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| Paul Curtis
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134
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11-11-2009 10:15 GMT
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LITTERBUG JITTERBUG
Discarded from a moving car The litter travels very far Each piece small or big Performs a little merry jig Each windblown piece at play Participates in the ballet Plastic bags float with ease Waltzing high upon the breeze Sweet papers flutter Down in the gutter Coke cans or maybe tango Dance the tin can fandango While larger papers jitterbug Thanks to the litterbug
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| Paul Curtis
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133
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11-11-2009 10:14 GMT
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SQUALL
The grey skies are stormy and wild, Strong winds gust and batter the land, Rain carried by the squall Peppers the windows like gravel And stings the faces of the unfortunate traveller God protect those caught abroad On such a foul day as this The winds whistle round the buildings And make rag dolls of the trees Being inside looking out is preferable Warming by the fire with glass in hand Loved ones safe about you Ride out the storm in comfort Until the stormy gales subside
SPRING IS HERE
Before the dawn has fully broken I am all at once awoken By wondrous songbird symphony Though to some it is cacophony But to hear the dawn chorus Singing songs, loud and joyous So my heart is simply soaring For the season that Im adoring Now that its Spring my heart is lifted For another Spring that God has gifted When daffodils burst from the ground And in the breeze they dance around Grass is growing lush and green The greenest that it has ever been And with cherry blossom on the tree Spring is here for all to see
ON SUN SCORCHED SAND
Beneath my shoeless feet The sun scorched sand Burned those who dwelt too long In admiration of the vista Beneath the swaying fronts In the shadow of the palms The white sands Offered cool respite I rested a while Before I journeyed Across the sun baked sand To become immersed In the cool of the ocean
MISTY MORNING
The early morning sunlight Creeps across the meadow, Where in the wet grass The rabbits make their dawn patrol
In the meadows quiet corners The sun glints on dewdrops Trapped within the intricacies Of a labyrinthine spiders web
Though the morning sun is weak And too soft to burn the mist It still banishes the darkness And another day begins
SUNFLOWERS
They bloom in summertime Blooms of golden orange Heads the size of saucers Unnaturally strange They stand tall and straight And super model thin Large headed and skinny Just like models again Not grown for beauty But for their numerous seeds Ugly and ungainly These giant unwanted weeds Maybe Im wrong to view them As one of natures messes But I cant help thinking Theyre not one of Gods successes
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| Paul Curtis
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132
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11-11-2009 10:14 GMT
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CRADLE TO THE GRAVE
Im taxed on what I earn By the government knave Im taxed on what I spend Im taxed on what I save And every penny in between Im taxed from cradle to the grave
FROM BEGINNING TO END
From school days To pay days From a lowly newbie To the top of the tree From earning a salary To redundancy From numerous applications To endless rejections From a life of worth To a state of dearth From adolescence To obsolescence
THE THREE RS
I was raised on the three Rs At least on their importance Reading, riting and rithmatic Though spelling was more happenstance But a greater three r s exist Greater than literacy, grammar or fractions Respect for oneself, Respect for others, And Responsibility for all of your actions
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| Paul Curtis
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131
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11-11-2009 10:12 GMT
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OH GUARDIAN ANGEL
Oh guardian angel Please watch over me It would be a comfort To feel the guarantee That should I go astray Watching over me You would be there To guide me back to safety
A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH
Wear your smile Enjoy Life If only for awhile
Enjoy the moment Its a special gift Thats heaven sent
Life and death Are separated By a single breath
Then more or less In an instant Nothing-ness?
Then the sight At the tunnels end Of heavens light
HE BELIEVES IN YOU
Humanists and atheists Refute Gods existence But in all honesty They mount a futile resistance Because for all their vehement Creation of fuss The great lord God Believes in them as well as us
YOULL NEVER WALK ALONE
He lived his life in the shadows Hiding from Gods light Not acknowledging his existence Thinking he was out of sight He thought he walked the road alone Without the Lord by his side But at the hour of his death His faith could no longer be denied On the darkness of this death God lights a light to show his way Shining his light of love To comfort those left in disarray As he walks in Gods light Within the sound of Heavens bells God illuminating his path Now he walks with the angels
THE SAINTS AND THE ANGELS
The Saints and the Angels Watch over us all the year round You never know they are there For they never make a sound
But they are there nonetheless Watching over us everyday And they are there to listen When you have a need to pray And should some weary soul Let slip their earthly bonds They have angelic company On their way to the great beyond
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| Paul Curtis
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130
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11-11-2009 10:10 GMT
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DIFFERENT STROKES
We are poles apart You are north to my south We are different ends of the solar system You are Mercury I am Pluto We are contradictory You are black to my white We are from different ends of the earth We inhabit different hemispheres You are up and I am down We should be knife and fork Brush and paint Cup and saucer Pepper and salt But we are not How did we become man and wife?
ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER Absence makes the heart grow fonder Is that really true I wonder Does it work without fail Or is it just an old wives tale Im not sure the advice is the best And Im fearful to put it to the test For if I were to go away For a month, a week, a day I fear I wouldnt miss you and pine But would think our separation fine
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| Paul Curtis
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129
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11-11-2009 10:09 GMT
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EUTOPIA (HAIKU)
Darling buds of May, appearing in endless dreams of bountiful days
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| Paul Curtis
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128
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11-11-2009 10:09 GMT
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I LOVE IT AT THE SEASIDE
I love it at the seaside out of season When the bathers are not there The beaches are no longer sun kissed The sands are empty and bare
I love it at the seaside On a bright sunny winters day When you can stroll along With out people getting in the way
You pick your way along the shore Picking up driftwood and shells Skim stones across the water Without soliciting angry yells
I love it at the seaside The deck chairs are all stored away On the sea front all is quiet And the car park is free all day
I love it at the seaside The shops are shut and battened down All the amusement arcades are shut But not the Rose and Crown
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| Paul Curtis
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127
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11-11-2009 10:08 GMT
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OUT IN THE COUNTRY
Driving down country lanes Top down, wind in my hair The sun gracing the sky The wind set fair The smell of hay, Freshly mowed Beasts in the fields Beyond hedgerows Blue cloudless skies, On a glorious summers day, The only blot being The cyclists in my way
OUT IN THE COUNTRY, AGAIN
When driving the byways Travelling far and wide Whether the lakes or the peaks Or any of the countryside, One thing thats guaranteed To frustrate the driving clan And cause them to become irate Is to get stuck behind a caravan
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| Paul Curtis
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126
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10-11-2009 11:12 GMT
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I WENT TO A FUNERAL TODAY
I went to a funeral today What a totally depressing day In was a humanist service Cold and utterly soulless With some mumbling buffoon Waffling on in monotone A couple of poorly read poems From some well thumbed tomes And ended in a fit of irony To the tune of stay with me He was not religious I will concede But even a man lacking a creed Should be launched into oblivion To the sound of a rousing requiem
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| Paul Curtis
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125
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10-11-2009 11:11 GMT
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DEFEND IT TO THE DEATH
Liberals believe in freedom of speech They support it on pain of death And they will defend this principle With their final dying breath
Its the corner stone of liberalism Its the doctrine that they teach However it most definitely helps If you sing from their hymn sheet
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| Paul Curtis
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124
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10-11-2009 11:11 GMT
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BEFORE COMPUTERS TOOK OVER THE WORLD
Before computers took over the world A virus was the flu, and a keyboard was a piano A mouse pad was where a single mouse lived And a CD was a bank account and a program was a TV show The net was something you fished with A monitor would report you to the teacher An application was a form to be filled out And Windows were opened to get fresh air A hard drive was a long trip in the car A web was a spiders home, a cursor used profanity Memory was something you lost with age And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy youd tell nobody
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| Paul Curtis
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123
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06-11-2009 10:45 GMT
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MISSING OUT
Theyve taken all the fun away Its prohibited from the school day Thanks to the politically correct crusade And the heath and safety brigade There can be no unacceptable names Or boisterous competitive games Now playing in the snow and ice You must play games safe and nice The nanny state has declared That the nations children must be spared But when I was a child we did alright And we did survive an occasional fight But we had more freedom in my view We could choose what things to do You didnt have to climb in trees Or pick the scabs off wounded knees You didnt have to play kiss chase Or catch a snowball in the face You didnt have to make a slide in the snow If you didnt want to you could say no Conkers was not a compulsory game You didnt have to call girls names You could roll in the grass again and again Or jump in puddles after heavy rain You didnt have to skip with girls Or run with grass seed in your curls If you didnt want to there was no need You could sit alone and quietly and read But if you chose to you could do it And after all we were young and fit
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| Paul Curtis
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122
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06-11-2009 10:44 GMT
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POETS OF YORE
Great poets, wordsmiths of yore Prose and rhyme did write Of matters that went before Viewing them in poetic light
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| Paul Curtis
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121
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06-11-2009 10:44 GMT
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WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN?
"Who killed Cock Robin?" "I," said the Sparrow, "With my bow and arrow, I killed Cock Robin."
"Who killed the sparrows?" "We," said the Humans, "With out many deftly hands, We killed the sparrows.
Why kill the sparrows?" Because they are so small, And dont matter at all, Thats why we kill the sparrows.
"Who killed the humans?" Mother nature did the act, For mans breach of contract, Mother nature had to act
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| Paul Curtis
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120
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02-11-2009 12:43 GMT
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WHO IS ANNE ADCOCK?
The very acerbic Anne Adcock Who seems to appear adhoc In order to criticize or knock
Seems to appear out of nowhere Materializing out of the ether Leaving no way to contact her
She hides behind her anonymity Like the Scarlet Pimpernel maybe Or perhaps she is actually a he
She protects the sacred grammar Never knowing when to expect her Shes like the Pimpernel in that manner
They seek her here They seek her there They seek Ms Adcock everywhere Is she in hiding? Or is she not That darned elusive Anne Adcock
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| Paul Curtis
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119
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02-11-2009 12:42 GMT
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PEACE IN OUR TIME
When idle thoughts lead me back down Memory lane I think of Mr Chamberlain stepping from the plane Desperately clutching that piece of paper he waved That promise of hope that Europe would be saved
How we all held that precious hope in our hearts Before the promise of peace finally fell apart And how that hope evaporated to leave me scared When Chamberlains voice said war was declared
Hitlers broken promise broke Nevilles heart Another world war blew his appeasement apart Then up steps Winston Churchill into the fray His boldness and stiff resolve eventually won the day A broken man, Chamberlains life came to an end Many years before the war he tried so hard to prevent
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| Paul Curtis
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118
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02-11-2009 12:42 GMT
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LIBERALS
Dont you just love the liberal crew So called because of their liberal views But when you examine their reasoning Their liberality is merely posturing Charles Kennedy was deposed of course Because he was too fond of the sauce Jeremy Thorpe had to go way back when Because of his fondness for young men While Menzies Campbell was told He had to go because he was just too old The party so proud of their liberal principals Are in reality not that liberal at all
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| Paul Curtis
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117
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30-10-2009 14:11 GMT
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THE YOUTH OF TODAY
Whether Right or wrong Or for good or bad They all do it, Girl and boy Or laddette and lad Lads swear like troupers Loud and loutish Girls swear like fishwives Drinking to excess So lacking in respect For themselves and for others Morals like alley cats That would shame their mothers
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| Paul Curtis
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116
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30-10-2009 14:10 GMT
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LADS AND LADDETTES
Going out Saturday nights Looking for birds Looking for fights Getting ratted Getting pissed Getting groped Getting kissed Getting angry Getting miffed Getting slapped Getting biffed Getting punched Getting kicked Getting gobby Getting nicked Getting queasy Getting sick Sleeping it off Down the nick This is what Young lads do Its always been Its nothing new
Going out On the weekend Looking for fun Going with friends Getting ratted Getting pissed Getting groped Getting kissed Getting angry Getting miffed Getting slapped Getting biffed Getting punched Getting kicked Getting gobby Getting nicked Getting queasy Getting sick Sleeping it off Down the nick This is what The laddettes do I guess that that Is equality for you
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| Paul Curtis
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115
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30-10-2009 14:09 GMT
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BE ALERT
On public transport You are reminded constantly To be alert and vigilant And report suspicious things you see
But if I saw something That might be construed suspicious I wouldnt know what Id do As I dont like to make a fuss
But what constitutes suspicious Is it unattended packages Or people behaving furtively Or just hanging around for ages
Traveling home late on the train One night before Christmas I saw several women dressed as schoolgirls Should I report that as suspicious?
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| Paul Curtis
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114
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28-10-2009 13:57 GMT
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ITS POSITIVELY WRONG
Discrimination is abhorrent To everyone in this nation So why is it common practice? To have positive discrimination
Two wrongs dont make a right Was something I learned as a lad Discrimination is wrong There is no good and bad
Discriminating positively Is in no way the right answer After all its like suggesting There is good and bad cancer
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| Paul Curtis
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113
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28-10-2009 13:57 GMT
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AM I BOVVERED
She drove in the exit as I drove out And I hit her car with a mighty clout With a chorus of colourful language She got out to inspect the damage Her hair was pulled back from her face Eyes bulging as if sprayed with mace Skin tighter than the string of a bow As if shed had her head out the window I wasnt sure if she was injured or ok Or if her face always looked that way I inquired if she was injured or hurt Her response was certainly quite curt Then I pointed out she was at fault And she reared up like an angry colt We exchange details insurance and such And got in my car and wished her luck I pointed out her horse like behaviour And the extent of her driving failure She was a very long way past miffed The angry girl with the Croydon facelift
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| Paul Curtis
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112
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28-10-2009 13:56 GMT
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SUMMER STORM
A white cloud Appears on the once Clear blue afternoon sky Like a careless splodge of white On the blue canvas of an artist It bubbles up Then races across the blue Another appears bigger this time Then another and another And as they move across the sky They cast their shadows across the land Patches of light and dark Appear to move over the landscape Like a giant kaleidoscope One of the sunny patches Illuminates the weeping cherry Where the gold finches sing Then there is more cloud than sky The small white clouds Have now bubbled up and darkened And from the lake the Geese speak To no one in particular Saying that a storm is coming In the distance the mountains Stand out starkly Against the ever darkening sky The first sounds of thunder Roll around the valley Sounding like a distant train Getting nearer and louder Silent lightning streaks Across the blackening clouds Then a thunder clap Not to be mistaken for a distant train Large raindrops hit the ground Dappling the dry earth Strumming on the roof tops And the tops of parked cars In a reassuring rhythm And as the last dry spot disappeared The torrent began Falling vertically like monsoon rains Lightning streaks dazzled the eyes And almost instant thunder shook the house The waters of the lake Erupted like a pot coming to the boil And day was turned to night Slowly the rain eased And the storm rolled on Blue coloured the skies again The Geese spoke again from the lake Gold finches sang once more And the air was filled with the scent of wet pines
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| Paul Curtis
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111
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19-10-2009 13:31 GMT
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LOVE MAKER
In my long life I have found this to be true It is impossible To make someone love you
You have to accept this Or adopt a different spin By stalking them until they panic And they finally give in
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| Paul Curtis
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110
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19-10-2009 13:29 GMT
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CULTURE VULTURE
Isnt culture wonderful? Music, theatre, poetry Something for everyone To feel or hear or see The performing arts I particularly like poetry Especially poetry readings With the writer at the mic I go to festivals and slams From time to time I like to go to a recital And ask why the poem doesn't rhyme
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| Paul Curtis
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109
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19-10-2009 13:27 GMT
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REUNION TREPIDATION
Reunions are strange affairs Full of shadows of events long past Faces swim at you from the crowd Faces from the past Some are old friends Greyer in colour Frailer in body But still recognisable Someone says "I haven't seen you for years" And suddenly you see them as they once were You swap stories Exchange remembrances And the years just melt away Though at times you grasp for names In the far reaches Of your cluttered mind You pour over old albums Regimental photos Or company teams Picking out familiar faces "His name was Chisholm" "What was his first name?" "George?" "No he played trombone" "Tom, Tim, no Jim" You feel pleased with yourself. Your trepidation at attending long gone With the pleasure of old friendships revisited You are glad you made the effort
At reunions and other such gatherings Amongst the sea of faces There always appears As if released from a time capsule That one person who seems completely unchanged The Dorian Gray Who makes you feel older than ever And a little bit envious But not bitter You console yourself with the fact He has a painting of Methuselah in his attic Plus there was that smug satisfaction you got When you met the rabble rousers of your youth That are now the teetotallers Or those with walking frames And the special diets
Reunions are more than that though Its not just about meeting old friends Some people you never liked Some you always avoided Those are the ones who propel themselves Excocet like from the throng And act like your long lost best friend They are the ones you need rescuing from That cause time to stand still They ones that caused your trepidation Who talks incessantly About everything And nothing The ones that cause you to vow "This is my last reunion" Or Never again But because the one annoyance Is the exception to the rule When next you're asked You always relent
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| Paul Curtis
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108
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16-10-2009 16:10 GMT
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GHURKA WARRIOR
Ghurka warrior Proud and loyal How can you take This cruel betrayal
Always williing To take up arms To suffer war And all its harms
You defended empire And commonwealth Fighting hand to hand And in stealth
You stood and fought In our nations name How we forsake you To our governments shame
Ghurka warrior Loyal and proud You now have justice Let us cheer you aloud
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| Paul Curtis
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107
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16-10-2009 16:09 GMT
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GIRL ON HORSEBACK
Elegant and beautiful I thought Admiring the girl on the horse I couldnt take my eyes off her No glance back at me of course
She sits in the saddle quite aloof A cut above us Ive been told A little bit snobby to tell the truth But she is a beauty to behold
As for the horse she sits upon A fine thoroughbred steed A beast like she, looks down its nose Because like her its of noble breed
You expect to be looked down upon By a girl atop a noble horse But when on terra firma I would expect equality of course
But from her five foot one inch stance She looked down on me once more Which was quite a feat indeed for her As I stand tall at six foot four
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| Paul Curtis
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106
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16-10-2009 16:09 GMT
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JIM PANSY
Tim can see, Jim Pansy, Gym handy Limbs bandy Tim can see, Jim Pansy, A chimpanzee
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| Paul Curtis
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105
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14-10-2009 22:32 GMT
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GENETIC MYSTERY
Our genes are passed on To subsequent generations Our complete genetic make up Quirks, foibles, and pre dispositions
Parts of us are forever preserved Due to the wonder of genetics And we can see in our off spring, Our own distinct characteristics
Through this miracle of procreation The genes will even carry From generation to generation The basic instincts in Genetic memory
What a pity that God omitted When he created Adam The most important genes of all The ones to carry wisdom
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| Paul Curtis
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104
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14-10-2009 22:31 GMT
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THE ANGEL OF THE NORTH
The angel of the north Standing tall and erect That androgynous monument To the politically correct Disproportionate in aspect On a hill it was put But it has sunk in the ground To the depth of a foot Definitely no room For complacency though As there are still another Sixty five feet to go
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| Paul Curtis
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103
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14-10-2009 22:31 GMT
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PC COFFEE TIME
Black coffee Thats all I crave Nothing fancy Just coffee, black Not latte Skinny or otherwise Not espresso Cappuccino Mocca Mocca choca Macchiato, Americano Just coffee, black But now Im told Its not PC To order black coffee Apparently To be perfectly PC When ordering black coffee I must request Coffee without milk
Then I return fulfilled To my dark domain And sleep the clock around Until I can sup again
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| Rolex
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102
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15-08-2009 03:31 GMT
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| Paul Curtis
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101
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11-08-2009 14:05 GMT
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JUSTITIA
Justitia, or lady justice Matronly Goddess Stands for fairness Validating justice Sanctifying the law A figure of trust
Before the court She stands Blindfolded To mete out justice Without fear of favour Equality for all In the eyes of the law Impartiality
In Justitias left hand The measuring balances The scales of justice Weighing the evidence For and against Support and opposition Guilt and innocent
Justitia, in her right hand Holds the sword The symbol of power Of reason and justice A double edge sword, The sword of justice The nemesis sword To be wielded for or against Retribution or vengeance
Justita is a fraud Justice is not blind Rip off the blindfold From the bitchs eyes She is not blind She has no impartiality She is the establishment The ruling order Her principled scales Dont measure justice Only a rich mans coin And her noble sword The sword of justice The nemesis sword Is used to smite the weak
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| Paul Curtis
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100
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11-08-2009 14:04 GMT
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POSITIVE DISCRIMINATION
Its about time we realised Discrimination is futile Between black and white Muslim, Jew and gentile The old and the young The homeless and the cherished The left and the right The perfect and the blemished Atheists and believers The contented and the whinger Able bodied and disabled Brunette blonde and ginger The east and the west From Asian Orientals Continent against continent To European Occidentals The happy and the sad The skinny and the stout The stable and the mad The in and the out The north and the south The Oxbridge and the common The straight and the gay Man versus woman At the end of the day Nature will discriminate And will eliminate Those perpetrators of hate The senseless bigots And the world will be rid As nature will choose Between the smart and the stupid
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| Paul Curtis
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99
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11-08-2009 14:04 GMT
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ANYTHING GOES
The Cole Porter classic Anything Goes Is a song everyone knows In olden days a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking Now heaven knows Anything goes Which attempted to define The moral decline Well little did he know How low morals would go Now little is left to the imagination When it come to female emancipation Woman display themselves to readily Or dress inappropriately Their varying degrees of undress Expose pierced and tattooed flesh In thongs with exposed arses Or skirts as short as west end farces Naked midriffs of all shapes and sizes Leaving no room for surprises Flesh erupts like a muffin Over waist bands unable to keep it in And no one should ever wear Lycra Unless their figure is micra There are things that should remain hidden And only revealed when bidden Equally there are also things about a woman That does not need to be revealed to a man For example a cause of great consternation Is that we get to here about their constipation Loss of bladder control issues Feminine freshness wipes and tissues Then there is the shaving and waxing And treatments men would find quite taxing There are things we dont need to see or hear I just want to make that clear One behaviour thats quite disturbing Is a mother in public breast feeding Nursing a baby we dont want to see No matter how nice her nurses maybe But the very worst thing to see Is when they are out socially Woman kind when emancipated Failed to do what was anticipated In taming the animal in men And preventing his wildness emerging again Instead women have fallen into the pit And show know intention of leaving it Laddettes and matrons who should know better End up drunk laying in the gutter Even at a holiday resort Men look on as they disport Cavorting bare chest-ed Free of the clothes they have divested As they display manicured muffs And unmatched collar and cuffs The tattooes, piercings and body art Are the only way to tell them apart Full of cocktails and beer And the odd infection I fear Im not sure Mrs Pankhurst When the idea struck her first Envisaged that this would be the way of it And Cole Porter didnt know the half of it In olden days a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking Now heaven knows Anything goes
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| Michael
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98
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31-07-2009 13:20 GMT
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That's the system let's face it it's corrupt and organized crime coming from them. It's hard for some to believe that we're all entitled to our beliefs you just have to open your eyes and ears a little bit more this is all around us.
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| Michael
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97
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31-07-2009 13:11 GMT
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Everyone believes that when they call Social Services that their going to get help for the better well you won't cause they'll just take you away when no one there like they kidnapped that lady from her own home throwing sheet over her and you'll just get put in care or day centres that are no good for normal people. This is the type of service everyone gets in the hands of Social Services and Care Staff. We are lead to believe that we will get better and the real support needed in their hands when all the time they will just turn your life up side down into a care home world and for the worse. Things get 10 times worse cause they think there here to stop you.
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| Streaming Video Recorder
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96
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29-07-2009 03:34 GMT
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How to download MySpace music? Have you ever thought about extract MP3 from FLV? Thats easy, Wondershare Streaming Audio Recorder is the best tool which has been proved by many users to download MySpace music and extract MP3 from FLV. Meanwhile, want to download Google Video? Streaming Video Recorder is your best choice. YouTube Downloader is a professional one to let you download YouTube videos freely. Believe it or not, these software will surprise you a lot.
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| Michael
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95
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25-07-2009 16:55 GMT
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What I also hate is when other people say is this all he and she does well what do you expect when haven't got a Job cause it's those type of people that say that to us in front of others that have stopped us from getting a Job just cause say of a voice and health problems. They make me sick.
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| Michael
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94
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25-07-2009 16:03 GMT
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When you say you want a Job and people actually turn their hobbies into Jobs when it's just a hobby people do take it further and make money out of it then 'them' look like what you. It's why people end up paranoid and things like that cause it's those type of Services doing that to us by like what you and what I mentioned in previous message below this one.
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| Michael
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93
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25-07-2009 15:47 GMT
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Reason why people can't get jobs is when some end up in Social Services hands when you want to work in a Shop as Staff 'them' say things like well that's for normal they just want to get on with their work. Well we all do. Then they go round spoiling it for us by saying that to other Staff in Shops and by turning our life up side down into a care home world. They also mark you down as a retard on the first time seeing you then they wonder why we have problems cause it's that type of people that go round doing that to us. They even tell strangers that we don't know never met before to keep an eye on us that's very dangerous. 'Them' done it to loads of people even those without a husky voice that come in from out of town for the first time and they now go to funny farm places of day centres and places like that that are no good. 'Them' have got to stop doing that to us. Then they pretend that's just paranoia some say their jerks. We never need that kind of treatment before they entered our lifes cause we lived normal and got treated normal at home.
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| download imeem songs
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92
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23-07-2009 03:45 GMT
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With "setting","record" and "browse" just 3 steps, you will be free to download imeem music and then save imeem songs. Don't be just waiting, try Audio Recorder now. Sure you will like the stuff to download imeem songs and save imeem songs, enjoy them freely.
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| Jane
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91
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21-07-2009 04:26 GMT
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| Michael
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90
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18-07-2009 13:47 GMT
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They got like this towards people with problems back in the 1970's when they came to take retards away. It started then even before I was born I'd like to know who started that when they came to take them away Ha! Ha! Since then it's all spiralled out of control and now they just do it anyone with a problem race creed or colour even if they don't know what's wrong with you. It's a sad world. I think they've got a problem with some of us. They call themselves Dr's and Nurses half of them don't even know what's wrong with you. They just say things like cause he or she is a retard that's not the answer. Oh well that's them.
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| Michael
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17-07-2009 19:42 GMT
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Edited by author 17-07-2009 19:45
Before people live in space and on other planets we're all going to have to stop doing that just cause of a husky voice and Asthma which courses heavy breathing noises over that and other health problems people have also a lot of people need to GROW UP.
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| Michael
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17-07-2009 19:35 GMT
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Deleted by author 17-07-2009 19:40
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| Michael
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17-07-2009 19:31 GMT
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Edited by author 17-07-2009 19:34
Glad the discussion about race creed and colour seemed meaningless to you at School in your days. It wasn't like that at my School in the 1980's and 1990's. Sadly these days it isn't like that anymore and some people attack and bully us for our problems in health. The problem is that no one doesn't help that person with problems in health and they just try to get them in care, off the street and those that do that to us make things 10 times worse. Like too much of anything with a problem is too big for them to handle. Well they shouldn't be teaching nor as Boarders Staff if they can't handle it. It's like so everytime there's a problem your just going to run away from it.
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| Michael
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17-07-2009 19:23 GMT
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Deleted by author 17-07-2009 19:26
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| extract mp3 from youtube
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How to extract mp3 from YouTube videos, FLV videos? YouTube is by now the most popular online music provider, if you want to extract mp3 from YouTube Videos, they will plug-in a video converter, which can convert YouTube flv to mp3. Generally, it may lose lots of quality while converting video to audio mp3. Wondershare Streaming Audio Recordera streaming mp3 recorder to extract mp3 from YouTube, extract mp3 from flv with high quality. http://www.download-streaming-video.com/st...lv-youtube.html#159
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Deleted by topic administrator 25-07-2009 07:09
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| Aimersoft DVD Creator
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| wow gold
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| wow gold
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ericbin1
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| wow gold
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| Steffi
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16-11-2008 18:31 GMT
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Hey There! My name is Steffi and I am glad to be here with all of you
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| warhammer
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Messages 76-75 deleted by topic administrator between 10-07-2008 02:28 AM and 07-25-2009 02:09 AM |
| Paul Curtis
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05-02-2008 13:20 GMT
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COLD SHOULDER
Always remember You should never go to bed On a cross word After angry things are said Its more sensible Not to go to bed angry, when You can stay up And calmly plot your revenge
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| Paul Curtis
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73
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05-02-2008 13:19 GMT
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WHEN I WAS A KID
When I was a kid Life was simpler than it is today We chose our friends Based on the things we liked to play When I was a kid And we Choose teams in the school yard If you didnt get picked No one thought to play the race card When I was a kid Race creed and colour were meaningless The only Race issue" Was arguing about who ran the fastest
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| Paul Curtis
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28-11-2007 10:59 GMT
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RIGHT ON MAN I am a white male Anglo Saxon fifty something Able-bodied heterosexual And as a result in modern Britain I have no rights whatever
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| Paul Curtis
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16-10-2007 13:23 GMT
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THE ARMENIAN HOLOCAUSTS 1896 to 1915
Since prehistoric times, humans populated The mountainous lands of Armenia Adam and eve, in the biblical garden of Eden Trod this land in the shadow of the Armenian highlands And Mount Ararat towered above Upon which Noahs ark came to rest Christianity was nurtured in these historic lands Sustaining and comforting the gentle people They lived in peace for centuries The oldest Christian nation of the world Until the Ottoman Empire spread And they fell under Turkeys oppressive yoke Churches and Cathedrals were desecrated And the devout Christians Persecuted Four centuries of oppression past Until finally in utter despair They rose up against the tyranny To shake loose their shackles And drive out their Muslim overloads But hopelessly outnumbered and ill equipped They failed to win their freedom And the wrath of their Turkish masters Was brought down upon their heads With merciless efficiency they struck Killing indiscriminately And when the savagery ended 50,000 Armenian souls had ascended Then 20 more years of suffering followed When the savage allies of the Kaiser Sent word from Istanbul To solve their Armenian problem A chilling phrase echoing through the years This time their actions were unprovoked And the butchery unprecedented One and a half million Christian souls Were sent heavenward by the Turkish tyrants A solution that provided the Germans With a template for the future Which they would employ to great effect
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| Paul Curtis
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16-10-2007 13:23 GMT
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EUROPEAN EMPIRE
The European empire grows Ever greater Day on day Governed from its Brussels base Yet ruled from Paris and Berlin Yet this empires growth is not it seems Restricted by the continents borders The arrogance of Germany and France Not content with European expansion wish now to expand the empire into asia Pushing the borders far beyond the Bosporus straights And the Sea of Marmara Natural waterways separating continents Enabling the empire to encompass Turkey and then beyond The Occidental empire enveloping the Orient
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| Rev, Jonshon John
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03-10-2007 14:07 GMT
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Hello.
I want to tell u that (10 of my church members) want to donate one of there kidney to fellow needers. (6 males and 4 females)
if interested pls contact me on Email Adress revjonshon@yahoo.com
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NYK Media
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68
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29-05-2007 14:04 GMT
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ARTISTS WANTEDCheck out http://www.onlineartexhibition.co.ukWe are looking for artists and craft workers to showcase their work FREE in our online exhibition that begins soon. Take this opportunity to register your details. Why worry about 20% + commission on sales when the online art exhibition costs you nothing to exhibit and eBid charges only 3% commission if and when your work sells. You may even prefer to open your own online gallery, which costs approximately £100 to set up but ZERO to administer, and a MAXIMUM 2% SELLING COMMISSION. Silver status costs NOTHING but incurs a 3% selling fee Platinum status costs a single setup fee of £99.99 and then ZERO selling fees. If you choose to add extra photographs of your work, selling fees are a maximum 2% for platinum status. http://www.onlineartexhibition.co.uk
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| Paul Curtis
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67
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26-04-2007 15:28 GMT
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TRESSPASSED
Other eyes have looked Other hands have touched The memories of my life Intrinsic mementoes Discarded like dross The floor like a storm swept beach Cables hang from Invisible technology What once was there now gone Uncaring in their intrusion Draws hang out precariously Their contents strewn My possessions lie in disarray Everything of value gone To feed a junkies habit Or and idle mans greed The insurance will pay But when the money comes I will still know they were here And may come again I will look at everyone with suspicious eyes Can I live like that?
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| Paul Curtis
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25-08-2006 11:14 GMT
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REVERTING TO TYPE
Mucker's keep on mucking Suckers keep on sucking Truckers keep on trucking Bikers keep on biking Hikers keep on hiking Walkers keep on walking Stalkers keep on stalking Talkers keep on talking Speakers keep on speaking Keepers keep on keeping Leapers keep on leaping Jumpers keep on jumping Dumpers keep on dumping Slumpers keep on slumping Skivers keep on skiving Divers keep on diving Drivers keep on driving Racers keep on racing Pacers keep on pacing Chasers keep on chasing Runners keep on running Punners keep on punning Gunners keep on gunning Shooter keep on shooting Scooters keep on scooting Looters keep on looting Stealers keep on stealing Healers keep on healing Dealers keep on dealing Traders keep on trading Faders keep on fading Raiders keep on raiding Reachers keep on reaching Teachers keep on teaching Preachers keep on preaching Darers keep on daring Carers keep on caring Sharers keep on sharing Copers keep on coping Hopers keep on hoping Lopers keep on loping Rovers keep on roving Movers keep on moving Lovers keep on loving Zippers keep on zipping Tippers keep on tipping Slippers keep on slipping Sliders keep on sliding Riders keep on riding Hiders keep on hiding Shakers keep on shaking Makers keep on making Takers keep on taking Needers keep on needing Heeders keep on heeding Leaders keep on lying
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| Paul Curtis
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65
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25-08-2006 11:13 GMT
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CABINET MINISTERS
Cabinet ministers apply the following rules: And must adopt these rules immediately If put in a position Where they must make a decision They delay it immediately If they can they delegate it to a junior So the junior can avoid making a decision If all else fails they form a committee So the committee can avoid making a decision If they can in anyway whatever Avoid making a decision They do so immediately
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| Paul Curtis
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64
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25-08-2006 11:13 GMT
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WHAT NEW LABOUR DOES
When they are up in the polls They flaunt the figures outrageously But when they are down and falling They ridicule them vigourously Sometimes stressing fickle public opinion Or protest votes and volatility When they are only down a little They play the underdog playing for sympathy When they are neck and neck They feign surprise at their popularity
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| Paul Curtis
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63
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25-08-2006 11:12 GMT
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PUBLIC INQUIRY
Our venerable leader Tony Blair Stood smiling in the media glair Andrew Gilligan stood by his story As the PM lied to Liberal and Tory The Alasdair Campbell dossier lied And poor David Kelly was crucified At the BBC Greg Dyke resigned as D.G. Tony Blair smiled a bit too smugly He wanted a way to keep the truth hid Thats what the Hutton whitewash did
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| Paul Curtis
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23-08-2006 13:09 GMT
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TONY'S CRONIES
Many hundreds of years of tradition he ignores As president Blair reforms the House of Lords The Lord Chancellors now been given the sack We dont need one nor his famous woolsack The second chamber is loaded with his cronies Not with peers but appointees and other phonies In place of the rows of nobles clad in ermine Its full of denim wearing republican vermin No fanfare will blow to announce whos coming That will be replaced by our Tony strumming What next I wonder what else can Tony change What else can he abolish or at least rearrange Black rod maybe, all that banging must be a drag Replaced by a door chime that plays the red flag
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Messages 61-57 deleted by topic administrator between 07-26-2006 12:33 PM and 07-21-2006 02:18 PM |
| Paul Curtis
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56
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07-07-2006 14:12 GMT
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JOBS FOR THE BOYS
Horacio Elizondo is ref for the final His obviously Reward For a flawless performance Helping Portugal go forward
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09-06-2006 13:00 GMT
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Deleted by topic administrator 21-07-2006 19:18
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| chris
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17-05-2006 05:16 GMT
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ok how dose this work ?!?!?
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John McDade
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22-04-2006 18:53 GMT
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In response to the one called Eddie T I thought that was you, so apologies for that. Secondly I have yet to speak to the ed with regards to the polling system. I will have to get some work in I think so that I qualify for said polling. I think the world aint as bad as people make out. Maybe I am naive or maybe I am being controlled by something or someone...she is called the wife.
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| Eddie Elwood
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22-04-2006 17:44 GMT
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McDade, I think you're confusing me with someone else as message /m38 relating to Government involvement in the manufacture and distribution of HIV was written by someone called Eddie T. I have no idea who Eddie T is and, I will openly confess, I actually thought it was you taking a dig at me after my piece on the plausibility of the WHO having the capability of spreading a virus! So, dear friend, if Eddie T isn't you and it isn't me, I think someone else must actually log on here now and again, other than Paul Curtis, NYK and the one calling him or herself 'J'. Have you spoken to the ed about getting back on the polling system? Vote for me at http://www.nowyouknow.co.uk
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John McDade
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22-04-2006 17:26 GMT
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Ok Eddie, In response to your post, I feel that there are issues that have to be addressed. Firstly, The media have alot to answer for. Print and Broadcast media has now reached an all time low. Stories like a cat up a tree or a dog down a drain are very rare now and insteat we are meant to believe that the governmant are out to get us. Tory Blair has neither the brains nor the braun to control a nation. For Christ sake he cant control his teenage son from gettin pissed and high. I acknowledge the fact that we have british intelligence and that there are secret labs developing technologies and medicines beyond our understanding but HIV a man made virus to control the population? Bollocks. As any biochemist will tell you, or GP for that matter, any virus mutates through time HIV is not a contageous disease in the way the cold is but through time it will mutate again and again this is called Viral Function Mutagenetic Transfer. Take this whole Bird Flu thinggiven time this will mutate so that it can be passed from human to human. Secondly, I read and article about NWO (New World Order) that has been organised to be a "one world government". Now quite frankly I do not believe that this will ever materialise. The motto translates from latin to Order out of Chaos. They are going into countries to try and start religious wars and racist propanganda so why are we wasting our time? Why not kill NWO? Paranoia is a loose term and conspiracy is too but to be honest no one has me where they want me to be. I made my choices in my life and I am now where I am today which is here. I am happier now than I have ever been. I hope this post actually reads well as it was my own meandering thoughts.
Cheers McDade
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| Eddie Elwood
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50
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22-04-2006 14:07 GMT
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Hello again, McDade!
Your views are well received and may even be perceived as being those of someone who is exactly where 'they' want you to be. 'Paranoid' is a very common and loosely used term that many relate to (rightly or wrongly) in an everyday sense. Is it paranoid to worry about a neighbour interfering with young children after having served a sentence for molestation? Is it paranoid to be afraid to walk the streets after dark 'in case' of being attacked, just because you read in the paper about three stabbings, a drive-by shooting, two apparently unrelated assaults and an attempted rape all within the area of the place you call home? Is it paranoid to fear for your life so much that you refuse to eat certain foods after massive culls to allegedly halt the spread of a deadly virus? Is it so far from believeable that some form of conspiracy is possible? One that promotes, or does little to curb, mass media exploitation of any thread of a story that may incite fear into members of the general public? Let's put it this way - how many people do you know who have voluntarily sought treatment of one form or another, purely because of their inability to cope with everyday life?
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John McDade
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22-04-2006 01:13 GMT
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Why oh why oh why? I would really love to ask why we feel the need to have the paranoid head on? Is life really that depressing that we have to imagine that people are out to deliberately shape our lives? I mean come on just because you have never heard of a member of parliament with AIDS or HIV does not mean that there is not. I have never met an african but I know they exist. Also are we meant to believe that the fluoride content in our water is altered to control our minds? Pish! I love magic and close up magicians but when they make a coin dissapear I like to just accept it as magic. I am not interested in how he made it vanish or where it went. We should all live our lives as we are. I mean according to the dictionary conspiracy means, A combination of men for an evil purpose; an agreement, between two or more persons, to commit a crime in concert, as treason; a plot. Now that can mean anything. I could get my brother and my mates and we could "conspire" to beat the living shit out a lollipop lady however paranoia, according to the dictionary, means A chronic form of insanity characterized by very gradual impairment of the intellect, systematized delusion, and usually by delusious of persecution or mandatory delusions producing homicidal tendency. In its mild form paranoia may consist in the well-marked crotchetiness exhibited in persons commonly called ``cranks.'' Paranoiacs usually show evidences of bodily and nervous degeneration, and many have hallucinations, esp. of sight and hearing. So from this we can assume that each and every one of you are fucking lethal not only are you all on the verge of agreeing on something but you are also on the verge of agreeing to something homocidal. Goodnight
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| Eddie Elwood
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17-04-2006 20:54 GMT
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To Eddie T from Eddie Elwood: In response to your article /m38 ================================ I, personally, don't know many Government officials, let alone any who may (or may not) have tested positive for HIV. It is certainly fascinating to research the geographical movements of a particular virus and to speculate on its origins. I'm aware of a feline version of AIDS - has your cat, if you have one, been vaccinated against it? Cell mutation is almost inevitable with all our modern day drugs and I often wonder at the plausibility of viral spread purely caused by human / animal interaction at any level. Current worries over the spread of Bird Flu is a fine example; the virus doesn't appear to harm humans except in exceptional circumstances, but it could be present in most avian species in one form or another. Influenza has been around for centuries. Has the Government banned the movement of all avian species through legitimate quarantine stations? I doubt it very much, as this wasn't implemented during such epidemics as Foot & Mouth. We can't stop all birds from flying, nor can we cull every bird within a given area. Disease will spread with or without Government intervention and our main priority should be bio-security and educating those who are ignorant of the basic need for good hygiene, health and safety. As for the Government 'having the cure', I would more believe that it was in drug companies' best interests to delay any 'wonder drug instant cure' as it would sorely reduce their profit margins and their research funding. In conclusion - doesn't anyone wonder at the amount of steroids, immuno-suppresants and hormones that must pass through the human food chain and land back down the drains and into the recirulated water system? Your response will be most welcome. Vote for Eddie Elwood at http://www.eddieelwood.co.uk
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17-04-2006 20:49 GMT
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Deleted by topic administrator 17-04-2006 20:51
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NYK Media
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46
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17-04-2006 20:14 GMT
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Dear J. I have chosen not to delete this message, as I am unable to fathom out which 'seed' was planted. Perhaps you would be so kind as to elaborate? We try not to be discriminatory in our deletion of listings here but, as part of the 'Scottish Writers' group of messageboards, listings in foreign languages or jumbled jargon are removed to help avoid confusion. We don't delete on the grounds of bad spelling, punctuation or grammar, nor do we delete personal beliefs, unless they can be construed as libelous or highly offensive. Hopefully, the boards will develop into something more than just a sounding place for personal beliefs and/or suspicions and, as always, we encourage serious debate of a topical nature. Thank you for taking the time to visit our site and please feel free to contribute at anytime. Scots and English are both acceptable :) http://www.paranoidtimes.co.ukhttp://www.nowyouknow.co.ukhttp://www.scottishwriters.co.uk
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| J
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45
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16-04-2006 22:13 GMT
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T/Y FOR DELETING THE COMMENTS THAT I POSTED HERE. I FOUND THIS TO BE A FASCINATING MESSAGE BOARD SINCE WE DO LIVE IN TIMES WHERE PEOPLE ARE PARANOID, THEREFORE THEY ACCESS PUBLIC PLACES LIKE THIS TO WRITE THE THINGS THEY DO. HOWEVER, AS A PROFESSIONAL, I AM ONE TO SAY THAT PEOPLE THAT WRITE SHOULD MAKE SURE THAT WHAT THEY PUT IN WRITING IS VALUABLE FOR ALL AND NOT DISCRIMINATORY. IN OTHER WORDS, TRY TO PUBLISH SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE AND NOT BE FIXED ON ALIENATED JARGON. WITH THOSE WORDS IN MIND, MAKE SURE YOU DELETE THIS ALSO, BUT I ALREADY PLANTED A SEED IN YOUR HEAD. GOOD DAY TO ALL.
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Messages 44-42 deleted by topic administrator 04-16-2006 03:55 PM |
| Paul Curtis
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41
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15-04-2006 00:05 GMT
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Interesting story lines are one thing but then there's what the Sunday Sport would print.
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NYK Media
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40
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14-04-2006 17:50 GMT
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Paranoid Times - could be a publication that seeks the truth behind some interesting storylines?
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| Paul Curtis
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39
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13-04-2006 21:08 GMT
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Paranoid Times surely does'nt mean its time for paranoia
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| Eddie T
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38
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13-04-2006 01:49 GMT
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Do you now that HIV is a gov creation to control the people and to make the population. And that the gov has the cure for it. Have you herd of a gov offical coming up positive for it.I havent,that is because they have the cure.
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Messages 37-32 deleted by topic administrator 04-07-2006 01:03 PM |
| Paul Curtis
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31
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13-03-2006 13:08 GMT
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TONIE AND GORDIE
The difference between Neurosis and psychosis Is not prerequisite A psychotic believes 2 + 2 = 5 Even if it doesnt fit While a neurotic knows 2 + 2 = 4 But really doesnt like it
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| Paul Curtis
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30
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13-03-2006 13:07 GMT
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YES PRIME MINISTER
With all the power that resides In the musty chambers of Westminster Whether MPs be young or old Married or single bachelor or spinster At exalted levels they become devils And are less minister than sinister
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| Paul Curtis
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29
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30-12-2005 21:45 GMT
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PUBLIC INQUIRY
Our venerable leader Tony Blair Stood smiling in the media glair Andrew Gilligan stood by his story As the PM lied to Liberal and Tory The Alasdair Campbell dossier lied And poor David Kelly was crucified At the BBC Greg Dyke resigned as D.G. Tony Blair smiled a bit too smugly He wanted a way to keep the truth hid Thats what the Hutton whitewash did
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| Paul Curtis
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28
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30-12-2005 21:45 GMT
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, THE ANONYMOUS ENEMY
There is no black in the union jack There is no white in the Rastafari There is no brown in the British crown There is no white in the consciousness No ethnic presence in the establishment No white voice in the consensus Theres no black power neath big Bens tower Theres no white vote in modern Britain No black role models say the liberals All the white ones are being discredited There is no black amongst the black But shades of brown from dark to light There is no white amongst the white But shades of flesh from light to dark There is no black in the union jack There is no white in the British isle Black dwells too much on slavery and such White looks longingly to halcyon days Race hatred grows watched from the shadows White against black, black against white No black and white flinch from the fight Hate spreads like fire fueled by the scourge The scourge is black encouraging attack The scourge is white urging on the fight Inhabiting the middleness with wordy vagueness Condemning both sides and supports them also They feed the flames the people with no names The anonymous enemy the liberal elite They divide and conquer while making us suffer They keep the battle on to hold onto power The liberal elite are the real enemy to defeat Ruling the world from the shadows Ruling the middleness with political correctness Accentuating our differences for hate They are autonomous in there control of us While creating the illusion of democracy Freedom of speech is the lie they teach If we speak against there view we are crushed They control the wealth weald power by stealth The anonymous enemy the liberal elite
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| derum
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27
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29-11-2005 20:23 GMT
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par·a·noid ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-noid) adj. Relating to, characteristic of, or affected with paranoia. Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others
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| Paranoid Times
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26
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24-11-2005 22:17 GMT
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TASER PREMIERED IN NEWMAINS, LANARKSHIRE A suspected armed robber was the first person in Scotland to be shot with a Taser gun by police, following reports of an attempted robbery at a petrol station in Newmains, near Wishaw in Lanarkshire, on Wednesday night, 23rd November 2005. The area hit the headlines only weeks ago with YET ANOTHER murder on its streets. Notorious for drugs and gun related crimes in the past, this particular area is fast becoming one that many a stranger would fear to tread after daylight fades. Perhaps this time, the police WILL move in and make a better job of patrolling the streets instead of turning certain surrounding neighbourhoods, once again, into law enforcement 'no go' zones, as has happened in the past. If memory serves me correctly, Lanarkshire has many, many skeletons in its closet but, as the original birthplace of Paranoid Times, it was just like any other neighbourhood - mainly good but with the usual few rotten apples lurking in the barrel. http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk
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| NYK Media
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25
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11-11-2005 11:43 GMT
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PARANOID TIMES 10 PAGE PULL-OUT IN NOW YOU KNOW MAGAZINE Like many a space shuttle launch, the launch of 'Paranoid Times' was delayed and will now have to wait until early 2006. However, there is a special 10-page PARANOID TIMES feature inside edition 12 of Now You Know. To order your copy, see website at http://www.nowyouknow.co.uk
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| Eddie Elwood
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05-11-2005 20:22 GMT
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NEWS AT (NUMBER) 10 Yeah, yeah, yeah... They also made the decision to let Blunkett go then take Blunkett back then let Blunkett go... again. This government can't stick to any decision for long and have already backtracked on the complete smoking in public places ban probably because SO MANY OF THEIR OWN MEMBERS SMOKE! Shall we now assume that nanny Tony will be hiking up existing taxes (and introducing even more stealth taxes) to compensate for the lost billions through reduced tobacco revenues when all the pubs and clubs get rid of their £5-per-pack rip-off vending machines? Work it out for yourself... Nanny Tony's wife, for some obscure reason, buys secondhand stuff for their kids, for heaven's sakes! She could quite easily have saved up the coupons from the cigarette packs and got some really good stuff... but I think they stopped that too. My guess is that Tony & Sherie have shares in eBay and know fine well that chain smokers would rather sit, drink and smoke at a computer than sit in a pub without a cig... and online auctions are apparently all the rage at the moment. Besides, it has already been adequately demonstrated that people, in general, are living a lot longer and that soon there won't be enough workers to support the pensions for retirees... proof positive that smoking isn't killing everyone off at any great rate. I mean, one works (in these modern days of Blunkettism, one can even breed) from 16 to 65 (that's almost half a century!!) and then by retirement one's parents are only in their 80's, granny's past the century mark, and the family can't even sit down together for a smoke after dinner at the great great grandchild's Christening party..... COME ON! My final say on this matter is EBIDDERS AND EBAYERS BEWARE... YOU ARE THE NEXT SOURCE OF ALL THAT EXTRA TAX! http://www.nowyouknow.co.uk
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| Paul Curtis
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31-10-2005 22:52 GMT
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CABINET NEWS
What wonderful news not only has the British Government finally made a decision on something but they have made a good one. They are finally going to ban smoking in pubs. Now we can not only subject ourselves to coronary inducing meals, smoke free, but we can also relax safe in the knowledge that our children are free to binge drink and experiment with drugs without the additional hazard of passive smoking. Well done Nanny Blair.
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| Paul Curtis
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29-10-2005 18:51 GMT
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DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Many years ago in the days when the steak houses were only just appearing and there wasnt a fast food joint on every corner, indeed the only fast food establishment was the chip shop although the more cosmopolitan towns did have a wimpy bar. Any way I arrived, with my wife, at a highly regarded and exclusive restaurant where I had a reservation, made three months in advance I might add. Well on entering the restaurant the scene that greeted me was that of the Maitred being confronted by a very angry man in fact he was so angry that his face was a strange purple colour and his temples were throbbing and the reason for his shouting was that he was demanding he be seated at the last available table. The purple faced man in question was a well known TV actor of the day in fact at the time he was starring in a series called The Lotus Eaters I wont mention his name but I can say that it wasnt Wanda Ventham. The Maitred looked a little relieved when he saw me come in and immediately informed the purple faced actor that the vacant table was in fact reserved for this gentleman and his companion and he gestured in my direction. The charm less though interestingly coloured man now turned his attention on me and tried to persuade me to give up my reservation by shouting loudly at me. When I refused his kind offer he said Do you know who I am? Yes I said and told him exactly who he was and what program he was currently in. Do you know who I am? I asked him in return. He looked puzzled and then answered No. Im the bloke with the reservation I told him. He then had thick blue veins throbbing in his neck to go with his purple face and his language was even more colourful than his head.
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| Paul Curtis
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21
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29-10-2005 18:50 GMT
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MIDSOMER MURDER
I was thinking recently about Midsomer murders and how in the first series inspector Barnaby had another daughter. Cully was either still at school or at college and her older sister whose name escapes me was married. However she had the annoying habit of returning home every time she and her husband had a tiff. These visits was not well received by Barnaby and were often accompanied by wailing, gnashing of teeth and a good deal of tears. However now there is only Cully and even she was absent in the last outing. Does anyone know what happened to the elder daughter? Maybe Tom could take no more and shes under the patio. That would be a twist.
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| Paul Curtis
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20
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29-10-2005 18:49 GMT
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HELENA OF JOY
I have to say that Helena Bonham Carter has always rung my bell if you understand my meaning. I first saw the beautiful young woman with the large dark eyes in her early appearances in A Room With A View and Lady Jane Grey and I have followed her career through her classical rolls to an outing with Woody Allen with great interest. Even when she was in The Theory Of Flight and she played a dying woman, wheelchair bound with motor neuron disease, she still did it for me oh yes indeed. When she was cast in Planet Of The Apes I was at first very excited and then a little disappointed when I discovered she was going to be playing princess Ari, an ape, and would therefore be completely hidden. Well I needn't have worried she was wonderful no amount of makeup could ever disguise her exceptional eyes and her movement was truly very provocative. However I have now decided that perhaps my interest in her is becoming a little too focused although I dont want you getting the wrong idea I'm not a stalker or anything of that nature but I am getting a little worried now by the effect shes having on me. For example on a recent trip to London zoo with my family I found myself getting unnaturally aroused when we entered the primate house. Enough said I think.
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| Paul Curtis
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19
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29-10-2005 18:48 GMT
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WHERE ARE WE?
What a strange world we now inhabit, a world in which people are seemingly incapable of going ten minutes without speaking to someone on their mobile phone and yet have probably gone ten years without speaking to a stranger in the street.
A world in which we go everywhere in the car but cant actually get to where we want to go without a computer telling us where and when to turn. What a ludicrous situation it is when a person has to use Satellite navigation, bouncing signals off various orbiting satellites, just to travel from Woking to Godalming a distance of eight miles as the crow flies.
This failure to navigate our way around this green and pleasant land has been blamed in equal measure on a womans inability to read a map and a mans reluctance to ask for directions but to my mind this problem is all down to road signs. There are just too many signs there are Blue ones, Green ones, White ones and the Brown ones telling us what places of interest we should visit all of which distract our attention away from the sign that will actually tell you where you want to go.
When the Second World War started and Britain was under imminent threat of invasion many road signs were either removed or painted over in order to confuse German paratroopers. I am convinced that some of the sign posts were put back in the wrong place and a great many were never put back at all and are still stacked in a heap in an old barn in somewhere in Dorset. Even so we should be able to find our own way from A to B.
Its not just on the land where we have problems either even on the high seas we struggle, but why after all we are a proud island race and all of us are steeped in our great sea faring heritage. When Britannia was ruler of the waves our gallant seamen circumnavigated the globe using only the Sun and the stars and wrote their own charts as they went. Now sailors have a global positioning system or GPS too pin point their exact position. Satellites and computers control ships from Super Tankers to small fishing boats. However even with all this technology they still manage to crash into each other or run aground but when it comes to apportioning blame its always human error.
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| Paul Curtis
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18
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29-10-2005 18:47 GMT
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SEVERED
We are making your position redundant was the gist of meeting. There were a few well-placed key words and phrases such as Revenue down turn, strategic restructuring, Regrettable, unforeseen blah blah blah. I know it wasnt personal it was necessary to make positions redundant and mine, along with three others, was identified as one that could go. In truth it didnt come as a complete surprise in fact I thought it would have happened earlier than it did. The flow of work into my in tray had slowed to the point where it was barely a trickle and time had begun to hang heavy and more and more I had to make myself look busy which is never an easy task. However although I was not surprised it was still a shock when the hammer fell. It was all very amicable and I have no complaint about the way it was done and the financial package was more than acceptable so no hard feelings. I did feel a little sadness at the end because after twenty-two years in the job I felt I was beginning to get the hang of it.
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| Paul Curtis
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17
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29-10-2005 18:46 GMT
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SHOCKING
Anaphylactic shock is a severe allergic reaction to something such as a Bee sting or maybe eating peanuts or shellfish. While on the other hand prophylactic shock happens when you discover your boyfriend didnt wear a condom.
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| Paul Curtis
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16
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29-10-2005 18:45 GMT
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WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURS?
Most people if pressed would not admit to giving a name to an inanimate object. Well I can tell you now that 90% of them would be lying and the rest didnt understand the question. The commonest object, by some distance, to be endowed with a pet name is the car and More often than not it will be a feminine name. This is because we perceive that a cars personality is inherently female. The reasons for this are quite obvious because they are expensive to keep, unpredictable, unreliable, they only respond when you speak nicely to them and you need to endlessly accessorize. For my part I have a dark blue ford fiesta which I bought new and I called her Abby and I did this because it was the Abbey who loaned me the money to buy her.
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| Paul Curtis
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15
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29-10-2005 18:44 GMT
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TAKE TWO
How absurd are TV outtakes? Why is it that we delight so much in seeing Actors and presenters cocking up? After all we dont get to see other professionals getting it wrong as part of our evenings entertainment. We dont see a top surgeon removing the wrong kidney or nicking the patients bowel. Nor do we see an undertaker burying the wrong body or a waiter twice dropping your steak on the floor before he left the kitchen. Some things are best-left unseen.
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| Eddie Elwood
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14
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19-05-2005 01:00 GMT
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| Access Dennied
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13
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18-05-2005 10:59 GMT
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Good morning, afternoon & night to any one but not everyone who may be reading this message from Access Dennied. I have been away on an undercover job...The sights one does see. Very emotional. I have words to talk - If you are interested leave a note and I'll tell. Be warned these are not words that should go to waste! Acs ;)
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| Eddie Elwood
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12
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10-05-2005 00:21 GMT
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Re: Paranoid Times and the jumbled messages - These are mix-ups from extracts taken from 'Captain Blood' by Rafael Sabatini. I can't explain why they are being sent willy-nilly around the globe partnering medical / parmaceutical products, but can only suggest that it is some sort of game that students from around the globe are playing. The entire book is available online for download from The World Wide School, which is apparently based in Seattle, Washington. Hope this helps, http://www.eddieelwood.co.uk
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| NYK Media
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11
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09-05-2005 23:54 GMT
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| HUNTEGOWK
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10
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08-05-2005 16:13 GMT
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In the distance the flickering lights were just visible. Red, red and amber, green… the early morning traffic inched its way forward. From his vantagepoint on the brow of the hill, dark eyes greedily drinking in the sequence of events below, Lee glanced fleetingly at his watch, impatience appearing to get the better of him. It was 08.23 am. He was aware of the pounding in his ears. His temples throbbed. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his system, tweaking nerve endings into their familiar state of 'high alert'. Was he stressed? Stricken by anxiety, perhaps? One, two, three, four, five… Lee Malone sat motionless, his pale face taut, brows furrowed, mentally scanning the horizon. He was a rather unobtrusive, yet familiar kind of a man, fairly indistinguishable from any other medium height, medium build, brown hair, goes-to-work-in-a-suit type guy. The brake lights on the vehicle in front disappeared as it rolled forward another few feet. Lee released the handbrake, engaged first and stalled the engine! His left hand grasped the steering wheel in a vice-like grip, knuckles white, as he flicked on his hazards before turning the ignition key with his slightly sweaty right. He cursed under his breath, shaking his head in mock annoyance. A red Transit van and then a dark Peugeot proceeded to pass him before the Nissan kicked back into life. Hazards off and carefully indicating his intentions, the next driver signalled him back into the flow. He wasn't even sure if it was a woman or a man, such was his mental state by this time! Gesturing a quick appreciative response, he once again joined the queue. After what seemed like an eternity, he was in the filter lane indicating left at the traffic lights. It was now 08.27am. The close-boarding on the imposing security fence, with its angry angles and barbed coils, overshadowed the car park where the morning's routine was proceeding as slowly as was usual at this time. Lee watched impatiently, once again drumming fingers on the steering wheel. One, two, red Transit, dark Peugeot and now his moment had arrived. The guard stood square in front of the Nissan, eyeing the number plate, then, slinging the M16 further across his shoulder, progressed towards the driver's door. Lee already had the window down in preparation, the necessary ID grasped tightly, extending it towards the guard as he approached. A brawny hand accepted the two cards, one white, one yellow, as the uniformed body bent towards him. "G'morning, how are you today, Sir?" asked an unmistakable Texan accent, as the cards were briefly examined. In that one split-second moment, Lee felt compelled to respond with something totally innocuous, like, "Aye, it's a fine braw yin the day 'n' am hopin' fur a dauner aboot in the hidlins, Sir." Instead, he muttered the expected two-word, "Fine thanks," customary reply. The security point pleasantries were like that - indoctrinated courtesies that expected no meaningful response or resulting conversation - unless there was a problem. The guard nodded to Lee, smiled the usual gleaming, whiter than white smile of acknowledgement and, looking him straight in the eye, returned the ID and signalled him through with a well practised, "Thank you, have a g'day, Sir." As he pulled away, somehow managing to maintain the mandatory 5-mph, Lee breathed a huge sigh of relief as he saw the car behind him diverted into the search area. It was 08.45 am and he was in! Name: Lee Malone (Mr.), DOB: 04/20/1971, Hair: Brown, Eyes: Blue, Weight: 168lbs, Access: 24/7 All Areas Company: Huntegowk Associates Ltd. The scant details accompanied a photographic image and an individual serial number, three letters and five numbers. Along with the yellow security clearance pass, the plain white vehicle pass that declared nothing more than make, model, year, colour and registration number. It was an offence not to display this in the windshield once on base. They were standard credit card size, produced individually by the aid of a computer programme and digital camera, one copy printed before laminating, a digital copy retained on the network. There were no metallic strips, no holograms, no swipe machines involved, and certainly no fancy microchip technology of any description. These were bog standard, laminated pieces of cardboard. Hell, they even cut them manually with old-fashioned scissors and wasted an entire sheet of card on each, no expense spared for the US military! They had been the easiest things in Lee's entire career to forge! He discounted his childhood capers of experimenting with weekly bus passes, library and video club cards. They were kids' stuff, simply honing his skills for the future. ... A story about to unfold ... the country is NOT secure. http://www.eddieelwood.co.uk
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| Access Denied ;)
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9
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08-05-2005 13:17 GMT
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I watched last night, I waited as I knew it was goin to happen. Standing by my car with a cigarette hanging from my mouth, dark denims & a red hooded top...I knew it was just a matter of time. The one thing there is never enough off & the one thing we all run out off! Hearing branches snap as the footsteps get closer, leaves ruffle under the soul of heavy shoes. Taking a deep breath; So scared I can hardley exhale. Flicking away my cigarette, the glow soon fades by the damp of the ground beneath, left in darkness. Slowly I turn around with my hands by my side...Then out of the silence, out of the darkness it happened & it happened quick. The trees that surrounded me stood strong... I unfortunatley crumbled. Body broken, mind alive... Why am I looking down at myself, why am I talkin yet my lips aren't moving? Why don't I feel pain when it looks so soar? ... To Be Continued by Access Denied (Acs)
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| Paranoid Times
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8
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07-05-2005 13:59 GMT
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http://www.paranoidtimes.co.ukhttp://www.scottishwriters.co.uk The next fix: I think someone's just using passages copy/pasted from other sources and leading us a merry dance, but, just in case... ========= start message ========== all; the second, that his trial took place on the date named, and went straight to Nuttall, whom he found in a state of livid panic How? Have you forgotten that he's sailing to Jamaica, and that better than Captain Blood, was engaged in solving the curious pro often I can tell his thoughts. spark of that Christianity, the Symbol of which was mounted on I've been at my work in the town, he answered. Mrs. Patch has If you can tell me mine, you'll persuade me of it, said there on the day-bed. He had been a fortnight in Port Royal, his man of considerable parts, from what else this Cahusac told me. and stood musing, his eyes upon the green water. Ogle, with a be necessary to bribe a gang of scoundrels to depart from obedience ======= end of message =========
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| Paranoid Times
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7
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06-05-2005 21:31 GMT
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http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk This is the latest 'message' received and we are no further forward in working out what, on earth, they all mean. ========start of message ============ improper . He leapt where another crawled. And so this thought of evasion THE LAST FIGHT OF THE ARABELLA him literally. they'd clip my wings and brand me for life. than that of the outer fort, which they had reduced; but on the journey from Bridgetown to Colonel Bishop's plantation, and if ev he had behind him the force of public opinion to support him. suddenly confronted by the black shadow of a man standing before in the further force he was raising. Meanwhile Mr. Blood was speaking again, his tone quietly insisten articles already obtaining between each captain and his own men. behoved every man who deemed himself a man to take up arms. They ========== end of message ==============
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| Eddie Elwood
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6
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06-05-2005 19:46 GMT
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Well... I did the 'dirty deed'... I voted. For whom? I haven't got a clue! I took my card with my name and address to a polling station near me, I watched as they struck off my name and marked my number, I watched as they wrote a number on my voting slip, I marked my cross like you'd stick a pin in a map with your eyes closed (avoiding lunatics like the BNP and such as the like) I marked the slip with a PENCIL (I mean, how pathetic is that?), I stuck my voting slip into a ballot box that had space enough to have pulled it back out and I left - wondering is it really worth it? County boundaries move inexplicably, no parliamentary candidate has ever crossed my threshold offering a prioritised list of how they would, could or do run the country, none can tell me what happened to the extra billions of pounds that were promised to the NHS as a direct result of the old 25p per pack cigarette price increase, none can tell me how they'll make up that particular deficit when they all but ban smoking and none has offered me any information relating to how much 'capital' was raised by punting off the nations' gold. Perhaps next time, I really will VOTE THE BIG BAD BUNNY and Satire VeritaS (not to be confused with Veritas). Free carrots and proportional representation sounds good to me, even coming from a rabbit! http://www.eddieelwood.co.ukhttp://www.scottishwriters.co.uk
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| Paranoid Times
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5
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06-05-2005 16:03 GMT
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Alright people, here's the most recent hotch-potch we have received - can anyone decipher, please? Any ideas should be posted here or emailed directly - mailto:office@paranoidtimes.co.uk ============ start of message ================ Trade broad character did govern, all ball. Cause favor, quiet so too. Ready, interest again safe sand slow. Figure your sleep, may slow men five. Which edge idea sea. High column, in. That correct cross wash shout, engine hour. Did, add natural. Center until, begin. Forest thus air seem lead inch. This grand day organ stop, happen. ============ end of message ================== Return to site - http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk or http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk
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| Access Denied
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4
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04-05-2005 23:55 GMT
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Paranoid Times...Ahead, happnin' & ready to kick off.
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| Eddie Elwood
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3
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04-05-2005 15:28 GMT
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Book burning in Wigtown - no big deal, it's a bigger crime not to read and an even bigger crime that society STILL hasn't succeeded in giving everyone the gift of the ability to read.
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| Paranoid Times
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2
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04-05-2005 12:51 GMT
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Anyone any good at code breaking? Here's the latest in a successive string received by the office: =================start of code============= In hyannis we can coup as always chlorophyll before theirfore bainite is okinawa and cooley. =================end of code=============== Log your thoughts and responses here - the truth IS out there... somewhere! http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk
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NYK Media
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1
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03-05-2005 14:26 GMT
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Edited by author 03-05-2005 14:44
Welcome to our brand new Paranoid Times messageboards. You are invited to visit regularly and submit your news, views and reviews of anything relating to our chosen subjects, which are also included on our websites at http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk and http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk You do not have to register to use this facility and we welcome any type of writing style, whether it be a letter, an article, a short story or a poem. Riddles and rhymes have always been appreciated and, with such diverse subjects as conspiracy theories to paranoia, military 'black' projects, UFOs, drugs, mental health and water fluoridation, we expect there to be something here to interest most readers and writers. Anyone interested in submitting articles for 'Paranoid Times' or 'Now You Know' are invited to do so by emailing them directly to the appropriate departments: mailto:editor@paranoidtimes.co.uk or mailto:editor@nowyouknow.co.uk
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