, and stupid flipping me hasn't done any research on the subject yet, being that the idea I had is still just that, an idea I filed away to get back to later, so nothing's solid on the 200X Br'er's appearance and language just yet. It's another case of "Bare with me, the Powers that Be ain't done with me yet."

Well, at least he admits he hasn't done ANY research. But wtf's he on about in that last sentence? He's claiming all these brilliant story ideas he has are the result of some divine inspiration??
I'd say more every time God flushes his loo, Davey gets a new idea.

Every time I see Leonard Maltin, I read it as Leonard Nimoy.

Man, even Disney trembles before the might of Gonterman. Maybe they made a deal where if they released this movie, he'd stop making fanart of their stuff.

Notice that he hasn't replied to Mimi's comment. He's probably written her off as a flamer because she dared to tell him the truth. The truth hurts, Davey.

Yeah, I read that. Sweet.
I was right, too - Disney can release it, but as predicted, they'll do so with lots of extras and careful commentary explaining the unenlightened context in which the movie was made. Leonard Maltin LIVES for this stuff, he's very anti-censorship when it comes to old cartoons of historical value.

Via Davey's comments (but not from him): Song of the South to be rereleased this year.
See? One word from Davey, and Disney crumbles like a rock of crack.

I'm kind of surprised he hasn't yet mentioned being hated more than the guy who drew the Mohammed drawings that have everybody up in arms. (I know there was more than one artist; I'm simplifying Davey-style.) He so often brings up real-life events only to compare them to himself, and that seems a prome candidate, what with the "hated cartoons" angle.

I just started "Kingdom Hearts." So far, I can't get over how weird the mixture of Final Fantasy and Disney is. Some characters were not meant ro be CGI - like Minnie Mouse and her enormous balloonlike head. Yeek!

My circle of friends, up here in the frozen north, includes but a single black person.

>Davey<: She must feel homesick without a crack house next door. >/Davey<

Is he actually using 'woman' as a form of derogatory put-down here?

It's sounds like the type of lame insult a 13 year old would use on a classmate. Given Davey's inability to let go of the past, that's prly what it is.

What's with all these "Dead Davey Day" non-strips anyway? Doesn't it take just as much effort to draw one of those as a Scarlett? Was he too overwhelmed to think of a followup to the devastating drama of the fucking tea party scene? Does he do it just because that GOD who does Megatokyo does it sometimes?

Mimi, you told him to lay off the martyr complex, and what happens? Do it again! I want to see and exciting lists of people who are more forgivable than him! Maybe he's worse than Hitler AND Stalin!

the Pharasees that killed Him are more forgivable than David Gonterwoman!!
Waitaminnut. Is he actually using 'woman' as a form of derogatory put-down here?
Is it just me?

*eyebrow tic*

The actual animated segments from SotS HAVE seen some airplay even though the whole film hasn't. Wonderful World of Disney used to show the Tar-Baby episode sometimes, because I know I've seen that one, at least.

Oh wow, and here's Davey's ultimate response to my 'why post all your ideas?' comment:
Three points on the "Ripping Off" danger:

One: Everything on my site--EVERY thing--is licenced under the Creative Commons Licence on the moment it's posted. If someone wants to work on the idea, as long as they give me credit, they can. In fact, there's someone who's wanting to work on K44, and I'm willing to help out.

Two: I flat out encourage folks to contribute to the ideas I have on my site. There's this guy online who allows people to remix his songs. He's got a whole community here who is dedicated to work on the material they're given permission to. I'd like to have a similar community for Scarlet PI, for Lost boy Found, for the upcomming rework of Blood and Metal, and even my take of Alice and Uncle Remus.

And Three: And this is the most important part. I'm not worried about being ripped off as much as I am worried about dying one day and the only thing I'm eulogied over is "This is the asshole who written offensive fanfiction combining practically every children's show out there. Jesus Christ dare not let this worthless piece of shit in Heaven; the Pharasees that killed Him are more forgivable than David Gonterwoman!!"

That's the king of eulogy that's keeping me up at night.
So, he totally ignores my specification that people might NOT be the LEAST bit interested in working in conjunction WITH him and just steal them outright with no credit at all.
Point Three, though - whoa. He honestly thinks he's more hated than the J-man killers? I don't want to see the man dead, he provides us with far too much entertainment and he's a fascinating social specimen of ego-in-inverse-proportion-to-talent.
I want to cast SOMETHING at him, but not stones. More like rotten eggs ;)

What can I say? Mimi's "holy deep-fried crap" pretty well covers it. Every so often Davey manages to maaze even me.

Somehow, I think that Davey misses a lot about B'Rer Rabbit. He's a trickster character in the original folktales. I don't remember how well that came across in the movie, since I saw it so long ago and DISNEY BANED IT SO I CANT SEE IT AGAIN!!!1 If he really wants to be faithful to the actual B'Rer Rabbit, he might do a little research into folklore. Ha ha, Davey do research! I made a funny!

And on a lighter note, DDR bloopers. Anyone can look stupid while playing DDR, but these guys go the extra mile.

Br'er rabbit's wrearing a do'rag for a reason

To keep the sun off his bald pate? Because he's about to engage in some sweaty activity, and wishes to keep the sweat from his eyes. The latter is why I and most of the people whom I know that wrear(sic) such a thing do so.

My circle of friends, up here in the frozen north, includes but a single black person. She is NOT in the "do'wrag"-wearing category. AH! I have it! Br'er Rabbit is getting ready to compete in an SCA tournament! I will admit that a number of the local professional football players we have here, who are often of African descent (come up from the US, largely, because the NFL only has so many opening) wear them, but again, there's sweating and helmets involved.

...and that parting threat-- so, he's got a copy of the film that he can duplicate and distribute? I'd like to check with S. Epatha Merkerson, who apparently collects offensive racist material to keep it out of the hands of offensive racists, whether "Song of the South" qualifies. It is, after all, a resource for folk-tales, despite the questionable characterizations. Of course, when I saw it as a wee lad, I had yet to understand the concept of racism, so I just thought the tar-baby was a Wiley Coyote-esque piece of silliness.

You just beat me to it, Bill.

Holy deep-fried crap, what is he ON now that his assisted housing councellors aren't around to take care of him??

I bitch-slapped him hard in a comment about his insistence on perpetuating the myth that Song of the South is BANNED and Disney are a bunch of chickens. And called him on being a martyr even before I read your comments, Bill. Karma!

All Davey is missing in his breathtaking racism is lots of watermelon and malt liquor gags.
I agree, this is a level of persecution-complex vitriol we haven't seen for a loooong time in Davey. It's quite alarming

the last line of the pic has him threatening the new head of Disney. If that's who "Iger" is, anyway.
Yeah, Bob Iger now has Eisner's job. And so far, managing to make all the cartoon-lovers happy by installing Lasseter as head of Features and rescuing Oswald from Universal's vaults.
But wow, Davey's actually managed to find a reason to complain about him.

So quiet today...Have you people not checked your daily Davey?
"Humorous Gag Strip!"

Oh, you'll fucking gag, all righty.

Nauseous Silly Putty Impression of Zelda's Link and Deformed Mouth Alice whinge while Brer Do-Rag acts TOTALLY unlike a racist caricature. YAS-SUH! Why, he am be such an Afro-ican-American-Lupine that he be wrearing a polo shirt! I be bettin' his righty hand is in a big bucket of KFC next to a 40 ounce of 11/11!

The..."best" part is, as always, the egotistic and insensitive comments of his:

"Me? I'm somewhat insulated against any boycot threats: Golliping Racists like David Duke stand a couple rungs above unpopular Sailor Moon fanfictionists like yours truly. Especially those who made them as an alternative to shooting up their school. Heck, you can blastheme the Holy Spirit and be _more_ redeemable than me. I can just see Jessie Jackson slowly backing away from me after seeing that line."

Boycott WHAT? Stop reading Snowflake Studios? I'd imagine their hit count is pretty small, and the only thing you sell are commissions NO ONE WANTS.
And of !COURSE! Davey is still the most persecuted martyr in the world. "blastheme the Holy Spirit"--Anyone want to hazard a guess about Davey's opinion about the Danish Muslim hate cartoons? Wanna bet he thinks that they're just swell?

"'Don't throw me in the Briar Patch, Br'er Fox' still works, even when the person playing Br'er Rabbit is a white kid. I think you saw this example of Reverse Psychology in the original film. You can just as easily have Johnny tell a Crack dealer not to go to that Cop and tell him that Johnny cut through the lawn of the dealer's crack house."

...Because ALL black kids LIVE NEAR CRACK HOUSES. Golliping Racists, Batman! That sounds like fucking prejudiced stereotyping to me!
Hey, maybe the white kid could be a Christian, and he's dared to cross the lawn of that octogenarian Holocaust survivor! It'd be the same, as Jews drink the blood of Christian babies!

"That's why I go counter from the prevalent opinion to the remaking of Disney Films and say, remake this film. Set it in the 21st century, with a 21st century Uncle Remus, and a 21st century African American community. This change of time setting alone should take out 85-95% of the offensive part of the original Disney Movie right there."

The 5-15% remaining would involve crack houses and raping de white wimmens.
Yeah, what could be more "21st century" than thinking blacks talk like fucking 19th-century pickaninnies? From a CARTOON?

There have been times when I've felt some sympathy for Davey, as he is pretty pathetic. But I don't think I'll feel that way ever again. Deep inside, he's still that racist bastard from American Kitsune. He really seems to think that blacks see Song of the South as something akin to Dr King's legacy. Hey, Davey, here's an experiment: Try your pickaninny accent on every black person you meet over the next week. I'm sure that they'll warmly chuckle as you do. Because, you know, they're all on crack.

Mimi, your dream has come true--the last line of the pic has him threatening the new head of Disney. If that's who "Iger" is, anyway.

I like "fake?" the best, as you can see Iori, a Beanie Baby, and Kiwi, all at once.

Kitty!!! Oh so cute kitty! She's so tiny and black and cute! She looks like a little bitty Jiji from Kiki's Delivery Service.

Awww, such a cute kitty~ Give her a big kiss for me please~

Edited by author 02-09-2006 01:38 PM
*Ish compelled to give the gift of KITTY PICS!*

Hey, didja know you can find instructions online to build a kitty post for under $7? it's true! Kitties LOVE it!

getting down with the home made post

Skilfully using the litter

Checking out the shiny new dish and tasty new wet food

Can you tell the fake?

"Dude, whatcha doing so high?"

"Oh shit! Panthor's gonna shoot me!"

I'd LOVE to know if Davey knows about the little girls thing Carroll had.... ;)

Lewis Carroll(Charles Lutwidge Dodgson)'s real hoby of photographing little girls is legendary. He'd SO be tagged a pedophile today, but apparently his worship of little girls was exactly their purity and innocence - considering them as sexual in any way appalled him. As soon as they hit adolescense and became sexually aware, he'd cease contact.
Having said that, although I've never seen any nude stuff, some of the poses he had them strike ARE a little languerous for 6-yr-olds...
Anyone notice that the White Rabbit wears a tux in Davey's version. I predict before long it will be a LOP rabbit called Pipkin.

I second Rabbit for more kitten pics.

Am I missing something? The storyline snippet on that page is nothing like Davey's, outside of "she dresses like Alice all the time."

Well, I found it through his favorites page, and he watches that account, so that's probably where he got the idea from. There's the cosplaying Alice, the albino White Rabbit, and it looks like there's a thing between Alice and the Mad Hatter. Other than that, they're not too similar except that they're supposed to be dark and gritty retellings of the same story. Just seems very Davey-like to come up with a story like that when somebody else has recently started something similar. He doesn't have any original ideas, so he has to borrow other people's.

Anyways, enough Davey. I have a star now, and with it's mighty power I will compel Zef to post MORE KITTY PICTURES!!!! Mwahahahahahaha!

Am I missing something? The storyline snippet on that page is nothing like Davey's, outside of "she dresses like Alice all the time."

Edited by author 02-08-2006 04:45 PM
Rabbit: YOU deserve a star for that excellent find. Let's keep a closer eye on Davey's little brain fart, shall we?

Man, all this talk about Alice is giving me flashbacks to my British Lit I class. We read excerpts from "Through the Looking Glass" and I did a short report on the life of Lewis Carroll*, but I'd never read the whole story. I gotta see if my library has a copy now.

Plus, my cousin Paige and I watched the Disney movie at every opportunity when we were tots.

* Tidbit: Carroll was a collector of artistic nude photographs, some depicting young underage girls. Of course, he was called a pedophile because of it, but he claimed that he was using them for reference drawings (it's interesting to note that one of the girls in the photographs grew up to become a professional life drawing model). Now if I can only remember where I found this information...

EDIT: Not the original page where I found the information, but this find should have been a no-brainer.

Okay, that's just lame, ripping off someone's story wholesale. I know we're all used to this from Davey, but Lewis-Carroll public domain or not, modern-girl-cosplays-Alice has been DONE. A LOT better, by the look of it.

If he develops it further, I say we sic Alice Ever Falling's author on him >:)

I think I found where Davey got the idea for his Alice story. I found this story called Alice Ever Falling through his scraps page. I thought it sounded a little too creative to be an original idea of his.

Ernst: You get another star for the monkey picture. Keep this up and I am going to run out of stars!

Mimi-- So that implies that if someone plagiarised a *popular* or competent author, they'd happily admit it?

Well... HE does, so he'd certainly expect it of others.

FK-- I wouldn't be surprised if someone in Japan is thinking of a similar story right now.

You're right, of course. There's a story meeting going on right now.

On reading the new Davey dead-end ideas a second time:

Remus 2.0 is a dozen generations older than the original? Since a generation is generally reckoned as 40 years, wouldn't that put him five centuries in the future? Will they still have do-rags then?
And yes, Davey, (pats arm) MLK would certainly have loved your version of Remus. Now, let's take our pills, even the yellow one, and then we can have some Jello before we strap you in for the night! Bill Cosby LOVES Jello! ...Yes, Davey, I'm sure he doesn't love it as much as he loves you!

Sin-derland City: Umm, I thought that it was the senator's son who was castrated and died. So how did the senator lose and reattach "all" his members? Davey can't even follow his own plot outline.

Zef:
A month? That's very young. Kittens aren't supposed to be taken from their moms until they're weened, which is no younger than 6 weeks. Mine were both 7 weeks when they moved in. Yeah, she's looking for her mommy...

he spills every tiny idea he has online.

I was thinking about it. I'm almost positive it's because he's sure that his ideas are SO GREAT OMG that they must be posted so that people will go 'OMG THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA WOW DAVEY YOU'RE THE AWESOMEST!!!' ironically; 'OMG MIMI, THAT ALICE LOOKS SO AWESOME AND YOUR COLORING IS SO GOOOOOOOD OMG!!!' i mean it.

Thankies for all the nice things about Iori! she's a month old, Bill. she still meows and looks around lots, even when i'm with her, but i'm sure that's only me overworrying about it and she'll be more independient when older. more pics as i take them :P

Heh. Davey faved my EGL Alice. Too easy ;)

I also asked him why the hell he spills every tiny idea he has online. He really couldn't give any answer except that MAYBE people wouldn't touch his ideas with a 40-ft pole because of his rep.
So that implies that if someone plagiarised a *popular* or competent author, they'd happily admit it?
Davey-logic make brain go owie.

Kits: don't share too much of your story while it's in progress. It was implying "shut up or risk having your ideas stolen,"
Indeed. S'why I rarely post any of my original stuff online - apart from As If! and Thorn, but I don't go blabbing the stories. DevArt is rife with art theft. Not that Davey could claim theft anyway unless he's prepared to get slammed for lifting whole characters from other stories himself.

(Cripes, I hate to imagine that he's hoping Mimi will "put in a good word for him.")
Oh I laughed long and loud when he mentioned actually daring to think Disney would want him. Nooooo fucking WAY.
I am still waiting for some comment from him on the Lasseter takeover. He can't froth over Mikey-Boy anymore, but I'm damn sure lasseter isn't going to let the Foxfire magic infect Disney, either. But then, if Davey's STILL referring to the drama of the Sonic/Penders debacle, I'm sure he'll find a way to make Eisner a scapegoat.

Alice is still 24-7 in her Lolita Gothic ensemble, and is engrossed in her character, but otherwise than that, she has become a well adjusted teenager in every other area.
Wow, contradiction city! The real Gothic Lolitas do it as a game of pretend - one day a week, before going back to their stifling cram school/office lady lives. Anyone who LIVES in it 24-7 is NOT well-adjusted.

Damn, I forgot this:
Alice is still 24-7 in her Lolita Gothic ensemble, and is engrossed in her character, but otherwise than that, she has become a well adjusted teenager in every other area.

Eh? Is he saying she's in her getup 24 hours, 7 days a week, or did he forget to add another hyphen for a proper em dash to say that she's 24 years old but looks 7?
Oh, no, wait... a few brain cells that weren't paralyzed by the rest of the article just made sense of it. It's the former--DAVEY, if you listened to your new god, Stephen King, you'd know that he suggested reading Strunk and White!! GIT!

he has all of his members reattached (every member)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha penis joke ha ha ha ha ha.

From the pits of vileness that is Gonty's personal Wiki:
If I ever get into Disney--If that happens, renounce Christ, because there will be no Second Comming--I want to remake this movie to appeal for the modern day, and it's not too hard to do it.

I won't get into the whole Second Coming debate, but I do imagine that the Four Horsemen would be makng a pitstop at my house if Davey ever got into Disney.
(Cripes, I hate to imagine that he's hoping Mimi will "put in a good word for him.")

Bill: You used my favorite swear phrase! I'll join you: JESUS FUCK!
Tackling two sensitive stories at once? Racial issues, oppression, sexuality, attempted rape, lolita?! The head, it threatens to explode...

I have to admit--and I'm not proud of this--but if he... no, if someone else reworked his twisted little Gawth Alice story, added some real suspension, took away all the stupid, and developed the characters... it might be a halfway decent story. Come to think of it, after reading Bill's review on Mind Game, I wouldn't be surprised if someone in Japan is thinking of a similar story right now. And it'd be a helluva lot better than what he's showing on the Wiki.
I remember a very dear teacher of mine giving me a newspaper clipping with this important advice for all writers: don't share too much of your story while it's in progress. It was implying "shut up or risk having your ideas stolen," but we can tweak it for Davey so that it says, "shut up or risk having brains implode."

Rabbit: The Night of the Wheelchair and the Hatchet makes all my hellish days in retail seem boring and mundane. Nyeeagh. Just be thankful he didn't swing it at you.

Zef: Your new little addition has taken away all the dark Gontbile that recently polluted my brain. Itsy bitsy little black kitty! I shall drown in fuzzy cuteness.

Hooray! Real EGL Alices! They are the pretties! And I'm going to be late for class if I don't get my ass off this chair and go shower. >.<


Hooray! Real EGL Alices! <3<3<3<3

Oh. My. God.

There are things that Davey shouldn't touch. "Song of the South" is one. He just can't handle the racial issues without getting offensive. And you know a Gonterman story's going to be vile (well, viler) when it involves any kind of sexual assault.

The only bright side to this is that he's doing it now, as opposed to 10 years ago. Now he talks about the stories in his head, and draws model sheets and whatnot, but very few of the stories get written. Or drawn - in the past he used to draw hundreds of pages so the Sonic and Sailor Moon characters could adore him. Can you imagone the horror of that Alice story in comic form?

Br'er Rabbit with a do-rag. WTF.

No Ernst, it's right here.
I just tried the link in an uncached browser and it works just fine.

Well, the gauntlet was thrown. I deliver my offering to the Gods of Hideous Fanart Redemption: My Gothic Lolita Alice.
Oh Walt, we beseech thee to forgive thy humble children for the transgressions of our drooling cousin's step-uncle's half-brother Daveykins.
He knows not what he does...

Someone must have said bad mean words to Gont-- the (I assume) Remus link produces a big blank screen for me. Blessing or curse, you be the judge. Didn't Remus Chandler write racially segregated detective fiction?

For some reason, the drunk hatchet wheelchair guy reminds of a Kids In The Hall sketch.

Zef, the sqeuals of glee you kitten dragged out of me made my wife nervous. And then she squealed with glee when she came to see what the funny noise was. That is a wee beastie, all right.

Daveykins decrees him Remus Chandler, after the name of his creator.
And yet, he can't spell Lewis Carroll correctly.

I wondered if this had been found. Oh sweet Jesus, Davey attempting Song of the South. He may not be psychotic anymore, but this is some fucked-up delusional shit he's nursing here. We MUST alert the PoE forums, we'll need backup for potential suckitude of this size.
With no prior knowledge of the books or of the film except that he buys the popular myth that it's banned, he deems himself ready and capable of adapting stories from a time and culture he has NO connection with.
Disney SotS is not BANNED at all, Disney are just very cautious about political correctness and choose of their own free will not to release it.

Bill, I think you have just written the opening verses of the Bible According to David Gonterman.
"In the beginning was the Sonic Boom..."

I meant "Gontermania" as if it were a country's name. I think that "Gontervania" would be a better name for that world-sized country with a population of one that Davey seems to inhabit. On the planet Gontearth. In the Furry Way galaxy. In the universe that was created by the Sonic Boom.

Edited by author 02-07-2006 02:27 AM
Davey...worse

...JESUS FUCK!
I...
Jesus fuck!
Wow, read either one: "Uncle Remus as a New Paradigm: Dem Stupid Darkies!" or "Alice: Should she be raped and murdered, or raped and murdered and then raped again?"
Do you think I'm kidding? He even name-checks "Blood and Metal."
Fuck. His shit usually isn't this disturbing. Is he off his meds?

Oh! Oh yes, Rabbit is drunk and hatcheting people in wheelchairs or something. Wow, that doesn't sound like her! I should click that link next. Sorry, somehow I got distracted by...
...oh, MAN. Davey. Creepier than usual.

edit: Googled this, then I forgot to mention it--Davey is proud to be the first to give Uncle Remus a last name. Truly an honor any Remus would accept, to be surnamed by Davey! And lo, Daveykins decrees him Remus Chandler, after the name of his creator.
...And 5 seconds of Googling shows that his creator was white. And here's a truly "Only in Gontermania!" moment--His last name is Harris. Chandler is his MIDDLE name.

edit edit: I knew his Alice was going to be awful the second I realized "Oh crap, he rented Sin City."

(sorry if this shows up twice, I hit the submit button by mistake)

Oh geez...Davey managed to make a bad night even worse. Blech. (If you want to know why my night was bad, feel free to read about it on my lame-ass livejournal. Let's just say it involved a work, a drunk parapalegic, and a hatchet.)

Ooo, more loli fans, I see. We should all draw Alice and show it to Gonterman. I'm sure he'd still think his was superior.

Zef: KIIIIIITTTTTYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

I might take a crack, too, Rabbit.
If you do that I will worship you. No, seriously. I'll start a religion or something.
.... no, I don't like EGL. Not at all. >.> thanks for the link, by the by, Rabbit~

Kitty! Cuuuuuuuuuute! Fuzzy lovekins! Excuse me while I go melt into a pile of squealing fangirl....

Iori is cute! And tiny! How old is she?

As for the meowing, she's prly trying to find her mother or littermates. The first night I had Killsy, she freaked out at 4AM, loudly meowing and frantically searching the house for "something." It was the only time she did that. She did meow for a while when I'd go to work. She grew out of it.

After further squinting, I think what it says is "Y2X Generation Audio Animatronics," although that doesn't make that much more sense. Maybe he works at the Tiki Lounge at Disney, repairing the robot parrots. "And various vending machines." I can't add anything further, as DevArt has just gone down.

(Aw, dang, it sucks to not have 'net at home and miss out on all the Daveinsanity. i noticed the roomba thing too XD)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I GIVE YOU... THE EIGHTH WONDER OF THE WORLD!

I GIVE YOU... IORI-CHAN!
(i have seriously small hands)

Yeah, i did get her yesterday. she was the only one with the vet, and she started meowing lots when we approached. right now she seems to be doing okay, though she meows a lot when she's alone in a room, eventually quieting down. anyone know when she'll stop doing that? i don't want the neighbors getting mad at her and eventually trying something. i don't remember if kiwi ever did that. did i mention she's TINY?

Some more pics.

Tennis ball added for size comparision

Waking up. Early attempts at playing with a cat ball.

I might take a crack, too, Rabbit.
Not enough RUFFLES. and RIBBONS! And lace and tartans and studs and tattered stuffed toys and ripped stockings!
Hell, the original Tenniel Alice already wears stripey tights! We can do better.
I've already done a goth Snow White and Belle, so it's not like it'll stick out TOO much as a ripped-off idea ;)
C'mon, let's have damn good answers to the accusation 'Well, YOU do better, then!'
Hell, if I do, I might stick it up in MY scraps to rub his nose in it >:)

"Tax Generation Avoid Animitronics"?
I swear I got a spam with that exact subject header the other day...

Oops, I forgot to mention, if anyone's interested, there's an archive of Japanese fashion type stuff here.

Dammit, know I'm gonna have to try to draw a proper loli Alice at work tonight. Damn you Gonterman for making me be productive!

Wow, Davey's Harley Quinn ripoff is a "formal suicidal teen." I didn't know that was possible.

His loli Alice is just...ick. I didn't particularly like the original artist's version either, though it was three million times better drawn. Seems like American lolis feel obligated to make everything black, even the sweet stuff. There's all kinds of wonderful patterns and textures out there, but everybody wants black satin or vinyl or whatever. You can do a lot just by layering different shades of black...*rant rant rant*

Uh, yeah, what Fistlekits and Mimi said. No self-respecting loli is going to go out without a petticoat, at the very least. It doesn't help that Gonterman can only draw ruffles as a series of identical little c's.

And if he's Kintobor...is Sonic going to appear in Neverland?

Oh, gawds, it's perfect! All those lost boys are already in fursuits, and Davey can make their little hideout into Neverknothole, and Sonic can learn to fly with happy thoughts of chili dogs and dump Tails as his main flying source, and Tails will turn to Captain Hook for support and become evil, and Captain Hook will dye his moustache red and go completely bald, and then Hook will turn his ship into the Death Ship and go flying into space, and then Adam and Sonic will save the day. And by "Adam and Sonic," I mean "just Adam."

Why does the area behind my eyes suddenly hurt--owww... I think I just got a glimpse into how Davey's mind works.

"Viva la Bam"? Dare I ask? Is it the Spanish version of Emeril?

Check out some of the garbled nonsense in Kinko's description: He has an "all-terrain Roomba"? He vaccuums his lawn?

"Remote Control/Distance Surgery-Flying-Driving"? "Tax Generation Avoid Animitronics"? It's like reading a Burroughs' cut-up, except it make sless sense.

He's the CEO of a robotics firm and has a "Sentinel class mecha styled like Marvel's Sentinels" (Davey sure wears his plagiarisms on his sleeve), but he dumpster-dives for parts?

And if he's Kintobor...is Sonic going to appear in Neverland?

Re: the "Gothic Lolita" Alice.

Uhm. How is this different from a "normal" Alice? I see only three places with lace, no ribbons, no lacy parasol, no platform mary-janes, no uber-curled hair and cute little bonnet or cap or tiny top hat or crown.... no black... hells, that doesn't even count as Angelic Pretty. Someone show this man a Malice Mizer music video!


And yeah, seriously, why Ping? It's not like we don't get about six gazillion people a day on the Megatokyo forums going "Zomg ping is a ripoff of chobits!" or what-have-you. If I was going to make a copy of anyone I'd probably copy Chii anyway, she had rockin' clothes. Now CLAMP knows what EGL and Angelic Pretty are!

re. Cuteness Overload.

Oh fer chrissakes. You could call mine a rack and I wouldn't bat an eyelid.
How utterly ridiculous. It's a KITTEN being COMFORTABLE, it's CUTE!
I don't like invoking the phrase, and no offense to any present, but Only In America.

Gont's just making me sad now.

The Cute Overload controversy-- I've got to admit, I'm on the fence. The picture's inoffensive, but the titling is a bit stinky. An entirely different breed of stinky would be "Bosom Buddies" or something similar, but probably better for the youngsters. The most offensive thing I found over there was this comment:
wow that girl looks uncomfderble or how ever you spell it
"I know this is wrong, but I don't think it's important enough to figure out why."

Wow, Gonty slipped a couple of sketches through in Scraps without me noticing! Can't have that!
The descriptions are GOLD!

Young Adam - or if the left image is any indication, 'Ranma Ripoff'
Adam start getting clues in earnest about what happened to him, but he also starts becomming more human, and showing some flaws (Mostly it's either he bumbles up something, have someone pick a fight with him and he's forced to put him down, or ends up creating a scene from Viva La Bam dispite himself) This is my attempt, futile as it could be, to develop my character further away form the Mary Sue category I so properly define him as.
....
.....I swear he's not using English.
And he STILL seems to think that Adam SHOULD be a Gary Stu, even though he's had enough hints that Stus are NOT a thing to be proud of.

Justin Kinto
...Kinto? Why does that ring a bell?
Justin is what David Kintobor, alias Davey Krockett, of Blood and Metal fan would be turned into....ah, I think I said too much on my next book.
***AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!***
Oh joy. Another character to lavish amazing gifts and tools on Adam.

Tara Kit is a Made in USA version of Megatokyo's Ping
Why? Why does she have to be? Why Ping? Why not Chi(Chobits) or any other of the DOZENS of girlbots anime has inflicted on the world? It's seriously like he wants to believe that everything he creates MUST have a direct relation in pre-existing canons to be successful.
Copper's bitch
The Harley Quinn ripoff

His... ATTEMPT at a Gothic Lolita Alice (idea ripped off from a much better DA artist he faved). He wouldn't know Gothic Lolita if he were dropped in the MIDDLE of Harajuku on a Sunday lunchtime.
This? Is ALICE? She looks like Adam in awful drag.

And speaking of which, I'm gonna go curl up and watch some Little Britain now :)

Aw, okay.
I think it fits him well, considering how often he apportions anything he opposes to... well, you know.
Eh, worth a try ;)

Actually, Mimi, I've already thought of that one and mentioned it to some friends not connected with this forum. It's a fairly obvious idea. However, I hadn't specifically connected it to Davey-Kins. So, go for it!

BTW, the Godwin's Law FAQ is interesting reading.

Okay guys, let me just, you know, toss this one by all the Phrack Whores...

I'm sure all of you have been online enough to know of Godwin's Law - which states that in any online discussion or argument, any comparison of the opposing side to Hitler or Nazis means instant loss of the argument by you.

I'd like to name a corollary new law after our favourite idiot, viz:
Gonterman's Law is the law by which any invocation of 9/11 or terrorism against your opposition also means you lose the argument. Not to mention, you look like a total arse. ;)

Whaddya think? Worth adding to his Wikipedia entry?

you don't know who "Wyng" is but you answer to it anyway?

I'm surprized that anyone but me remembers it! Juno, the offline email service...just to think of those days before I had actual web access makes me all crou-tingly.

"Tszujin" is not a word in Japanese, because you couldn't spell in using the Japanese syllabary. "Tsuzujin" is the closest you could get, and that doesn't mean anything I can find. "-jin" is a suffix meaning "person", for example "amerikajin" = person of America, American. No luck finding a meaning for "tsuzu," though.

So, Thoughtty, you don't know who "Wyng" is but you answer to it anyway? ;)p

Re Gonty stuff: you all seem to have it pretty well covered. All I want to know is if Gonty thinks that he can dress them so frumpy they'll loop around to being cool again, and if they're drinking Flaming Moes to drown the pain of their clothing woes.

Zef:
NEW KITTY! WOOT!
Surely there will be pictures!

Fal-Chan:
Davey is an acquired taste. Or an appreciation of a lack of taste.

Oh god, the comments on that picture were just awful. Honestly, how is it bad for your six-year-old to see a picture of a cat sitting inside a woman's shirt? She's probably seen much, much worse already, honeybuns.

... this makes me want to take a picture of my guinea pig poking out of my shirt. He sometimes gets in there. It's really cute.


... I have nothing to contribute to the gonty discussion, I'm afraid. His stuff makes me cringe so I tend not to look at it, even if it does have amusement value. Sorry, I'm a bad Commentor. T.T

Edited by author 02-05-2006 04:14 PM
"You're not talented and non-creepy enough to carry this story out in a creative, thoughtful fashion."

That's why it's amusing (yet a bit sad) to watch. Akin to a kickboxing tournament among grandmas, except there's more hurt going around.

I'm feeling a little blue, i load up Cute Overload to fix that (THANKS FOREVER, BILL! there ARE people for who you're a good source of links since they don't scourge the 'net lots) and i read the comments on THIS.

Man i hate people. how can you be SO prudish? ugh.

Oh wait! i shouldn't be sad! last night i spotted a mouse running away in our kitchen, so i've finally been given green light to get a kitty! I know, i know, it might not turn out a hunter, but who cares? i just needed the permission! i'll love him/her LOTS! i'll put some sticky traps for the mouse, but now i worry the kitty could fall in them too.

/sorry, didn't meant to come and act like this was my own blog.

Methinks that Davey isn't a real furry; he just latched onto the group so he can nurture his little persecution complex.

Of course, I haven't seen a lot of "furry bashing" as of late. Sure, some folks at PoE and Something Awful forums still keep at it, but for the most part, the--I guess you'd call it--outrage over the fandom/subculture has died down.

But you know Davey. Republicans like him just can't let go of the past, they just gotsa feed the whiny little victim inside...

As for the "gander bending treatment"... Davey, just... just stop, please? You're not talented and non-creepy enough to carry this story out in a creative, thoughtful fashion.

Maybe they found the Tomb of Tzsu Jin, the semi-mythical uncle twice removed on his mother's side of Confucius (aka Kung Fu-Tze), and in an attempt to gain his amazing powers of walking somewhat quickly in ill-fitting clothes, they've ground his dessicated corpse into a powder-- thus the little flamey things on top of the mugs. CORPSE POWDER POWER!

The whole transformative deal strikes me as a brilliant diagnostic tool for the poor beggar: My life, in my view, has sucked. I would like to change in all ways possible (male to female, human-something else with thumbs, incoherent ranting-unintelligible accent). And, of course, every other person I conceive of as good must feel exactly the same, so they'll want the same sort of thing to happen.

Also, comics NOT aimed at an adult market are nature's perfect entertainment.

Reminds me of a chap who managed to insert himself into the crew of a spec-fic 'zine (back when that meant 'stuff we photocopied 200 times because we can't afford a press run) who wanted to see more Astroboy-based fiction... because the morality of Astroboy would lead the world into a glowing future. He was dead serious. He was in his 60s.

OH! I get it! It's just come to me, I know what 'tszujin' means! It's another Queer Eye reference. It's Carson's expression for fussing with material so it drapes nicely, like pushing up your sleeves or tugging at a waistline so it sits nicely and not all bunched up. It's pronounced 'Joo-jing', with the j sounding like a cross between a J and a Z.
The word is better pronounced than spelt, I don't think there IS any correct way to spell it.

This made me laugh really hard and I don't know why. Dammit, I miss not having a TV anymore, I don't get to watch Queer Eye T.T

I know, his 'make everyone a furry' suggestion hints at a level of creepiness we don't see very often. I thought all the more hard-core furries wanted was tolerance instead of fursecution(someone smack me for actually using that word >_<), but he seems to think the whole human race should be indoctrinated into fursuits.

I'd comment, but at this stage, I think it would spoil this interesting new level. I mean he has quite a few people watching him on DA, but he still gets almost no favourites and VERY few comments - methinks all the watchers are Like Us - the silent Mockers. I wish some of them would come forward and prod him a bit like I do, I'm getting lonely ;p

gander bending treatmen
Do the Humane Society and the American Audobon association know about this sick sick behaviour?

I dunno why he keeps asking people for help and suggestions in writing the thing, I haven't seen anyone come forward.

OH! I get it! It's just come to me, I know what 'tszujin' means! It's another Queer Eye reference. It's Carson's expression for fussing with material so it drapes nicely, like pushing up your sleeves or tugging at a waistline so it sits nicely and not all bunched up. It's pronounced 'Joo-jing', with the j sounding like a cross between a J and a Z.
The word is better pronounced than spelt, I don't think there IS any correct way to spell it.

Edited by author 02-05-2006 01:02 AM
Davey:

"In some brainstorming chats, I was thinking that Pippkin would get a woman host, giving the same gander bending treatment, so she would be safe from a would-be criminal who would still be at large. I was thinking that Pippkin would take in Melody's mother, and in time, even Melody would get the treatment with a updated costume with no personality programmed in there, so her young mind won't be so bent.

Good Side: Scarlet, Pippkin and the furry Melody would be like a family.

Bad Side: If you thought Jim becomming Scarlet was too bizzare for some.

Anyways, your thoughts, or if you have a better suggestion, please let me know about it."

Scarlett: Can't...stop...STARING...

The Little Girl has one tooth in her gaping maw of a mouth. Has Scarlett smashed the rest out?

Who is Scar"ring me for life" talking to in the last panel? The fourth wall? Is this an AfterScar Special all of a sudden? JUST SAY NOES!

Nice shading, though. All in one direction. Like geese, pencils go south in the winter--OH MI GAWD!! Look out, in panel one DONALD TRUMP'S HAIR is lurking outside the window!!! IT WILL EAT YOU ALL!

Edited by author 02-04-2006 11:18 PM
"Tszujin'"? WTF?
I thought that it was some anime ref, but Google turns up only 3 results for "tszuji." And they appear to be mispellings. Is that "word" Japanese, Chinese, or some Davey-created mutt like "Nitsan"?
(edit: Even I know that "Tsuji" is a Japanese name, so I didn't Google it. I did just now, and there are 370,000 results. I guess that it's yet another example of Davey's tiny, self-referential world)

Wow...that is PRIME Davey rantage. Paranoia, big destroyer!
Note that he basically says that he ripped off Scarlett from 3 different people.
Art: They're supposed to be high-5ing each other? I only learned that from the comments on her Scarlett pic, where Davey once again comes across as self-centered. But it'd be quite the shock if he didn't, yes?

edit: WHOA! The Hedgehog girl's very petite in the original, but she done got herself some major boobage in Davey's version! But it'd be quite the shock if she didn't, yes?

Don't let me interrupt the salsa-fest, but I report fresh G-meat:
New Scarlet
I've read Scarlet's first line about ten times and I still can't figure out what's she's saying.
But hey, look, they're drinking Flaming Moes!

His latest Art Trade is worth it PURELY for the ranty description underneath. This was an art trade done with some 14-yr-old kiddie (her version of her original character is here - yes, she's more competent than him. Her version of Scarlet is here. Notice how everyone says she looks like Sally Acorn. HA!) She delivered her piece in about a day. In colour. It's been over a week now for Davey to deliver his half. In pencil. And he has the GALL to dictate conditions
Too many people would want me to do requests for free.
Oh. I seriously seriously doubt that.

I know how toast works. Do you, Wyng?

I know a weiner man. He owns a weiner stand.

Who's this "Wyng" guy?

Rabbit: I heard that the commenters at Atrios started the "Frist!" thing, actually. The first time, it was "chuckle inducing." Second time, it'd lost its charm. Third and onward had me wanting these people's fingers to be glued permanently inside mittens. Really itchy wool mittens.

Negs: That's what I'm assuming, although it does double as a (very mild) jab at Bill Frist.

Now you get to choose one of our fabulous prizes: a new hybrid car, a lifetime supply of Splut's Specialty Salsa, or the gift of entropy!

"Frist!"? I'm guessing that someone was in such a rush to post the first reply they misspelled it. Do I get a prize?

Um...

I know how toast works. Do you, Wyng?

Ernst: Omg, art joke! You get a star.

'Kits: Yeah, they do the "Frist!" thing at Atrios too. It wasn't even funny in the first place, I don't know why people think it would magically become funny the millionth time they did it.

I bought some Goya hot sauce to add to it. That increased the heat level, but I need to work on the dosage. Right now, my tongue feels like I've been licking razor blades.

That's not hot sauce! It's valuable early Modern art depicting the horrors of the Napoleonic Wars! Of course it makes your tongue feel funny.

Re: Idiots beating real intellectuals to the Submit button on certain blogs...

Anyone else witness the craze that was "FRIST!"? Ugh... I expected Crooks and Liars to have more intelligent readers (and responders).

Mexicali salsa is refrigerated, not jarred, so it's about as close to fresh-made as I'll ever get.
I bought some Goya hot sauce to add to it. That increased the heat level, but I need to work on the dosage. Right now, my tongue feels like I've been licking razor blades.

In my opinion, the best opening sentence for a novel is a fairly short one. If it spans more than 1/4 of the page, there's a 50% chance I'll put the book down and never pick it up again. *shrugs* That's just me.

Years ago I was reading a book on writing horror stories. The writer listed a few of his favorite opening lines, only one that I can remember:

I was exercising what was left of my legs when the news report came on.

Damned if I can remember what book he quoted from. I should really keep a journal of the stuff I've read.

Don't feel bad about not finishing novels or never hearing about some that made the list, Bill. I'm an English major, too, and I have a whole box of novels I haven't finished or even opened. I also hate William Shakespeare, which would probably make me an instant outcast if I were to say that out loud in the English department.

As for salsa, I can't recommend a particular brand. There's that stuff from New York City, though... can't remember the name. It's been a long time, and it's probably a REALLY EASY name to remember, too. Maybe I should also keep a journal of the things I've eaten. But if you ever try mango and/or peach salsa, lemme know how it tastes.

i almost said 'Animal Farm, by Citizen Kane!' yeah.

You just made me laugh out loud, Zef. Now everyone's looking at me...

Edited by author 02-01-2006 10:21 AM
I've read at least three of those novels. I feel all special now. (Pride and Prejudice, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and one other thing that I saw and forget now >.<)

Edited: Oh yeah. Robinson Crusoe. ^.^

My only opinion on salsa? Make it yourself. I don't particularly eat it myself, but generally doing it yourself is the best way. If you don't want to do that.... I have absolutely no idea. Sorry.

¿Qué? ¿salsa? ironically, i'm not into the HOTTEST stuff most mexicans can handle (sometimes i get junk food that is plainly inedible, it's so hot) so i might be of some help. When it comes to bottled sauces, the BESST one i have found is 'La costeña's 'Salsa Taquera'. it's delicious, and IS hot, yet a manageable hot. (red and chunky too, but not like catsup, at all) i've seen piles of 'la costeña' cans on amerikan movies, but i think it was in movies set in CA. anyway, i'll ask my cousin who works there if it's distributed more widely in amerika. such a pity home made salsa doesn't last long enough to be mailed... (except maybe by next day shipping, but i ain't got that kinda scratch) dang, you gotta try real guacamole.

Ooh dang H.G. Wells rules. when i was interviewed to enter univ, the teacher asked me what books i had read in english. and i went all 'War of the worlds, by Orson Wells!' I was that nervous. i almost said 'Animal Farm, by Citizen Kane!' yeah.

Edited by author 02-01-2006 09:19 AM
I usually offer food suggestions, but salsa is in my "off-putting" bin, right beside olives. The smell alone....

I got a bone to pick with that 100 Greatest Opening Lines crowd. No sign of Herbie Wells! Despite the movie, the first line of War of the Worlds is poetry like unto the opening soliloquoy of 'Richard III'-- check this out:

   

No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.

That's some sweet writing.

Edited by author 02-01-2006 01:59 AM
Does anyone have any recommendations for a good brand of salsa?

I know at least one Commenter who prly eats the best every day, but I'm talking about a brand I can buy in an American grocery store chain. I bought "Mexicali," although I doubt its ethnicity, as it's made right here in Vernon!
Oh, wait--Vernon CA, not CT.
It was fresh and tasty, but it was labeled "Hot" and I would've called it a "Medium." Most salsas here are either "Medium" or "Mild," and that's really just chunky ketchup.

I don't want my mouth to burst into flames, but I want enough heat that the endorphins start firing up.

edit: And also cheap.

The amazing adventures of BatsMang:
Always remember, Bill, for full enjoyment of any serial of that vintage, only watch one installment a week, so as to just about forget the utter inescapability of the doom facing the hero. Also, try not to eat anything with any vitamins in it during the intervening week. White bread 'n' Lard sandwiches were apparently popular around here. Serial writers THRIVE on audience malnutrition.

As far as I know, Gil Kane never drew a licorice bat on any bad-guy's forehead.

Maybe that's why Davey loves the right-wing crazies so much. They're living proof that you can be successful without any kind of talent or research.

You mean I've been spending hours wracking all my brain, filtering my creative juices, and collecting dozens of resources to create believable, likeable characters and storylines... when I could have just hammered away at the keyboard blindfolded?

Damn, I had some clever comment about how Jonah is just Davey with better connections, but I forgot it. >_<

Maybe that's why Davey loves the right-wing crazies so much. They're living proof that you can be successful without any kind of talent or research.

I only just now clicked on the guy's main page, and he's not a scientist. He works in a grocery store. Which just further shows how stupid the Pantload is.

He's not a scientist, but he seems to be pretty smart. The story about his son almost made me cry. There're links to it on the left side of his page, I think. It's worth a read, very sweet and very sad.

thanks for the link to the Jonah take-down.

I only just now clicked on the guy's main page, and he's not a scientist. He works in a grocery store. Which just further shows how stupid the Pantload is.

I Netflixed Clone Wars just before that last crappy Star Warts movie came out. I was going to review it on the page, but I realized an hour after seeing it that I couldn't remember one second of it. I enjoyed it, but it was immediately disposable, the TV version of empty calories.

And I also want a Triceratops!

Nyah nyah! already gots mine, Bill! and it's great!

Also, wow, lots of things to comment on, i'll try to catch up eventually, but a couple of things from before:

RE: The Adam-pan model page, dang, i hadn't noticed the 'swiss army knife and Nintendo DS sheath' thing. i actually have a small belt case for my own SA knife, and it obviously doesn't look like that. that's just the knife hanging from the belt. you'd think Adam would at least try and get one with green sides, not the usual red ones. even mine is black. and of course the case hides it, otherwise i wouldn't be allowed on any bus or whatever HERE, now imagine in amerika. someone would tackle and kill him for being a terrist in disguise with a KNIFE. i guess you could have several knifes, since having a huge one end-all is a bit cumbersome, believe me. just a rant on how Davey doesn't do research on the stuff he ought to, as usual. you can dig something you can't have and you give it to your characters, but at least you should research about that stuff. you read my mary sue thing i wrote, the gun details are all spot on. alright, enough rant.

On cartoon series on DVD:

Did anyone watch the Clone Wars Star Wars thing? the two volumes are out on DVD now and i found them very enjoyable.

Bill, i think the complete 1st season of Batman, the animated series is out in DVD too. it's here, i've seen it around.

Ooo, thanks for the link to the Jonah take-down. I was hoping somebody would take on that particular bit of nonsense.

Making fun of the Doughy Pantload never gets old.

Warning: May make you very, very angry.

Well, just one very, as it turns out. But only because that's just what I expect from the Bush League.

The Amusement Park mode is explained, and hacked, in a 1-page flashback...

Explained stupidly, AND what could have been an interesting ongoing source of dramatic interest ("Must stop those bank robbers with hostages... wait a minute, that child has LOST HIS BALLOON! MUST FIND REPLACEMENT!") is abolished almost as it's presented. Jolly good, Davit! Way to maintain the tedium.

go giddy over kids and show a dominatrix said

I remember the age-12 visit to Disneyworld, and how much better it was after Mickey and Minney forced ball-gags into my parents' mouths. (All together now: WTF?!)

On a completely separate note-- Merry Year of the Fire Dog to all.

New Scarlet is up.
Scarlet's getting the same WTF? accent as Shazell.

re. her 'amusement park' settings:
It's why ah'm such a suthern tart, go giddy over kids and show a dominatrix said ah never had befo'
"Never had before?" But she didn't do anything before, she was created as an amusement park mascot.
Why an amusement park mascot needs 'slutty dominatrix tart' settings beggers all belief.
I don't even want to think what Toni meant by referencing 'yiffing' scenes. Most amusement parks with animal mascots would probably NOT be encouraging THAT kind of furry behaviour...

I'd LOVE to know what he thinks of Lasseter's takeover of Features ;).

As I read Shazza part 4, I keep hearing Henry Higgins in my head:
"No, Eliza, you didn't 'sai' that, you didn't even say that!"

I have to wonder if Davey is capable of writing a relationship that evolves NORMALLY. ie. SLOWLY, at an every-day plodding pace. But no, every coupling always has to involve the girl/fuckbot getting all hot as soon as she claps eyes on the hero/self-insert for the first time.

Spoiler Alert! If you don't want to discover the truly awful lines in Lady Shizzforbrains for yourself, stop reading now and click the link!



It starts with the worst opening line since "It was a dark and stormy night":

Richard didn't know if he was either asleep or still unconscious

("The corpse wondered if it was either dead, or still dead")

—lavender filling every one of his sinuses—

(How many sinuses does he have?)

“It be only me, Handsome,” she almost purred out as she lit a candle—with her lips

Ain't every dai ye find someone come outta d' blue and take off ye pants.

Between her voice as silky as her dress, soft voice of her lavender-scented hands

He never dreamed this good of a dream since global terrorists parked fully loaded airplanes into a pair of tall towers.

(Yeah...9/11 Changed Everything. Right wingers have to bring it up even when it has nothing to do with what they're talking about.)

She then opened the package in the paper, which contained a long ribbon of seaweed, the kind that can be used for sushi, which she used to wrap over the laier of the mossy stuff.

Note that Shazzbot's speech impediment ("mai ai sai"), wherein she replaces every "-ay" with "-ai," strangely manifests itself in every "-ay" Dick sais, and even in the narration. I'll bet Davey did a "search and replace" after writing it, and then noticed the wrong ones as much as he notices tense changes within sentences. Y'know, not at all.

Edited by author 01-28-2006 07:42 AM
Heh, well it's happened. Davey is pretty much out of steam on Lady Shazell - part 4 is up, but without any crappy pictures and... man, Shazell's accent is thicker than concrete now:
“I popped in, dearie, when ye collapsed in ye living room, and mai ai sai that ye didn't do so well in stiffling yer scream.”

Subtitles?
'Mai ai sai'? What's he doing, attempting bad Cockney now??
If Shazell's just doing her usual good, why does she blindfold him?
And when she did, she was shocked. Surgical scars went down the length of the leg, and round holes made by pins that went to the bone dotted the thigh and calf. The knee and ankle looked shattered under the skin, reduced to so many marbles in a sock. The doctors were able to put it back in one piece, but they wasn't able to do much else above keeping it attached to the rest of Richard.
Okay, speaking as one who actually DOES have a malformed left tibia that does not unite normally like other bones, this is complete horseshit. Richard's injuries could only have been caused by battlefield trauma or vehicular crushing, not a football accident. And regardless of the cause, it would have been amputated within a few days.
NO orthopedic surgeon would discharge a patient with bones crushed like marbles, no matter HOW strong the painkillers.
Idjit.

Basically, Shazell abducts Richard, drugs him up and heals his leg with her Wiccian(sic) magick - magick, which I might add, involves various glowing unguents usually only seen being smeared on pregnant bellies in Beastmaster.
And snogs him as well, for good measure.

I Googled the lyric that's the current title of the Comments, just to see if the lyrics were online.
And here's the whole song, if you're interested. Wow, it's from 1990?! But that was only last week!!
Damn I'm Old!

Ach, damen und heeren, is so easy to diagnose: Wife of der Ferd is riddled mit sexual longing for the round man mit der brush-cut (see panel 2). As she is marrier, she finds these thoughts unacceptable, und so represses them, causing the anger. She wants "action" but cannot get it from the desired partner, so she insists that the UNdesired partner assist in household chores-- a way of sublimating the urges.

...but it's still not funny.

Negs, on Ferd':
Um... his wife seems to be annoyed by something

It really looks like she's just telling him to clean the table...but why would that be the joke? Given the way she's brandishing that bottle and cloth, and the way his eyes are fixed on those...I dunno, maybe she's threatening to chloroform him and use his comatose body to wipe away the stains?

(Note that I've known her long enough to know to not call her "Neggypooh" more than once)

Hey, Thoughtty, have you seen...

Isn't it cute how my longest-net-friend calls me Thoughtty? ;)

Actually...umm, I've seen every link that everyone has recently posted (except for Superdickery using my Tod Holton scan). And they're all worth the linking, so keep posting them. Possibly I should be a mite less strenuous in not posting what I think are "everybody's prly seen this" links, since so often many people have not.
Even Neggypooh!

Everyone has cool links and I don't. *pout*

Re: The Buffalo Beast's 50 Most Loathsome People in America article
That was awesome. Of course, Paris Hilton made the list, but what got me excited was Larry the Cable Guy. Sure, he's #48, but he made the list! Finally, someone who detests the man almost as much as I do!

The guy's just loathsome. I was in Sam's Club and walked by his book. Curious, I picked it up and skimmed a few pages. Not funny. Plus, in the introduction, he said that he was going to make fun of "commie libs." And it should be pretty damn obvious that he's a fake...

Oh, wait, I do have a link after all! An open letter by David Cross.

Um... his wife seems to be annoyed by something found where Ferd was sitting. Is it the beer bottle? She's miffed because Ferd drank a single beer, as did his poker buddies? Or is it what looks like a burned area on the table where Ferd was sitting? My head hurts.

Edited by author 01-26-2006 12:43 AM
My bet is that Davey's hi-larious hijinks will be, like all of his attempts at humor, unidentifiable as such even by the greatest applied powers of science. Like Tuesday's Ferd'nand. Like it, Davey will have something that's obviously meant to be a punchline, but only by virtue of it occuring in the last panel.

Oh, and it'll be some arcane ref to MegaDorkio or some yiffy site. But don't worry--he'll explain it to us in his DevArt footnotes. Because it's not a joke unless you have to explain it!

edit: Can anyone explain Ferd's joke? I mean, doesn't it seem like there's a final panel Mik forgot to draw?

There's also a familiar face.

Why, his copy has the exact same scribbles on it as mine! I thought some little kid did it, but obviously it's autographed by the artist!

Superdickery.com

I swear it's not porn. No, really.

There's also a familiar face.

Davey's HILARIOUS hijinks:
I say we start taking bets now.

I bet he goes *bu bu bu bu* when he blinks really fast, and really likes lasagna and hates Mondays.

Oh, wait, the last two are from another unfunny, uninspiring comic.

Have you guys seen this site yet? I find it highly amusing. www.stuffonmycat.com

Davey's HILARIOUS hijinks:
I say we start taking bets now. I bet he starts making weird noises at awkward moments. Peter Pan had his rooster crow... seeing as Adam was 'TwoTails' the Lost Boy at one point, I'm guessing he'll have a tendency to make weird-ass furry fox noises. Bring on the "*KON!*"
Or it'll be something like a bad temper. We've already seen in Scarlet how Davey has a sinister sick-torture side...

"Saved by the Pacbell"?
*groan*
That's so bad, that deserves a paddlin', Bill ;)

Davey:
"Adam would be settled in his new world enough to start showing some vunerability. Meaning: He'll be showing some faults. Some of them are even hilarious."

See? He's not a Mary Sue! HE'S HILARIOUS! Why, he may get his own sitcom after Davey becomes famous! "Everybody Loves Adam"! Or, "Saved by the Pacbell"!
(And on FOX, duh!)

Funny pic, Negs, but...feet not hammy enoughs!!!

I MiSTed quite four of his comics, plus "Gonterforce." (shudder!)

Bobby-Kins! A ReBoot pic I drew a looooong time ago in Gonty's style...

I love how, when he links to the page of a competent artist from who he SHOULD have copied the format for the character (i refuse to be lazy and only type 'chara' like the ass does, i'm guessing this is one of those things only he does) design page, Davey says:

with the possible need to have it submitted somewhere.

XD! suuure.

Plus, he hacked a DS to use it as a Pilot? sure, ditch the sleek style of current-gen PDAs, their HEAPS of features, (A mid range affordable Tréo around here is camera, phone, PDA AND hella cute) and change them for a big, cumbersome thing, (it's ok as a portable gaming platform, but a regular PDA IS smaller) which will run as a mediocre PDA since the CPU's not designed for that.

Gosh... hasn't Zef already done that?

Yay! thanks Ernst, that gives me 20% recognition that Gont's ever had. the thing is, i haven't shown it to him, so he doesn't know people HAVE done stuff with his works, even Negaduck has done too, if i'm not mistaken. and the thing that kills me with curiosity is that if he'd like ANYTHING because it's 'fan' done, or if he'd recect it because it can be evil towards him. i'm thinking more of doing some tamer stuff and send it stealthily to him when i'm back home.

Heh-heh.... Internet Rock-tumbler....

MAKE ME FANART FANART FANART LOVELY LOVELY EGO-STROKING FANART!'

Gosh... hasn't Zef already done that? (rubs hands, cackles in unwholesome manner). Perhaps he considers the entire internet his beta, and anticipates publishing a physical version of the final product once the rock-tumbler of the web is done with it. Or flogging the concept to some major animation studio which will give him piles of money for his original idea.

What? Did I say something funny?

erch. Apparently Gont has now officially launched his great American Novel on Foxfire. You know, the one that's SO totally not ripping off Peter Pan?

I love the way he's putting it out when he readily admits it's not finished. And he asks for no criticism until the whole work is online. That means, of course, it'll NEVER get finished. Rule #1 of being creative on the Net - NEVER show anything unfinished and expect people to appreciate your glorious UNSEEN overall vision. As in the real world, people only remember you by what you show, not what's behind it.

Gont: "Oh, don't call Adam a Gary Stu until you've read it all". Dude. He's a Gary Stu. If he gives Adam any faults at all, I'm betting it'll be making him obnoxious and even MORE unlikeable.
'You are encouraged to point out typos, grammatical errors and MAKE ME FANART FANART FANART LOVELY LOVELY EGO-STROKING FANART!'
Oh my, the fun never ends with this guy.

Anyone get the feeling that he keeps *inviting* people to do fanart because he mistakenly believes they're too intimidated to just do it of their own volition?
NOT that simply noone's interested?

Two words for this man: Beta reader. Or Spell Check.

Ernst:
Your email begins with "sjt" right?

Speaking of giveaways, does anyone want a Google mail account? I have 100 to give away, if you want one. Write billsplut-at-gmail.com if you do.

Yep, Toon Disney censored Darkwing Duck. For example, in "Calm a Chameleon" they censored The Chameleon pulling a gun on DW and demanding he drop his weapons. In "Time and Punishment" they censored DW (Dark Warrior) pulling a gun on Gosalyn, then revealing it wasn't a *gas* gun, but one that launched missiles. In both cases there was an obvious skip, and all of a sudden characters were holding guns they never took out. And in "Twin Beaks" they cut out Bushroot saying "We'll show them we're not a bunch of pansies" - and then he looks down to see flowers shaking their fists at him, and he adds "Oh, sorry, guys." The latter was a funny gag, and I have no idea why they chopped it.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Darkwing Duck! Sweetness! Although I probably won't buy it. But then I don't buy much of anything. Except food and "beauty care products". Hmmm, I wonder if I need any new conditioners yet, I only have four bottles..... :p

(Shuffles up wearing long coat, trilby and dark glasses)
Hey, buddy... you want the Tick? I might know where it fell off a truck somewheres....

Seriously, tho', while I don't condone piracy, it's nigh-invuln... nigh-unavailable by normal means, and I've transferred the ones I legitimately taped from broadcast to disc, so if you wants 'em, it can happen. For free, like.

From the article:

"But if things hold, we'll see the set before 2006 is over, and probably released side-by-side with another Disney DVD animated TV show. What could that be? How about The Tick?"

How about The Tick actually being a Fox show? While there's no other show that I'd rather see in a box set, how reliable is this site?

Toon Disney... censored Darkwing Duck?

But... DD is a DISNEY CARTOON, which memo got lost in that one??

Not that this will mean much to anyone else on this board, but... Darkwing Duck is coming out on DVD. Well, probably, unless something ungood happens. Ahh, this makes me feel all smiley inside. Now, if they'll just put out the whole series, and the full eps as opposed to the chopped-and-censored Toon Disney ones...

Edited by author 01-22-2006 05:19 AM
Although he's changed paper, nothing's gonna help the fact that his shading technque still sucks ;)

Maybe next time I should tell him that REAL pros draw their comics on toilet paper. I bet he'd do it.
Adam model sheet - Ladies and Spluts: the Anatomy of a Stu
Er... a model sheet is not the place to write out the whole character's history, dude.
He had to make his own custom earpiece for his pointy ears
Why, is his auditory canal pointy as well?
He has a *collection* of Swiss Army knives? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of its defining 'all-in-one'ness?

He plans to bring Neverland to the post 9-11 world'
And this is a good thing to do why?

Hurr.. he uses a Nintendo DS as a Palm Pilot. Dork.
I love how he keeps the file-size small so the text is barely readable. Probably in the hopes that his fans will be SO antsy to read it properly, they'll buy a print.

The trench-coat Adam is... wow. The trench says 'Indiana Jones' (oh sorry, Adam can do bullet-time, so we'll say Neo instead), but the green feathered cowboy hat says 'Village People'.
Hey, check it out. View the Adams from left to right and his legs inflate along the way!

But if Scarlett was a lesbian, and Jim's gay, then they'd just average out to being straight!
I think that it'd improve the storyine if it MADE SOME SENSE.

Now that Mimi's got him off the bristol board, maybe she could help him with his "clean up" by telling him about art gum. Crimeny, even *I* know that stuff exists.

You know, it would actually improve the storyline if Scarlett turned out to be a lesbian at this point...

No, I have no idea why that occurred to me either.

Edited by author 01-21-2006 09:42 PM
New Scarlett
Hey, little girl, don't bite your mommy's ass!

Mimi, last Sunday:
he certainly doesn't have enough to be indulging in games and pricey art papers when a $5 sketchbook from Michael's (or even Walgreens or Borders) would do the trick.

Davey, today:
I started to use paper more suited for pencils. A cheap drawing pad you can buy from Walgreens, no less.

Hmm....

Squeaky baby guinea pigs are possibly the cutest things ever. Although old fat grouchy guinea pigs are pretty sweet, too. Hi, I'm finally back from Christmas vacation. v^.^

Edited by author 01-19-2006 09:10 AM
Ah, we wander again in the land of ironic ads-- discussion of vision problems and Gontling produces a sidebar full of watercolour paper come-ons.

I rather think that Dubious G would in fact cast us as a pack of ham-shod villains, because our comments are NOT crammed with praise. The best we could hope for, given our relative gentility towards him is that we'd be interesting Alan Rickman-esque villains... or as close as he could manage, anyway.

When other people look through them they can see through time.
The one time I looked through an astigmatic's glasses, I saw Cthulhu's apartment AND the inside of my own head. I cringe to think what losing your glasses must be like. I'm just near-sighted, and while all is blurry beyond arm's-length, it's uniformly blurry, so I could, in a pinch, drive without my specs (don't need to know what kind of car I'm not running into).

P.S-- speaking of driving: power line?! Exciting! Apart from the 1/8" glaze of ice we got on everything here last week, this winter has been extremely undramatic, in a "Oh, crap, we gotta fix the atmosphere" way. Little snow, temperatures 20-40 degrees above normal... and that's great big celcius degrees, too. It was above freezing on New Years Eve!

what if, by some mere chance, Davey-kins were to stumble upon the Comments?

There is the possibility that he'd join in. Let's face it, we give him more respect than, say, Portal of Evil does. It's not like we're a bunch of "hey, look at the retard!"-type trolls here.
Plus, it would give him what he likes most: to be the center of attention.

I don't know what my vison's stats are, but my eyes don't focus past 5 inches. I can't read a monitor while sitting normally without them.
So many people who can't function without glasses or contacts...Obviously, the Intelligent Designer knew that someday someone would invent Vision Corner.

My vision is 20/450 in one eye and 20/600 in the other, with astigmatism on top of that. Funny thing is, until I was about 16 my vision was *better* than normal. But then that little time bomb hit me, and now I'm blind without my glasses. When other people look through them they can see through time.

(You know all those typos I do? A lot of the time it's because I'm not wearing my glasses and instead squinting at the screen. Why do I do that? Er, I dunno.)