Mineysmom, I don't have a good answer about the spanking bit. My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter and we've had to spank her from time to time. However, I would recommend John Gottman's book "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child." It will help you identify your parenting style and guide you in dealing directly and effectively with a child's "negative" emotions. I am working on a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy, am a Christian, and highly recommend this book. God bless you as you raise your daughter.