LITTERBUG JITTERBUG

Discarded from a moving car
The litter travels very far
Each piece small or big
Performs a little merry jig
Each windblown piece at play
Participates in the ballet
Plastic bags float with ease
Waltzing high upon the breeze
Sweet papers flutter
Down in the gutter
Coke cans or maybe tango
Dance the tin can fandango
While larger papers jitterbug
Thanks to the litterbug

SQUALL

The grey skies are stormy and wild,
Strong winds gust and batter the land,
Rain carried by the squall
Peppers the windows like gravel
And stings the faces of the unfortunate traveller
God protect those caught abroad
On such a foul day as this
The winds whistle round the buildings
And make rag dolls of the trees
Being inside looking out is preferable
Warming by the fire with glass in hand
Loved ones safe about you
Ride out the storm in comfort
Until the stormy gales subside

SPRING IS HERE

Before the dawn has fully broken
I am all at once awoken
By wondrous songbird symphony
Though to some it is cacophony
But to hear the dawn chorus
Singing songs, loud and joyous
So my heart is simply soaring
For the season that I’m adoring
Now that its Spring my heart is lifted
For another Spring that God has gifted
When daffodils burst from the ground
And in the breeze they dance around
Grass is growing lush and green
The greenest that it has ever been
And with cherry blossom on the tree
Spring is here for all to see

ON SUN SCORCHED SAND

Beneath my shoeless feet
The sun scorched sand
Burned those who dwelt too long
In admiration of the vista
Beneath the swaying fronts
In the shadow of the palms
The white sands
Offered cool respite
I rested a while
Before I journeyed
Across the sun baked sand
To become immersed
In the cool of the ocean

MISTY MORNING

The early morning sunlight
Creeps across the meadow,
Where in the wet grass
The rabbits make their dawn patrol

In the meadows quiet corners
The sun glints on dewdrops
Trapped within the intricacies
Of a labyrinthine spiders web

Though the morning sun is weak
And too soft to burn the mist
It still banishes the darkness
And another day begins

SUNFLOWERS

They bloom in summertime
Blooms of golden orange
Heads the size of saucers
Unnaturally strange
They stand tall and straight
And super model thin
Large headed and skinny
Just like models again
Not grown for beauty
But for their numerous seeds
Ugly and ungainly
These giant unwanted weeds
Maybe I’m wrong to view them
As one of natures messes
But I can’t help thinking
They’re not one of God’s successes

CRADLE TO THE GRAVE

I’m taxed on what I earn
By the government knave
I’m taxed on what I spend
I’m taxed on what I save
And every penny in between
I’m taxed from cradle to the grave

FROM BEGINNING TO END

From school days
To pay days
From a lowly newbie
To the top of the tree
From earning a salary
To redundancy
From numerous applications
To endless rejections
From a life of worth
To a state of dearth
From adolescence
To obsolescence

THE THREE R’S

I was raised on the three R’s
At least on their importance
Reading, riting and rithmatic
Though spelling was more happenstance
But a greater three r ’s exist
Greater than literacy, grammar or fractions
Respect for oneself, Respect for others,
And Responsibility for all of your actions

OH GUARDIAN ANGEL

Oh guardian angel
Please watch over me
It would be a comfort
To feel the guarantee
That should I go astray
Watching over me
You would be there
To guide me back to safety

A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH

Wear your smile
Enjoy Life
If only for awhile

Enjoy the moment
It’s a special gift
That’s heaven sent

Life and death
Are separated
By a single breath

Then more or less
In an instant
Nothing-ness?

Then the sight
At the tunnels end
Of heavens light

HE BELIEVES IN YOU

Humanists and atheists
Refute God’s existence
But in all honesty
They mount a futile resistance
Because for all their vehement
Creation of fuss
The great lord God
Believes in them as well as us

YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE

He lived his life in the shadows
Hiding from Gods light
Not acknowledging his existence
Thinking he was out of sight
He thought he walked the road alone
Without the Lord by his side
But at the hour of his death
His faith could no longer be denied
On the darkness of this death
God lights a light to show his way
Shining his light of love
To comfort those left in disarray
As he walks in Gods light
Within the sound of Heavens bells
God illuminating his path
Now he walks with the angels


THE SAINTS AND THE ANGELS

The Saints and the Angels
Watch over us all the year round
You never know they are there
For they never make a sound

But they are there nonetheless
Watching over us everyday
And they are there to listen
When you have a need to pray
 
And should some weary soul
Let slip their earthly bonds
They have angelic company
On their way to the great beyond

DIFFERENT STROKES

We are poles apart
You are north to my south
We are different ends of the solar system
You are Mercury I am Pluto
We are contradictory
You are black to my white
We are from different ends of the earth
We inhabit different hemispheres
You are up and I am down
We should be knife and fork
Brush and paint
Cup and saucer
Pepper and salt
But we are not
How did we become man and wife?

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
 
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Is that really true I wonder
Does it work without fail
Or is it just an old wives tale
I’m not sure the advice is the best
And I’m fearful to put it to the test
For if I were to go away
For a month, a week, a day
I fear I wouldn’t miss you and pine
But would think our separation fine

EUTOPIA (HAIKU)

Darling buds of May,
appearing in endless dreams
of bountiful days

I LOVE IT AT THE SEASIDE

I love it at the seaside out of season
When the bathers are not there
The beaches are no longer sun kissed
The sands are empty and bare

I love it at the seaside
On a bright sunny winters day
When you can stroll along
With out people getting in the way

You pick your way along the shore
Picking up driftwood and shells
Skim stones across the water
Without soliciting angry yells

I love it at the seaside
The deck chairs are all stored away
On the sea front all is quiet
And the car park is free all day

I love it at the seaside
The shops are shut and battened down
All the amusement arcades are shut
But not the Rose and Crown

OUT IN THE COUNTRY

Driving down country lanes
Top down, wind in my hair
The sun gracing the sky
The wind set fair
The smell of hay,
Freshly mowed
Beasts in the fields
Beyond hedgerows
Blue cloudless skies,
On a glorious summer’s day,
The only blot being
The cyclists in my way


OUT IN THE COUNTRY, AGAIN

When driving the byways
Travelling far and wide
Whether the lakes or the peaks
Or any of the countryside,
One thing that’s guaranteed
To frustrate the driving clan
And cause them to become irate
Is to get stuck behind a caravan

I WENT TO A FUNERAL TODAY

I went to a funeral today
What a totally depressing day
In was a humanist service
Cold and utterly soulless
With some mumbling buffoon
Waffling on in monotone
A couple of poorly read poems
From some well thumbed tomes
And ended in a fit of irony
To the tune of “stay with me”
He was not religious I will concede
But even a man lacking a creed
Should be launched into oblivion
To the sound of a rousing requiem

DEFEND IT TO THE DEATH

Liberals believe in freedom of speech
They support it on pain of death
And they will defend this principle
With their final dying breath

It’s the corner stone of liberalism
It’s the doctrine that they teach
However it most definitely helps
If you sing from their hymn sheet

BEFORE COMPUTERS TOOK OVER THE WORLD

Before computers took over the world
A virus was the flu, and a keyboard was a piano
A mouse pad was where a single mouse lived
And a CD was a bank account and a program was a TV show
The net was something you fished with
A monitor would report you to the teacher
An application was a form to be filled out
And Windows were opened to get fresh air
A hard drive was a long trip in the car
A web was a spider’s home, a cursor used profanity
Memory was something you lost with age
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy you’d tell nobody

MISSING OUT

They’ve taken all the fun away
It’s prohibited from the school day
Thanks to the politically correct crusade
And the heath and safety brigade
There can be no unacceptable names
Or boisterous competitive games
Now playing in the snow and ice
You must play games safe and nice
The nanny state has declared
That the nation’s children must be spared
But when I was a child we did alright
And we did survive an occasional fight
But we had more freedom in my view
We could choose what things to do
You didn’t have to climb in trees
Or pick the scabs off wounded knees
You didn’t have to play kiss chase
Or catch a snowball in the face
You didn’t have to make a slide in the snow
If you didn’t want to you could say no
Conkers was not a compulsory game
You didn’t have to call girls names
You could roll in the grass again and again
Or jump in puddles after heavy rain
You didn’t have to skip with girls
Or run with grass seed in your curls
If you didn’t want to there was no need
You could sit alone and quietly and read
But if you chose to you could do it
And after all we were young and fit

POETS OF YORE

Great poets, wordsmiths of yore
Prose and rhyme did write
Of matters that went before
Viewing them in poetic light

WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN?

"Who killed Cock Robin?"
 "I," said the Sparrow,
"With my bow and arrow,
I killed Cock Robin."

"Who killed the sparrows?"
 "We," said the Humans,
"With out many deftly hands,
We killed the sparrows.”

“Why kill the sparrows?"
“Because they are so small,
And don’t matter at all,
That’s why we kill the sparrows.”

"Who killed the humans?"
“Mother nature did the act,
For mans breach of contract,
Mother nature had to act”

WHO IS ANNE ADCOCK?

The very acerbic Anne Adcock
Who seems to appear adhoc
In order to criticize or knock

Seems to appear out of nowhere
Materializing out of the ether
Leaving no way to contact her

She hides behind her anonymity
Like the Scarlet Pimpernel maybe
Or perhaps she is actually a he

She protects the sacred grammar
Never knowing when to expect her
She’s like the Pimpernel in that manner

They seek her here
They seek her there
They seek Ms Adcock everywhere
Is she in hiding?
Or is she not
That darned elusive Anne Adcock

PEACE IN OUR TIME

When idle thoughts lead me back down Memory lane
I think of Mr Chamberlain stepping from the plane
Desperately clutching that piece of paper he waved
That promise of hope that Europe would be saved

How we all held that precious hope in our hearts
Before the promise of peace finally fell apart
And how that hope evaporated to leave me scared
When Chamberlains voice said war was declared

Hitler’s broken promise broke Neville’s heart
Another world war blew his appeasement apart
Then up steps Winston Churchill into the fray
His boldness and stiff resolve eventually won the day
A broken man, Chamberlains life came to an end
Many years before the war he tried so hard to prevent

LIBERALS

Don’t you just love the liberal crew
So called because of their liberal views
But when you examine their reasoning
Their liberality is merely posturing
Charles Kennedy was deposed of course
Because he was too fond of the sauce
Jeremy Thorpe had to go way back when
Because of his fondness for young men
While Menzies Campbell was told
He had to go because he was just too old
The party so proud of their liberal principals
Are in reality not that liberal at all

THE YOUTH OF TODAY

Whether Right or wrong
Or for good or bad
They all do it, Girl and boy
Or laddette and lad
Lads swear like troupers
Loud and loutish
Girls swear like fishwives
Drinking to excess
So lacking in respect
For themselves and for others
Morals like alley cats
That would shame their mothers

LADS AND LADDETTES

Going out
Saturday nights
Looking for birds
Looking for fights
Getting ratted
Getting pissed
Getting groped
Getting kissed
Getting angry
Getting miffed
Getting slapped
Getting biffed
Getting punched
Getting kicked
Getting gobby
Getting nicked
Getting queasy
Getting sick
Sleeping it off
Down the nick
This is what
Young lads do
It’s always been
It’s nothing new

Going out
On the weekend
Looking for fun
Going with friends
Getting ratted
Getting pissed
Getting groped
Getting kissed
Getting angry
Getting miffed
Getting slapped
Getting biffed
Getting punched
Getting kicked
Getting gobby
Getting nicked
Getting queasy
Getting sick
Sleeping it off
Down the nick
This is what
The laddettes do
I guess that that
Is equality for you

BE ALERT

On public transport
You are reminded constantly
To be alert and vigilant
And report suspicious things you see

But if I saw something
That might be construed suspicious
I wouldn’t know what I’d do
As I don’t like to make a fuss

But what constitutes suspicious
Is it unattended packages
Or people behaving furtively
Or just hanging around for ages

Traveling home late on the train
One night before Christmas
I saw several women dressed as schoolgirls
Should I report that as suspicious?

IT’S POSITIVELY WRONG

Discrimination is abhorrent
To everyone in this nation
So why is it common practice?
To have positive discrimination

Two wrongs don’t make a right
Was something I learned as a lad
Discrimination is wrong
There is no good and bad

Discriminating positively
Is in no way the right answer
After all it’s like suggesting
There is good and bad cancer

AM I BOVVERED

She drove in the exit as I drove out
And I hit her car with a mighty clout
With a chorus of colourful language
She got out to inspect the damage
Her hair was pulled back from her face
Eyes bulging as if sprayed with mace
Skin tighter than the string of a bow
As if she’d had her head out the window
I wasn’t sure if she was injured or ok
Or if her face always looked that way
I inquired if she was injured or hurt
Her response was certainly quite curt
Then I pointed out she was at fault
And she reared up like an angry colt
We exchange details insurance and such
And got in my car and wished her luck
I pointed out her horse like behaviour
And the extent of her driving failure
She was a very long way past miffed
The angry girl with the Croydon facelift

SUMMER STORM

A white cloud
Appears on the once
Clear blue afternoon sky
Like a careless splodge of white
On the blue canvas of an artist
It bubbles up
Then races across the blue
Another appears bigger this time
Then another and another
And as they move across the sky
They cast their shadows across the land
Patches of light and dark
Appear to move over the landscape
Like a giant kaleidoscope
One of the sunny patches
Illuminates the weeping cherry
Where the gold finches sing
Then there is more cloud than sky
The small white clouds
Have now bubbled up and darkened
And from the lake the Geese speak
To no one in particular
Saying that a storm is coming
In the distance the mountains
Stand out starkly
Against the ever darkening sky
The first sounds of thunder
Roll around the valley
Sounding like a distant train
Getting nearer and louder
Silent lightning streaks
Across the blackening clouds
Then a thunder clap
Not to be mistaken for a distant train
Large raindrops hit the ground
Dappling the dry earth
Strumming on the roof tops
And the tops of parked cars
In a reassuring rhythm
And as the last dry spot disappeared
The torrent began
Falling vertically like monsoon rains
Lightning streaks dazzled the eyes
And almost instant thunder shook the house
The waters of the lake
Erupted like a pot coming to the boil
And day was turned to night
Slowly the rain eased
And the storm rolled on
Blue coloured the skies again
The Geese spoke again from the lake
Gold finches sang once more
And the air was filled with the scent of wet pines

LOVE MAKER

In my long life
I have found this to be true
It is impossible
To make someone love you

You have to accept this
Or adopt a different spin
By stalking them until they panic
And they finally give in

CULTURE VULTURE

Isn’t culture wonderful?
Music, theatre, poetry
Something for everyone
To feel or hear or see
The performing arts
I particularly like poetry
Especially poetry readings
With the writer at the mic
I go to festivals and slams
From time to time
I like to go to a recital
And ask why the poem doesn't rhyme

REUNION TREPIDATION

Reunions are strange affairs
Full of shadows of events long past
Faces swim at you from the crowd
Faces from the past
Some are old friends
Greyer in colour
Frailer in body
But still recognisable
Someone says
"I haven't seen you for years"
And suddenly you see them as they once were
You swap stories
Exchange remembrances
And the years just melt away
Though at times you grasp for names
In the far reaches
Of your cluttered mind
You pour over old albums
Regimental photos
Or company teams
Picking out familiar faces
"His name was Chisholm"
"What was his first name?"
"George?"
"No he played trombone"
"Tom, Tim, no Jim"
You feel pleased with yourself.
Your trepidation at attending long gone
With the pleasure of old friendships revisited
You are glad you made the effort

At reunions and other such gatherings
Amongst the sea of faces
There always appears
As if released from a time capsule
That one person who seems completely unchanged
The “Dorian Gray”
Who makes you feel older than ever
And a little bit envious
But not bitter
You console yourself with the fact
He has a painting of Methuselah in his attic
Plus there was that smug satisfaction you got
When you met the rabble rousers of your youth
That are now the teetotallers
Or those with walking frames
And the special diets

Reunions are more than that though
It’s not just about meeting old friends
Some people you never liked
Some you always avoided
Those are the ones who propel themselves
Excocet like from the throng
And act like your long lost best friend
They are the ones you need rescuing from
That cause time to stand still
They ones that caused your trepidation
Who talks incessantly
About everything
And nothing
The ones that cause you to vow
"This is my last reunion"
Or “Never again”
But because the one annoyance
Is the exception to the rule
When next you're asked
You always relent

GHURKA WARRIOR

Ghurka warrior
Proud and loyal
How can you take
This cruel betrayal

Always williing
To take up arms
To suffer war
And all its harms

You defended empire
And commonwealth
Fighting hand to hand
And in stealth

You stood and fought
In our nations name
How we forsake you
To our governments shame

Ghurka warrior
Loyal and proud
You now have justice
Let us cheer you aloud

GIRL ON HORSEBACK

Elegant and beautiful I thought
Admiring the girl on the horse
I couldn’t take my eyes off her
No glance back at me of course

She sits in the saddle quite aloof
A cut above us I’ve been told
A little bit snobby to tell the truth
But she is a beauty to behold

As for the horse she sits upon
A fine thoroughbred steed
A beast like she, looks down its nose
Because like her it’s of noble breed

You expect to be looked down upon
By a girl atop a noble horse
But when on terra firma
I would expect equality of course

But from her five foot one inch stance
She looked down on me once more
Which was quite a feat indeed for her
As I stand tall at six foot four

JIM PANSY

Tim can see,
Jim Pansy,
Gym handy
Limbs bandy
Tim can see,
Jim Pansy,
A chimpanzee

GENETIC MYSTERY

Our genes are passed on
To subsequent generations
Our complete genetic make up
Quirks, foibles, and pre dispositions

Parts of us are forever preserved
Due to the wonder of genetics
And we can see in our off spring,
Our own distinct characteristics

Through this miracle of procreation
The genes will even carry
From generation to generation
The basic instincts in Genetic memory

What a pity that God omitted
When he created Adam
The most important genes of all
The ones to carry wisdom

THE ANGEL OF THE NORTH

The angel of the north
Standing tall and erect
That androgynous monument
To the politically correct
Disproportionate in aspect
On a hill it was put
But it has sunk in the ground
To the depth of a foot
Definitely no room
For complacency though
As there are still another
Sixty five feet to go

PC COFFEE TIME

Black coffee
That’s all I crave
Nothing fancy
Just coffee, black
Not latte
Skinny or otherwise
Not espresso
Cappuccino
Mocca
Mocca choca
Macchiato,
Americano
Just coffee, black
But now I’m told
It’s not PC
To order black coffee
Apparently
To be perfectly PC
When ordering black coffee
I must request
Coffee without milk

Then I return fulfilled
To my dark domain
And sleep the clock around
Until I can sup again

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JUSTITIA

Justitia, or lady justice
Matronly Goddess
Stands for fairness
Validating justice
Sanctifying the law
A figure of trust

Before the court
She stands
Blindfolded
To mete out justice
Without fear of favour
Equality for all
In the eyes of the law
Impartiality

In Justitia’s left hand
The measuring balances
The scales of justice
Weighing the evidence
For and against
Support and opposition
Guilt and innocent

Justitia, in her right hand
Holds the sword
The symbol of power
Of reason and justice
A double edge sword,
The sword of justice
The nemesis sword
To be wielded for or against
Retribution or vengeance

Justita is a fraud
Justice is not blind
Rip off the blindfold
From the bitch’s eyes
She is not blind
She has no impartiality
She is the establishment
The ruling order
Her principled scales
Don’t measure justice
Only a rich mans coin
And her noble sword
The sword of justice
The nemesis sword
Is used to smite the weak

POSITIVE DISCRIMINATION

It’s about time we realised
Discrimination is futile
Between black and white
Muslim, Jew and gentile
The old and the young
The homeless and the cherished
The left and the right
The perfect and the blemished
Atheists and believers
The contented and the whinger
Able bodied and disabled
Brunette blonde and ginger
The east and the west
From Asian Orientals
Continent against continent
To European Occidentals
The happy and the sad
The skinny and the stout
The stable and the mad
The in and the out
The north and the south
The Oxbridge and the common
The straight and the gay
Man versus woman
At the end of the day
Nature will discriminate
And will eliminate
Those perpetrators of hate
The senseless bigots
And the world will be rid
As nature will choose
Between the smart and the stupid

ANYTHING GOES

The Cole Porter classic “Anything Goes”
Is a song everyone knows
“In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking
Now heaven knows
Anything goes”
Which attempted to define
The moral decline
Well little did he know
How low morals would go
Now little is left to the imagination
When it come to female emancipation
Woman display themselves to readily
Or dress inappropriately
Their varying degrees of undress
Expose pierced and tattooed flesh
In thongs with exposed arses
Or skirts as short as west end farces
Naked midriffs of all shapes and sizes
Leaving no room for surprises
Flesh erupts like a muffin
Over waist bands unable to keep it in
And no one should ever wear Lycra
Unless their figure is micra
There are things that should remain hidden
And only revealed when bidden
Equally there are also things about a woman
That does not need to be revealed to a man
For example a cause of great consternation
Is that we get to here about their constipation
Loss of bladder control issues
Feminine freshness wipes and tissues
Then there is the shaving and waxing
And treatments men would find quite taxing
There are things we don’t need to see or hear
I just want to make that clear
One behaviour that’s quite disturbing
Is a mother in public breast feeding
Nursing a baby we don’t want to see
No matter how nice her nurses maybe
But the very worst thing to see
Is when they are out socially
Woman kind when emancipated
Failed to do what was anticipated
In taming the animal in men
And preventing his wildness emerging again
Instead women have fallen into the pit
And show know intention of leaving it
Laddettes and matrons who should know better
End up drunk laying in the gutter
Even at a holiday resort
Men look on as they disport
Cavorting bare chest-ed
Free of the clothes they have divested
As they display manicured muffs
And unmatched collar and cuffs
The tattooes, piercings and body art
Are the only way to tell them apart
Full of cocktails and beer
And the odd infection I fear
I’m not sure Mrs Pankhurst
When the idea struck her first
Envisaged that this would be the way of it
And Cole Porter didn’t know the half of it
“In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking
Now heaven knows
Anything goes”

That's the system let's face it it's corrupt and organized crime coming from them. It's hard for some to believe that we're all entitled to our beliefs you just have to open your eyes and ears a little bit more this is all around us.

Everyone believes that when they call Social Services that their going to get help for the better well you won't cause they'll just take you away when no one there like they kidnapped that lady from her own home throwing sheet over her and you'll just get put in care or day centres that are no good for normal people. This is the type of service everyone gets in the hands of Social Services and Care Staff. We are lead to believe that we will get better and the real support needed in their hands when all the time they will just turn your life up side down into a care home world and for the worse. Things get 10 times worse cause they think there here to stop you.

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What I also hate is when other people say is this all he and she does well what do you expect when haven't got a Job cause it's those type of people that say that to us in front of others that have stopped us from getting a Job just cause say of a voice and health problems. They make me sick.

When you say you want a Job and people actually turn their hobbies into Jobs when it's just a hobby people do take it further and make money out of it then 'them' look like what you. It's why people end up paranoid and things like that cause it's those type of Services doing that to us by like what you and what I mentioned in previous message below this one.

Reason why people can't get jobs is when some end up in Social Services hands when you want to work in a Shop as Staff 'them' say things like well that's for normal they just want to get on with their work. Well we all do. Then they go round spoiling it for us by saying that to other Staff in Shops and by turning our life up side down into a care home world. They also mark you down as a retard on the first time seeing you then they wonder why we have problems cause it's that type of people that go round doing that to us. They even tell strangers that we don't know never met before to keep an eye on us that's very dangerous. 'Them' done it to loads of people even those without a husky voice that come in from out of town for the first time and they now go to funny farm places of day centres and places like that that are no good. 'Them' have got to stop doing that to us. Then they pretend that's just paranoia some say their jerks. We never need that kind of treatment before they entered our lifes cause we lived normal and got treated normal at home.

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They got like this towards people with problems back in the 1970's when they came to take retards away. It started then even before I was born I'd like to know who started that when they came to take them away Ha! Ha!
Since then it's all spiralled out of control and now they just do it anyone with a problem race creed or colour even if they don't know what's wrong with you. It's a sad world. I think they've got a problem with some of us.
They call themselves Dr's and Nurses half of them don't even know what's wrong with you. They just say things like cause he or she is a retard that's not the answer. Oh well that's them.

Edited by author 17-07-2009 19:45
Before people live in space and on other planets we're all going to have to stop doing that just cause of a husky voice and Asthma which courses heavy breathing noises over that and other health problems people have also a lot of people need to GROW UP.

Edited by author 17-07-2009 19:34
Glad the discussion about race creed and colour seemed meaningless to you at School in your days. It wasn't like that at my School in the 1980's and 1990's. Sadly these days it isn't like that anymore and some people attack and bully us for our problems in health. The problem is that no one doesn't help that person with problems in health and they just try to get them in care, off the street and those that do that to us make things 10 times worse. Like too much of anything with a problem is too big for them to handle. Well they shouldn't be teaching nor as Boarders Staff if they can't handle it. It's like so everytime there's a problem your just going to run away from it.

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COLD SHOULDER

Always remember
You should never go to bed
On a cross word
After angry things are said
It’s more sensible
Not to go to bed angry, when
You can stay up
And calmly plot your revenge

WHEN I WAS A KID

When I was a kid
Life was simpler than it is today
We chose our friends
Based on the things we liked to play
When I was a kid
And we Choose teams in the school yard
If you didn’t get picked
No one thought to play the race card
When I was a kid
Race creed and colour were meaningless
The only “Race issue"
Was arguing about who ran the fastest

RIGHT ON MAN
I am a white male
Anglo Saxon fifty something
Able-bodied heterosexual
And as a result in modern Britain
I have no rights whatever

THE ARMENIAN HOLOCAUST’S 1896 to 1915

Since prehistoric times, humans populated
The mountainous lands of Armenia
Adam and eve, in the biblical garden of Eden
Trod this land in the shadow of the Armenian highlands
And Mount Ararat towered above
Upon which Noah’s ark came to rest
Christianity was nurtured in these historic lands
Sustaining and comforting the gentle people
They lived in peace for centuries
The oldest Christian nation of the world
Until the Ottoman Empire spread
And they fell under Turkeys oppressive yoke
Churches and Cathedrals were desecrated
And the devout Christians Persecuted
Four centuries of oppression past
Until finally in utter despair
They rose up against the tyranny
To shake loose their shackles
And drive out their Muslim overloads
But hopelessly outnumbered and ill equipped
They failed to win their freedom
And the wrath of their Turkish masters
Was brought down upon their heads
With merciless efficiency they struck
Killing indiscriminately
And when the savagery ended
50,000 Armenian souls had ascended
Then 20 more years of suffering followed
When the savage allies of the Kaiser
Sent word from Istanbul
To solve their Armenian problem
A chilling phrase echoing through the years
This time their actions were unprovoked
And the butchery unprecedented
One and a half million Christian souls
Were sent heavenward by the Turkish tyrants
A solution that provided the Germans
With a template for the future
Which they would employ to great effect

EUROPEAN EMPIRE

The European empire grows
Ever greater Day on day
Governed from its Brussels base
Yet ruled from Paris and Berlin
Yet this empires growth is not it seems
Restricted by the continents borders
The arrogance of Germany and France
Not content with European expansion
wish now to expand the empire into asia
Pushing the borders far beyond
the Bosporus straights
And the Sea of Marmara
Natural waterways separating continents
Enabling the empire to encompass
Turkey and then beyond
The Occidental empire enveloping the Orient

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TRESSPASSED

Other eyes have looked
Other hands have touched
The memories of my life
Intrinsic mementoes
Discarded like dross
The floor like a storm swept beach
Cables hang from
Invisible technology
What once was there now gone
Uncaring in their intrusion
Draws hang out precariously
Their contents strewn
My possessions lie in disarray
Everything of value gone
To feed a junkies habit
Or and idle mans greed
The insurance will pay
But when the money comes
I will still know they were here
And may come again
I will look at everyone with suspicious eyes
Can I live like that?

REVERTING TO TYPE

Mucker's keep on mucking
Suckers keep on sucking
Truckers keep on trucking
Bikers keep on biking
Hikers keep on hiking
Walkers keep on walking
Stalkers keep on stalking
Talkers keep on talking
Speakers keep on speaking
Keepers keep on keeping
Leapers keep on leaping
Jumpers keep on jumping
Dumpers keep on dumping
Slumpers keep on slumping
Skivers keep on skiving
Divers keep on diving
Drivers keep on driving
Racers keep on racing
Pacers keep on pacing
Chasers keep on chasing
Runners keep on running
Punners keep on punning
Gunners keep on gunning
Shooter keep on shooting
Scooters keep on scooting
Looters keep on looting
Stealers keep on stealing
Healers keep on healing
Dealers keep on dealing
Traders keep on trading
Faders keep on fading
Raiders keep on raiding
Reachers keep on reaching
Teachers keep on teaching
Preachers keep on preaching
Darers keep on daring
Carers keep on caring
Sharers keep on sharing
Copers keep on coping
Hopers keep on hoping
Lopers keep on loping
Rovers keep on roving
Movers keep on moving
Lovers keep on loving
Zippers keep on zipping
Tippers keep on tipping
Slippers keep on slipping
Sliders keep on sliding
Riders keep on riding
Hiders keep on hiding
Shakers keep on shaking
Makers keep on making
Takers keep on taking
Needers keep on needing
Heeders keep on heeding
Leaders keep on lying

CABINET MINISTERS

Cabinet ministers apply the following rules:
And must adopt these rules immediately
If put in a position
Where they must make a decision
They delay it immediately
If they can they delegate it to a junior
So the junior can avoid making a decision
If all else fails they form a committee
So the committee can avoid making a decision
If they can in anyway whatever
Avoid making a decision
They do so immediately

WHAT NEW LABOUR DOES

When they are up in the polls
They flaunt the figures outrageously
But when they are down and falling
They ridicule them vigourously
Sometimes stressing fickle public opinion
Or protest votes and volatility
When they are only down a little
They play the underdog playing for sympathy
When they are neck and neck
They feign surprise at their popularity

PUBLIC INQUIRY

Our venerable leader Tony Blair
Stood smiling in the media glair
Andrew Gilligan stood by his story
As the PM lied to Liberal and Tory
The Alasdair Campbell dossier lied
And poor David Kelly was crucified
At the BBC Greg Dyke resigned as D.G.
Tony Blair smiled a bit too smugly
He wanted a way to keep the truth hid
That’s what the Hutton whitewash did

TONY'S CRONIES

Many hundreds of years of tradition he ignores
As president Blair reforms the House of Lords
The Lord Chancellors now been given the sack
We don’t need one nor his famous woolsack
The second chamber is loaded with his cronies
Not with peers but appointees and other phonies
In place of the rows of noble’s clad in ermine
Its full of denim wearing republican vermin
No fanfare will blow to announce who’s coming
That will be replaced by our Tony strumming
What next I wonder what else can Tony change
What else can he abolish or at least rearrange
Black rod maybe, all that banging must be a drag
Replaced by a door chime that plays the red flag

JOBS FOR THE BOYS

Horacio Elizondo is ref for the final
His obviously Reward
For a flawless performance
Helping Portugal go forward

ok how dose this work ?!?!?

In response to the one called Eddie T I thought that was you, so apologies for that.
Secondly I have yet to speak to the ed with regards to the polling system. I will have to get some work in I think so that I qualify for said polling.
I think the world aint as bad as people make out. Maybe I am naive or maybe I am being controlled by something or someone...she is called the wife.

McDade,

I think you're confusing me with someone else as message /m38 relating to Government involvement in the manufacture and distribution of HIV was written by someone called Eddie T. I have no idea who Eddie T is and, I will openly confess, I actually thought it was you taking a dig at me after my piece on the plausibility of the WHO having the capability of spreading a virus! So, dear friend, if Eddie T isn't you and it isn't me, I think someone else must actually log on here now and again, other than Paul Curtis, NYK and the one calling him or herself 'J'.

Have you spoken to the ed about getting back on the polling system?

Vote for me at http://www.nowyouknow.co.uk

Ok Eddie,
In response to your post, I feel that there are issues that have to be addressed. Firstly, The media have alot to answer for. Print and Broadcast media has now reached an all time low. Stories like a cat up a tree or a dog down a drain are very rare now and insteat we are meant to believe that the governmant are out to get us. Tory Blair has neither the brains nor the braun to control a nation. For Christ sake he cant control his teenage son from gettin pissed and high. I acknowledge the fact that we have british intelligence and that there are secret labs developing technologies and medicines beyond our understanding but HIV a man made virus to control the population? Bollocks. As any biochemist will tell you, or GP for that matter, any virus mutates through time HIV is not a contageous disease in the way the cold is but through time it will mutate again and again this is called Viral Function Mutagenetic Transfer. Take this whole Bird Flu thinggiven time this will mutate so that it can be passed from human to human.
Secondly, I read and article about NWO (New World Order) that has been organised to be a "one world government". Now quite frankly I do not believe that this will ever materialise. The motto translates from latin to Order out of Chaos. They are going into countries to try and start religious wars and racist propanganda so why are we wasting our time? Why not kill NWO?
Paranoia is a loose term and conspiracy is too but to be honest no one has me where they want me to be. I made my choices in my life and I am now where I am today which is here. I am happier now than I have ever been.
I hope this post actually reads well as it was my own meandering thoughts.

Cheers
McDade

Hello again, McDade!

Your views are well received and may even be perceived as being those of someone who is exactly where 'they' want you to be. 'Paranoid' is a very common and loosely used term that many relate to (rightly or wrongly) in an everyday sense. Is it paranoid to worry about a neighbour interfering with young children after having served a sentence for molestation? Is it paranoid to be afraid to walk the streets after dark 'in case' of being attacked, just because you read in the paper about three stabbings, a drive-by shooting, two apparently unrelated assaults and an attempted rape all within the area of the place you call home? Is it paranoid to fear for your life so much that you refuse to eat certain foods after massive culls to allegedly halt the spread of a deadly virus? Is it so far from believeable that some form of conspiracy is possible? One that promotes, or does little to curb, mass media exploitation of any thread of a story that may incite fear into members of the general public? Let's put it this way - how many people do you know who have voluntarily sought treatment of one form or another, purely because of their inability to cope with everyday life?

Why oh why oh why?
I would really love to ask why we feel the need to have the paranoid head on? Is life really that depressing that we have to imagine that people are out to deliberately shape our lives? I mean come on just because you have never heard of a member of parliament with AIDS or HIV does not mean that there is not. I have never met an african but I know they exist. Also are we meant to believe that the fluoride content in our water is altered to control our minds? Pish!
I love magic and close up magicians but when they make a coin dissapear I like to just accept it as magic. I am not interested in how he made it vanish or where it went. We should all live our lives as we are. I mean according to the dictionary conspiracy means, A combination of men for an evil purpose; an agreement, between two or more persons, to commit a crime in concert, as treason; a plot.
Now that can mean anything. I could get my brother and my mates and we could "conspire" to beat the living shit out a lollipop lady however paranoia, according to the dictionary, means A chronic form of insanity characterized by very gradual impairment of the intellect, systematized delusion, and usually by delusious of persecution or mandatory delusions producing homicidal tendency. In its mild form paranoia may consist in the well-marked crotchetiness exhibited in persons commonly called ``cranks.'' Paranoiacs usually show evidences of bodily and nervous degeneration, and many have hallucinations, esp. of sight and hearing.
So from this we can assume that each and every one of you are fucking lethal not only are you all on the verge of agreeing on something but you are also on the verge of agreeing to something homocidal.
Goodnight

To Eddie T from Eddie Elwood:

In response to your article /m38
================================

I, personally, don't know many Government officials, let alone any who may (or may not) have tested positive for HIV. It is certainly fascinating to research the geographical movements of a particular virus and to speculate on its origins. I'm aware of a feline version of AIDS - has your cat, if you have one, been vaccinated against it? Cell mutation is almost inevitable with all our modern day drugs and I often wonder at the plausibility of viral spread purely caused by human / animal interaction at any level. Current worries over the spread of Bird Flu is a fine example; the virus doesn't appear to harm humans except in exceptional circumstances, but it could be present in most avian species in one form or another. Influenza has been around for centuries. Has the Government banned the movement of all avian species through legitimate quarantine stations? I doubt it very much, as this wasn't implemented during such epidemics as Foot & Mouth. We can't stop all birds from flying, nor can we cull every bird within a given area. Disease will spread with or without Government intervention and our main priority should be bio-security and educating those who are ignorant of the basic need for good hygiene, health and safety. As for the Government 'having the cure', I would more believe that it was in drug companies' best interests to delay any 'wonder drug instant cure' as it would sorely reduce their profit margins and their research funding.

In conclusion - doesn't anyone wonder at the amount of steroids, immuno-suppresants and hormones that must pass through the human food chain and land back down the drains and into the recirulated water system?

Your response will be most welcome.

Vote for Eddie Elwood at http://www.eddieelwood.co.uk

Dear J.

I have chosen not to delete this message, as I am unable to fathom out which 'seed' was planted. Perhaps you would be so kind as to elaborate? We try not to be discriminatory in our deletion of listings here but, as part of the 'Scottish Writers' group of messageboards, listings in foreign languages or jumbled jargon are removed to help avoid confusion. We don't delete on the grounds of bad spelling, punctuation or grammar, nor do we delete personal beliefs, unless they can be construed as libelous or highly offensive. Hopefully, the boards will develop into something more than just a sounding place for personal beliefs and/or suspicions and, as always, we encourage serious debate of a topical nature.
Thank you for taking the time to visit our site and please feel free to contribute at anytime. Scots and English are both acceptable :)

http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk
http://www.nowyouknow.co.uk
http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk

T/Y FOR DELETING THE COMMENTS THAT I POSTED HERE. I FOUND THIS TO BE A FASCINATING MESSAGE BOARD SINCE WE DO LIVE IN TIMES WHERE PEOPLE ARE PARANOID, THEREFORE THEY ACCESS PUBLIC PLACES LIKE THIS TO WRITE THE THINGS THEY DO.
HOWEVER, AS A PROFESSIONAL, I AM ONE TO SAY THAT PEOPLE THAT WRITE SHOULD MAKE SURE THAT WHAT THEY PUT IN WRITING IS VALUABLE FOR ALL AND NOT DISCRIMINATORY. IN OTHER WORDS, TRY TO PUBLISH SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE AND NOT BE FIXED ON ALIENATED JARGON. WITH THOSE WORDS IN MIND, MAKE SURE YOU DELETE THIS ALSO, BUT I ALREADY PLANTED A SEED IN YOUR HEAD.
GOOD DAY TO ALL.

Interesting story lines are one thing but then there's what the Sunday Sport would print.

Paranoid Times - could be a publication that seeks the truth behind some interesting storylines?

Paranoid Times surely does'nt mean its time for paranoia

Do you now that HIV is a gov creation to control the people and to make the population. And that the gov has the cure for it. Have you herd of a gov offical coming up positive for it.I havent,that is because they have the cure.

TONIE AND GORDIE

The difference between
Neurosis and psychosis
Is not prerequisite
A psychotic believes
2 + 2 = 5
Even if it doesn’t fit
While a neurotic knows
2 + 2 = 4
But really doesn’t like it

YES PRIME MINISTER

With all the power that resides
In the musty chambers of Westminster
Whether MPs be young or old
Married or single bachelor or spinster
At exalted levels they become devils
And are less minister than sinister

PUBLIC INQUIRY

Our venerable leader Tony Blair
Stood smiling in the media glair
Andrew Gilligan stood by his story
As the PM lied to Liberal and Tory
The Alasdair Campbell dossier lied
And poor David Kelly was crucified
At the BBC Greg Dyke resigned as D.G.
Tony Blair smiled a bit too smugly
He wanted a way to keep the truth hid
That’s what the Hutton whitewash did

, THE ANONYMOUS ENEMY

There is no black in the union jack
There is no white in the Rastafari
There is no brown in the British crown
There is no white in the consciousness
No ethnic presence in the establishment
No white voice in the consensus
There’s no black power neath big Ben’s tower
There’s no white vote in modern Britain
No black role models say the liberals
All the white ones are being discredited
There is no black amongst the black
But shades of brown from dark to light
There is no white amongst the white
But shades of flesh from light to dark
There is no black in the union jack
There is no white in the British isle
Black dwells too much on slavery and such
White looks longingly to halcyon days
Race hatred grows watched from the shadows
White against black, black against white
No black and white flinch from the fight
Hate spreads like fire fueled by the scourge
The scourge is black encouraging attack
The scourge is white urging on the fight
Inhabiting the middleness with wordy vagueness
Condemning both sides and supports them also
They feed the flames the people with no names
The anonymous enemy the liberal elite
They divide and conquer while making us suffer
They keep the battle on to hold onto power
The liberal elite are the real enemy to defeat
Ruling the world from the shadows
Ruling the middleness with political correctness
Accentuating our differences for hate
They are autonomous in there control of us
While creating the illusion of democracy
Freedom of speech is the lie they teach
If we speak against there view we are crushed
They control the wealth weald power by stealth
The anonymous enemy the liberal elite

par·a·noid ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-noid)
adj.
Relating to, characteristic of, or affected with paranoia.
Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others

TASER PREMIERED IN NEWMAINS, LANARKSHIRE

A suspected armed robber was the first person in Scotland to be shot with a Taser gun by police, following reports of an attempted robbery at a petrol station in Newmains, near Wishaw in Lanarkshire, on Wednesday night, 23rd November 2005.
The area hit the headlines only weeks ago with YET ANOTHER murder on its streets. Notorious for drugs and gun related crimes in the past, this particular area is fast becoming one that many a stranger would fear to tread after daylight fades. Perhaps this time, the police WILL move in and make a better job of patrolling the streets instead of turning certain surrounding neighbourhoods, once again, into law enforcement 'no go' zones, as has happened in the past.
If memory serves me correctly, Lanarkshire has many, many skeletons in its closet but, as the original birthplace of Paranoid Times, it was just like any other neighbourhood - mainly good but with the usual few rotten apples lurking in the barrel.

http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk

PARANOID TIMES 10 PAGE PULL-OUT IN NOW YOU KNOW MAGAZINE

Like many a space shuttle launch, the launch of 'Paranoid Times' was delayed and will now have to wait until early 2006. However, there is a special 10-page PARANOID TIMES feature inside edition 12 of Now You Know.
To order your copy, see website at http://www.nowyouknow.co.uk

NEWS AT (NUMBER) 10

Yeah, yeah, yeah... They also made the decision to let Blunkett go then take Blunkett back then let Blunkett go... again. This government can't stick to any decision for long and have already backtracked on the complete smoking in public places ban probably because SO MANY OF THEIR OWN MEMBERS SMOKE!

Shall we now assume that nanny Tony will be hiking up existing taxes (and introducing even more stealth taxes) to compensate for the lost billions through reduced tobacco revenues when all the pubs and clubs get rid of their £5-per-pack rip-off vending machines?

Work it out for yourself... Nanny Tony's wife, for some obscure reason, buys secondhand stuff for their kids, for heaven's sakes! She could quite easily have saved up the coupons from the cigarette packs and got some really good stuff... but I think they stopped that too. My guess is that Tony & Sherie have shares in eBay and know fine well that chain smokers would rather sit, drink and smoke at a computer than sit in a pub without a cig... and online auctions are apparently all the rage at the moment.

Besides, it has already been adequately demonstrated that people, in general, are living a lot longer and that soon there won't be enough workers to support the pensions for retirees... proof positive that smoking isn't killing everyone off at any great rate.

I mean, one works (in these modern days of Blunkettism, one can even breed) from 16 to 65 (that's almost half a century!!) and then by retirement one's parents are only in their 80's, granny's past the century mark, and the family can't even sit down together for a smoke after dinner at the great great grandchild's Christening party..... COME ON!

My final say on this matter is EBIDDERS AND EBAYERS BEWARE... YOU ARE THE NEXT SOURCE OF ALL THAT EXTRA TAX!

http://www.nowyouknow.co.uk

CABINET NEWS

What wonderful news not only has the British Government finally made a decision on something but they have made a good one.
They are finally going to ban smoking in pubs.
Now we can not only subject ourselves to coronary inducing meals, smoke free, but we can also relax safe in the knowledge that our children are free to binge drink and experiment with drugs without the additional hazard of passive smoking.
Well done Nanny Blair.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

Many years ago in the days when the steak houses were only just appearing and there wasn’t a fast food joint on every corner, indeed the only fast food establishment was the chip shop although the more cosmopolitan towns did have a wimpy bar.
Any way I arrived, with my wife, at a highly regarded and exclusive restaurant where I had a reservation, made three months in advance I might add.
Well on entering the restaurant the scene that greeted me was that of the Maitre’d being confronted by a very angry man in fact he was so angry that his face was a strange purple colour and his temples were throbbing and the reason for his shouting was that he was demanding he be seated at the last available table.
The purple faced man in question was a well known TV actor of the day in fact at the time he was starring in a series called “The Lotus Eaters” I won’t mention his name but I can say that it wasn’t Wanda Ventham.
The Maitre’d looked a little relieved when he saw me come in and immediately informed the purple faced actor that the vacant table was in fact reserved for this gentleman and his companion and he gestured in my direction.
The charm less though interestingly coloured man now turned his attention on me and tried to persuade me to give up my reservation by shouting loudly at me.
When I refused his kind offer he said “Do you know who I am?”
“Yes” I said and told him exactly who he was and what program he was currently in.
“Do you know who I am?” I asked him in return.
He looked puzzled and then answered “No”.
“I’m the bloke with the reservation” I told him.
He then had thick blue veins throbbing in his neck to go with his purple face and his language was even more colourful than his head.

MIDSOMER MURDER

I was thinking recently about Midsomer murders and how in the first series inspector Barnaby had another daughter.
Cully was either still at school or at college and her older sister whose name escapes me was married.
However she had the annoying habit of returning home every time she and her husband had a tiff.
These visits was not well received by Barnaby and were often accompanied by wailing, gnashing of teeth and a good deal of tears.
However now there is only Cully and even she was absent in the last outing.
Does anyone know what happened to the elder daughter?
Maybe Tom could take no more and she’s under the patio.
That would be a twist.

HELENA OF JOY

I have to say that Helena Bonham Carter has always rung my bell if you understand my meaning.
I first saw the beautiful young woman with the large dark eyes in her early appearances in “A Room With A View” and “Lady Jane Grey” and I have followed her career through her classical rolls to an outing with Woody Allen with great interest.
Even when she was in “The Theory Of Flight” and she played a dying woman, wheelchair bound with motor neuron disease, she still did it for me oh yes indeed.
When she was cast in “Planet Of The Apes” I was at first very excited and then a little disappointed when I discovered she was going to be playing princess Ari, an ape, and would therefore be completely hidden.
Well I needn't have worried she was wonderful no amount of makeup could ever disguise her exceptional eyes and her movement was truly very provocative.
However I have now decided that perhaps my interest in her is becoming a little too focused although I don’t want you getting the wrong idea I'm not a stalker or anything of that nature but I am getting a little worried now by the effect she’s having on me.
For example on a recent trip to London zoo with my family I found myself getting unnaturally aroused when we entered the primate house.
Enough said I think.

WHERE ARE WE?

What a strange world we now inhabit, a world in which people are seemingly incapable of going ten minutes without speaking to someone on their mobile phone and yet have probably gone ten years without speaking to a stranger in the street.

A world in which we go everywhere in the car but cant actually get to where we want to go without a computer telling us where and when to turn.
What a ludicrous situation it is when a person has to use Satellite navigation, bouncing signals off various orbiting satellites, just to travel from Woking to Godalming a distance of eight miles as the crow flies.

This failure to navigate our way around this green and pleasant land has been blamed in equal measure on a woman’s inability to read a map and a mans reluctance to ask for directions but to my mind this problem is all down to road signs.
There are just too many signs there are Blue ones, Green ones, White one’s and the Brown ones telling us what places of interest we should visit all of which distract our attention away from the sign that will actually tell you where you want to go.

When the Second World War started and Britain was under imminent threat of invasion many road signs were either removed or painted over in order to confuse German paratroopers.
I am convinced that some of the sign posts were put back in the wrong place and a great many were never put back at all and are still stacked in a heap in an old barn in somewhere in Dorset.
Even so we should be able to find our own way from A to B.

Its not just on the land where we have problems either even on the high seas we struggle, but why after all we are a proud island race and all of us are steeped in our great sea faring heritage.
When Britannia was ruler of the waves our gallant seamen circumnavigated the globe using only the Sun and the stars and wrote their own charts as they went.
Now sailors have a global positioning system or GPS too pin point their exact position.
Satellites and computers control ships from Super Tankers to small fishing boats.
However even with all this technology they still manage to crash into each other or run aground but when it comes to apportioning blame its always human error.

SEVERED

“We are making your position redundant” was the gist of meeting.
There were a few well-placed key words and phrases such as “Revenue down turn”, “strategic restructuring”, “Regrettable”, “unforeseen” blah blah blah.
I know it wasn’t personal it was necessary to make positions redundant and mine, along with three others, was identified as one that could go.
In truth it didn’t come as a complete surprise in fact I thought it would have happened earlier than it did.
The flow of work into my “in” tray had slowed to the point where it was barely a trickle and time had begun to hang heavy and more and more I had to make myself look busy which is never an easy task.
However although I was not surprised it was still a shock when the hammer fell.
It was all very amicable and I have no complaint about the way it was done and the financial package was more than acceptable so no hard feelings.
I did feel a little sadness at the end because after twenty-two years in the job I felt I was beginning to get the hang of it.

SHOCKING

Anaphylactic shock is a severe allergic reaction to something such as a Bee sting or maybe eating peanuts or shellfish.
While on the other hand prophylactic shock happens when you discover your boyfriend didn’t wear a condom.

WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURS?

Most people if pressed would not admit to giving a name to an inanimate object. Well I can tell you now that 90% of them would be lying and the rest didn’t understand the question.
The commonest object, by some distance, to be endowed with a pet name is the car and More often than not it will be a feminine name.
This is because we perceive that a cars personality is inherently female.
The reasons for this are quite obvious because they are expensive to keep, unpredictable, unreliable, they only respond when you speak nicely to them and you need to endlessly accessorize.
For my part I have a dark blue ford fiesta which I bought new and I called her Abby and I did this because it was the Abbey who loaned me the money to buy her.

TAKE TWO

How absurd are TV outtakes? Why is it that we delight so much in seeing Actors and presenters cocking up?
After all we don’t get to see other professionals getting it wrong as part of our evenings entertainment.
We don’t see a top surgeon removing the wrong kidney or nicking the patients bowel.
Nor do we see an undertaker burying the wrong body or a waiter twice dropping your steak on the floor before he left the kitchen.
Some things are best-left unseen.

Do tell, do tell, do tell...
I'm all ears! (Or should that be eyes?)

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Good morning, afternoon & night to any one but not everyone who may be reading this message from Access Dennied. I have been away on an undercover job...The sights one does see. Very emotional. I have words to talk - If you are interested leave a note and I'll tell. Be warned these are not words that should go to waste! Acs ;)

Re: Paranoid Times and the jumbled messages -

These are mix-ups from extracts taken from 'Captain Blood'
by Rafael Sabatini. I can't explain why they are being sent willy-nilly around the globe partnering medical / parmaceutical products, but can only suggest that it is some sort of game that students from around the globe are playing.

The entire book is available online for download from The World Wide School, which is apparently based in Seattle, Washington.

Hope this helps,
http://www.eddieelwood.co.uk

Our latest £50 writing competition has been officially launched, details available on our 'COMPETITIONS' link at http://www.scottishmultimedia.co.uk/Writing/Competitions.htm
We are currently seeking sponsorship for future competitions, with sponsors benefitting from advertising within the printed edition of 'Now You Know'. anyone interested in adding to the prizefund should contact NYK Media by mailto:office@scottishmultimedia.co.uk

GET YOUR ENTRIES IN SOON! THIS COMPETITION IS OPEN TO ALL WRITERS, BUT CONDITIONS APPLY.

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In the distance the flickering lights were just visible. Red, red and amber, green… the early morning traffic inched its way forward. From his vantagepoint on the brow of the hill, dark eyes greedily drinking in the sequence of events below, Lee glanced fleetingly at his watch, impatience appearing to get the better of him. It was 08.23 am. He was aware of the pounding in his ears. His temples throbbed. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his system, tweaking nerve endings into their familiar state of 'high alert'. Was he stressed? Stricken by anxiety, perhaps? One, two, three, four, five…

Lee Malone sat motionless, his pale face taut, brows furrowed, mentally scanning the horizon. He was a rather unobtrusive, yet familiar kind of a man, fairly indistinguishable from any other medium height, medium build, brown hair, goes-to-work-in-a-suit type guy. The brake lights on the vehicle in front disappeared as it rolled forward another few feet. Lee released the handbrake, engaged first and stalled the engine! His left hand grasped the steering wheel in a vice-like grip, knuckles white, as he flicked on his hazards before turning the ignition key with his slightly sweaty right. He cursed under his breath, shaking his head in mock annoyance. A red Transit van and then a dark Peugeot proceeded to pass him before the Nissan kicked back into life. Hazards off and carefully indicating his intentions, the next driver signalled him back into the flow. He wasn't even sure if it was a woman or a man, such was his mental state by this time! Gesturing a quick appreciative response, he once again joined the queue. After what seemed like an eternity, he was in the filter lane indicating left at the traffic lights. It was now 08.27am.

The close-boarding on the imposing security fence, with its angry angles and barbed coils, overshadowed the car park where the morning's routine was proceeding as slowly as was usual at this time. Lee watched impatiently, once again drumming fingers on the steering wheel. One, two, red Transit, dark Peugeot and now his moment had arrived. The guard stood square in front of the Nissan, eyeing the number plate, then, slinging the M16 further across his shoulder, progressed towards the driver's door. Lee already had the window down in preparation, the necessary ID grasped tightly, extending it towards the guard as he approached. A brawny hand accepted the two cards, one white, one yellow, as the uniformed body bent towards him. "G'morning, how are you today, Sir?" asked an unmistakable Texan accent, as the cards were briefly examined. In that one split-second moment, Lee felt compelled to respond with something totally innocuous, like, "Aye, it's a fine braw yin the day 'n' am hopin' fur a dauner aboot in the hidlins, Sir." Instead, he muttered the expected two-word, "Fine thanks," customary reply. The security point pleasantries were like that - indoctrinated courtesies that expected no meaningful response or resulting conversation - unless there was a problem. The guard nodded to Lee, smiled the usual gleaming, whiter than white smile of acknowledgement and, looking him straight in the eye, returned the ID and signalled him through with a well practised, "Thank you, have a g'day, Sir." As he pulled away, somehow managing to maintain the mandatory 5-mph, Lee breathed a huge sigh of relief as he saw the car behind him diverted into the search area. It was 08.45 am and he was in!

Name: Lee Malone (Mr.), DOB: 04/20/1971,
Hair: Brown, Eyes: Blue, Weight: 168lbs,
Access: 24/7 All Areas
Company: Huntegowk Associates Ltd.

The scant details accompanied a photographic image and an individual serial number, three letters and five numbers. Along with the yellow security clearance pass, the plain white vehicle pass that declared nothing more than make, model, year, colour and registration number. It was an offence not to display this in the windshield once on base. They were standard credit card size, produced individually by the aid of a computer programme and digital camera, one copy printed before laminating, a digital copy retained on the network. There were no metallic strips, no holograms, no swipe machines involved, and certainly no fancy microchip technology of any description. These were bog standard, laminated pieces of cardboard. Hell, they even cut them manually with old-fashioned scissors and wasted an entire sheet of card on each, no expense spared for the US military!

They had been the easiest things in Lee's entire career to forge! He discounted his childhood capers of experimenting with weekly bus passes, library and video club cards. They were kids' stuff, simply honing his skills for the future.

... A story about to unfold ... the country is NOT secure.

http://www.eddieelwood.co.uk

I watched last night, I waited as I knew it was goin to happen. Standing by my car with a cigarette hanging from my mouth, dark denims & a red hooded top...I knew it was just a matter of time. The one thing there is never enough off & the one thing we all run out off! Hearing branches snap as the footsteps get closer, leaves ruffle under the soul of heavy shoes. Taking a deep breath; So scared I can hardley exhale. Flicking away my cigarette, the glow soon fades by the damp of the ground beneath, left in darkness. Slowly I turn around with my hands by my side...Then out of the silence, out of the darkness it happened & it happened quick. The trees that surrounded me stood strong... I unfortunatley crumbled. Body broken, mind alive... Why am I looking down at myself, why am I talkin yet my lips aren't moving? Why don't I feel pain when it looks so soar? ... To Be
Continued by Access Denied (Acs)

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http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk

The next fix: I think someone's just using passages copy/pasted from other sources and leading us a merry dance, but, just in case...

========= start message ==========

all; the second, that his trial took place on the date named, and went straight to Nuttall, whom he found in a state of livid panic How? Have you forgotten that he's sailing to Jamaica, and that better than Captain Blood, was engaged in solving the curious pro often I can tell his
thoughts. spark of that Christianity, the Symbol of which was mounted on I've been at my work in the town, he answered. Mrs. Patch has If you can tell me mine, you'll persuade me of it, said there on the day-bed. He had been a fortnight in Port Royal, his man of considerable parts, from what else this Cahusac told me. and stood musing, his eyes upon the green water. Ogle, with a be necessary to bribe a gang of scoundrels to depart from
obedience

======= end of message =========

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This is the latest 'message' received and we are no further forward in working out what, on earth, they all mean.

========start of message ============

improper
. He leapt where another crawled. And so this thought of
evasion THE LAST FIGHT OF THE ARABELLA him literally. they'd clip my wings and brand me for life. than that of the outer fort, which they had reduced; but on the journey from Bridgetown to Colonel Bishop's plantation, and if
ev he had behind him the force of public opinion to support
him. suddenly confronted by the black shadow of a man standing before in the further force he was
raising. Meanwhile Mr. Blood was speaking again, his tone quietly insisten articles already obtaining between each captain and his own men. behoved every man who deemed himself a man to take up arms.
They

========== end of message ==============

Well... I did the 'dirty deed'... I voted. For whom? I haven't got a clue! I took my card with my name and address to a polling station near me, I watched as they struck off my name and marked my number, I watched as they wrote a number on my voting slip, I marked my cross like you'd stick a pin in a map with your eyes closed (avoiding lunatics like the BNP and such as the like) I marked the slip with a PENCIL (I mean, how pathetic is that?), I stuck my voting slip into a ballot box that had space enough to have pulled it back out and I left - wondering is it really worth it? County boundaries move inexplicably, no parliamentary candidate has ever crossed my threshold offering a prioritised list of how they would, could or do run the country, none can tell me what happened to the extra billions of pounds that were promised to the NHS as a direct result of the old 25p per pack cigarette price increase, none can tell me how they'll make up that particular deficit when they all but ban smoking and none has offered me any information relating to how much 'capital' was raised by punting off the nations' gold. Perhaps next time, I really will VOTE THE BIG BAD BUNNY and Satire VeritaS (not to be confused with Veritas). Free carrots and proportional representation sounds good to me, even coming from a rabbit!
http://www.eddieelwood.co.uk
http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk

Alright people, here's the most recent hotch-potch we have received - can anyone decipher, please? Any ideas should be posted here or emailed directly - mailto:office@paranoidtimes.co.uk

============ start of message ================

Trade broad character did govern, all ball. Cause favor, quiet so too. Ready, interest again safe sand slow. Figure your sleep, may slow men five. Which edge idea sea. High column, in. That correct cross wash shout, engine hour. Did, add natural. Center until, begin. Forest thus air seem lead inch. This grand day organ stop, happen.

============ end of message ==================
Return to site - http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk
or http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk

Paranoid Times...Ahead, happnin' & ready to kick off.

Book burning in Wigtown - no big deal, it's a bigger crime not to read and an even bigger crime that society STILL hasn't succeeded in giving everyone the gift of the ability to read.

Anyone any good at code breaking? Here's the latest in a successive string received by the office:

=================start of code=============

In hyannis we can coup as always chlorophyll before theirfore bainite is okinawa and cooley.

=================end of code===============

Log your thoughts and responses here - the truth IS out there... somewhere!

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Edited by author 03-05-2005 14:44
Welcome to our brand new Paranoid Times messageboards. You are invited to visit regularly and submit your news, views and reviews of anything relating to our chosen subjects, which are also included on our websites at http://www.scottishwriters.co.uk and http://www.paranoidtimes.co.uk
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