Pastor Dave:

We're so glad that you are beginning the Heritage Building process in your church! At my local church is where I discovered the Heritage Building principles...and it is one of the reasons we got involved at that church. When you start to emphasize *family*, you'll attract families. Then you teach them what a healthy family is...health families will lead to a healthy church. One of your main missions is to get the Dads in the church to turn off the TV for 20 minutes one night a week to become intentional in teaching their kids Biblical Truths.

What I might recommend are the following steps:

1.) If you have the CD titled "Introduction to Heritage Builders and Family Nights"...give one to 10 key families in your church...Dads that you feel have the initiative to take responsibility for teaching his kids Biblical Truths. Give them the CD, tell them to listen to it and ask them their input on teaching more parents within the church how to teach their children these Truths.

2.) When you have 3 or more couples that understand the need to teach their children, then suggest that they meet (in a Sunday school class or weekday class, formal or informal) to cover the book Your Heritage (we have a free online discussion guide for them...it could take up to 12 weeks).

3.) While going through this book, give the parents a Family Night Toolchest book. Tell them to start having Family Nights at home (20 to 30 minutes of fun). Have them get in the habit of doing a lesson a week. This works best for parents with kids between 3 and 12 yrs old.

This will get the ball rolling. There are so many more things you can do (i.e. Have a Family Worship service once a month; teach a family enrichment class based on Spiritual Milestones book; Use the Family Night activites in the childrens Sunday morning class...to show the parents how effective the material is; etc.).

While my answer may seem very cookie-cutter, please know that you can & should adapt the material to your specific members. Feel free to call us anytime at 888-31-FAMILY.

Regards,
Kurt Drees
Heritage Builders

Pastor Dave:

Another thought I had that might help you...

Get your Dads to get the mindset that...

** Their kids are their "built-in" disciples. **

God put them in your family so that you will train them to be followers of Christ.

This mindset has a side benefit...

In those times when we are not "on fire" for the things of God...when we hit a low time...usually those are times when we are taking in Truth, but we do not share Truth. We take, but don't give. With the "built in" disciple mindset, it takes care of this recurring problem because we can always teach Truth to our children. Truth goes in us and goes right back out...leading to a continuing excitment for the things of God. And our kids (at least up until around the age of 12) want us to share Truth with them in a fun, loving way.

What a blessing.

Take care,
Kurt Drees

Hello my name is Michael Painter I live in Daytona Beach. Recently I had been praying for god to give me something to do for him. I rededicated my life to the lord about a year ago and have been after him ever since to give me a task to do in honor of all he has done for me.

God has done a great many things in my life and carried me when I was at my lowest point. To him I owe everything. So one night as I lay in bed praying he laid it on my heart to start a website. So www.destinysend.org was born.

It;s still in the early stages and Im not sure yet what God intends for me to do with it but I'm adding little things here and there.

I listen to Z88.3 out of Orlando when today I heard of this website. I have looked it over and am in love. Yet another blessing from God. This site is wonderful and I can only hope one day mine will be as good as this.

I have kinda drifted off the reason of my coming here, I was wondering if it would be Ok for me to Post a link to this website on my site ? I think the viewers of my site would really enjoy the content found here.

If there is no objections I will get a link up right away on my site. Thank you for your time and God Bless all of you.

Not only do we not object, we encourage you to place a link to us on your site. And thank you for thinking of the idea to do so!

Well the Link is up ! have a look at http://www.destinysend.org and thank you for allowing me to link this site. God Bless.

I am finding myself in a real dilemma as a single mother with a 2 year old daughter. I have been told by so many people that my daughter is more than "strong willed". Every thing seems to be a battle with her and I am learning to pick which ones are truly worth fighting. However; lately when she does something really big (worthy of a spanking), I feel so guilty about spanking her. I feel as though I have wronged her or violated her in some way. I have been praying about this issue because the world we live in nowadays says you are never suppose to spank your child. I know what the bible says about spanking and actually that is the only thing that is anchoring me right now. I'm torn and don't know what to do. If God wants me spanking my daughter as part of teaching her right from wrong, then why does it feel so wrong to do it? Thanks for all your advice.

Dear Mineysmom,
First I should say you are not alone in your dilemma. I have spoken to dozens of single parents who relate to your situation. I can only offer a few suggestions and hope contained in them will be some help.

You are doing right by being intentional about the discipline of your child. It seems you are only spanking when she is defiant and not when she is simply being a child and doing childish things. That is good!

The feeling you are experiencing after administering the discipline is normal. I remember my response to having to spank my daughter was nausea and all that goes with that. I’m sure you have heard parents say, “This hurts me more?” That is a truism! But could it be that you discipline in the heat of the moment or administer it while you are still angry? If so, that could be a reason for your negative feelings.

Let some time develop between the incident and the punishment so you can cool, and she can contemplate her actions. Then with a loving heart explain to her why you must do what you have to do. Then, don’t let her leave with out a hug and an “I love you” from you.

Another word I might say to you is that strong willed children have a desire to make their own decisions. If you can find a way to partner with her on her decisions: a sort of letting HER have YOUR way, it could result in guiding her toward future decision making.

Also, as you dwell on the parental perils of raising a strong willed child, add to it this thought. If you successfully inculcate Biblical values into her, the same strong will you fought will be the same strong will that will help her say NO to offers of potential hurtful situations when she has grown and added maturity!

Blessing on you as you manage the growing of one of God’s little ones!

J. Otis Ledbetter
Heritage Builders Association

My 13 year old daughter is already very controlling. I am a single mother with 2 daughters, the younger one is 11. I have been dating a man for the past 2 years and my 13 year old is extreamly mean and disrespectful towards him and towards me whenever he calls on the phone or comes over. She has told me that she does not like him and does not want to share me. She finds that when he is around, there is less attention for her. She actually gives me the 3rd degree when ever I go somewhere alone other than work and when I talk on the phone. Her father was very similar to this and that is a large part of why we have divorced. How do I teach her that this behavior is not OK.

Laurie,
First let me say before you begin to confront this problem with your daughter, be sure you have no latent heart bitterness about your relationship with her father that could spring up. To equate her present actions with that experience may result in closing her spirit.

Second, it seems your daughter is saying to you that there are some things that need reassuring in her own life. Take your daughter on a date. Go to a restaurant and have a conversation that includes the reassurance of her identity and position in your heart: that she is a part of this family and completely has your heart will never change, no matter who comes into your life.

Having assured her of that, ask her, “Sweetheart, what is it you want me to do that I am not doing?” (In this conversation, your relationship to a significant other is off the table.)

Typically a healthy 13 year old is at an age of insecurity anyway. The divorce you mentioned could have shaken her and deepened the insecurity. Perhaps, that is what you are encountering in her behavior, not necessarily an inherent anger or control issue.

In my book Your Heritage, I talk about providing a healthy emotional legacy in the home. This is done by intentionally cultivating the following components:

1. Provide a safe environment in which deep emotional roots can grow.
2. Foster her confidence through stability.
3. Nurture in her a strong sense of positive identity.
4. Create within the home a resting place for the soul.
5. Demonstrate your unconditional love.

I strongly suspect your daughter will respond to these conditions in a positive manner, and it gives you at the least, a starting place to further develop your relationship with her!

Blessings,
J. Otis Ledbetter

J Otis Ledbetter
Thanks so much for your advice. I have been examining my emotions when my daughter seems to "push my buttons". I try getting down on her level and looking her square in the eye and explaining to her what she did and why it is unacceptable. But I can't help but wonder how much of what I'm saying is she really understanding? I mean she's only 25 months old. I have told her that mommy needs a time-out and I simply walk in the other room and take five. I know I have spanked her out of frustration and that's when I feel the worst. Being her mom is a privilege and honor. It's also the hardest thing I have ever done.

Does anybody else out there have problems feeding their toddler? My daughter throws an absolute fit if I try to get her to try new things. It's a battle I'm not winning. Whoever heard of a kid not liking pizza or mashed potatoes? My daughter hates both of them - but she's never tried them, so how can she say she hates them? As for vegetables, she will "tolerate" carrots but refuses to eat anything else from the vegetable kingdom. I'm so frustrated about this. She will sit down and devour a serving of cottage cheese. Whoever heard of that? But she refuses to even put a vegetable or mashed potatoes on her lip. She hates meat (except for chicken) so I try telling her everything is "chicken". she's a little too smart for that. her favorite phrase is "i don't like that". My question is how is her life being sustained? Are the angels coming in at night and secretly feeding her while she sleeps? Please advise.

Greetings! I am new to this site and am blessed by what I see and read. A little about my background: I grew up in a broken home with four sisters, where my step-dad was in and out of our life. Although we attended church three times a week, and my parents implemented a very strict moral standard, i.e., girls wore dresses, boys kept short hair, no television, etc., we never experienced a relationship with Jesus Christ. My concept of what God was like was exactly what my father demonstrated, angry, judgmental, and would abandone me if and when I done something wrong. Unfortunately, I ended up leaving the church scene and into an unrestrained lifestyle doing nearly whatever felt good at the time. Needless to say, I had no goals in life, and ended up and unfulfilled, and very unhappy person...until Jesus came.

since that time, my life has been turned upside down. And although I now have a New Life, it has been a time of healing and restoration for those things that did or did not happen in my childhood. It has been a wonderful journey learning the Power of His Love and just how trustworthy He really is.

It is said that "fruit don't fall far from the tree", and I have learned that is becausse we grow them.

Anyways, I am glad to be able to read and share with you all.

Peace be the Journey,

Gabriel

Gabriel,
What an inspiring and uplifting testimony. Thanks for sharing it. And may God's richest and newest mercies be toward you each morning, my friend!

Hello, I am new to the site. I have to beautiful daughters one is 10 and the other is 5. I was raised in a Christian home and my parents were strickt with me and I am greatful because I have a deep faith due to that. My husband, however, believes in God, but doesn't live a religous life. My oldest daughter is very sweet, and caring, but I can not get her to be responsible with time or with doing her share of the house hold chores. I have prayed about this and pray everyday to disapline my girls with love and to be a good mom. I have made list, I have taken things away, I have did the points to earn things and I am at my wits end. When ever I talk to lmy olest daughter she thinks I am picking on her and I see her selfesteem getting low, I don't want to do that, I had low self esteem when I was little and I don't want her to go through that. She has alot going for her she does good in school, she is good in sports, etc. What can I do to get this important skill across to her? My littlest daughter looks up to her and mimiks her actions. I need to get the point across to both of them.

Thanks~

t

Mineysmom....
 I am new to this site, but I read about your daughters strong will when it comes to eating. Well, I too have a son he is 17months. When I can not get him to try something like carrots or even pizza, I put some ranch on the side and let him dip what ever it is in the ranch. I also use ketchup for hotdogs and some meats. I hope this is helpful..