..and wake up with the Pillowcase of Turin ;)

It scored me at 131 and labeled me an "intuitive linguistic," which is no doubt why I became an accountant. that and Dad secretly hates me.

Note to self: astringent != eye makeup remover. When you are that tired, just sleep in your damn mascara.

Yeah, so it seems that the math-heads only score 'average' while the deep thinkers score higher... and yet, the highest-ever recorded IQs are usually people who can do massively complex math problems in their head.
Yeah, I'm with Wakboth. It DID seem a bit easy, and if you wanted proper analyses they ask you to pay for it.

Or I could just be bitter that the test didn't credit ME any kind of artistic strength when I draw a frigging COMIC for a living ;p...

The test called me a "Visionary Philosopher", which sounds neat but doesn't probably mean much.

I've never really trusted these IQ tests; they seem too easy, as if the test makers were trying to sell a lot of personalized intelligence analyses, or something.

But if you people get results consistent with the "real tests", maybe these things really work.

Wait wait, you don't think those endless Saturday morning tests were IQ tests do y'all? I thought it was just to determine the extent of my ADD. Once I fell asleep after completing a math test, and apparently the mirror in the room was to have the two therapists and my parents watching me. They later laughed that they literally watched me sleep while they discussed my mental health. I mean hell, it was 9am, it was Saturday, it was math, who WOULDN'T fall asleep? Sonufabeech... now I have to call mom and ask her exactly WHAT Transact was. For all I know it could be one of those government-funded drug testing places... they DID put me on Ritalin for many years (not that I complain, I loved that drug). Cripes, a guinea pig and I wasn't even TOLD!

Edited by author 02-27-2004 09:48 PM
I read in a time-life book (my favorites when little) that 100 was average, then heard somewhere that 120 was average. so i wasn't overtly excited when the psychologist last year told me it was 125. i liked that test, had to arrange cubes in shapes, find out what was missing in pics and such. when i was little i was classified as gifted, and told i was mentally 4 years older. i think that's why now mental age fluctuates wildly (just came back from buying and playing with pokemon cards) this time?:

Your IQ score is 127

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

i didn't quite like this test as much, too much math. *shrugs* are your cats hugger or muggers?

Deb:
100 is average. Only smart people visit thoughtviper.com!
150 is literally Genius. I believe you need at least 130 to join Mensa and be a snob.

Current winner is Wakboth with 147, but a member of the Finno-Ugric language group who speaks flawless English is going to be extremely smart anyway.

I don't remember getting any description of my results. I also didn't get the test's promised follow-up email. Possibly I typed my email address in wrong, which proves that you can be book smart and rock stupid simultaneously.

I got a 131... I'm a Word Warrior! "This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas."

I suck at math though. Man. I'd like to know which ones I got wrong, y'know? I need to see where my logic was flawed.

I have to say, the COUNTLESS psych tests I had to take as a child/preteen in my "counselling" sessions probably helped with the visual tests. So. Score for semi-abusive child psychologists!

I got 127, too. The maths questions were easy, but I'm guessing I missed a few of the 'complete the quote' ones ;)
I'm a Precision Processor. Yup, thas me - disgustingly sensible ;)

133, and it says I'm highly visual and literate. Keen.

I got a 120 on the IQ test. I don't think I've ever taken an IQ test before. What's average?

Hey, Thoughtty! I just got my $13.86 check yesterday! IN YOUR FACE, RIAA!

Now... if they lost a suit for unfair pricing practices, why aren't the CDs I see in stores any less expensive?

Good Gonter! "Find Your Own Truth"... I wonder how Davey types with one hand always stroking himself.

Gonter-fic: Bill, a couple of titles you might want to try google-ing with 'Gonterman', see if they're the ones:
'The Gatemaster'
'Find your own truth'

Hrrm. Whatever it is, there's a good chance that I have it in my Pile O' Gontercrap zip disc (which I keep in a sealed environment). If you can remember anything about it, I can try looking it up.

I just recently updated that disc with a ton of his latest... stuff. Yeesh, he's doing the same thing now that he was 10 years ago. Same ripoff NIMH & CDRR characters, same self-insertion... at least he's not as much the center of the universe as he was in, say, The Mobius Chronicles.

M3:
Oh, I give up. If I could remember the name of the Other Writer's Character, I could find it. But. Can't.
Writer Unknown started off the round robin. He/she tried to write a STORY with a plot, but when DVK took over, it was all "I AM THE GRATEST!!!!!!" Every time the other author had their character get one-up on Davey in order to advance the plot, he'd basically do the little kid thing of "Your monster breathes fire?! Well...MY monster EATS fire an' he shoots it all back with ATOM BOMBS!"
It was just the perfect side-by-side example of Why Davey Sucks. Potential Real Writer vs a Where's-my-Meds? Internet Dork.

Bill - You tax my brain. Wasn't the one with the creepy girlfriend was it, that transformed them both into royalty with glitter dust? I don't recall that being a collaboration. Or rather, I don't recall that being anything near decent. Plus I pretty much ranted and cackled over EVERY Gonterpiece to you. Heh. You poor bastard. I AM feeling a lil blue, maybe I'll go read some of his work to cheer up about my sucky life ;)

Art:
No, not that. I already checked all of the obvious suspects, like the Shrine.
This one was notable for the fact the other writer could, in fact, write. Why he/she was collaborating with the likes of Gonts made it memorable. It didn't have any of his stolen trademarked characters, except maybe a Piasa-era Kintobor.

As to The News, sorry, but I wasn't motivated the last few days and today I'm Syndromed to hell.

http://www.commuterbarnacle.com/gonterman/RANGERS.TXT

This the one, Bill? "The Rangers of Nimh"
A quick Google shows that Gontie has done a couple of co-writing efforts, but I think this is the one you're looking for. I found the title linked on a thoughtviper page.

Note to fellow Gonterphiles, particularly M3 and Negs:

Anybody remember that story that Daveykins collaborated on with someone else? They took turns writing, and nothing shows DVK's shortcomings like the extreme transistions betwen the 2. It wasn't billed as a collaboration, except maybe at the very end, but it was pretty obvious as you read it.
I thought that I posted a link to it, but every Google search for gonterman thoughtviper I've done doesn't seem to have it. M3 and I had an email exchange about it quite a while ago.

*snerks* Hell, to me 30 seems like an impossibly old number.

Psych was always interesting to me too, too bad the only course I ever had time to take was taught on the level a monkey could pass. Somethings not right when you fall asleep in 2/3rds of the lectures and get the highest grade in the class.

I got Caligula. Not surprising, he shares my birthday as well. Except for the sister thing *shudder* I kinda liked him. He certainly kept people guessing!

Christ. The 2am street puker is late today. It's 3am. I wonder if it's the same girl who's been sobbing uncontrollably out in the street for 20 minutes or if it's the usual suspect. No, can't be Sobber, she wouldn't retch that low in pitch.

LA. Yay.

Edited by author 02-21-2004 01:50 AM
http://www.zefiel.thenetbox.com/celtutorial.htm

Prankster:
I got League of Ex Gents II last night. Yeah, really cool, though I could've done with less Martian in the dialogue. And the way .cbr files parse splash panels.
Given the reviews here, I'm afraid to read any further...

Camilla:
I LOOOOVED Yellow Submarine!
I was 9 and saw it at Block Island's premiere cinema experience, an old barn with folding metal chairs.
It changed me, too. I bought the comic book from the Weekly Reader. It fucked my head up in the GOOD way.
"I've got a hole in me pocket!"

Gally:
Psych. She's not at the moment really planning on "doing" anything with it, it's just a field of study she finds interesting. "And I don't care if it takes me until I'm 50 to get my degree!" she said, as 50 is an impossibly old age to her.
To me, it's April 2009...

Yey for Jessica going to college! Whats she gonna be majoring in?

Bill, if you hadn't personally witnessed the Clique/Tiffany story, I might have taken it as mere urban legend. Oy! Kids these days. What are they teaching them in school!?
Re: "All our cats live in Cap'n Nemo's Submarine!" I was terrified of Yellow Submarine for years. That movie unnerved me and stoked more surreal, gibbering nightmares than any flying monkey ever could. I kept my Y.S. jigsaw puzzle safely in a closet in the living room, far, far away from my bed.
 
Art Slave: Admittedly, my bile/vitriol overflow valve was jammed yesterday, we can thank a certain moron-in-law for that. Many suffered...but I digress! "I think Paul is actually a very good songwriter - WHEN he has someone to moderate him." Precisely! The alchemy was in the collaboration - I think that's why I tend to favor the early catalog; I respectfully submit Exhibit J: "The Girl is Mine".
Still shaking my head over Paulie's recent attempt to have the convenient last word on reversing the song credits - It's lots easier to challenge John now! He doesn't argue so much! That was the last straw for me as far as Sir P's character is concerned.
Historically they both/all have their weak spots although, like you, I find John's far less glaringly obvious. I ain't zackly hatin' on a bloke (in fact, I secretly like "My Brave Face"), I just wish he'd shut up now. I mean, game OVER, dude.
;)
   
So Bill, are you sorry you asked?

Congratulations to Jessica for joining the ranks of 'non-traditional' students! I am one of those, and have found it to be an amazing experience. We are so lucky to have (hopefully) extra wisdom and experience that makes school more enjoyable and beneficial.

School rocks!

Clique meant the desire to work hard in a demanding environment--believe me, you don't KNOW demanding until you work in a fucking toy store at Xmas time.


Hee. hee hee. heee heee hee. heee hee heee he hee hee!

Sorry. i was being proud of myself.

(hey, we had guys trying to steal bikes merely by *walking out* with them. that's how busy we were)

Art:
Byron is 8 months old. When it was time for his neutering, the vet techs said "He's only 6 months old? He's HUGE!"
At that age, Kill Kill weighed 6 pounds. He weighed 8.5.
If he continues at KK's rate of expansion, he'll eventually be 17-18 pounds.
Of LAP CAT.
Oh, me achin' lap!

Edited by author 02-20-2004 01:21 AM
WOW. Most. Posts. EVER.
I guess the ultimate subject would be "What if Alan Moore wrote a comic based on a Beatles Song? About CATS?"
"All our cats live in Cap'n Nemo's Submarine!"

I don't know why this decided to desublimate itself from my memory, but I just remembered my real Worst Beatle's Cover. Back in my managing days at the Kay Bee Toys in Tri-City Plaza, I got rid of the lazy employees I'd inherited by making sure that they realized that they'd have to WORK for their PAY. I hired a cute teenaged girl from the local high school, and she worked out so well that I asked her to see if any of her friends needed a job. After a year, all my employees, even my assistant managers, were teenaged girls in the cute-to-hot range. All of the part-timers were from the same high school. The Kay Bee Clique, we called it. Part of being in the Clique meant the desire to work hard in a demanding environment--believe me, you don't KNOW demanding until you work in a fucking toy store at Xmas time.
The only real point of contention was the damn Playschool radio. I wanted to hear, or more accurately, ignore, the Oldies station. The Girls wanted to hear the Top 40 station. We agreed to alternate between them.
One day, when it was my turn to control the Playschool radio, the Beatles' "I Saw Her Standing There" came on. The Clique disgustedly said, "The original was so much better!"
And I had to say "The original of this song was NOT done by TIFFANY!!"

Kiru Banzai, I find you highly disturbing. Yet, I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

For the record, gender: Male. Expect a soggy envelope.

And Bill: Your little 'happy and you know it' song made me laugh far too much. Damn right. Cats. More.
Byron is indeed a big boy! he's only, what, 6 months old? If that? And he's already as big as Killsy! If he's still growing, I think you'd better reinforce the joists of your bed, Bill...;)

Edited by author 02-19-2004 06:21 PM
Camilla: whoo. Serious Paulophobia there. Whatever. I think Paul is actually a very good songwriter - WHEN he has someone to moderate him. That's why John and Paul were such a lethal combo - John was always ready to say to Paul 'That's crap', if he got too saccharine. But how can you not love 'Lady Madonna' or 'Fool on the Hill'? As for his later sugar-coated stuff like 'Ob-la-Di', well, that's when they were JUST beginning to do their own things, so a few had to inevitably slip through the cracks. There's 'Ob-la-di' and there's also 'Revolution 9', so it's not like Paul was the ONLY one who needed a quiet word. I hardly know any of Paul's Wings stuff (my 'why is a PHOTOGRAPHER playing in the band, I don't care if she IS his wife!!' bias creeps in :)), but I know most of John's stuff intimately. Ultimately, I think John was just the better standalone songwriter. Paul was a luvvy who does a lot of philanthropic work for the arts, that's why he's a knight. John was an anarchist, that's why he sent BACK the OBE ;). It's still tragic that John was struck down too soon.
And I LIKE Liverpool Oratorio, so nyeh ;) It's hardly on the immortality scale of Gershwin's 'Rhapsody in Blue' and it DOES have a healthy dose of Sir Colin Davis (co-composer), but it's a colossal risky step for a pop musician to cross-over to classical and I think it was good for a first try.

Yikes - apologies for being a space-hog, Bill. Love the pics of the babies, btw.

(audio intro - slapping sneakers on tile floor, exhausted panting, slap of disheveled pile of papers on dusty wooden desk)

Camilla: Mister Young! Mister Young! Here's my homework from last week, I know it's totally late but my Dad was in the hospital and uh well I just didn't have time. Do I still get credit?

Favorite Beatle Album:
Yesterday & Today remains high on that list (*disclaimer* Not including "Yesterday", I'm with you, Kiru) but there were a few LPs released at the crest of the wave of pure pop productivity before burnout began to set in and the Maharishi, wives, and dope became more noticeably influential (Not that there's anything wrong with that! Some of my best friends are Maharishis/wives &/or dopes). Not exactly the critics choice but I stand by "Meet the Beatles", "Beatles '65" and "Beatles VI".
 
Least Favorite Beatles Album:
How can Magical Mystery Tour's existence be justified over that of the White Album? Honestly. Almost an entire disc wasted on McCartney's self-indulgent, masturbatory noodling. Lennon saves the day with his attempts to dilute the saccharine.

Favorite Beatle:
I'm with you on John but George certainly had a wonderful sly sense of humor.
 
Favorite "Fifth Beatle":
Brian Epstein. What patience that man had. Alternatively, I rather like that little old man - he's very clean.

Best Beatle Cover:
Bwaahaahaa - the BUTCHER Cover! Snap, Bill! Ok, but seriously folks. I am a huge fan of that particularly sensitive interpretation of "All Together Now" by Dr Tooth & the Electric Mayhem/The Muppets. Any Beatles tune covered by Sergio Mendes is OK by me too - hilarious audio Xanax that makes me want to samba as I Swiffer. "And Your Bird Can Sing" - the Jam.

Worst Beatle Cover:
Please kill Anne Murray's version of "I'm Happy Just to Dance with You". Make it stop.

Best Post-Beatle Album by a Beatle:
All Things Must Pass, by George Harrison - Nothing like a little stifled creativity to bring out the best in a guy.

Worst Post-Beatle Album by a Beatle:
ANYTHING by Paul McCartney. I mean, name it. Shut it, already, Sir Wanker! For more on this subject, see my friend Tim's scathing review of the "Liverpool Oratorio" ("Tim Page on Music" - Amadeus Press, 2003).
Snaps once again to Bill on the Klaatu reference.

Best "Beatle-esque" Songwriter Who is Not a Beatle:
Well, yeah, there could never be another as such but I give Paul Weller my vote here. For example, The Jam - "Start!". No credit whatsoever to those Oasis dildos.

Beatle Tune I'd Play For Someone Who Never Heard a Beatle Song Before:
If video is allowed, I offer a clip from "A Hard Day's Night", the card game in the baggage cage played to "I Should Have Known Better".

Best Beatle Tune:
We're experiencing a massive 50-song pileup in my head right now. Impossible to declare, does not compute. I could only submit a list and risk annoying/anesthetizing all your other devoted readers.

Worst Beatle Tune:
Agreed on "Mr.Moonlight" - Beatles for skating rinks. "Love You Too" grates on me horribly. " Revolution #9" - well DUH! Finally, a slap in the withered nuts goes to McCartney for "Ob-La-Di - Ob-Bla-Bla-Bla-Bla" - For the love of GOD, shut yer friggin' cruelty-free Seitan hole, Sir Raffi with an MBE.

Oh sorry I didn't mean to be so opinionated.
*Snerk*

Whoah! That Byron sure has a yellow eye.

About that whisky: Weird, but not too weird. I mean, AK-47 (and the innumerable variants made in just about every third-world or former East Block country, plus Finland and Israel) is just about the world's commonest firearm, so there's got to be a brand recognition thing there. It's cheap, pretty accurate if you treat it well, easy to strip and clean, and rugged enough to keep on working even if you bang it against trees or bury it in a swamp for a month.

And there's always this: A mp3 player built into a Kalashnikov! http://www.audiobooksforfree.com/kalashnikov/ak-mp3.asp

That Byron is growing to be quite the handsome gentleman.

umm...I was gonna say something about the Beatles...Oh yeah. I like their boy-band stage, and I like their soulful love songs well enough, but the songs I always come back to are the weird-ass ones, like Hey Bulldog, Maxwell's Silver Hammer, I'm So Tired, Baby You're A Rich Man. Favorite album is probably Yellow Submarine, favorite beatle...John, with every other one coming a close second. I always liked the Pleasantville ending theme song as a Beatle cover: Fiona Apple doing "Across the Universe." Best post-Beatle album? Well, I was always quite partial to the Travelling Wilburys' eponymous record. Though "Imagine" rocks my socks.

Anyway, my favorite Beatle track is Hey Bulldog, which is also my favorite song. It'd make a good Cowboy Bebop video, too. Least favorite? Yesterday, because it's SO. FREAKING. DEPRESSING.

the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comic rocks hardcore, as do most, if not all, or Alan Moore's books. Though many of my friends have said the Invisible Man rape scene in the second series was a bit much. That's *of* the Invisible Man, not by. And considering what was done with that, and From Hell, in Hollywood, I shudder to think what will be the fate of Watchmen (probably the best comic book ever written, IPEO (In Practically Everyone's Opinion)).

In addition, Prankster, I'd like to have your babies, so depending on your gender, we can work out some kind of exchange of fluids through the mail. Thanks!

Oh, and while we're talking about Victorian-era comics by Alan Moore that Hollywood completely screwed up, see "From Hell". At least "LXG" bears a vague resemblance to its source material. Again, the comic is much, much better than the movie that got made would indicate.

I'd advise you to check out "Watchmen" while you can, too, assuming you haven't already...that's due for a Hollywood hack job in a year or two as well...

A lot of people feel that the second series is inferior; certainly the last three issues are a little aimless (well, except for being VERY dark and violent) and it's not as self-contained as the first, so it's a tad unsatisfying. However, the first issue, set on Mars, is a retro-SF geek's wet dream come true. Best rendition of John Carter EVER.

By the way, I sorta kinda almost agree with you about Finding Nemo. I don't think it was Pixar's best, though it wasn't due to the execution, which was well done, but rather the fairly standard cartoon concept. Their next two movies, The Incredibles and Cars, have much, much more interesting concepts behind them (and Incredibles is directed by Brad Bird, who did "Iron Giant", and who has a much edgier style than Andrew Stanton, who I find a little bland at times). Not that I didn't think Finding Nemo was still great, but I'm so psyched to see Pixar's take on the Fantastic Four and early silver age Marvel that I couldn't help but see a movie about a cute fish as merely an appetizer. So to speak.

Concerning automobiles in 1899; They did have them, but they were generally referred to as "horseless carriages" and were almost all of an open-seated design. A few manufacturers had added an overhead cover for the passengers, but they more resembled the sort of thing you'd find on a surrey then a coach. Closed-compartment designs really started to pick up from 1903-1906. Between this time and 1912 the term "automobile" came into use to describe what had previously been the horseless carriage (now with some doors and a windhsield). Regardless of all this, we're talking about 9 and 13 horsepower engines on these things with speeds topping out at 25-30 mph; Nemo's 300 horse, 100 mph+ (the jump scene confirms some very high speeds indeed, considering the flight time vs. what must be some incredible weight) supercar would be unheard of. Then again, I guess that's the idea behind Nemo's super-advanced technology. Still seems loony to me.

If only I'd learned something useful, instead of cramming my head full of all this crap, I'd be out of college by now! :)

Prankster:
I liked how Nemo declaimed, "I call it an AU-TO-MO-BILE," like they didn't already have those in 1899. It'd be like me saying "What I'm typing on is called the IN-TER-NET" right now.

I've been trying to find it on Bittorrent. I ordered my replacement for Super Green Beret last night, thought "Any other comics that I want?" and didn't think of it.

How's the second series? There's a briefly-seen poster in "LXG" that reads "Explosions on MARS probably just Volcanos" and I'm a big HG Wells fan, especially WotW, so I'm already interested.
Unless it involves Zombie Alan Quatermain...

Hi, first time poster...

Bill, you should check out the original "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" comic book. PLEASE. The movie made mincemeat of one of the most elegantly written comics around. The comic was faithful to the original source material, clever and witty, and stuck to 19th century retro-future technology, none of this "driving cars through the streets of Venice" crap. Which seems to have been inserted only because someone wanted a car chase. Feh.

Zef, I'm so very sorry. I know how much the little black cat meant to you.
I only knew him from your pictures and stories but I miss him too.

Well, i'm sorry i've been away, stuff happened.

Mainly, and what i'd have to let you know here (maybe i post the rest on DJ) Kiwi passed away.

We found out, terribly, because of the stench, and i was the one who had to retrieve him from under the stairs that climb from out patio to house. (it's cement and has a bunch of bricks stored there, so he was hard to find)

Theory runs that someone in the neighborhood poisoned him. maybe he was too noisy.

That's all for now. you must understand how i feel.

re.Gonter Grammar - I'm rather fond of his confusing 'perchance' for 'penchant'. The two don't even SOUND alike when you say them. It's like every vocabulary word he's ever wanted to try, he's only heard underwater.
And I second Bill's assertion that self-proofing is tricky. HE had to correct a few typos for me! And one of them was an animation reference. I feel shame ;)

M3:
Gonterman says that he proofs his "writing." I'll be the first to admit that it can be hard to proof your own stuff. I know what I meant to write, and my brain just fills it in, even if it isn't there. Others can find my errors immediately, as they're reading it for the first time.
I think that Gonty's problem is that, before the Net, he'd never read anything more complicated than a Sonic the Hedgehog comic. He writes at a 5th grade level; maybe he reads at one, too.
Seriously, "improntu" for "impromptu"? Yes, it's not a word one uses every day. But I'm willing to bet that it's a word he's never read, only heard.
Remember that story he collaborated on? The one with the horribly jarring transitions between his wacky hackery and the writing of someone who could construct an actual, parsable sentence? I felt like I was reading the thoughts of a schizophrenic. Or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. HorridWriter.

I first saw the Bush photo on Big Picnic, where it was captioned: "It's a problem when your headline photos start looking like Tom Waits album art."

Yeah, I have to admit, that's a cool photo. Reminds me of a Japanese ink painting with its balance, elegant placement of plantlife, and dumpy human subject.

Edited by author 02-15-2004 09:03 PM
Man, just started on the Gontering and had to stop at the "Tom: Pick the subject of this sentence for 20 points!". As someone who has written and edited all types of stuff for 10 years now, I had to reread that Gontersentence a dozen times before I understood what he meant. DaveyKins doesn't need a beta reader, he needs... a brain transplant. Sheesh. I've had to proof and edit long research papers and fiction works from people who learned English as their second language who write better than him!

Bill - Um, yeah, that's me. I also wrote from a PNC Bank work email address with my real name in it for a long time, until they fired me for having morals. And I think a "TemptMe.com" address as M3 or Misstery3 for a while, until I cancelled the account. And maybe even the TheFotoHut.com address I have for my own site a few times, but I try to keep that clear for webby related emails only.

Because I know you don't process email-to-visitor-name ratios into long term memory and I like to keep ya guessing ;)

Back to GonterPhreak.

That photo is awesome, from a technical standpoint. Very minimalist, Just him, and the tree branch...
Subtly (or not so subtly, actually) enforcing the "Sad Bush In Snow" effect. Look at how he's all looking away into the
distance, with the grey sky and the barren branch overhead.

I'm not sure if they're trying to make you feel sorry for him or not, but one way or the other it does drive home the "SUPPORT EBBS" part.

Lilly:
Out of professional curiousity, what type of corkscrew do you use? Wing, waiter or ah-so? Or that mysterious "SERVO machine"? Which I can only picture as a gumball machine with Slinky arms and a cork in its beak, blocking his wisecracks.

I use wing-types, as I don't drink enough wine to justify spending more than a dollar on a corkscrew that's going to break in 3 years anyway. On the other appendage, I've never seen even a stumblebum like me break a cork with an ah-so. (But which run about $8 and are a pain to use)

Note to all:
Art Slave's Gonterthing coming up soon. It's in my hands now but needs HTML formatting. Sunday afternoon fer sure.

M3:
...Oh, so THAT'S who you are!

Lilly:
"you actually get into an analysis of uncorking wine bottles and the various permutations extant therein"
I, umm...I did? Sure, iffen you say so.
I wish I had a share in the Carlo Rossi Chablis 4-liter portfolio. We have a guy who buys one every day. He's all pleasant and chipper the next day, despite having downed 32 glasses of wine the night before. His fingernails are also rotting off. Maybe his liver is in his fingers.
In the weird coincidence area, I'm abusing Netflix's free trial with 3 DVDs. I just watched one before I read your post.
"Finding Nemo."
DUDE!

La la la la, I can't hear you talking about Gonterman defaming Douglas Adams! La la la, I can't hear you! Can't hear you!

Somewhere, David Dixon is wishing *he* was most deaf at the news.

As usual, pressed for time, in this instance on downstairs neighbor's kompyuter.

But...Billy boy, it does make me stop short and nearly trip over myself (sorry, no, we already had one catastrophic head-over-teakettle incident this week, por favor no mas!), when you actually get into an analysis of uncorking wine bottles and the various permutations extant therein, and then when y'all go mentioning Neil Finn on top of this (a primary Lillyan obsession circa 1980-1994--for some reason going to Melbourne & getting the Split Enz boxed sets cured me; crossing the equator cures a world of ills, I reckon) and I start to get a wee bit spooked.

In my current research gig at Gallo, I have to open anywhere from 9 to 12 bottles of wine per day, most of them imported at unknown expense (Chilean, Hungarian, Austrian, you name it, though the greatest profusion seem to be those of the Australian and Californian variety, perhaps unsurprisingly); since I'm much more of a vodka girl than some namby-pamby wine drinker, I'm not too talented with the uncorking manuever (aha! One of 7 words I can't spell!), even after all those bottles I uncorked last summer in my Quality Assurance testing gig (with the SERVO machine, lest we forget!), so every day I find new ways of fucking up by breaking off the corks in the bottle or at the very least assuring I *only* wear dark colors since the chance of me spilling red or white wine on myself in the process of corking, is, well, (use Mr. Burns voice here), excellent.

Okay, being summoned to watch Finding Nemo now, which means that my first-ever home DVD purchase (Eddie Izzard/Circle, even if you didn't ask) will have to wait. To stop Alyssa from reading this over my shoulder, I must bid y'all adieu, at least 'til I get my arse to the librarie tomorrow.

Re Gonterman error:
argh. Sorry, minor technical glitch, please stand by...

Man, someone says (or types) Beatles and my eyes just glaze over. I develop vision holes and bleeding of the ears. Can't stand them or the music.

So now that I've offended e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e... Bill has a diverse audience here. And I'm in search of a particular song.

The group is called King Black Acid. They have CDs out, yes, but the song I want is called "Wake Up #37" and it's on the Mothman Prophecies soundtrack.

I know this because it's on CSI:Miami as an outro song and I love it. I want it. P2P doesn't have it. The artist's website has an error link to the file. I NEED this song. Anyone who can burn me an MP3 of it please email me at That70sHeidi -at- yahoo -dot- com.

And I look forward to the Gonterlink in all it's non-error glory.

Bill, I love how you can yank us into your retail world for seven, eight paragraphs only to make a brief point about something only moderately related at the end. In fact, I don't even care how it relates to whatever you rant about, I just like the stories. :)

"Forbidden
You do not have permission to get the requested URL from this server."

What was the Gonterman link to?

Warning - Art Slave on a Gonterman kick again...
It has to be done . I am sorry.

I'LL say something about the Beatles, Bill, there there...
My comment is about your assertion that noone can EVER 'be' the Beatles again. I don't think that's what Scalzi was alleging when he nominated Neil Finn as the most Beatle-esque songwriter. I for one totally agree with him - Neil Finn's stuff rocks (and his brother Tim wrote some great stuff in the Split Enz days, too) and he's built a successful career without being labelled 'the next Beatle'. But he has McCartney's knack for simple lilting melody which I like a lot.
But I agree with you in that noone can ever replace the Beatles. You want a band TRYING to be the 'next Beatles', I'd pick Oasis. Have you HEARD 'Don't look Back in Anger'?? - It's the Anthology in 3 minutes!!

I read your DJ just before you posted. The hell? $96? GRANDMA? What happened?
Maybe you could start your own Everquest character mill...No bosses, no overhead.

oh. My. God. an there i was ranting about my current job, to learn there is one so much more awesome. in tijuana. dang.

Lisa:
Hey, thanks! I'll keep an extra window open in case Byron is playing with the cursor. Miss Einstein, of course, refuses to chase pixels, as she knows they're electron streams. Okay, she doesn't know that, but she knows the difference between something with a presence in the physical world, and he doesn't. He's especially fascinated with that obnoxious "Catch the Monkey" banner ad. Yeah, little boy, it makes me want to smack the monitor, too!

Camilla:
"Of course we stayed for the final joke - tres sec!"
Then I would've been the guy dead center in the theater who spasmed "HAH!" with a loud and annoying laugh.
If you skipped the apres-showing talk--good for you. Did you also find it vaguely grating at the start when he kept pronouncing "Cinestudio" as if it were French? He also said "without further adieu," not ado. If that was purely from habit of being a French professor, c'est bon, but if it was a joke...Stick with Jerry Lewis, prof.
Jeez, please say something about the Beatle's thing. I thought that I'd have a mess of comments on that subject, and there's none.

Kiru:
Funny line, but I prefer to know where my tongue's been at night!
As to the Comments pic: If you want to be scared MORE, as an artist realize that those slabs of protein flanking the bull are supposed to be "hot babes." As a former resident of Colorado, be scared about where the page I found that pic was located...

D'oh!
We strolled/blundered in after the lights were down too so, alas, a spontaneous meeting was not to be. Frankly I was somewhat preoccupied herding my PINS as it was so I probably wouldn't have noticed you anyway. Come to think of it, you may have been one of the mildly annoyed masses, muttering "Will you morons choose a row and sit the fuck down, fer cry-yi?!".
Of course we stayed for the final joke - tres sec!
I am slavering to play the Beatles fave list game - this is a subject long dear to my heart, but there is, unfortunately, work to be done. Right - as if some Husky undergrad's internship reference letters take precedence over my personal time-squandering activities. Like, chuh! I'm all, like, what-EV-ARRRR!

I gotta admit, that comment icon scares me. But the infinite cat project is cool-looking. Also, I wish I could train my tongue to bring me booze.

That is all.

Hey Bill- I don't know if you've seen this... probably not, since your kids are not on the site... it's the Infinite Cat Project. You just have to see it-- and do it--it's so cool!

http://www.privatehand.com/infinite/

Wakboth:
I noticed the sleep/Syndrome link a long time ago, but the knowledge hasn't helped the diagnosis any.

Art:
Cool ad, but wouldn't the guy's mouth taste like road?

Camilla:
I missed the Monday showing. I was AT the Sunday one. The lights were already down when I got there; otherwise, who knows? Maybe you would've recognized me from the occasional photo on the site.
I didn't see one person get up and bail during the showing, which is unusual for an audience that large and varied (like your family) and a movie that odd. Did you stay through the credits to see the last joke?

I caught the Sunday matinee of Belleville for you, Bill. Amazing flick - as you mention, so much detailed animation - love the heat waves/shimmer rippling from the pavement during the bike race, among other things. Saw it with 82 y.o. Dad, 13 y.o. niece and 46 y.o. learning disabled sister - everyone howling - talk about a crowd pleaser, how often does that happen?
I love Cinestudio for so many reasons, but especially for the fact that it's one of the few theatres where the crowd applauds the film when the curtain falls. Kind of third grade-ish but heartwarming.
Hope you're feeling well enough to get outside now that the climate is a cozy, tropical 45 degrees. Woohoooo!

Bill! I finally found him! This was an ad that showed in NSW that always amused me. It's won quite a few advertising awards.. but I thought you'd be so proud to see that Tonguey has moved so far up in the world

About sleeping and Young's Syndrome:

Dunno, but maybe it's spending a long time in a horizontal position that causes the retching. Some sort of stomach reflux into the esophagus, perhaps; or maybe your pylorus is leaking, or something.

Big w00ts! to As If! Good luck at the cons, Mimi!
(And show them the one with "Mr Young," so they know that you can draw horror comics)

Bill: yup, gonna go taking the Angela and Hunter gospel to the masses - sellin' comics and networking, baby!. Eeuw, networking..I feel so dirty....
So far, I've signed up for 3 cons - 2 in chicago, one in detroit.

Edited by author 02-09-2004 04:41 PM
Art:
Space Waitress saw it Minneapolis like a month ago, whereas it didn't turn up here until last week. We usually get films like this the same time that NYC and Boston do. I assume that there's not a lot of prints circulating.
Unfortunately, I don't think I'll go see tonight's showing. Feeling a bit Syndrome-ish, and I don't think that the other patrons will appreciate it if I start dry-heaving.
I'm sure it'll be on DVD soon enough.

Oops, forget to ask you: Your visit to the comics convention is professional in nature?

I hate you, Bill. I SO want to see Triplets of Belleville, but the closest it's showing to Ann Arbor is Chicago - 3 hour drive away. I can only hope it's still showing when we go down there in mid-March for chicago comicfest (joining Zifiel in the shameless self-promotion camp..;p).
Or Ann Arbor will live up to its arty college town rep and get a reel to screen at the old Michigan State Theatre...

Roy Disney got a standing ovation when he presented an award at the Annie Awards on the weekend. Go Roy.

Edited by author 02-09-2004 02:25 AM
Also, i started a little thing on an idea i had been kicking around from a loong time, since i was working in toy store. (so it's sort of based in a real story) i want to make a story in mini chapters, the first of which is in DJ: http://www.deadjournal.com/users/zefiel

I'll stop shamelessly advertising myself now. (you can still comment about it on DJ!)

Edited by author 02-08-2004 09:27 PM
Zef:
Kiwi's gone?! How long? That's scary!

It's a week now. people say he's looking for white cat girls, i don't really know. i've got lots of wet food pouches for him waiting, and i mention it in case he's reading this.

The busted InExOb was the pencil holder, the guy with all the holes in his head. Your fave, the weird ashtray kid, hit the floor the same time as it did, but didn't break. All safely packed away for now.

Noo, my fave was the guy with all the holes in his head. i laughed lots at the ashtray too, but i liked more the saint patron of trepanation. i'm sadder now to know he's gone forever.

Outside of a 2nd wind-up rabbit and the hand (a "Flying Fickle Finger of Fate" award, a phrase which no doubt just led to a handful of smiles and dozens of blank looks), the bottom shelves are all Godzilla-related. Wind-ups mainly; the "mecha" is a Mecha-Godzilla. Good call, amigo.

I was almost sure they were Gojira stuff, i was just thrown off by the fact the jaws visible in the picture were more 'generic 80s tyrannosaurus rex' than godzilla lookin. Mecha godzilla rules so much.

Keep us posted on the status of our favorite gato negra (or is that negro? My el Spanisho suckos)

No, it's gato negro. endings in 'o' are for male subjects, and endings in 'a' are for female. mostly simple. you can say 'Espaņol' too, but i think you knew that. :P

I've been a bit busy, taking care of internet cafe my family owns.

*A forever repented of letting kitty outside

The Janet's boobie thing is still raging on. I've decided that the reason people are spending so much time over it is because it's comparatively more pleasant than our usual national news. Wouldn't you rather read about a wardrobe malfunction than about the Bushbaby administration hiding Saudi Arabia's links to al Qaida?

Never mind, Mike. Apparently I've got Bittorrent working again. Apparently. Not that I've ever used it for anything except comics.

Mikey:
Re: limbo joke: You forget. You and me are OLD.

As to copies of Adult Swim, I'll take whatever you care to send. More precisely, the Sun 11.30-12.30 slot and any Futurama. Also Birdman when he shows up. I'll pay the costs and whatever else you deem fair.

And before I forget:

I was just re-reading the previous comments about the Dante's Inferno Test, and I'm extremely surprised that no one made the obvious (to me, anyway) reference to:

Limbo LOWER now! How LOW can you GO?

"I was at least encouraged by the fact that they got Stephen Moore to do the voice of Marvin..."

I thought that Marvin was the worst character when I read the book, but the funniest when I saw the show. It's all in the delivery.

FORD: We'll be down in a minute!
MARVIN: So will I...

http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hp&cf=prev&id=1808404419

sam rockwell as Zaphod is pretty great casting, if you ask me. it says someone wanted jim carrey for that role. yikes. and zooey deschanel should be a good Trillian.

Christ. I now know almost as much about Janet's boobie as I do about my own boobies. When will the torment end?

Ah. Forgive my snafu there, sorry, It was going on 3am and I was just trying to stay awake while The Husband did surgery on my computer to try and repair a nasty networking glitch. But it works now and I am happy. And Stephen Moore back to do marvin is pretty cool. Know what would also be cool? Well, Adams read the whole thing for the audio books - so sample his readings and cast him as The Book :)

Edited by author 02-05-2004 07:35 AM
Mimi:
Here is an excerpt from the article Bill linked...

"The duo hitch a ride through space with the two-headed president of the galaxy, the beautiful and brilliant scientist Trillion (Deschanel) and a depressed robot while on a quest to discover the meaning of life."

I'm pretty sure that they are describing 3 different people/things here (president, scientist, and robot).

A couple of notes here: When Adams was still alive, he was already dealing with Disney, and had to fend off a lot of criticism about going with them for the project. He pointed out that not all Disney movies are G-rated family fare, and cited Pulp Fiction as an example of a movie produced by a Disney studio, but that is clearly not a "family movie".

I was at least encouraged by the fact that they got Stephen Moore to do the voice of Marvin, so there will be at least one link to the original radio and made-for-TV versions.

If anyone cares to see what Michael Jackson... er, I mean, Janet Jackson's tit looks like, Getty Images has the best shot I've seen - http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/29211...7577727B9E74089F202

I'd make it link, but... lazy. Sloth. Going to hell.

It looks less like a pastie and more like an elaborate nipple ring... Too bad Justin couldn't accidentally rip his pants off to reveal the vagina we all know is hiding in there. Gasp. Shock. Next?

re: global warming... I'll be roasting in eternal flames by the time this effects me too much, so I'm going to go for the ever popular "don't care, let them eat cake" attitude. It's not like I'm going to be reproducing anyway, so when you think about it, all those bastard offspring of bastards NOW will be the ones to reap what we've sown. I think that's just desserts.

Tweezing of eyebrows hurts like a mother, I assure you. If they try to do it for more than 45 seconds I literally have a panic attack. Good salon workers do a good job of waxing and leave off on the tweezing. See, my heart beat faster just thinking of that trauma. *shudder* You are wise to fear it.

Boozateria. Heh. Have to tell my brother that one. He's stopping by often enough.

I have nothing else to say on politics, old people, bad movie adaptations on books or other smart soundin' stuff. Here's more o' them titty piktures!

Janet's looking for... something? Michael's penis magically pulling loose from the tape and giving the game away? While Justin croons to the only breast he's EVER seen.
http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/29208...2DCFF7CD49C79A844B5

Justin's curious if anyone else notices Michael's nose on Janets face? And ponders if this will end the "Justin iz GAAY!!!" rumors.
http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/29211...757441047DC182B7B23

Naked boobs and gay jokes. See ya on Level SEVEN! *woot*

Something's nagging me about the Hitchiker movie announcement.... Ford played by a hiphop rapper?...Noooo, that's not it..... depressed robot present and accounted for... noo....
Oh wait. That was it.
Two-headed president of the galaxy TRILLIAN?????

HH without ZAPHOD?? That's.... like... Bill without cats! Actresses without Botox!!...ARGH! (feel free to add your own metaphor here...;))

Man, I had no idea what a group of going-to-Hell badasses you all are! And me, just going to wimpy Limbo. Where I'll play crocquet with Socrates!
I feel like Peewee Herman in the biker bar.
"Excuse me, but I'm trying to use the PHONE!!"
"ARRRGH!! I'M going to the Malebolge!"
"Oh--ahem! Excuse me! Heh heh heh! Excuse me! Ahem! Ha ha ha!"

Edited by author 02-04-2004 09:56 AM
Hee! I'm extremely lustful and highly gluttonous.

But I knew THAT already.

Wakboth: "It is hard to gauge how much effect we humans have on it, and this is really not one of those things you want to gamble with."

Seriously. In this area, I'd rather err on the side of safety.

Oh, and that Dante thing:

"The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!"

Odd, since I'd expect to be categorized as a Heretic (transhumanist semi-agnostic furry SF fan RPGr who reads InExOb...)

Edited by author 02-04-2004 08:20 AM
Gally, there's certainly been false alerts before, and yes, the climate system of the world is a damn complex thing.

However, the problem is just that: it's complex. It is hard to gauge how much effect we humans have on it, and this is really not one of those things you want to gamble with. Thus, I think prudence would be the only rational response, at least until we have a much, much better understanding of the planet-wide climate systems.

The ice caps are melting _very_ rapidly; there is a distinct rise in the global temperatures, and it's proceeding faster than any change we have evidence of; and the last few years have seen some quite extreme weather effects, at least here in Europe. This all seems to indicate that the climate _is_ changing, or at least becoming unstable.

One of the possible effects -- and the one that personally bothers me the most, given that I'm living above the 62nd parallel -- is the disruption of the Gulf Stream, which would turn Scandinavia into Alaska or Siberia, and give the rest of the Europe sub-arctic climate.

(Almost forgot: anyone interested, check out http://www.climatehotmap.org/ ; very interesting.)

I'm concerned. Not only was I sent to Level 7, but I got "Extreme"s on my test. Not even BUSH got those when you took it!

Purgatory Repenting Believers Very Low
Level 1 Limbo Virtuous Non-Believers Very Low
Level 2 Lustful Very High
Level 3 Gluttonous Very High
Level 4 Prodigal and Avaricious High
Level 5 Wrathful and Gloomy Extreme
Level 6 The City of Dis Heretics Extreme
Level 7 Violent Extreme
Level 8 the Malebolge Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers Extreme
Level 9 Cocytus Treacherous Very High

It's 3:30am, I'm too tired to read the rest right now. So far today I've done about seventy billion things on that list... ate bacon, Godiva truffles and sour cream and onion chips for dinner, did the "M" word, plotted against evil-doers with glee, been depressed, lazy, swore, lied to a credit card company, shopped online for stuff I can't afford, actively wished death or a bad computer virus on no less than six people... the list would go on, but I got all worn out thinking of how naughty I am.

I used to say in high school, back when I thought I was being cute, that I wouldn't just go to hell, I'd take over. I don't get how being "gloomy" can banish you to hell though.

Don't worry about global warming, its just the ecotrend for right now. During the 70s the same groups were all about global cooling. We're in one of the cooler periods of the earth's history right now, the vast majority of the history of the Earth there were no ice caps at all. And we're acutally in an interglacial in the middle of an ice age, interglacials typically last 10-12 thousand years, and we're in about year 10,000 of this one. So its going to get a lot cooler before it gets a lot warmer. I think people tend to over estimate how much of an impact humanity really has had and how natural cycles tend to repair themselves. For an example: the hills around here burned in november. THe fucking foresty service is out there spending tax dollars to put fertilizers on the ground. Argh! ><

Edited by author 02-04-2004 01:21 AM
Zef:
Kiwi's gone?! How long? That's scary!

The busted InExOb was the pencil holder, the guy with all the holes in his head. Your fave, the weird ashtray kid, hit the floor the same time as it did, but didn't break. All safely packed away for now.

Outside of a 2nd wind-up rabbit and the hand (a "Flying Fickle Finger of Fate" award, a phrase which no doubt just led to a handful of smiles and dozens of blank looks), the bottom shelves are all Godzilla-related. Wind-ups mainly; the "mecha" is a Mecha-Godzilla. Good call, amigo.

Keep us posted on the status of our favorite gato negra (or is that negro? My el Spanisho suckos)

"So, changing the subject: why the heck do a bunch of posts on disciplining cats, give ads for PHP, CGI and Oracle programming? I must be missing something..."

Cats check on what we say about them all the time. and also they dig programming. the ads companies know this, among so many other mysterious things.

So, changing the subject: why the heck do a bunch of posts on disciplining cats, give ads for PHP, CGI and Oracle programming? I must be missing something...

Or you could hold his front paws in your hands. Not squeeze or anything, just hold. My cat HATES that. It makes her stop scratching me immediately.

Aw, Billy boy...why can't you just get thin-ish shelves to hang up on the walls high and far enough apart from each other that Byron can't possibly jump up on them?

Then again, this past week I've had my own experience with the inability to modify cat behavior. Because the coaxial cable on my new vcr/dvd player is too short, I currently have the machine resting on the open top drawer of my dresser. Predictably, Sophie wanted to get into that drawer something fierce, but not wanting cat hair all over my lingerie (okay, it's really just bras and underwear, but "lingerie" sounds nicer, doesn't it?), I scolded her whenever she started to climb up onto the dresser.

Cut to this past Saturday morning; la Beez is on the bed next to me, and we're watching Lizzie McGuire while I'm noshing on my breakfast bagel. I'm still sleepy, but already curious as to where Sophie is, as she generally miaows for luvs from Mommy as soon as the sleeping giant beast awakens--she's not in her usual spots on top of the bookcase or on top of the laundry pile. You can probably guess where she was, but maybe you had to be there to appreciate how funny it was--after the tv had been on around ten minutes, her little head suddenly popped up out of the drawer and I couldn't help laughing even as I scolded her to get out of there.

I thought she'd learned that Mommy's underwear drawer is off-limits, since I didn't see her in there again, until this morning when I reached under the vcr to try and find my other pair of black tights. No tights, but I did get a handful of warm sleepy calico. Sigh. Until I can get a longer coaxial cable, I'm probably just going to have to live with cat hair on my lingerie.

Keep the faith, boyo. And continue to yell at Senor B, since he may not be totally deaf, or at the very least he may eventually learn some cause and effect (like how knocking over stuff = no love from Mommy). Moreover, it's far more healthy for you to yell at him and get it out of your system than internalizing all of this angst, hon...

Edited by author 02-03-2004 01:13 AM
Well, i read on my ole book about taking care of kitties that you could pat his forehead lightly. said superior kitties did it to their subordinates. it sorta works after Kiwi slashes my arm to bloody bits, since my toys i'm the one who tips them over. but my alien and predator have lost little pieces already, i'm so asahmed to admit it.

(i know it's not good to let kitties get used to play with your hands, but he doesn't really harm me a lot of times)

Also, some sad news. Kiwi's gone missing. he's disappeared before, but never for this long. i'm worried over here.

You shouldn't worry so much about not updating. i mean, i update my DJ like once a month, and YOU at least still read it. that rocks so much. i know i'd keep checking lots if you didn't update.

i'm glad i'm not the only one who has a dusty room. it's a pain to clean my two shelves with toys. i need some canned air. the broken inexob was the cheerleader, right? (sorry i can't remember the name because i didn't catch the popcul reference, sorry, i have limits) what are the things in the shelf with the golden hand in a blister with a dinosaur image on it? i can kinda read 'mecha' so i'm guessing they are blistered godzillas?

that's all. i'm off to read the articles, i don't read scalzi at all (thought was all political) but this time they got my attention. (ban the world evolution? what's next, soul-stealing cameras? where was it that they wanted to dumb down the math program?)

M3:
I've always pictured Daveykins as working as a video store clerk. Making minimum wage.
Negs has had semi-direct dealings with the G-Man in the past. Maybe she knows what he does?

Kiru:
Yeah, the Scalzmeister rocks! I'm glad he's updating the Whatever again. By The Way is fun, but it's too politely AOLish. I liked today's look at the unromantic life of a writer. Good stuff.

There are writers who led exciting, romantic lives, such as Alfred "I'm nuts!" Jarry or m'main man Lord Byron or the rock'em sock'em robot act that was Rimbaud and Verlaine. But I've always thought that a life exciting enough to have people write books about it would be way too exciting for me to live. I currently plan to live as boringly as possible and then die in my sleep. And no time soon.

I regularly knock over my only breakable (yet to be broken) item here. I'll keep future cats in mind if I ever want to display my Alice in Wonderland collection though. Hm.

Gonterman. You ever wonder what real things he could accomplish if he quit sh*tting around on lame ass comics with no concept, plot or purpose? Sure, he'll never be a physicist or Yugi Mutou, but I can't help but wonder what would the Raving Froot Loop be in life?

I have a squirt gun (a promo from some forgotten video game called "Solar Eclipse"--maybe in it you shot the Sun down, I dunno). Problem here is that if I squirted him every time he got near something breakable, the only place he'd have left to go to would be the litter box.
He's been climbing around the computer since he moved in 7 months ago. Just yesterday he decided to attack the monitor shelf. Ditto the 2nd shelf he attacked. I don't get any warning when these things are going to happen. That's why I'm going to remove the breakables, rather than modify his behaviour.

Spray bottle, man. It works like a charm, and does not, so far as I can detect, do the cat any lasting harm. hee. that rhymed.

Also, Scalzi is the man.

I feel your pain about the breaking-things habit Byron's gotten into. I've lost many a plant that way.

My cats respond to a good loud NO but obviously that's not going to work here. I ditto the water guns and suggest maybe you could troll flea markets for a curio cabinet with a lock. I say lock - because one of my little fellas has figured out how to open my cabinets from the bottom with his paw.... <sigh> Of course if the door will latch securely that might not even be a problem.

water guns worked for me when my kitty Buster Brown wanted to eat the pet hamster. he almost immediately associated the evil squirty thing with the rodent and avoided them both at all costs

I've heard that a squirt gun is a good way to discipline cats. Immediate, really unpleasant but harmless.