Hey Oh baby....I was beginning to get a little worried! Am glad all is going well with you. I am fine and the girls are back in school.

I really believe communication goes a long way and helps clear up a lot of potential problems. Have a lovely weekend too.

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Arlene Belanger

How was your weekend? Last week was a little crazy. I had to go to the hospital for contraction monitoring. I was a little scared about that but everything turned out ok. I think maybe I was stressing too much and that brought on cramping.
 
Do you remember us talking about what to do if there was another man, well there is a guy. I have known him for a few months, actually before I knew I was pregnant. He asked me out last week. I told him that I am pregnant and he reacted better then I thought he would. He is ok/accepting of it. We went through the is the father involved and all that stuff. Anyway, I found out last night that while the donor was trying to get me to terminate my friend (Ed) was trying to get his girlfriend not to terminate. She did. I am not sure but I think maybe he may be trying to get from me what he couldn't from his girlfriend. I don't want him to try and be a part of my life so he could have the child she would give him. He asked if I was looking to be in a relationship and how I would go about explaining to my daughter that he's daddy (assuming that he will be doing those everyday fatherly things for her) but the donor is her father.

I have several problems with his thoughts but don't know how to let him know without feeling like I am being mean. 1) He will not push her father out of her life. That is for the donor to do himself. Adding another man into my life this point ok with the pregnancy or not will definately make things between me and the donor more complicated, I think. 2) Who's to say that two years from know the way he feels today will be the same? Now my daughter has this "father" who is gone because he and mommy don't get along. I would be back in the same place with him as I am with her father now. 3) What if the donor decides after the baby is born that he wants to be her father? How does that affect all the relationships? We as her parents will have to do certain things together. Should Ed and I get together how do both of them participate in our lives without it being too complicated?

With all that being said HELP PLEASE!!!!!! I don't even know where to start with all of this.

My weekend was good…am recovering from a little cold but all is well. I am so glad to hear the contractions have stopped. I will answer the questions as you asked them. You said:-
 
“1) Adding another man into my life this point ok with the
pregnancy or not will definately make things between me and the
donor more complicated, I think.”……… You are right about that! No new romantic relationships at this time to muddy the waters some more. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Let him know that you are absolutely not interested in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship right now. No intimate trysts, no romance, no on/off again stolen kisses, nada! And keep your word. Give yourself a long stretch of time, from now till maybe the baby turns one, or about a year. Most people can talk the talk but will not walk the walk. Actions speak louder than words. If he sticks around with those set limits in place and does not harass you for more, then the idea of contemplating a deeper relationship could be considered. Don’t be tempted to use him as a source of jealousy and competition for the donor though, let sleeping dogs lie! You sound like a very smart, articulate lady. NO MORE DRAMA!


 “2) Who's to say that two years from now the way he feels today will be the same? Now my daughter has this "father" who is gone because he and mommy don't get along. I would be back in the same place with him as I am with her father now.”…….That’s why you need the test of time in this situation. If after a year he is still around, being a true friend with no benefits, your friendship would have built and cemented your relationship. Don’t be afraid!

 “3) What if the donor decides after the baby is born that he wants to be her father? How does that affect all the relationships? We as her parents will have to do certain things together. Should Ed and I get together how do both of them participate in our lives without it being too complicated?”……….The bottom-line is respect! Develop a sense of self-respect and self-preservation! Both guys will treat you as you see and treat yourself. If the donor decides he wants to be the father no problem, even if Ed is in the picture at that time. With mutual respect on all sides, although problems/issues may arise, they will be manageable. Life for everyone is full of issues, problems, challenges but the most important thing is to be able to address them with logic, wisdom and common sense.

All is well and in my book, your future is BRIGHT!

I spent all day thinking about the question Ed asked about if I was looking to be in relationship. I came to a definitive answer...NO

I think my energy will be best spent getting to know my daughter when that time comes.

Good for you! It most likely was not an easy decision to make as we all want companionship at one point or the other. It is a choice you won't regret though. All the best!

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