so what's a single girl to do to find love in San Fran?

in the time i spent in san francisco i didn't observe things neccessarily being all that hard for single people. my only barrier to success was my shyness. but there was a degree of romance about the city itself, and i always felt that intensified the crushes that i would have on women at shows or at bus stops or wherever...i didn't feel there was any lack of exciting interactions for single people, i just wasn't at a point in my life where i was ready to embrace it comfortably. try spending time living in any other city outside of san francisco and you'll see you don't have it so bad!

Aw, hush BB. You're not even looking, anyway, and from scrolling through your blog, it sounds like you've had a fair share of lovahs along the way. Sure, you recognize that straightlaced Marina guys aren't your bag of chips. Instead, your impulse buy is skanky guys from the same band. We all have our druthers. I know I find myself with a parade (OK, a small, unimpressive queue) of quiet, depressed nerdy girls...

The bottom line is that you have to make a little effort. People in San Francisco are too cool across the board to put themselves out there. I find initiative goes a long way, although I do feel like a creep from a dating show when I try to chat up a total stranger. Come to think of it, I guess I came across your site after seeing your friendster profile in a prolonged trolling session. Nevermind. I know nothing.

Don't sweat it. Love sucks and it comes and goes, puns intended.

My first thought after reading your blog was that it's San Fran. Most guys in San Fran are gay anyway.

Chin up, pride up, confidence up. Something will happen.

yeah it could be worse... I could be in the 'burbs. Or in the desert somewhere.

i dunno.
i think being restless makes me seek out drama which in turn makes me attracted to drama queens which in turn messes with my psyche making me wish I was single again.

besides that. I have a novel to finish.
desire just derails me.

How come BJB has nobody right now? She seems like an extravert to me... so shouldn't she have more contact with people and meet single guys?

How is it that she isn't she being chased by truckloads of guys?

(Where can I get a queue of nerdy girls (preferably cuddly) for myself? All I seem to get are sexually aggressive women. And how do I get over my fear of girls?)

Bonners,

Yeah things are tough, everywhere. Your comments totally mirror my experiences over here in Chicago. Ain't nothing easy nowhere! Maybe its me, though. Its odd how being single makes the crap of our past relationships not seem so bad. Maybe if I got drunk and called her up tomorrow night at 3 am she would take me back??? Hmmmmmmm.

Anyway, hang in there. As my mother always told me, love hits you when you least expect it. (also known as a sucker punch, in other circles)

As to Friendster dates...man, I had the mother of all weirdos (and not in a good way, either). Remind me to tell you sometime. "fuck human rights!!" (her actual quote from the date)..."Waiter, check please!" (my actual quote) Hey! try 'myspace.com'...people are a lot less WASPy than Friendster. I can invite you if you like. :-)

later Kitty Kat!

BJB,

Have you written down a list of requirements in a significant other? That's what I'm going to do!

I think the supposed "truckload of guys" keeps crashing before it gets anywhere near me...

poor fellas.

> BJB,
>
> Have you written down a list of requirements in a significant
> other? That's what I'm going to do!

And then I should post them on Grrl.com!
I always thought of doing a Bonnie Test online... but then I figured that might be going overboard.

I once had a guy give his dates a short music trivia test.
Needless to say, he's still single.

wow I just realized I have two different sign ins here....
bizarre...

I always knew I had multiple facets to my personality, but this is ridiculous!

;-)

You should have the Bonnie Test on grrl.com! Seriously!

Edited by author 02-07-2004 04:48 AM
I live in the bay area too and I want to thank you for posting your recap of that article. I haven't seen the actual article but I've known that to be the case for a long time. I generally only date friends of friends, or people from work, which pretty much sucks. The guys I've dated from SF haven't been so great and most of them aren't looking for long term relationships. I'm not really looking at this point. As I said to my friend the other day I'd rather be pleasantly suprised by something then have any expectations. I met a guy from another city recently but he just reminded me of some of the non-commital guys you could meet in the city. Oh well.

My friend posted her tips for dating her on her site. That didn't go over too well with some people who read it, since there are a LOT of tips. I can appreciate where she's coming from though.

Check it out:
http://www.amrahfatale.com/rant/dating.html

wow...you friend's tips on how to date her are are hilarious!

especially:

6. Don't talk about being fat. Or bald. Or ugly. If you happen to really be fat, bald, or ugly, don't pout...

nice!

- bonnie

i'll repeat this for the record: the quality of the guys you have met, no matter how many of them there have been, does not define your particular city's dating culture. guys do not adapt to a certain style based on where they live. for every guy you've dated who was "non-commital" or whatever, there is probably a guy who doesn't frequent the same social circles who is exactly what you're looking for. cities are multi-faceted, as are the people who live in them.

and to the person who was maintaining the "queque" of "quiet, depressed nerdy girls," would you please send a few of them -- or heck, even one -- in the direction of portland? that description sounds perfect! heh.

Make sure the nerdy girls stop at Redwood City first!

Re: the below posted list of dating requirements...why do women bother saying that their ideal date "has to make them laugh"? Who the hell *wouldn't* go out with someone who didn't make them laugh? That's like saying that one's ideal car has to have tires.

Greg

I just read the 'dating requirements' woman's website...she seems like she'd be rather exhausting to be with. In my experience, that sense of over-saturated self-importance or self-justification which she seems to have smacks of desperate insecurity. Every semi-intelligent/creative person goes through any number of existential crises, which, while being "unique" in terms of the general populace, are quite common among this group. The difference between, say, her and me is that I don't reveal mine to total strangers on the internet as some sort of method of validation.

yeah part of me would never want to do a "How to Date Bonnie" list on my site because half the fun of dating is discovering those elements as you go.

why give up all the mystery from the get go?
besides, anyone who really wanted to bother wooing me can find out more about me just from reading grrl.com as it is now....

;-)

A fat lot of help THAT is. Do you realize how hard it is to become an indie rock star when you can't play an instrument and only write meaningless, angsty lyrics?

Wait, scratch that. This will be a cake walk. I'll call my band "Another Death Cab for Cutie."

> yeah part of me would never want to do a "How to Date
> Bonnie" list on my site

Yeah, but you should still do it anyway!

Edited by author 02-11-2004 12:20 PM
Since you're about to start dating again, maybe you should solicit applications. The following website is in incredibly poor taste (perhaps you remember this guy from MTV's True Life: I'm an Internet Dater??), but you could Bonnify the idea: www.tuckermax.com.

Edited by author 02-15-2004 06:10 PM
So it wasn't just me! When I lived in San Francisco from July 1996 to April 2000, it was hard as HELL to meet compatible singles. First, when you work a day job that eats up more than half your day (including commute time on the freeway), I didn't feel like going out -- a BIG Friday night for me in SF was going to get Thai and a video. Big Whoop! I did try this Sport and Social Club and played soccer on a team, but people were so self-conscious and many were there to be in their circle of friends they had prior to joining the team and league that it too was a worthless track for meeting someone. Did someone say "no love life" -- that was me back then. Fall of '99 however, I did meet someone via Match.com but we didn't have much in common, so the sex seemed pretty empty. We parted ways right before I moved to L.A in May 2000.

Good luck Bonnie with the Dating Life. Volunteer somewhere -- seriously, I think it might work. I met my fiance here in L.A. at a business mixer and we're very much in love -- and we're getting married in July. But what the hell do I know? *shrugs*.