EPIDEMIC TO PANDEMIC

The UK swine flu cases
Have now reach sixty two
But the shocking news
That’s being kept from you
Is of the 35 million
Confirmed cases of man flu

ALL ENCOMPASSING

A compass point
Will show due north
And knowing where north resides
Lets you find your way
To all points due
This differs greatly
From a moral compass point
Which only has one position
And always points you to
“Do the right thing”

FILTHY RICH

Life can really be
An awful bitch
Which is why, on balance
I would prefer to be rich
There are some people
Those lucky dogs and bitches
Who though little effort
Amass immense riches
In numbered accounts
Their balances healthy
And they find themselves
So incredibly wealthy
That they lose all respect
For simple humanity
And that's the kind of rich
That I want to be.

Edited by author 05-18-2009 09:42 AM
FEVERISH

I don’t think I have swine flu
As I haven’t been to Mexico
But I don’t feel well at all
I feel like crap if you must know
I thought of the NHS for advice
On the flu and perhaps its tackling
So I phoned the swine flu hotline
But all I got was crackling

A GRAVY TRAIN PRODUCTION

In order to keep supping
From the gravy train
The hangers on have boarded
The chav express again

Moving the Goody show
To the stage from satellite
So they can still cash in
And keep her in the spotlight

As if this crazy world
Wasn’t already farcical
Now we have to suffer
Jade the fucking musical

CUPID FIRED

I’ve waited for my valentine
For such a long lonely time
I have waited for years
For him to end all my tears
I’ve waited for cupid to start
And shoot his arrow at a heart
The piercing of my valentine
That would then make him mine
And I hoped and I prayed
For a valentines loving serenade
But I never ever got one
So I shot cupid with a gun
You may think my actions hard
But he did nothing in my regard
And when apology remained unsaid
I shot cupid in the head

PAM AND SUE (sisters rewrite)

I’ve met strange girls
In this life of mine
When seeking company
From time to time
Strange like the sisters
That once I knew
Two sisters known
As Pam and Sue

Now Pam was the oldest
As a matter of fact
And she had blonde hair
Right down her back
That sounds all right
You would have said
But it grew down her back
And not on her head

Now Sue was the younger
It has to be said
And she wasn’t blonde
She was a red head
And when I saw her
I was filled with dread
She had no hair
Just a very red head

I’ve met strange girls
In this life of mine
When seeking company
From time to time
But none since the sisters
That once I knew
Who went by the names
Of Pam and Sue

THE IT GIRL

I had a first date with a girl
From the I.T. suite
Who for a computer nerd
Is really very sweet
It was a disaster
Not quite but almost complete
I wish that I could have hit
Ctrl Alt Delete

 I tried that way, but as you mentioned, that there is difference between
real life and my thinks, and i still have lots of questions, but anyway,
thank you for share.
cheap wow gold

Edited by author 03-12-2009 11:56 AM
COMFORT EATER

Through a total lack of self esteem
I eat too much to ease my despair
And food has now replaced sex for me
So I can't even get into my own underwear

SHARING

We shared an umbrella when we first met
When caught in an April shower
We shared our first kiss
One night in the wee small hours
We shared a passionate embrace
And made love in culmination
Then we shared a secret
After we caught an unpleasant infection

MY COOKIE LAMENT

Oh what a pleasure they represent
Such sinful pleasure I’ll not repent
Whether foreign fare of strange accent
Or posh ones made for lady and gent
Or those down the bargain basement
Even with broken ones I am content
But I must cease those moments spent
Devouring the cookies heaven sent
And sing loud my sad cookie lament
Of a man left alone in his torment
For as the treat that they represent
I have given cookies up for lent

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – A QUESTION OF SYLLABLES

“Ok class, today we will learn
About words with multi syllables”
The teacher addressed her class
“Does anyone have an example?”
One boy put up his hand
“Please miss I have an example”
He wrote on the blackboard “Mas-tur-bate”
Then said “that is my example”
The teacher was a little embarrassed
"Gosh that’s a mouthful."
"No, Miss, you're thinking of a blowjob
And that has fewer syllables”

MEN ARE ALL THE SAME

Men are all the same
Let’s say that from the start
They have different faces
But only to tell them apart
like distinguishing marks
And another alarming fact
Is, all men are created equal
How sad is that?

DIPPED OUT

In the dim and distant past
When I was young and free
Going about running and skipping
And we’d all go “skinny dipping”

Now the years have rushed past
And have taken there toll
I hobble, shuffling and clunking
And in the pool I go “chunky dunking”