2gr8grls... Your message sounds so much like mine. I have a 10 year old and a 3 year old. The 10 year old has some of the same motivational issues. It is not totally better, but easing up on extracurricular activities in combination with a devotional at night has been very helpful. There are two we use. One is from the Lilly series and it talks about values and virtues. We just started it and the first lesson is on integrity. There is even a quiz. We do about 10 minutes a night and then just talk usually. She has really opened up about things at home and school. I have learned to just listen and share my own experiences but not give advice. The other is called For Girls Only. It is excellent-2 page devotional with a message. It has a topic index and I have subtlely chosen them for the issues we are facing that particular day. It offers verses, experiences, question and answer time and even beauty tips sometimes! They are a neat way to connect and then at times it is easier to discuss how their behavior makes the rest of the family act or feel. It is not a miracle worker but it has helped!