Had a quiet weekend watching a couple movies.

We went and saw the new STAR TREK movie (after 2 months of waiting) and the second TRANSFORMERS movie.

Both were extremely cool and funny as hell--especially the latter movie.

April and I couldn't stop laughing!

Also saw a preview for a movie called--simply--2012.

It's supposed to be about the upcoming event where the Mayan calender (supposedly) runs out and spells the end of the world.

You would think that they would've said something about the turn of the new millenium--where doomsayers were telling us that the end of the world would happen in the year 2000! (lol)

However, I seriously *doubt* that the world will end in 2012.

Things may be bad, but I don't think that Earth will explode or humanity will face extinction based on an old formula and an ancient calender.

I did a dump of what I've written so far into a clipboard last night and am going to *try* again for the 6th time in two months to TRY and get something worthwhile done on my novels.

But the stress, anxiety, and mounting depression has been hampering me to no ends lately.

However, I'm going to continue trying my best.

My sleep patterns are a royal wreck right now. I thought I was able to nip things in the bud by breaking the cycle recently (staying up a full 24 hours), but that made things only WORSE.

Now, I'm sleeping in the evening and staying up until 12 in the afternoon. (After waking up around midnight or 1-2 in the morning.)

My writing's been taking a hit. I'm not making much sense on what I'm writing and it is driving me NUTS.

I've been trying out different formulas, but nothing seems to be hitting the mark. I've been thinking of just deleting everything that I've started--for each book affected--and just WAITING.

I'm not doing anyone (or myself) any good just by wasting time writing crap that's not going anywhere and just making the process of doing the novel all that more aggravating.

I'm hoping that we'll be getting everything back on track soon, though.

It's taken us over 3 weeks to iron out the crap-shot difficulties which have plagued us continously since last month--with all the running around with DSHS and all.

Plus, my mental eval paints me as a paranoid schitzo--and that doesn't surprise me. I've been under a great deal of stress lately which has been having no end in sight.

With the rationing of certain meds, I'm not in the best frame of mind lately.

But this struggle has shown that I have a lot to overcome and a long ways to go.

Stocks are down on mixed economic news--pointing to the possibility that the nation's economy may not be recovering as fast as some people would've liked.

I sacrificed--as of late--a night's sleep to FINALLY beat Xenosaga--Episode III and watch the end of the game.

But the final boss (an enemy E.S.) didn't make it easy. Not only were one of its attacks devastating on my party, but it kept switching its defensive strengths--making it a royal pain in the ass to hammer away with ease.

A message popped up sometime down the road--when the enemy E.S's HP was somewhere around 10,000; reading: "A tear in the space-time continuum has been opened."

Then a countdown.

I had to finish this fight before it did something nasty to my party--but it was just a near thing.

Jin Uzuki died in the last battles with the Gnosis and KOS-MOS was cut in two, but somehow managed to survive the transition to Earth and Lost Jerusalem.

So here's hoping for a FOURTH Xenosaga episode!

Things have been a little nuts these past 11 days--the one reason *why* I haven't communicated with anyone since the first.

We don't have our bus cards--which keeps us from going to the library on a weekly basis--and keeping me from checking my e-mails and such.

I haven't been writing much at all since then--only one chapter completed on my third STORIES OF THE DEAD EARTH novel.

I've been under a lot of stress and anxiety--primarily because of what's been going on with DSHS.

They wanted a mental eval of me, then some clarification on my Factor Five Leiden disorder and then my recent kidney surgery.

But the strain continues. I've had to postpone my upcoming INR appointment *again* (citing a lack of medical coverage), and the rationing of my meds continues. (Minus my Coumadin. I still have a few weeks of that left--plus some emergency pills I found only recently in a suitcase.)

I have less than a couple of weeks left of my Seroquel and my Singular--but we are hoping that we can get the ball rolling and get something done by the end of next week.

But I think that the amount I'm getting from my GAU will be insufficient to do what needs to be done for this month.

The plus side to all this is that I've been spending a great of time immersed (?) in my Xenosaga III game--having playing it BLIND without any strategy guide.

So far...I've kicked the snot out of Omega and Doctor Dimitri Yuriev with my three gears and the Vessels of Anima.

But it's been a near thing--seeing how most of the boss gears had over 300,000 HP and the main guy had 450,000HP.

Thank god for my Level 3 Awakening attacks. I would've NEVER been able to clobber Omega like I did in my initial encounter; hammering him for 40,000-70,000 HP with every full-powered attack.

(Plus...it was sooooo COOL to see my attacks in action.)

It didn't surprise me that DSHS would do something like this.

After we turned in our paperwork 11 days ago, we *were* expecting a reply of some kind--as normal--but we didn't get a single *thing* from them.

April's gone to find out what's become of our case, but I don't like what's happening already.

I have no medical coverage, no money to take care of our basic needs, our storage is due tomorrow, but on top of *that*, I have a very LIMITED amount of medication on hand.

I read the appeal part of the paperwork and there is no WAY that I can survive long enough to meet the deadline--if one is given.

I know how long these processes take and I have--maybe--a 1-2 month supply of my blood-thinners at best.

The rest of my meds will be gone in a couple of weeks--compounding things greatly. (Especially the allergy/asthma medication.)

So, I don't know. If things get worse, I'm going to try and ration what I have. But I won't be able to make any of my appointments or get new compression stockings. (Which I desperately need--since the old ones are wearing out.)

I'm trying to put a face on this matter, but inside, I'm going nuts and starting to stress out.

And it's not what I need right now.

My INR was 2.7 today. A little better than last week's reading and a LOT lower than the anomalous 6.8 the week previous.

So I have another appointment in a couple weeks. I did warn the guys at the anti-coag that the 6.8 reading is typical of a now yearly pattern--which pops up for no apparent reason...but just to give the guys a headache and me a reason to SEARCH for the source cause. (Which goes unnoticed and is a futile exercise.)

I've started over on the writing front--and began *again* on POF. I keep getting drawn into the section where everyone's camping outside of what was left of Wynne, Arkansas..and for some *strange* reason, I *have* to write that part out.

So...I decided to buckle down and throw caution to the wind. Not to say that the book is endangered in any way--it's just one of those things us writers can't explain.

The weather has been oddly wet for May--up here in Everett--but it's been pretty nice otherwise.

Low to mid-70s.

It would be something to bark about--if I wasn't in such a slide right now.

After 132 pages on THE PRICE OF FREEDOM, I decided to axe the last 23,000 words from the book. I wasn't getting anywhere with the current storyline and was constantly bogging myself down; not to mention...putting that part of the book in danger of collapsing in on itself.

I figured this past month, I could put a serious dent in my books, but apparently, I'm not getting anywhere fast.

I strongly suspect that it's because of my recent homelessness issue. I had this problem BEFORE and it did take me awhile to find my footing again.

Looking back at the last 5 years, I soon realized that I write better if my housing situation is more stable. I don't get anywhere when it isn't.

So I am forced to calkl things off until it does.

It doesn't make me the most happiest of writers, but I can't do anything about it. My mind and ambition isn't *focused* enough to start throwing out gobs of new material.

And I hate having to start over for what seems like the upteenth time in a row.

But it's not like I can help it. I've been pretty tired lately and don't have as much energy as I used to. There have been days when even the act of *writing* was an exhaustive measure.

But it's something I have to deal with.

The sooner I can, the better my writing will become. :0)

Republicans need fresh ideas, not a savior

Oakton, Va. – The Republican Party is in a free fall because as the song says, it's been "looking for love in all the wrong places."

The United States needs an intelligent, loyal party in opposition. Without it, democracy atrophies. Yet the GOP seems unable to fulfill this crucial role. Its years in the majority made it susceptible to arrogance and greed, and today it's a party depleted of the fresh ideas, civility, and wisdom it desperately needs for a revival. After Sen. Arlen Specter's defection, it also risks being depleted of the strength to stop any Democratic legislation.

In such a state, it's tempting to look for a single character to resurrect the party's fortunes. But Republicans don't need a savior as much as they need a cash crop of ideas. The GOP was born of a truly virtuous idea – the abolition of human slavery – and it was repeatedly reborn over the years out of new visions.

Innovative solutions and seriousness of purpose should be the keynotes of its renewal. Instead, its leading figures act frivolously.

Texas is one of the party's few strongholds. Yet instead of hearing about fresh policy innovations there, we hear Republican Gov. Rick Perry complaining about the stimulus package and talking about his state's right to secede. The party of Teddy Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, and Ronald Reagan doesn't need whiners when times get tough.

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin could win a charm contest, but she almost surely diminished John McCain's prospects of winning the presidential election. Her grasp of public policy is embarrassingly modest for someone of such ambition.

And the singular talent of rising congressional star Eric Cantor seems to be saying "no" to everything President Obama proposes.

Perhaps the most formidable potential Republican presidential candidate in 2012 is former House Speaker Newt Gingrich. He seems determined to run: He's writing book after book, popping up on TV talk shows, and making the rounds of fundraising dinners.

Gingrich is erudite, perhaps the best Republican mind since President Richard Nixon. But after three marriages and an extramarital affair, his personal character is a political drag. He's tried to put the issue behind him, appearing on Dr. James Dobson's radio show in 2007 to apologize for being unfaithful. And this spring, he sought a fresh religious start by converting to Roman Catholicism.

In this permissive age, his greatest liability may be his divisiveness. The late President Gerald Ford once told me he thought Gingrich betrayed the party with an abrasive leadership style as speaker. Of Gingrich and House Republican leaders, he said: "Those guys are out only for themselves. They don't care a damn for the country."

Still, after eight years of George W. Bush, the GOP could use a dose of Gingrich's erudition. The problem, however, is "how to hide it from voters." Long-ago GOP standard-bearer Thomas Dewey was a baritone of operatic quality, but party bosses hid that from voters, fearing it would not play well. The GOP base loves to rail against "elites," but in doing so it risks becoming the anti-intellectual party.

Republicans need ideas beyond "Bomb, bomb Iran" and "Drill, baby, drill." "Cut taxes" is a mindless mantra in an age of soaring national debt.

They also need a healthy dose of self-reflection. Many of them pine for the Reagan era, but are the doctrines that defined that time still right for today? Can some of them admit that the massive deregulation Reagan spawned helped trigger today's economic implosion?

The party could rebuild by embracing its traditional strength: foreign policy. The ideas of Nixon, James Baker, and Brent Scowcroft defined a generation. Conceptual thinkers are again needed. Republicans need to stop their chest-thumping as a substitute for foreign policy. Even Reagan, whom no conservative would consider "soft," opted for no significant military response when 220 Marines were killed in the 1983 terrorist bombing in Beirut, which intelligence reports subsequently suggested had roots in Syria and Iran.

President Eisenhower exemplifies Republican statesmanship. In the late 1950s, strategists said the US should prepare for limited nuclear warfare against the Soviets. But Ike rejected the idea because "he understood better than his advisers what war is really like" wrote John Lewis Gaddis in "The Cold War."

Today's Republicans have their share of talent. Mitch Daniels, now in his second term as governor of Indiana, has built an impressive record. So has former Colorado Gov. Bill Owens. Though he stumbled in his prime-time address in February, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is a former Rhodes scholar and healthcare wonk who offers much needed diversity.

Again, though, Republicans shouldn't fall into the trap of pinning their hopes on a "star." If they can build an intelligent agenda that meets the needs of a rapidly changing world, they will bounce back. If not, they risk even further irrelevance.

Cheney vs. Obama: Banking on Fear

The Nation -- As rational, soaring, and adult-ready as Barack Obama's speech before the shrine of the Constitution in the National Archives was--and, in contrast, as full of retreaded lies as Dick Cheney's Personal Prosecution Protection Plan before the rightwing American Enterprise Institute was--the former vice was already hanging ten on a fear wave. The day before, the Republicans drew a blind fear response from the Democratically controlled Senate, which voted 90-6 against funding the closing of Guantanamo.

With that vote, the Dems returned to their customary defensive crouch. But it's not entirely their fault. Obama's White House made a basic mistake when it failed to recognize that if you leave a bunch of beaten dogs alone in the backyard for a week with the person who beat them, they'll whine and mewl and suck up to that abusive master all over again.

It doesn't matter that Cheney is on the other side of the fence now and can no longer hurt them. Old habits die hard, and it takes a firm hand to get a yellow dog up out of the middle of the road and home where it belongs.

Where was Obama as video of orange-garbed Gitmo prisoners were being splayed across TV for the past few weeks? The fandango about the suspected terrorists (or simply "the terrorists," as most media call them) spiraled into deeper and deeper sinkholes of illogic with each passing day. Gitmoers, we were told, are going to bust outta the local jail, or worse, assemble Islamofacist gangs while in Supermax solitary lockdown; then they'll hold a habeas corpus carved out of soap to some hapless guard's head and walk out into the sunny suburbs, scot-free. Never mind that they're not U.S. citizens and have not a scintilla of a chance to be legally released among the citizenry.

Nonetheless, the cowed Dems ran at the very prospect of ads like the Senate Republican web spot that went up earlier this month (and that Rachel Maddow skewered beautifully), or this one, a sort of Daisy Girl Goes to Gitmo, released today by RNC:

In his speech, Obama sympathized with the quaking souls of his fellow Party members, saying, "These issues are fodder for 30-second commercials and direct-mail pieces that are designed to frighten. I get it."

Get a grip, European-style socialists! There's plenty of evidence that the American people want to turn the page on all that fear and doubt. A vast majority desperately wants Barack Obama to be their knight in shining armor, hoping he will modestly rewrite the social contract in a way that eases their economic burdens, gets us out of wars we can't afford, and moves toward the universal health care that every other developed country takes for granted.

But if we're supposed to have his back, then he's got to have ours as well. And as long as Obama lets bankers and their friends, like Timothy Geithner and Larry Summers, stay in power, Americans will have nagging doubts about who's on whose side.

This is where domestic and national security issues come together in a single Gordian Knot. Watching Cheney's sneering performance, the thought hit home that the real power in America doesn't come from the barrel of a gun but from the threat of a pink slip. Sure, Wall Street is unpopular now, resented and derided around the world, but Cheney's very persistence on the stage (and the lickspittle obeisance he got from much of the media, which raised him to be Obama's--and not, say, Bobby Jindal's--split-screen equal) was a warning that FDR's "malefactors of great wealth" are still standing just behind the curtain.

Remember: Not a single major banking chief has been fired for the financial scandals yet; Geithner recently announced that no caps will be placed on executive salaries; and his nominee for the number-two post at the Treasury Department is Neal Wolin, who helped write the bank deregulations that triggered the capitalist collapse in the first place. If the people can't feel certain that Obama's going to defend them from such gimlet-eyed sharks, they're going to be less likely to stand up to Cheney when he plays scary organ music about our physical safety.

Of course, neither Obama nor Cheney spoke directly about the banking bailouts or rising unemployment on Thursday morning. But the back-to-back speeches make clear how much of Obama's foreign policy depends on the success of his domestic economic agenda, and vice versa. Sure, Cheney's lies were preposterous, as Lawrence O'Donnell energetically noted immediately after the speech:

But Cheney's aura of authority--complete with rising poll numbers!--is no lie: It stems not only from his masterful fear-mongering, but from the fact that he still speaks from the commanding heights of the ecomony. The former CEO of Halliburton who devised U.S. energy policy with a secret cabal of oil executives represents the industrial and financial elite, whose largesse paid for the microphone he used at AEI. What many of us heard as Cheney talked about "enhanced interrogation techniques," 9/11, and security for das Homeland was the suggestion that, ultimately, he could still hire or fire us all.

We're beginning to see the limits of Obama's moderation, the checks it puts on just how effective a Chief Protector he can be for the middle-class, much less for the poor. While we look on enthralled by Obama's elegance and calm reason, Cheney waits like a troll under the bridge, watching for the slightest misstep. What I fear is that Obama hasn't made enough of a change from the Bush-Cheney-Paulsen economic model to keep us from falling back into a financial Charybdis.

My INR is at a critical 1.9--a drop of 0.2% since Monday's reading.

It would *explain* why I'm in such pain right now in both legs. The smaller clots are becoming more numerous as the days go by--and not even my compression stockings seem to be halting them.

There's little anyone can do except to increase the dosage of my Coumadin. I have one shot of Lovenox left--but I intend to save that in case of an emergency.

My writing is doing better. I've rewritten the last chapter to THE VAMPIRESS HUNTER last night, but I've been thinking that I should try again tonight; seeing how I came off with a successful rewrite of Chapter 162-163 of STARCHILD DUEL.

THE PRICE OF FREEDOM is in limbo for the time being. I plan on doing some work this weekend.

Nothing in the mail yet--but our situation with our GAU problem seems to have been resolved. I just don't like the fits and starts I have to go through--just to keep my coverage going.

The plus side is that I'm throwing far fewer fits and not taking it out on the apartment.

I grumble and complain for a little while, before I start to calm down.

Then I just go back to whatever I was doing before--KNOWING that there is nothing I can do about the situation...after addressing it.

In the End Republicans Not Pelosi Will Lose

Did House Speaker Nancy Pelosi step into a political quagmire during her press conference on the Bush Administration's torture tactics? Yes. Will President Obama's agenda lose momentum now that this "who said what and when" drama will suck oxygen out of the presidents tailwind? Almost certainly. Will there now be some type of independent commission established to investigate the treatment of war prisoners during the Bush/Cheney reign? Count on it. Who will suffer the greatest political damage from all this? Without question the Republican Party.

Watching Republicans rush to the microphones after the Pelosi press conference last Thursday to salivate over the speaker's performance, I was reminded of the somber parade of GOP House members as they made the walk from the House to the Senate carrying the Articles of Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton. In their hands they held what they surely believed to be a weapon that would doom the Clinton Presidency and insure election year victories solidifying Republican majorities.

That was 1998. What unfolded that year was; the exoneration of Clinton in the Senate; a massive public revulsion against Republicans for pursuing such a ridiculous pogrom; the loss of GOP seats in the House and Senate; and the ouster of House Speaker Newt Gingrich. Will Republicans never learn? Do they really believe that Middle America cares about what Nancy Pelosi knew and when she knew it? If so they will be in for a stunning lesson in the old "be careful what you ask for" school of dumb desires.

For those few Republicans who do understand the potential for blow back from such an investigation and don't want it, the issue is settled. There will be an investigative body established by an act of Congress. But it will be the majority Democrats who will define the parameters of the investigation. Of necessity that will include Pelosi's involvement but the scope will be much, much broader if for no other reason than to dilute the impact of the Speaker's exposure.

The mandate will insure that everything from secret CIA prisons in foreign countries, to the tortured legal rational by Bush/Cheney lawyers on the dubious legality of waterboarding; to Dick Cheney's public statements about an Iraqi nuclear program and Iraqi involvement in 9/11; to Bush Administration members who will testify that no WMD were in Iraq before the war; to the FBI's insistence that what helpful intelligence did come from captured terrorists was in hand before waterboarding and enhanced investigation tactics were employed; and much more.

By the time this investigation is concluded (probably as campaign 2010 heats up) Nancy Pelosi's briefing history will be a footnote to a scathing report on the Bush/Cheney attempts at fabricating or creating intelligence to justify the war in Iraq. What's more, for the length of the investigation the most public figure will not be Nancy Pelosi but rather Dick Cheney, arguably the most unpopular politician in America. His presence will only remind Americans of the Bush Administration, indisputably the most unpopular Administration in the past fifty years.

What Pelosi knew and when she knew it is only interesting to the base of the Republican Party. That base has already shrunk to a dangerously low percentage of voters (between 20 and 25 percent according to some polls). With numbers that small Republicans could qualify for Affirmative Action Grants under civil rights law.

There's no reason to assume, however, that the Republicans will shy away from this suicide course. The Clinton impeachment was only one example of the Republican penchant for self inflicted political wounds. Their pursuit of Pelosi now has the potential to exact even more pain on an already wounded GOP. History tells us that the party out of power picks up Congressional seats in midterm elections. The Republican desire to revisit the Bush years may well insure history, in this case, does not repeat itself.

Instead of acting like a minority party and raising policy alternatives to President Obama's far reaching initiatives, the GOP has decided that opening the wounds of the Bush Administration to topple Speaker Pelosi is somehow smart politics. Certainly there will be some damage done to the Obama agenda simply because an investigation of this magnitude could well push Obama's initiatives off the front pages but only for a brief time.

Most Republicans on the Hill believe pursuing Pelosi is smart politics. It's not, and it may well be political suicide. In the end Nancy Pelosi might get a black eye from all of this, but the Republicans will end up in the intensive care unit on their continuing journey toward political flat lining.

Got a lot of writing done on STARCHILD DUEL last night--before I decided to plug the rest of the evening playing PAX IMPERIA.

I found out last night--through some contacts of mine--that my second-oldest brother (Sheridan Thorpe) now has six kids--with a recent addition born only last week.

I was just FLOORED.

SIX KIDS???

My conversation with my mom a week or so ago pointed to the fact that he's working one job.

My question last night, was: "How can he support six kids on a single job?"

It was hard enough for my mom raising the three of us--and working 1 or 2 jobs--but *six*?!?

What's he trying to be like? That mom with the octuplets?

I realized that my brothers don't always make the right decisions. Heaven knows they learned that the hard way with their previously failed marriages, but I would at *least* expected Sheridan (or "Red" as I call him) to have a few more smarts than that.

Having kids and bringing them into the world is hard enough as is.

April and I have yet to have any of our own, but to see my brothers line theirs up like ducks in a row, makes me wonder and question their logic in having so *many*.

Of course, three is from his first marriage, while the two he acquired from his current girlfriend, and the fourth which was born last week--a baby girl named Tabitha. (Thank god that he decided to chose naming his kids NORMALLY--instead of what he wanted to name them: Mangus or Marcus, or some other Viking lore crap. lol)

While I love my bro a lot, even *I* wouldn't jump into the fray with these many children.

I can't imagine the load of stress it is to taking care of so many, but we haven't been talking a whole heck of a lot these days.

I rarely talk with them and vice versa. One or twice on the phone every 10 years now--and maybe an e-mail or two in the past 3.

Shallon (my youngest) lives in California, while Sheridan is in Vergennes, Vermont.

I sent him a message on his Myspace page just a little while ago to have him contact me when he can.

The guy is more elusive than Dick Cheney is right now. :0)