Interesting thing by Robert Naseef (http://www.specialfamilies.com/response_to_time.htm):

>"As a psychologist, I help families deal with the often treacherous emotional landscape once autism strikes."

OUCH!

>"It’s been called the “autism bomb.”

Y'wha'???????

>"People often spontaneously describe to me how the diagnosis of their child’s autism was a bomb that exploded their hopes and dreams."

There is actually a cure for that particular problem: DON'T GET INTO THE TRAP OF HAVING SPECIFIC HOPES FOR KIDS.... it causes enough family arguments as it is with mainstream kids when they veer from what parents specifically want for their kids. Instead, hope that they develop to be a credit to you, and that is - regardless of any developmental states, etc. - not impossible for anyone who looks for ways to help their kids.

>"The calendar of their lives was ripped off the wall and replaced by an uncertain future as they began intensive intervention to help their child, while they struggle to find hope and to regain their footing in life."

Only because psychologists up and down the States keep plugging it. IF they were more creative things could become better for these parents!

>"It gives my life and my son’s life meaning to do the work I do. Still I can’t help but wonder, when I see a father with a small boy, what might have been."

There IS NO "might have been", even if we see things as complex probabilities where the successful choices are the events whose complex probablility coefficients didn't collapse to i (that is, the purely imaginary state).

>"I am consoled by the reality that people with autism teach the rest of us profound and spiritual lessons in acceptance and in honoring the diversity of the human condition."

We could actually do that if the Kitty Weintraubs and Lenny Schafers of this world didn't keep dissing us all the bloody while!

>"We need to understand more of the neuroscience of autism, so that effective drugs can be developed to reverse the condition regardless of the cause."

Obviously, he isn't consoled ENOUGH by our "profound and spiritual lessons", is he?!

>"Tariq was diagnosed with autism. On that day, his father became someone he never wanted to be—the parent of a child with special needs." (http://www.specialfamilies.com/graham.htm)

This was about Naseef's son and Naseef's reaction to it. Personally, I wanted to be the father of a child whom I could love. Special needs status never actually entered it!

When Jennifer Graham goes on later in the article to talk about another guy with (this time) a kid diagnosed with CP, where the dad redefines his value system to suit the kid.

>"In his new book, SPECIAL CHILDREN, CHALLENGED PARENTS (Birch Lane Press), Naseef writes "... we grieve and let go of our dream for a perfect child. Then we form new dreams as we face the challenges and reap the rewards of raising a child with a disability.""

Now that's more like it, but not as good as it could be.....

>"In the 17 years since Tariq's birth, Naseef has found "miracles" in his relationship with his son. Miracles that many other fathers never appreciate, like just being able to sit together on a park bench, silently sharing each other's presence. His love for Tariq is unconditional."

And that is what parenting is about anyway: appreciating the miracles of development that DO happen, and building on them!

Maybe I should start doing parenting classes for people... just to help them get a grip on what they really have when they have a child.

David