LIBERALLY HUMEROUS?

Don’t you just love them?
If only for their belief in equality
Or a love of all things PC
And an unswerving moral certainty
It’s a shame that to become a liberal
A sense of humour bypass is necessary

ONE, TWO, THREE, LIFT

Why is it sound engineers?
When there’s a gig to do
And they have to test the system
Say one two, one two, one two
And at the end of the gig
When there’s packing up to do
They don’t have any testing
But they’re nowhere in view
I think sound engineers
Can only count up to two
Because if they counted up to three
There would be heavy lifting to do

THE FOURTH

The fourth of July in the USA
Is that nations independence day
Which they celebrate with a holiday

In England we look across the pond
At a nation of whom we are truly fond
Indeed we feel we have a special bond

From when they won their independence
We’ve watched like anxious parents
And they’ve done quite well since

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RIP OFF BRITAIN

What mugs we all are in the UK
With the amount of tax we have to pay
We’re taxed on what we earn at work
We’re taxed on every little perk
Then when we spend our pay
They take some purchase tax away
Very little is exempt from VAT
It’s even on a cup of tea
Even coffee and juices fruity
If you smoke you pay tobacco duty
Then the unkindest tax of all
Duty on every form of alcohol
If you can afford a new car today
There is an even greater price to pay
With seventeen and a half percent more owed
Then you’re taxed to keep it on the road
And you pay Tax on your fuel at the garage
Then in the city there’s the congestion charge
Then there’s a new tax to be faced
Parking the car at your workplace
You’re taxed for the policeman on the beat
And for the lighting in the street
Then Airport taxes for our holidays
We’re even taxed for what we throw away
If we buy or sell a house today
There’s not one tax but a whole array
We’re even taxed on the money we save
We’re taxed from the cradle to the grave

BEAT THE DRUM TO THE LIBERALS TUNE

The liberal minded
Like a parade
They like to march
They like to engage

Beat the drum
To end the war
They’ll tell you
That’s what freedoms for

Ban the bomb
Free Tibet
No more Trident
End third world debt

March in the city
For gay pride
And every liberal
Is on your side

If you’re so inclined
Join the throng
March in unison
And sing the liberal song

But bang the drum
And blow the horn
For patriotism
And feel their scorn

BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT

Britain’s got talent
Of that there’s no doubt
Britain’s got talent
The secret is finally out

Britain’s got talent
In depth and variety
Britain’s got talent
For every one to see

But apart from talent shows
And the Royal Variety
There is no outlet
For these acts on TV

Where it not for Blackpool
And Lakeside in Frimley
There would be no outlet at all
For our wonderful variety

So Simon Cowell
Master of the TV franchise
Give us more variety on TV
As a feast for our eyes

Britain has got talent
An unseen depth of it
But it doesn’t matter
If we never get to see it

SWEET MYSTERY

For Valentines Day
My husband, so sweet
Bought hand made chocolates
For me as a treat
In a flower covered box
Came the delicious confection
But I am at a loss to answer
A most curious question
How can two pounds of chocs
So delicious on the lips
Manage in just one night
To put 5lbs on my hips

MENOPAUSE FOR THOUGHT

There is a natural order in life
There are rules to be understood
For example bearing children
There is a time limit on motherhood
The term “child bearing years”
Was coined for a very simple reason
So that everything in life
Can have its time and season
A Woman over fifty is ill equipped
To show a baby proper care
As she would put the baby down
And then forget where

THE DEVIL IN THE SKIES

From the dark cloudless skies
Comes the engines droan
Of that unseen and menacing evil
In grim formation flown
Then comes the sirens song
Telling of impending death
As the city looks skyward
Holding a collective breath
Long beams of light
Searched out the evil flock
Criss-crossing the darkness
In every quarter of the clock
Towards the shelters
The civilian’s ant like scurry
As the guns began desperately
Trying to stop the enemy
Fire and death rains down
Upon the weary populace
In macabre equality
The walks of life feel deaths embrace
As buildings fall to the ground
In rubble and dust
Life and history instantly erased
After the bombs combust
Then come the sirens again
Calling out loud, all clear
And from underground
The jaded survivors reappear
To count the cost
Of the night at the gates of hell
Then thanking God
For keeping them safe and well
Gaps on the ravaged skyline
Missing Churches and hostelries
Fire still burns where once stood
Homes and factories
Hoping against hope
That their home survived the night
But despite all this
They never thought to give up the fight

A LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

The despot Robert Mugabe
The thorn in Africa’s side
Is not what the world envisaged
At the end of the apartheid

What hope then for the continent
When such men prosper
Ruling with a fist of iron
Colder still than the white oppressor

Yet there will always be hope
Even if the good number but a few
When God puts upon the earth
A man like Desmond Tutu

WHO PUT THE GER IN ANGER

Waves of Rangers blue
Relentlessly Attack
Wave upon wave
Push their opponents back

But this valiant effort
This Rangers blue tide
That moved with precision
Pushing opponents aside

Did not happen in the stadium
Nor was a ball at their feet
This game took place
On Manchesters city streets

The Waves of Rangers blue
With alcohol fuelled Fight
Brought to bear upon the police
Their vengeance and their spite

But if during the match
Such passion had been on show
Then the uefa cup
Might have gone to Glasgow

May 14th 2008
The events following the UEFA Cup final at the City of Manchester Stadium

GOOD BYE TOMMY

Good bye Tommy
Celtics gentleman
Respected by professionals
Respected by the fans

Good bye Tommy
Celtic servant and friend
A rock and pillar
Until your early end

Good bye Tommy
High in our esteem
The Celtic angels now
Have a new man on the team

Tommy Burns Died May 15th 2008