BE ON YOUR GUARD

Be on your guard
Wherever you go
Tread very carefully
You could even tip toe
But if you don’t take heed
And don’t watch where you go
You may get caught
Beneath the mistletoe

NORWEGIAN GIFT

A gift arrives each year
From across the sea
A gift from the people of Oslo
An annual gift of a Christmas tree

Given with gratitude
To stand in Trafalgar square
Received with pride
By those of us who care

A symbol of friendship
Given to us each Christmas
A token as a gift of thanks
Sent from Norway for us

MY FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS GIFT

My favourite Christmas gift
Costs nothing it’s free
It’s the overflowing gift of joy
I get from my family

BRIGHTEST TIME

At Christmas time
There is only one thing
Brighter than the Christmas lights
And that is the magical look
On a child’s face
Full of wonder and delight

IT HAPPENED LAST HALLOWEEN

I stepped out of the car
And was verbally assailed
As I stood upon my drive

“Trick or treat”
Came the banshee chorus
From creatures barely alive

I was taken aback
By this unprecedented event
This new tactic they’d contrived

In the past I had been safe
Behind locked doors
When the leaches arrive

But pretending not to be in
Would not cut it any more
If I was to survive

I must be as clever
As the candy seeking predators
And learn to duck and dive

So when a firework went off
And their attention was distracted
I ran away to hide

DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?

What would you call a man?
With a big belly and no dress sense
Who never replies to your letters
A man that’s too lazy to shave
And is obsessed with stockings,
Who can only be relied upon for one day a year
Will never stop to ask for directions
A man who only owns one suit
Never gets you the present you asked for
And needs to be rewarded with food and drink
Oh and always leaves the dirty dishes
Well what do you think? Could be any man alive eh?
So what would you call this man?
I would call him Santa

GSI NOT DIY

I don’t do plumbing
Carpentry or electrics
I don’t mess with tiling
Bricklaying or mechanics
I suppose I could be described
As a handy man, in a way
As I live on the premises
And can be there the same day
But that isn’t really handy
If I’m being fair
As I’m actually bloody useless
When I get there
So I don’t do DIY
I’m just not that guy
But I do, do GSI
I’m a “Get Someone In” kind of guy

SNOOZE VILLE

I want to inhabit forever
That special place that dreams fill
That safe and cosy place
Beneath the duvet in Snooze Ville

Between wake and slumber
A place that fulfils wishes
Where lover’s hands are held
And lips deliver stolen kisses

A place where dreams come true
Where loved ones live forever
A place where all is forgiven
And success comes with any endeavour

Where you can embrace forbidden lovers
Sweet moments of utter bliss
Or be together again with first loves
With kisses and caresses to reminisce

I want to inhabit forever
That special place that Dreams fill
That safe and cosy place
Beneath the duvet in Snooze Ville

FEVERISH ONCE AGAIN

That medical catastrophe
The flu pandemic
Is not as bad as expected
It’s not even an epidemic
A large number of reported cases
On closer examination
Were found to have been
Preceded by infatuation
This is a totally different strain
Of contagious flu
Which the W.H.O.
Has been renamed swain flu

FEVERISH ONCE MORE

That medical catastrophe
The flu pandemic
Is not as bad as expected
It’s not even an epidemic
A large number of reported cases
On closer examination
Were found to have been
In contact with evergreen vegetation
This is a totally different strain
Of contagious flu
Which the W.H.O.
Has been renamed Pine flu

FEVERISH MORE AND MORE

That medical catastrophe
The flu pandemic
Is not as bad as expected
It’s not even an epidemic
A large number of reported cases
On closer examination
Were found to have been
Preceded by infatuation
This is a totally different strain
Of contagious flu
Which the W.H.O.
Has been renamed swoon flu

SUBTLE DIFFERENCE

There is a subtle difference
Between “Put” and “Putt”
In meaning as well as spelling
I will attempt to elucidate
Their subtle difference
Clearly in the telling

“Put” means to place something
Where you ultimately want it
“Putt” is an unrealistic attempt
To do the same with the ball you hit

THE GIRL ON THE BUS

I climbed the stairs
To the top deck
Then I found a seat
And sat
Then I heard a voice say “hi”
It was soft and gently spoken
I turned towards the voice
Which emanated from a girl
With the warmest smile
And her red hair ablaze
In the morning sun
And with her head slightly inclined
She said again “hi”
That’s all
Just “hi”
And with that simple word
Came her smiling eyes
Beneath her blazing hair
And a radiant glow
And a feeling came over me
A peaceful warm feeling
As warm as her smile
Then all at once
I felt so at ease
As if I had known her forever
Though I had seen her only once before
And did not think she had seen me
All she said was “hi”
But her tone spoke volumes
I returned her smile
And tamely said “hello”
I wanted to say so much more
She smiled again
This time with the heat
To match her flaming locks
I needed no words
As with that wondrous smile
All my questions were answered

THAT DECEITFUL MOUTH

Don’t speak to me with that mouth
That deceitful mouth
Which lies while smiling to my face
 
Don’t speak through your weak mouth
Too weak to resist temptation
Whose lips kiss in unforgivable betrayal

Don’t speak to me with that mouth
That has embraced another
A mouth full of cheapened kisses

Don’t speak through your weak mouth
Don’t dare to seek to justify
Your unjustifiable infidelities

Don’t speak through that odious mouth
That unspeakable dishonest mouth
Your unclean vessel of elicit fellatio

Don’t with those unfaithful lips
Whose kisses caressed anothers skin
Speak my name in terms of love

Don’t say sorry with that mouth
Don’t contaminate my ears
With platitudes and insincerity

Speak to me with that insidious mouth
That foul and deceitful mouth
Only to utter a final goodbye

AS IF I WASN’T THERE

A green eyed goddess
Pretty as a picture
With ringlets of flaming red
Cascading on to her ivory skin
Her peaches and cream complexion
Fresh as an English rose
With skin pale as porcelain
Yet passion blooms upon her cheek
Aglow with an apples blush
And as she approaches
A cloud enveloped me
Like exotically fragranced orchids
Leaving me heady and breathless
Then she just passed me by
As if I wasn’t there
Leaving me wretched in her wake

DREAM GIRL

When you have admired from afar
Idealising that someone
For so very, very long
You envisage all the special moments
You will share together
In the most incredible detail
Such as when you ask her out
And of course when she says yes,
Holding hands on the first date
And of course the first kiss
You rerun those moments in your head over and over
Endowing them with magical properties
That reality could never hope to match
Reality can never equal fantasy

But comes the day when you summon the courage
And you do ask her out
And she does indeed say yes
Though not in the swept off her feet kind of way
That you had imagined
You do indeed hold hands on the first date
But it feels a little awkward
Like this is not quite what she had in mind
And again doesn’t quite live up to your preconception

Then all too soon we are at her door
We chat uncomfortably
Make small talk and laugh nervously
We say goodnight, then again, and again
Then she reached up and pulled my head towards hers
Then slightly hesitant, our lips met for the first time
A tender kiss gentle and languid
I closed my eyes
As the intensity grew
As it became more fervent
Then ardent led to passionate
Then I surrendered to the moment
And lost my self completely in her embrace

As I walked home alone
The taste of her still on my lips
I conceded that I was correct
When I thought reality could never equal fantasy
Because reality was so much better

SORROW

Sorrow touches me
Sorrow at my loneliness
For want of another soul
To make me whole
Plumbing the depths of despair
In search of that missing piece
That will banish sorrow forever
But fail in that endeavour
Finding solace is always just out of reach
An outstretched hand away
There simply for the taking
Then I’m left aching
What was seemingly solid and tangible
Evaporated into the ether
So I will begin again tomorrow
The search for the end of sorrow

I WANT TO RIP THE HEART FROM MY CHEST

I want to rip the heart from my chest
So I won’t have to feel the pain
Of heart break ever again

I want to rip the heart from my chest
So I don’t have to feel it break
Then I can sit and watch it ache

I want to rip the heart from my chest
So love can no longer hurt me
And with no heart I will finally be free