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some poor Sap is bidding on Gonterman's old domain Grimmoire.com for almost $300! i hope he isnt getting a cut of that

My Rocky Horror cast's Xmas party was pretty interesting, if you're a geek like us. We exchanged gifts, and two Meatwad dolls were given out - one person both gave and received one. (He can do a perfect Meatwad imoression. Vocal, that is.) Ever hear a table full of adults singing "Meatwad make da money, see, Meatwad get de honey..." We also used to imitate the old-folks-in-the-pool bumpers during the floor show.

Perverts can be cartoon loving geekanerds too. So it's OK that I watched the CN New Year's programming. Well, an hour and a half - I turned off when "Family Guy" came on.

Mr. The Splut:
Cool! My first hurdle in the publishing biz.

Me again. I find the most interesting links from you. For example, "100 things to do with your boy/girlfriend instead of It", in addition to including some painfully boring items, also had some that quirked an eyebrow.

6. Play hide-and-seek in a cornfield - Is that a euphemism for...? Surely not. Or is it?

9. Pray together - That you get LAID!

31. Eat something you have never tried before - snortle chuckle cough

33. Eat ice cream cones - See how long your boyfriend will watch you lick it before having to "go home".

38. Have a squirt gun fight - Did ANYONE edit these at all?!? "Squirt gun"????

45. Have a burping contest - Not so much thinly veiled sexual innuendo as much as ensuring you never have sex with that person. Ever.

49. Jump on a trampoline - Say it with me now... JUGGIES! Wait, combine 33, 38 and 49! Soft core porn, baby!

69. Invent a new game - The number speaks for itself. Combined with a naked #11 (play Twister) and again... soft core porn.

85. Buy a disposable camera and take funny pictures of each other - coughnakedcough

91. Play baseball without a bat or ball - aka dry humping on mom's couch.

or maybe it's all just me and my sick dirty mind?

Uhoh. The Splut goes interactive. I actually enjoyed sending random emails and getting no response too, pout.

Charlotte Bronte. And I have NO idea how I knew that. Ask me to name all 50 states and I'll walk away. But Charlotte Bronte I got. I've never read a Bronte book in my entire freaking life either.

I thought of you New Years Eve (west coast whut!). I was watching Adult Swim, laughing and gasping at the things they got away with, wondering if I was the only loser in the world at home, watching Cartoon Network on NYE. Then I thought "Hey, I bet old Splutty Splut might be watching!" Eh. I have no life.

Occasionally I find myself singing quietly "My name is... SHAKEZULA!" and "Meatwad get the honies, see..." Again. Lifeless.

Glad to hear Byron is ok, I have to go back and read up on when/how you learned he was deaf.

Lavender:
Don't worry, it's our little secret.
For ten bucks! ;)

DAMN. I'm paranoid about people reading my stuff before I'm ready.

I'm proud of that phrase, too.

"I suddenly realized it contains part of a phrase from the novel I'm writing"

All I remember (from the subscriber email) was the...colorful rephrasing of the expression "head over heels."
Why does head over heels mean what it does? Isn't your head usually over your heels?

There sure seem to be a lot of elves with receding hairlines. They live forever but their hair follicles don't?
-Someone name machupicchu

This person stands out in my mind for saying that such and such was the "first person beside msallegro" to point out the homoeroticism between Frodo and Sam. Hee hee!

For those of you wondering why I deleted my last post (i.e. none of you) I suddenly realized it contains part of a phrase from the novel I'm writing, so, yeah.

All is fine this New Year's Eve with the kids. Kill Kill's over her earlier anger yesterday and everything's back to normal.

Kiru: Yes, too much trauma in two days, fresh stitches on his tummy, so no bath for Byron. If KK had continued attacking him last night, it would've been the final fix. I think that me hissing and swatting back at her might've done the trick, as she was very startled each time it happened. And then she went to bed--either to sleep or to sulk and think--and when she returned, all was well. She's a smart cat, a good cat, and a gentle cat. Bolton Veterinary has TARDS working for them.

Danke danke for the comics! It's here, to those of you slugs STILL not reading it. Updates every 2-3 days lately.
Oh--you meant that LOTR link. Danke for letting me briefly rip off your concept Monday!



Oh. Umm, I was going between writing this and scouring the litter box, and the radio says--Happy New Year!
Yep, it's a spiral of excitement here! But I work in the booze biz. I spent all day selling to the people who are about to be on the roads. I hope you stayed home, too.



And so ends the first month of comments. A new link begins tomorrow. Since my big plans are to sleep in, it may take most of the day for it to go up, so feel free to keep posting here until then.

Edited by author 12-31-2003 10:36 AM
aw, poor Byron. It wouldn't be possible to give him a bath, would it? Then he'd no longer smell of strange cats to Kill Kill. I know there are two schools of thought on that, as chronicled in Cleveland Amory's The Cat Who Came for Christmas, i.e. either that cats do a perfectly good job of cleaning themselves and I'm not sticking my hand anywhere near a wet one, or that they need and will gladly tolerate regular baths. I dunno if you're not supposed to get his stitches wet or if it would be too traumatic, or what.

oh hey, and danke danke for the link.

Edited by author 12-31-2003 09:52 AM
Aw,neat. i'm glad he's oki. i usually hiss, but only to the other cat in the street, when he comes and climbs our wall to steal some of kiwi's food (i try as much as possible to feed him inside) hissing usually keeps him at bay, and even makes him leave. i don't think i'd need swatting motions.. the people here looks weirdly at me enough.

Happai new year

Eep, poor Byron! I hope everything is back to normal really soon.

Lilly:
"Your Zefness, I was right there with you on the paranoiac uncertainty angle; I actually started to write something here on Xmas afternoon, but then wondered exactly how pathetic I would appear, having no discernable Life even on Christmas...(damn you, Bill, for your not-so-subconscious suggestions!)"

Yeah, that joke totally didn't work. And it seemed to kill all activity in the comments. Y'see, the "joke" was "Only a doofy head would look here on Xmas--and yet look how much I've posted anyway! It involved stealing images and resizing them in Photoshop!" See? Twas *I* that twas the big doof, I twas! And indeed twas I, as no one got it.

Note that it led to the only time no one said anything about Ferd'nand. That'll learn me.

Seriously. Kid had a fucking rake tied to his back. What was up with that? The only theory I've come up with is "Ferd didn't want him falling through the ice hole," but the hole is so small that it would only happen if Ferd jammed his son in head first and poked him through with, I dunno, a rake or something. What a lovely sentiment for Xmas Eve!

Hee. Well, i was indeed typing here at xmas night. i just got too sidetracked to post that night. well, i know disabling content advisor has to do with the registry, and a quick googling turnt this up:

http://osiris.978.org/~brianr/nopics-ie/

it's all there, and it should work. it's nifty too, since editing the registry is a nightmare and can make too much things go wrong. but this should do oki.

Your Zefness, I was right there with you on the paranoiac uncertainty angle; I actually started to write something here on Xmas afternoon, but then wondered exactly how pathetic I would appear, having no discernable Life even on Christmas...(damn you, Bill, for your not-so-subconscious suggestions!)

Then again, I *was* hiding from my Mormon relatives, under the guise of setting up my dad's online account, so given the choice between being polite 'n social 'n not so overtly liberal vs. making yet another wordy, innocuous comment here...oh, no contest.

Speaking of, I had a quasi-techie question I wanted to throw out here, on the off chance that someone might be able to help me; Dad's new-to-him kompyuter was previously owned (and assembled piecemeal out of secondhand components) by said Mormons, and while doing Dad's online setup (okay, yes, I can't try to obfuscate the horrid truth any further: it's on AOL. There goes whatever credibility I was deluded enough to believe I possessed), I found out about a fiendishly little fascistic element of Internet Explorer called Content Advisor. I made its exceedingly unwelcome acquaintance because Dad was unable to access a *single* website owing to CA's protocols, which didn't even allow access to the local paper on the grounds that the page contained "mild obscenity."

After I calmed down and got done screaming and yelling about censorship and rabid conservatives and the Freedom of Information Act, I went into the control panel to fix this, only to find that without the system administrator's password I couldn't do jack. Subsequently checking with The Mormons, I found they had not clue one about any of this, as evidently the content settings had been established by one of the machine's previous owners (all of whom were also LDS--yeah, like that's a shock. They're just like the CIA, only with less caffeine and more geneaological resources).

Therefore, does anyone know how to circumvent the absolute EVIL that is Content Advisor, specifically with regard to system administrator passwords? Apart from, I guess, just re-installing Windows? (Grrrrr...I couldn't help thinking, "This wouldn't have happened on my Mac, dammit!" Uhm, yeah, if my PowerBook wasn't presently out of commission, that is...)

For once it's not even an AOL problem, as Dad's account is set up for the 18+ age range with zero parental controls; this isn't a huge deal, since the old man isn't going to go online a lot anyway, but for now he's having to access the net using my business email account, and it'd just be nice for him to be able to sign on using his *own* SN, ya know?

Thanks in advance to those of y'all a.k.a. Romans, countrymen...and muchos positive karmic vibes to the pobrecito Senor B.!

have i been banned or something of the sort, or is everyone quiet? anyway, best wishies for Byron

Edited by author 12-24-2003 08:12 PM
Gah, it's been far too long since I've watched Adult Swim. The Brak Show Spy vs Spy episode nearly made me wet myself.

I'll pray for your souls...SUCKERS!

Incidentally, this is one of the greatest things I've read in a long time: http://www.livejournal.com/users/willwhitfoot/

Snard, Negs, or Anybody: Whatever happened to Spottiswoode, aka Karl D'Annucci?

Edited by author 12-24-2003 10:00 AM
Negs,
If it aired, I missed it too. I just happened across it on the official site. Hopefully they'll run it (again) soon.

---

Edited by author while he was sleeping
Hey I like this edit feature! I just chatted with Gerson, he saw it during last Sunday's Adult Swim block (I went to bed after the new stuff, so I missed it)

Thanks for the heads up, Mike! Has that one aired, and I missed it? If so, crapola and a half. If not, hopefully I can catch it on tape sometime soon.

Heads up to Negaduck - you might want to check out http://www.adultswim.com as there is now a 2nd installment of the Brak Puppet Party there.

thanks bill....now i've got that song stuck in my head! so you wouldn't recommend Sextette as a must see huh?

love will keep...must stop singing

The chronology of that comic is screwed up. He meets a cyberdemon - OK, a pygmy one, the real ones are at least 15 feet tall - at the very beginning, before he even gets a lousy *pistol?* The cyberdemon first shows up at the end of the second set of levels, and he is a MEAN mofo. At that point you only have a rocket launcher, and it takes a ridiculous number of hits to take him down. And while you're shooting at him, he's shooting rockets up your nose. The BFG-9000 doesn't show up until the third set of levels, and even so it takes three or four BFG blasts to kill a cyberdemon. And while you're standing there waiting for it to sloooowly charge up, the cyberdemon is still using his rocket launcher.

(I forget when the Berserker pack first appears, but it sure as heck ain't at the very beginning either.)

My only explanation is that he's playing a level made by an incompetent WADder whose design philosophy is "Level design? Screw it, just stick tons of monsters and ammo in there!"

Bill,
Just read your review on the awful Mae West musical/comedy/farce - I just finished reading it, and I can't remember the title! - and anyway, your comment about the Captain & Tennille reminded me of something. I don't know if they have Kohl's department stores in your neck of the woods, but we do here, and there's a Christmas-themed TV ad for said chain, with the song "Love Will Keep Us Together" playing in the background. (The general theme of the ad being buying gifts for your loved ones.) At one point in the commercial, the couple opens the front door to their house, revealing carolers singing outside. The door is only open for a second, but if you look carefully, in the middle of the carolers are Daryl and Toni singing their song (he is playing a melodica - I think that's the right name for it. A harmonica with a piano keyboard.) I thought it was cute.

Lilly:
I was sitting in the parking lot of the Bloomfield Wendy's and listening to WNPR when the news led with the earthquake. "How the HELL am I supposed to know where Hearst's Castle is!" I thought, until they said "southern California." Then I thought, "Oh, she's okay," and returned to my 99 cent nuggets and copy of "Skeptical Inquirer."

The "flowing blood relic" of an Italian saint from the 10th century is really just an 18th century fake made from fat and food coloring that liquifies at room temperature! Who knew! Also, the nuggets were tasty with honey mustard! Fancy that!

Edited by author 12-23-2003 01:56 AM
Negs:
When I saw the earlier site with just excerpts of the comic, I thought that they just picked the worst moments. But the comic is one big worst moment! Even Super Green Beret doesn't have dialogue that's simultaneously retarded, insane, non sequitur while also having "choo choo choo" in it.
I never played Doom very much, but did the end scene really involve the BFG being used on the Cyberdemon whose "huge guts" he couldn't rip&tear at the beginning? King Koopa was a bigger threat than him.

PYGMY HIPPOS ARE GO!

There's a band name for ya.

Incidentally, no, I did not feel the quake here, especially since I'm a good 4+ hours from San Luis Obispo (it was centered near San Simeon, which is about 35 mi. north of there). Around ten to one there was a distinct shaking sensation in the building, but that also can happen when someone runs up or down the stairs quickly. I think I told you how I already used up all my "earthquake points" in the L.A. quake of '71 (::shiver of repulsion at how danged old I am::), so I'm not allowed to actually experience another quake again in this lifetime. Given that the death count's at 3 so far, I'm fairly okay with that.

(Hey, and now I'm reading a book about Moscow in 1992, and you're having Soviet dreams! Glad Senor B is no worse for the dunking, too.)

The DOOM comic... all 16 pages of it...

THANK YOU. Bill! As a) a DOOM fan and b) someone with a taste for cheese, I can enjoy this on so many levels! Dear heavens, it's even worse (MUCH worse) than the four DOOM novels, and that's really sayin' something.

WOO! go pygmy HIPPOS GO!

I just saw Return of the King.

I don't wanna spoil it or anything, but...yowza.

"And you spent...How much on Alien figures?!"

Whoa, whoa. it was credit! no prob! anyway, still, ouch. but everyone's got quirks like that, yes? i mean, road warrior figures have good shipping boxes for kitties or what?

"I'd vote for Jellied Veal Loaf if I thought it had a chance of beating Bush."

At the rate things are going, give it another 6 months and it will.

I'd vote for Jellied Veal Loaf if I thought it had a chance of beating Bush.

Zef:

I'm that rare FRUGAL American. I saves me my money!
And you spent...How much on Alien figures?!

"It's expensive, but I can easily afford it. "

Whoa. sign me up to cross da river!

So glad you got the card already, mon ami. (As she peels herself off the floor where she had fallen in a dead faint. I mail that on what is reported to be the single busiest day of the year for the postal service, and it gets there in a timely manner? Color me ten kinds of shocked, albeit pleased.)

I've been forgetting to mention this; it's just a weird form of serendipity, or something. Remember how you said you had wedged open your door with an 8-track of the "Bubbling Brown Sugar" cast album? Well, at the very time you said that, I was in the middle of the biography of Josephine Premice-Fales, one of the stars of that show. Given her relative obscurity--as well as that of the show--I was just struck by the coincidence. Cherry Vanilla, "Ah, the mystery of what makes history!"

Zef (and not Wakboth!):

57 in a 35 zone.
I never go faster than 10MPH over the speed limit, as the fine is so low that the cops can't be bothered to pull you over. I wasn't quite awake yet, and after 17 years of living here and driving that road every day, I never knew that it wasn't 40MPH the whole way. I found out that, yes, the cop was sitting right past where it drops from 40 to 35. It was a speed trap.
As to "not being awake," 45 minutes later was when I got really sick with the Thing. Let me add that to my list of symptoms...

It's expensive, but I can easily afford it. Just not the type of thing that you LIKE paying, especially at Xmas when there's bills-a-plenty anyway.

Edited by author 12-20-2003 12:33 AM
Deb:
Byron's nickname was "Buster Brown" for a while. As he busted a lot of stuff.

"Plunk your Magic Twanger, Froggy!" was my sig line for years. I chose it because I had no idea what it meant. It'd been stuck in my head since childhood. Whenever Bullwinkle, MAD magazine or "Not Brand Ecch!" comics had a ref I couldn't figure out, I'd go to my Dad. The only one that ever stumped him was "Plunk your Magic Twanger, Froggy!" Back in those days, there was no internet to instantly find out everything, and we ate the bark off trees to live, as we had yet to invent "cooking."
It was years after I was on the net before I was able to find out where it came from. That link is the first actual picture of Froggy I've seen, albeit in cartoon and not marionette form.

My current sig is "Although his nightmare was a cow, he learned the message of the stars." Where that came from:
http://www.thoughtviper.com/images/new/barkers3.jpg

U$193!!!! dear lord, what, were you going at mach 1? dented the super indestructible shell of some old man in a hat's buick? U$193 is an awful lot of money.. is that usual? suddenly i feel very glad of living in a country where the worst a cop can extort outta you is $50. and the more now i'll start driving soon.

Don't get me started on teen sex. as a 19 yr old virgin with a over decent sex ed, i think that the fact that sex ed is or isn't taught at school isn't as important as heck, good parenting. i don't know how it's there, i've heard a little, but at least here we deal with teenage pregnancy and abortion at an alarming rate. i used to joke that in my neighborhood parents celebrated 1st communion, sweet 16s, wedding and baptism of their offspring/grandkids all at the same time, to save money.

i don't get it but my cat's name is buster brown.

Edited by author 12-19-2003 03:03 PM
Bill:
One other nice side effect of registering/logging in with your nickname (besides the cute star next to your name) is that you can go back and edit (or delete) any of your previous posts. Otherwise, you can only do that for an entry you just made. Okay, that's probably a poor explanation, but there's a link somewhere on the front page which explains this. I just know that if I browse through the thread, I get a set of "Edit" and "Delete" links for all of my posts.

And as to that link.... *PLUNK YOUR MAGIC TWANGER, FROGGY!* Okay, to avoid spoilers, I have made the text between the * characters invisible. Highlight that text and you'll see my magic message.

Edited by author 12-19-2003 12:49 AM
Crap! I meant Wakboth, not Zef. I'm a damn dumb American!
AGAIN!!!!

Snard:
Nah, Sod's still in one of the potted plants. And Bambi still looks frightened!
The guy took out a Yahoo ad for *that?*

Note to you and Negs and...prly no one else here.
http://www.comicbookresources.com/columns/...cgi?date=2003-12-18
You either will or won't understand why I've linked to that 3 sentences into the 2nd paragraph. No need to read any further if you don't go "Aha!"
Anyone else get it?

Zef:
"That would cut down on STDs, teen pregnancies and abortion, all of which (especially the last one) I'd think conservatives would disapprove.

"I challenge you to find the faults in my logic!"

Logic? With American Conservatives?

There's the flaw. They actually think that giving information on the subjects would make teens more likely to have sex. Maybe they're right, probably not (at least not more than teens already do), but they really don't want to stop STDs or AIDS or pregnancy as much as they just want to stop teen sex.

There's no logic. As best as I can figure,they think "I didn't have sex as a teen, so no one else should!" Where else could a doofy list like the "100 Things" come from otherwise?

I think saying, as the Cons do, that "Teaching sex ed will increase teenage pregnancies and abortion!" is like saying "Teaching driver's ed will cause more car accidents!" A condom's like a seat belt--don't do it without one.

MrSpaz:
DAMN! Flunked my own quiz! I AM a dumb American!
Does this mean that I'm also off the mark by declaring Jerry Van Dyke the Antichrist?

Totally changing the subject here, I just ran across a banner ad on a Yahoo Groups page, that points here:

http://www.whereismygnome.com/

Of course, I know where the gnome is: he's at the We-No-Tell Motel with Bambi.

The list of "Things To Do Instead Of 'It'" is very very funny.

Since we know from history and everyday observation that abstinence does not work, at least unless you are over fifty and living cloistered in a monastery on a diet of bread and water, would not the sensible course of action be to crank sex education up to eleven, and pound it into kids' heads that sex without Monkichi rubbers is stupid?

That would cut down on STDs, teen pregnancies and abortion, all of which (especially the last one) I'd think conservatives would disapprove.

I challenge you to find the faults in my logic!

Just FYI: The Okefenokee swamp is in Georgia. We've got Lake Okeechobee here in Florida; it's a massive watershed for the Everglades. Something else to know. :)

Edited by author 12-18-2003 12:39 AM
Thanks for the concern, canary, but you know...my Mom already reads my blog. ;)
We'll be going to the doctor...sigh...AGAIN, once the holidays are over. We have exciting new symptoms that will again add up to nothing!

Thanks for the inspiring Christian celibacy link,
"100 Things to Do with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Instead of IT."
(click above post for link; I can't figure out how this thing processes html)

1. Define "it."

9. Pray together. Pray for the power of G-D to keep your legs together.

12. Have a picnic in the middle of winter. Die of exposure.

13. Clip pictures of your favorite bands from magazines and create your own posters. Your favorite band must be "Stryper."

14. Bake brownies. Ask your hippie uncle if he has any "special ingredients"! If yes, turn him in to General Ashcroft.

15. Define "it" again, using hand gestures.

17. Take your grandparents out for dinner at a fast food restaurant. Bet that you didn't know that they fought the NAZIS fer punks like you! Or why fast food led to the invention of Depends!

20. Interview your parents or grandparents about their love stories. Stare blankly in horror when they get to the part where they made you.

27. Play Monopoly.

28. Go fishing.

29. Take a hike in the woods.

30. Play on swing sets in a park.

30a. Dry hump in the elevator out of frustration.

31. Eat something you have never tried before. In the elevator.

34. Color eggs–even if it isn’t Easter. We are SO not padding out this list.

38. Have a squirt gun fight. In a bank. It's guaranteed to add some "spark" after the sentencing!

42. Have a pizza party with your ten closest friends. If you do not have 10 close friends now, after the squirt gun incident, you'll have 200 on Cell Block D alone. And they'll all want a "slice!"

44. Go on a picnic. What? Oh, this time we meant not in the winter. WE ARE NOT PADDING THIS LIST! We totally understand what it's like to be a teen and not have--**sob!!**--sex!
IT! IT, not se--umm, never mind.

45. Define "IT," this time using sock puppets. Frantically sobbing sock puppets.

No, wait, 45 was supposed to be: 45. Have a burping contest.

46. Go back to sobbing.

48. Head to Wal-Mart to try on shoes—in styles you’d never buy.

49. That last one--We so totally aren't padding this li...
**sob**

49. Jump on a trampoline. No, EAT a trampoline! What do I care!

50. They're making us, Tammy and Jimmy Bob, write this! We're real teens, and we're as pure as Tammy's thighs are white!

51. Take a boat ride.

52. Fly a kite.

53. Play video games.

54. SNOW! Pure as driven SNOW!! NOT THAT I'VE EVER SEEN HER--you know whats.

54a. Or me, I've never seen his--you know. I'm a good Christian girl, and he's good Christian stallion!

55. Go to the zoo. Ask "When's Feeding Time?" at every exhibit. When it's finally time, look disappointed, say "THEY get fed?" and sadly put your fork, knife and bib away.

56. I didn't mean stallion, I meant--MAN! Not anything...horselike.

56a. Despite what Danielle says the boys in the locker room have told everybody.

57. Travel someplace new, like a small town or huge city. Oh, sweet heavenly Lord. How I'd like to travel to his huge city!

57a. A. A huge city. Like New York, with that mighty Empire State Building, thrusting into the open sky! Umm...Chastely.

58. Play miniature golf. Tammy, you can use my club! It's not very miniature, though. Line drive through the Dragon's Castle Gates!

61. Read 1 Corinthians 13.

62. DO NOT read 1 Corinthians 14!! You'll get a phone call and die a week later!

65. Get dressed up really nice and go to McDonald’s.

66. Shoot yourself.

67. Volunteer to work in your church nursery on a Sunday morning. Ask "When's feeding time?" while wearing a bib.

69. Invent a new game.

70. Wait--"Invent a new game" is numbered 69?!

71. Tammy, I got one!!!

72. Oh, Jimmy Bob!

74. Arm wrestle.

74a. JIMMY! That's not what they mean!!

75. Go on a group date.

75a. I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

83. Stay after church and help the janitor pick up bulletins. Use your "Dick Tracy Junior" detective set to dust for prints. The janitor wants the NAMES of those bulletin-droppers.

84. Rake leaves, shovel snow, plant flowers. What, is the janitor going to make those shallow graves by himself?

86. Get involved with your school, church, and community. Oh G-d, we're only at #86?! Anything. Do anything. Collect bottle caps, shoot squirrels, jump off the Brooklyn Bridge for all we care. Do anything but--IT.

87. Try to put something together without looking at the directions. Like the pastor did when he told us to make this page!

88. Go to the library and read a children’s book out loud (quietly!). Or, you could read an adult book quiet, loudly!--JIMMY! STOP THAT!

89. Build a snowman or a sandcastle. In the Spring, build a mudman. In the Fall, build a leafman.

90. Stop what? This??

90a. WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING OVER THERE IN THE CLOISTER?!

91. Playing baseball without a bat or ball. **tee-hee!**

94. Look at the clouds and see what you can make them into. I see a hot dog getting jammed into a bun!

94a. I see a big cruller and a cream-filled donut! **tee-hee!**

95. HEY! I ASKED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LITTLE MISSY AND MR MAN?!

99. Take a jog around the neighborhood.

100. Sounds like a good, celibate idea! You kids look like you should get good and sweaty together!

101. Praise G-D, Jimmy!

102. AMEN, Tammy!

(run from cloister into the night)

Edited by author 12-17-2003 02:53 PM
Bill, the thing making you sick in unacceptable. For one thing, we get nothing to read. Plus it doesn't sound like fun. Isn't there anything else they can check? Do you have any unexplored orifices left? Come on, man!

Maybe this will cheer you up: http://www.gp4teens.com/sex/Article.asp?ID=395&Type=33

I'm so sick with The Thing that, for the first time, I missed work. This is about as much as you're getting out opf me tonight, th eanswers to the above...whatever it was.

16th.
1, 2, 14.
Seattle.
Swamp, Florida.
Frisco, Chicago, Boston, Hartford CT.
The missing letter was "I."

Jeez, hon, I only knew 3 out of those 6. Damn my lifelong Anglophilia and subsequent British university edjumacation! Mobil Masterpiece Theatre and Monty Python have a LOT to answer for!

(Related note: when I first got to the U.K. I constantly tended to break into giggles when I saw things of a Pythonesque nature [like non-vicious 'keep left' signs], until I finally asked one of my British friends, "Why didn't anyone warn me that Monty Python was a friggin DOCUMENTARY?" Of course, I then had to explain to them for the millionth time that no, Baywatch was NOT a documentary about California...)

Where the heck IS Okefenokee, anyway? (And Zefiel, don't sweat it, babee. You rock, she said like a bumptious Amerikan clod.)

Edited by author 12-16-2003 01:48 AM
Yo Yo, Homie, i'm fairly sure i'm the only purebred latino boy reading yo' page of kitteness, yo.

Why? because uh... probably only 1 in hmm.. let' say 25, tho i'm sure the stats are much bigger speaks an usable to decent level of english, even with the efforts here to change that. and then, most of those with a good english level, will use it for sparse and random online things as.... uh.. looking up gamefaqs.com, animelyrics.com, and such. or at least that's what i can tell from the people i know with a good english level.

and i didn't cheat. (13 outta 20) i couldn't be bothered to, but in my defense, i have mexico's school system! it's right the same as amerika's!

and thanks for the story. ish awesome, i had completely forgotten it.

Edited by author 12-16-2003 12:57 AM
Lilly:
"I got 19 out of 20 on the Dumb American quiz, but then had to wonder if having lived in the U.K. gave me an unfair advantage. Nah..."

YAH!!
The test was completely Anglocentric (there's a question about New Zealand, but not, say, Japan?). Would the European version have only questions about the USA?

Seriously. Where were any questions that Americans would know reflexively? Here's some samples pulled from the usual place (you can call it "the air" or "my ass," whichever is a prettier picture for you, but I'm just going to make them up as quick as I can, and wonder how many Englanders could answer them in 10 seconds--without the test's multiple choices):

Abraham Lincoln was the __th President.

The Rights to Free Speech and to Keep and Bear Arms, and the banning of Slavery, are the __, __, and __ Amendments to the Constitution.

The Space Needle is in __.

Okefenokee is a __ in the state of __.

Associate the city with the word:
FOG:
WINDY:
BEANS:
INSURANCE:
(Okay, the last one's only easy if you live where I do)

Fill in the missing letters:
Jerry Van Dyke is the ANT_CHR_ST!!!!

Obviously, this isn't a real test, as you could Google whatever answer you couldn't get. But seriously, you readers from not-America (I spy with my little stat counter eye--Mexico, Australia, the UK, Canada, Finland, possibly the Netherlands), how many would you get without cheating? And remember, you're smarter than your fellow citizens. Otherwise, you wouldn't read my page, right?
Umm...Right?

Ha ha! I just wrote about a stupid radio, and you actually read it! Ha ha h--Wait, it takes longer to type than to read. Crap. Guess you win!

Only if it's a one-to-one matchup; considering how many people you got to read it, multiplied by how long it takes to read it, I'm sure you win.

Edited by author 12-15-2003 11:52 PM
Wakboth:
My last girlfriend (and I mean "last" in the sense of "most recent" and "never again") did the tooth-grinding thing.
pop pop pop
It would wake me up at night.
It was so bad, she had to wear a mouthguard.

(FYI: I went to the post office earlier, and given our usual problems with CA vs. CT mail, you should have your Xmas card by, oh, Valentines' Day, I'm guessing.)

I got 19 out of 20 on the Dumb American quiz, but then had to wonder if having lived in the U.K. gave me an unfair advantage. Nah...couldn't happen, not with *these* vowels.

Those dream archetypes made me despair of ever being 'normal,' or at least Like Everyone Else on Some Level. Not only did they skip the Mall of Earth, but they also neglected my complete alternate dream universe; last night I dreamt I was back up in Eureka with Angie--the first part of that is common one of my alternate-version-places--but there was no distinct reference in that article to the one I have most about still living in the Old House (the one I moved out of three years ago next February) and my evil ex-landlords don't know it. I guess it's all about displacement and the angst that ensues when you live someplace for seven years but are then forced out. (Not to mention the Old House being the last place my beloved Tboy lived without dying...although interestingly, he's never alive in the dreams.)

Plus in that version of the Old House, the real-life tiny 'lagoon' in the backyard is a swimming pool instead! What is THAT about? It's not like swimming is a major factor in my life, and come to think of it, the Dream Old House is nicer, bigger, set back further on the lot, and a different color. And my "new" apartment in the dreams (which I do live at, albeit sporadically) is in a crappy part of town and essentially part of a run-down motel. Certainly not congruent with real life, but I guess that's one of the points of dreams, eh?

I don't get tooth-loss dreams often, but I've had some very nasty ones where my tendons start to melt, and my limbs just sort of flop off. I wonder what that tells about my psyche.

Apropos, the sound of someone grinding their teeth in their sleep is the number one most likely to keep you awake for hours, EVAR. Snoring or coughing or moaning or speaking in your sleep don't come anywhere close to that.

Edited by author 12-14-2003 05:35 PM
Kiru:
You're welcome, and I'm sorry. It's bad form to mention a problem on someone's page without first trying to figure out what it is.

Looking at the code, I think this is your problem:

SRC="http://roxycomic.keenspace.com/comics/20030606.jpg"

The actual image seems to be a .png file, which is the next line. The offending script comes right after the comic's date and the second HR. Cutting that out and leaving the .png line should fix it.

That goldfish thing creeps me out. No joy from that koi! What the hell is it meant to be?

Edited by author 12-14-2003 01:09 PM
Man, none of those dreams look familiar, except maybe the "exploring new spaces" one...Most of my dreams involve the Messiah in some way. And fish. (That link taken almost verbatim from the goldfish-on-face-through-which-God-spoke-to-me dream.) I dunno, maybe it's all a manifestation of my desire for a pointy, tail-finned butt.
Oh and Bill--much thanks for the link. I don't know what the hell those broken image things are, but with my limited (i.e., "retared monkey") html skills I will endeavour to fix them.

Guh. I have the teeth grinding one too. It's because I chew my lip constantly when I'm awake. I'm always convinced that I've ground my teeth into dust like in that one Ren n Stimpy cartoon.

It was one of the three. To know for sure I'd have to look again at the book, and it's migrated to a closet somewhere. (Or go do a Google search...Ah, Charlotte. The internet is truly a wonder of the world).

Although, your alternate universe pop-culture-fest excerpt of "The making of Jane Eyre" is entertaining. "There's this girl, and she's sent to live with a distant relative as part of a new REALITY TV SHOW!!! And then, she'll have to endure zany quests to inherit the FAMILY FORTUNE! Woohoo!"

For those of you who don't know which Bronte sister wrote Jane Eyre...
IT WAS ALL OF THEM!
Yes, they played whack-a-mole-a-Bronte. They would stick their little ringletted heads up through the wainscotting and screech a line in turn, and then the butler would hit them with a great foam mallet. And then they'd write it down. In a book!

BRITNEY BRONTE: HEEEEATHCLIFF!
CHRISTINA BRONTE: He's in Wuthering Heights, you great tart!
BRITNEY BRONTE: That was my Karaoke of Kate Bush, you substantial toaster muffin!
EMINEM BRONTE: @#$&!! *&#%@^!!!! my mother!!!
THE BUTLER WITH THE MALLET: WHACK WHACK WHACK!!!
OZZY BRONTE: OY FUCK! Me head!! CHAR--LOTTE!!!!!!
BRONTE RAMONE: Shit. Lost the book. Start again!
EVERYONE READING THIS: Whuh?

Now all the ads are for volunteer organizations. Google ads are pretty easy to sway.

George W. Bush
The Cat in the Hat
George W. Bush
The Cat in the Hat
George W. Bush
The Cat in the Hat
George W. Bush
The Cat in the Hat
George W. Bush
The Cat in the Hat

Liquor liquor liquor!
Booze booze booze!
Beer wine beer wine beer!
Jim Beam, Cask & Cream, Yellow Tail, Molson's Ale!
Smirnoff, Bukoff, Popov, Romanoff!
Blackstone merlot, vodka Van Gogh!
Tanqueray, chardonnay, Jindalee, Hennessey!
Riunite, Carlo Rossi, 11/11, Seagrams 7!
Knick knack Paddywhack, gimme that 12 pack of Saranac!
Talk about, mmm, BOOZE MUSIC!

Hey, I'm a liquor store manager! This is my livelihood!

I wonder what this might do...

Support MADD, Don't Drive Drunk
Friends of Bill W.
Support MADD, Don't Drive Drunk
Friends of Bill W.
Support MADD, Don't Drive Drunk
Friends of Bill W.
Support MADD, Don't Drive Drunk
Friends of Bill W.
Support MADD, Don't Drive Drunk
Friends of Bill W.
Support MADD, Don't Drive Drunk
Friends of Bill W.

One must keep the Karmic balance intact, yes?

Hah! are breathalyzers sold there to the open public? last month only police started using them here at random with motorists... and there was a big fuzz about that.

I got 13 outta 20. 'fairly good knowledge of the world and its history'

Well, Zefiel did say "licker brans" (I misspelled it so I wouldn't contribute to the ad branding)

Hmmm, now the ads are for alcohol related products. Like a personal breathalyzer. If I ever get to the point where I need to take a breathalyzer out with me I hope my family is ready with an intervention.

I got 15 out of 20 on the quiz:

"For an American, your knowledge of the world and its history is surprisingly good. About the same as the average school-age person in any other country. If you are at school, congratulations. If you are an adult, try harder. Read books, visit other countries, and watch less television. Learn to understand the world better and you could become an ambassador for your country, demonstrating that Americans are not all stupid."

Ouch!

Canary:
I was about to say "They ain't no Kinko's out here, and they sound like sex emporiums anyway!" But then I checked, and we have Kinko's (EWWW! Pass the RID! Oh, wait--I was thinking of cooties), but they're about as "conveniently located" as far as driving as is a dime that's fallen into a bucket of razor blades.

The pics were taken with a digicam, so there's a chance that they may still exist in a digital format. I asked Jessie to send me them, but you know, photos taken in August and received in December, hold breath: don't.
I usually end up with gift certificates to places that sell scanners at Xmas, so look for the pictures eventually. Mid January at the latest.

"How 'bout a trade? I have two cute cats...."
Trade MY cats?! Not for the world and all its riches, my friend! ;)

In mexico, people hold their photos against the screen and hope for the best.

Nah, pretty much every cafe internet (even my family's) scans photos here. and office depot. 'course, how useful this advice is, depends on
your willingness to travel to a country where town streets can be named as liquor brands (just saw it on tv) and where people floods massively on the 12th of dec to the bigger church in the country (i think) to praise a lady they forget every other single day.

You guys might've been seeing Santa ads when you posted earlier, but right now I've got an ad that says--and I'm not kidding--this:

"NBTF--Get Important Info
Brain tumor treatment, diagnosis, support groups, and more.
braintumor.org"

Draw your own conclusions!

Or was it armadillo sex?

Bill, out here on the left coast we scan things at Kinko's. Any copy shop ought to be able to do that for you. I dunno how much it would cost, tho, since I scan things at my office. As all good employees should i get the most out of my workplace. Hell, I'm at work right now!

Really, get on the scanning! I want kitten pictures. How 'bout a trade? I have two cute cats....

Edited by author 12-11-2003 04:43 PM
AARDVARK SEX is just wrong.
Also, something about GRAVY.

I just noticed the Google ads on the left side of the page. It's funny because they try to track the discussion thread. Right now, there are a bunch of ads for Santa Claus suits or costumes.

So, what say we come up with some really strange discussion content, and see what kind of ads they come up with?

So how about those reticulated aardvark Indian hammock grinders?

You are most certainly not.

Buttered Toast!

Edited by author 12-11-2003 01:10 PM
Speaking of Cartoon Network, am I the only human on the planet who likes Ed Edd n Eddy?

And I still can't believe they got away with Him licking the Professor's face.

The Satan/Santa pun's been used elsewhere, and even in languages you wouldn't expect. I have a Lum (Urusei Yatsura) comic in which a sorcerer tries to summon Satan, but he's not too competent and ends up with Santa instead. On looking at the original Japanese version of the joke, it translated exactly the same - the name change just involved the transposition of two syllables.

Yes, I'm a geek.

Speaking of Him, I get the pun, but I always wondered why they made him so flamboyant. Was that a pun on him "flaming," since he is a demon?

Zefiel:
Your "Santa vs. Satan" answer just reminded me of something. I don't know if anyone here has watched CN's "Power Puff Girls" (I'm pretty sure it was on before you dropped cable, Bill), but one of the villains they battle periodically is named "Him". He wears a red outfit trimmed in white fur, has a head that looks like the devil, and has lobster claws for hands. I don't have a picture handy (or URL thereof) but if you've seen the show, you know what character I'm talking about. Anyway... I always appreciated the 'visual pun' implied by the character's appearance. He wears a Santa-like outfit, and looks like Satan, but with claws. Geddit? Satan Claws? Santa Claus?
Oh, never mind...

Edited by author 12-11-2003 01:32 AM
Zef:
Yeah, I'm 29!
In Galapogas turtle years.

Cable is $40-50 dollars a year in the USA. For Basic, which is only local channels and the "free" channels like Cartoon Network, plus 97 channels that repeat themselves. Meaning, "what you get in Mexico for $8." It's called "legal monopoly through deregulation." GOURD BLESS RONALD "I Was Senile All Along!" REAGAN!

Snard (or is it Mike?):
I think that he's giving the AS tapes to me for Xmas, so I'll find out then. So I'll wait before I take you up on your kind offer.
Unless "doing you one better" involves a naked 1966 Dawn Wells. Then you got a DEAL, BUD-dy!

Edited by author 12-10-2003 10:25 PM
sure! it was shown on x-mas when i was little.. i think the last time i saw it was last year or the one before it. then i liked it because of its way to tell a rad concept (santa vs. satan) in an incredibly stupid way.

OMG, i just reread your answer... 29????????????????

Also, $40 for cable??? we be talkin' about the full full full fledged package, right? i mean, there's a package here running for $8.5 a month.. granted, it's just 13 more channels.. but it's got discovery and CN, which would be the ones i'd watch more anyway. i don't have cable because all my current Tvs (2) suck. the one in my room has to be turnt on and then it actually has to warm up before showing more than half a screen. then, there's no cheap cable package with locomotion, the channel that shows more anime. (or Tech TV, but i'd need a real sat ant to see that..) i'm just rambling now, sorry.

Edited by author 12-10-2003 06:11 AM
Splut:
Yeah, I knew you dropped cable a while back. There are a bunch of things I pay close to $50/month for (cable, Roadrunner, YMCA, etc.) And we've come close to dropping cable a few times, but there are two of us sharing the service, and my wife watches more TV than I do, so for now we continue. Plus, you know, the Space Ghost... it's hard to transcribe 'em when you don't watch 'em. (pssst! does your friend still give you new episodes on tape to watch? If not, I could do you one better...)

Matt:
I noticed your book (http://www.monkeybrainbooks.com/Things_That_Never_Were.html) and thought, "That looks oddly familiar." It's late and I'm lazy, so I just Googled quickly and saw a mention of it on Grudnuk's blog. Are you on the Psychoceramics ML, or is that just some "3 degrees of Matt Rossi" fluke?

To regular readers: Note the name of the publisher! How cool is THAT!

SNARD:
I gave up cable a year ago, as the occasional table scraps Turner threw down in the form of Adult Swim didn't justify the $40 a month that could go to ADSL.
NOT THAT I'M JONESIN' OR NUTHIN'! C'mon, Teddy! Just a taste! You KNOW I'm good for it! I've always been a good customer, Teddy! Just a bit--a BIT--of Space Ghost, Teddy! ARRGH! (falls on floor screaming and spasmodically writhing)

LILLY:
I'm warm in Converses because I have a car. I live in the burbs, which means that there's nowhere I can walk without driving there first. And a trenchcoat with a winter liner is really cozy.

I still talk to Byron. Always will. He watches my mouth when I speak, and I think that the reason he sits on my chest in bed is because he can feel the vibrations.
I did have a twinge when I realized that "He's never heard me say I Love You!" But then he curled up and purred like crazy. Animals don't know the words, but they know the message.

Yeah, I never shut up.

Todd Rundgren has a rap name? I'm terrified. It's a subtle terror, but a very real one. Much like the fear that was inspired in me when I found out that Alice Cooper and Pat Boone hang out.

"man, did i love that movie when i was a child or what."

What?! Amigo, that movie's 45 years old or something! I think that "Santa Claus" predates MY childhood, and I'm...29! Yeah, 29!
Is that considered some Christmas classic in Mexico? Is it shown every Xmas, like the Charlie Brown or Grinch cartoons here north of the Rio Grande?

Did you notice the onion featured a certain InExOb? man, did i love that movie when i was a child or what. the end, with santa hiding in a tree from lots of evil judiciales was awesome.

I'm appalled that I know this (though not as appalled as I've been with myself the past two days, having to walk long distances and thinking, "I'm freezing my damn ass off!" then immediately realizing, "No, *Bill* is freezing his ass off--under mountains of snow, even. Stop whining, already!" [Sorry, hon, I watch the tv news and I worry, mainly because they only talk about the northeast storms and give me no updates on Young's Disease--though over 2 weeks later from the latest vodka adventure I've still got hella nasty acid reflux, so I'm right there with you on the uckyness of urpytude])...how do you stay warm in the snow if you're always wearing Converses, btw?

Erm, anyway, I'm *additionally* appalled because I immediately knew that the SPLHCB version of Mean Mr. Mustard is by British comedian Frankie Howerd (the one who always got compared to a sleepy camel, I believe). George Burns did the truly execrable (sp?) version of Fixing A Hole.

Damn, I wish I didn't know that. (Almost as much as I wish I still had cable, if only to see such wonders as Shatner on Space Ghost. Still, if I ever have a functioning vcr again, I can always retreat to my old SG tapes with people like Joel Hodgson [after years, I FINALLY got "$20.01" on tape!!] and the only time I've ever thought Carrot Top was funny, just for the way he said, "Reba.")

For the record, I never let my Tboy's possible deafness get in the way of me talking to him. I wouldn't let it stop you, either. (Oh, and at Thanksgiving my nieces insisted that I tell you to try rubbing the top of a damp wine glass to test SenorB, since they've never known a cat to *not* freak out at that. Then again, what with poor Kills' nerves lately, maybe it's not such a good idea...)

Stay warm and dry, already! And hopes for a speedy recovery for the soon-to-be-neutered little grey person. When I got Thibault fixed, I received back not so much my beloved little orange guy but a little damp lump of wobbliness, as he had peed himself immediately post-op so they had to give him a bath on top of everything else. I still vividly remember watching him not so much amble as totter out of the carrier, only to flop down every few steps thereafter. I know they say that spaying is harder on girls cos it's all internal, but the T-bone by far was the saddest and most pathetic, post-op. Be warned...

Edited by author 12-08-2003 08:37 PM
"'What the hell? It's fiction.'
"Lileks may good at blending a pallette of words in an interesting way, but he's definitely quite weak in the upper story."

I'd like to argue that point, but I can't. I don't think that he's stupid by any means, but he does reach some...interesting conclusions. Around this time last year, he flew into moral outrage over some artists (European artists, the worst kind) who drew Xmas cards of angels depicted as battered women and homeless children. The point the artists were making was valid, and yet so obvious as to be hackneyed: "Think of others less fortunate at this time of year." Jimmy didn't seem to get it; they were just being mean-spirited and cruel. To angels.
I mention it because that same day on the Bleat, the supposedly apolitical family-friendly column, he cracked jokes about Iraqi babies being born brain-dead because of all the depleted uranium left over from the last war. "That must be where all those anti-war Hollywood celebs come from!" or some such knee-slapper. Making fun of fake, made-up Xmas symbols: Bad. Making fun of actual, living infants suffering: Good. I suppose that if someone wrote him and said "I hope your daughter Gnat becomes brain-dead" he'd chuckle warmly, as long as you didn't say that about Rudolph.

I hadn't read the "Star Wars Baby Geek Brigade" in a long time. It was actually the very first thing that I read by him. I linked to it because of its theme of the self-important nature of the net, even over silly things like opinions on an old movie. Rereading it makes me think of how I've come to view him as the same kind of whiner. He nearly went into cardiac arrest the time that the comic strip "Boondocks" had a punchline about Bush, "PRETZEL, SCHMETZEL! THE GUY WAS DRUNK!" You'd think that that was the most offensive line of all time, outdoing, I dunno, the Pope fisting Mother Theresa or such.

I'd still read the guy if he'd leave his politics elsewhere. Not because I disagree with them, but because they can be so infuriatingly poorly thought-through and badly articulated. He'd get thrown off the junior high debating team for some of his tactics. How many times can you use the straw man attack? (That's where instead of attacking your opponent's argument, you exaggerate it into a gross distortion and attack that. You attack the words you put into someone else's mouth) He quoted (and I'm paraphrasing) a politician from his state who said, before Operation Iraqi Quagmire, that the last time we faced an enemy with WMDs we fought them with sanctions and international treaties, and where's the Soviet Union today? Jimbo turned that into (paraphrasing again) "If in the 1970s we'd dismantled all our nukes and disbanded the army and relied on treaties, today there'd be red flags flying over Paris. Well, more of them, anyway." Frenchies are Commies, tee hee!
But where did the guy say we should dismantle our nukes? He said that what we did during the Cold War worked. And so what year did we disband the army? Lileks couldn't defeat the guy's logic, so he defeated what he didn't argue.

That's why I stopped reading the guy. He'd go a week without mentioning politics, then he'd say that everyone who's against invading Iraq loves Fidel Castro, and that they'd gladly give up all their freedoms as Americans for universal health care. The hell? If I was that keen on free health care, I think I'd move to Canada before I went to a communist dictatorship. I imagine that Cuba's health care is free because after 40 years of sanctions, the hospital has 2 hours of electricity a day and the anasthetic is a few shots of rum before they stitch you up with used fishing line.
Oh, yeah--if any Iraqi children get killed by an American invasion, they were really killed by Saddam. Because they were born in the wrong country. And let me repeat yet again, American lives are more valuable than the lives of any other person in every other country. I read him for about 3 more days after that particularly brilliant bit of deep thinking.

To bring this full circle to the subject of people who get too worked up about their science fiction, he also one said that Enterprise is the bestest Trek ever because the crew is 100% American. Except for the Englishman, but that's basically an American with a silly voice. And the Vulcans represent the effete, snobbish, anti-American Europeans...
The Star Trek Neo-Con Dork Brigade.

I never really thought about the emotional power of these two sets of stories, but I've always enjoyed 'hard' science fiction better than the softer stuff, that relies on magical forces and the like. Also, Star Trek happens in our general neighborhood, and has people who are from places that we know.

Speaking of Star Trek, last night's Space Ghost Coast to Coast featured William Shatner as a guest. Anybody here see it, and/or have any comments? (I will reserve mine for the time being).

Edited by author 12-08-2003 10:02 AM
I just spent some time reading through a goodly chunk of the New archives, and would like to make a completely non-sequitar remark about one James Lileks.
You linked to this guy for a Star Wars thing way back when you were still in love with him. He said something to the effect that Star Wars has less emotional power than Star Trek because Star Wars took place a long time ago, and Star Trek still has yet to happen. I remember I read that and thought, "What the hell? It's fiction." I also vaguely remember he said some other things in the article which were equally dorky. When I read more of his page, he generally struck me as a thick-headed guy. Lileks may good at blending a pallette of words in an interesting way, but he's definitely quite weak in the upper story.

Can not move. Child too cute. Must get help.

Edited by author 12-06-2003 11:57 PM
DUDE! i had never noticed. awesome. of course, not many people at all be lookin' for me. and of course, they find a dumb DJ. makes me ashamed of myself.

Edited by author 12-06-2003 11:52 PM
Did you know that if you put Zefiel or Negaduck into Google, you guys are the first hits? But if you put in Splut or Snard, me and Mike are the third?
There's another use for the comments. You can out put in things that really aren't all that interesting, except to yourself.

"there must be a 100,000 that become feral strays.
"

i'm sorry, i don't have any stats about that here.

i don't see what's so wrong with being a stray. cats are perfect predators for their enviroment, super adaptable, and survivable.

 I let kiwi hunt on the sorta abandoned houses around mine. he's brought down a few birds, and probably mice. i still let him inside house, and even on my bed anyway. no parasites or anything on neither of us. there is another house cat who hunts and yet comes to bum some food from kiwi when i feed him outside. if those, who are house cats, are hunting and such, i don't feel bad for kitties that are living their lifes as they were intended to, free and awesome in the wild.

 maybe is just that it's easier to be a stray here. i can't really know, since i haven't ever been on amerika.

Well, no, it's not strange at all, that's what the internet's all about.

yeah, i know about that. amerika had some awesome stamps awhile ago with a kitty and a dog with a rather 'don't spay meeee' face.

However, as much as it'd be correct to, i can't bring myself to do it. if there's people who won't buy leather, eat meat, or eggs, only for the momentarily suffering of a certain not very bright animal, i won't remove a part of the bright animal i love because that'd make him suffer and it's unnatural. i want kiwi to experience his life to his fullest, even if it'd means i don't have him play with me anymore and rather go on the streets all 'where the white catgirls aaat?'

it just feels like to have a child, and to artificially keep him a child for you forever to take care of. it's not fair.

kitties aren't going extinct anytime soon. yes, probably i'm making a 'bart simpson effect' (about that ep where he saves two bolivian tree lizards..) but guess wat? here there's no uh.. how to call it.. like dogcatchers, but for cats. there ARE dog catchers, tho. so it's okay if there's more kitties around here. people is giving them away to each other all the time, and i've never seen a hurt kitty. besides we're still rural enough to have some awesome fields full of mice and such.

i hope my choice is understood and that i'm not taking something too seriously here, sorry.

I gotta agree with canary there, Zef. As long as Kiwi has his claws, he'll be okay. His 'nads are optional equipment. Unwanted kittens are sad ones. For every Byron who gets lucky and placed in a loving home, there must be a 100,000 that become feral strays.
Jessica's cat Marjoriam was a spayed outdoor cat, and he did just fine. He's a damn giant! (Or was, until he decided indoors was nicer and got contentedly lazy)

Edited by author 12-06-2003 02:04 AM
um, display?

and, before Bill gets to it (I'm first, I'm first!) outside cats should ABSOLUTELY be fixed. Especially boy ones! You are making stray kittens which will be killed. Please, get him fixed. I know it may seem strange for a complete stranger to tell you what to do with your own pet, but please please please get him fixed.

speakin' of tha mice, yesterday i was working the register (i'm the only cashier in the store for now) and the register has a window behind that shows the uh.. the place where stuff is placed so the people will see it from the outside. yes, it's a little room, with a big window for the outside (the mall itself) and a sorta big window for the inside of the store. i hope i am sorta explained.

so i was leaning on that window and i see out of the corner of my eye that something was moving behind me. i turn, and in the windowsill there was a mouse! all small and brown and shivery! it amazed me, since i don't know where the heck he came from, and that he's been living in that place. also he didn't ran away when i saw him, he just stood there and i could show him to everyone. i wonder what he's living on. he's got plenty of places to hide, since in that room we put a lot of xmas trees for display.

if kitties were easier to carry around i'd definitively take kiwi there to hunt.

gangsta purrers is so much of a funny term.

i'm sorry to hear of Byron. kiwi's not fixed.. but then kiwi's outside and such. i wouldn't want the other cats to make fun of him. and it's good if it makes byron playsy forevah. kiwi's not so much playful as 'GIMME FOOD! GIMME BED! MOVE!' those days.

Splutster -

Oh, I would love to have the old site as a DVD extra. Yes, the CoD home pages were great stuff. And Vector Black's news... remember his affairs with the Spice Girls? Sure ya do!

Just to clarify the previous message:
I am but a Splut.
Kitsplut is your GODDESS.
You may now resume bowing.
Do so, and you may yet merit the Pink Cake.

One big message with many replies, in order received.

Snard: "Go where you wanna go" was meant to be a Beatles quote.
I got the reminder postcard about his deballing today, so it's happening soon. With the microchipping.

So what's with the peeing, Honeybee? I guess that this has happened to your cat?

Mouse over the star and you get..."Person was signed in when posted"? THAT deserves a star?
You all owe me a pound!

A Snard is some kind of squid boy. Now you know.

Snard & Negs: Wouldn't the best thing EVER to have as a bonus on a Space Ghost DVD be the archives of the old website? It'd take up so little room on the disc, yet would still have hours of total entertainment. The Council of Doom websites were one of the funniest (and in-character) things I've ever seen online. Are there any Big Shots still on GPML that might hear the idea?
ALL HAIL VECTOR BLACK!

Lilly Joe Bean, that pic makes Byron look a smidge bigger than he really is. He went through a recent growth spurt, but he's a little stick figure boy with meatball feet. I think he and Kills will end up roughly the same size. Besides the feet.

I...vaguely think that I may own the Sgt Pepper's Groanly Fart Club's Tard LP. Hard to tell, with 3000 Lps no longer in alphabetical order. I may have bought it during the time when my employer Sam Goody dumped thousands of vinyl LPs into the stores at 49 cents each. I have a definite memory of hearing the hideous version of "Mean Mr Mustard" by George Burns somewhere. But memory is fickle. Like a dill pickle! Or Travis Bickel!

Rap names: Toemaster B; B-Toes. And what name has more street cred than "Kill Kill"? Maybe "GhostFace Kill-Killah"?

KITSPLUT HAS SPOKEN! Thou Unworthies, BOW in the general direction of the central Midwest and chant "The First Splut is the Deepest!"

Zef, "'freedom fries' with cheez whiz on top" is the thing that made me laugh the hardest all day, and also AMERICAN poutine! Don't eat it!!! It makes you all crazy and then you invade stuff!!

Kill-Killah is freakin' over the mice (I guess that) she hears in the attic. She's never been this agitated. But with my 2 gangsta purrers in the HOUSE, we be poppin caps in any rodent ass! WORD!

Ah. all we have here is 'freedom fries' with cheez whiz on top. excess of work makes mind go boink.

"Splut" is undefined. If something can be translated into mere words, it is obviously lacking in the necesssary qualities.

(Anyone who now cares to refer to me as Lilly Joe will meet with my amused approval.)

The 2nd Byron pic made me snort-giggle so hard I had to stop and look for a kleenex in my bag. Thanks, man. I finally showed B&K pix to Hils and her bro Liam the other night, and there was lots of, "Awwwwhh's" and "Ohmigod, how many paws does he HAVE?" comments. Par for the course, as I'm sure you're used to all that. (Though incidentally--has it just been a while since you posted any Byron pics, or has the boy flippin EXPLODED over the past couple months?! He's frickin' huge! One minute he is Senor TinyKid and now he looks old enough to get his driver's license. What are you *feeding* that child, or is he just finally growing into his paws? [When my niecii were lil' bald babies, they had *gigantic* feet and their doctor likened them to German shepherd puppies. Considering that they grew up to be 5'10" and 5'11" respectively, their now-size-11 feet truly were a harbinger of things to come. I assume ToeJamMasterB is similar.])

Speaking of, what *are* your cats' rap names? Off the top of my head, I can only come up with Tha Petite Sovyette Threat and MC Studio-Perfect Beez for mine.

I was just about done with that list of worst albums--thinking, "Wow, I don't have any of these, that can't mean I'm cool, can it?"...until I got to number one. Doh! Not only did I have it--prolly still do in storage, somewhere--but I READ THE BOOK (and you thought there could be no book for a movie without dialogue! I remember reading the book for Mel Brooks' Silent Movie, too! Those bastards at Scholastic got their money from me every month, I assure you!) and I've even seen the movie--VOLUNTARILY--multiple times.

Of course now I see it as the kitsch classic it is, whereas back when I was a preteener, it was merely a vehicle for me to spend quality cinematic time with the love of my life, Maurice Gibb. (Whose singing of "For The Benefit of Mr. Kite" on the Sgt. Pepper soundtrack reveals the little-known real secret of the Bee Gees: the bald funny one couldn't really carry a tune by himself, bless his poor lil' daid heart.)

I once made a snarky remark that made Todd Rundgren laugh. Still, I know nothing atones for my Sgt. Pepper crimes. (Not even EW&F's "Got To Get Your Into My Life," which I *still* thinks kicks ass these 25 years later, but like my opinion has but zilch cred by now anyway...?!)

I know what a splut is, but I'll let Bill explain. He'd probably do a much better job of it than I. ^_~

Edited by author 12-04-2003 04:02 PM
Hell, I'd settle for being a splat. Neg, a Duck? It lacks that certain something.

Can you tell that I'm still learning how to use these forums? At least I figgered out how to get that little star. I'll put it next to my eBay one.

no idea what a splut is...but it must be pretty cool. wouldn't ya like to be a splut too?!

Edited by author 12-04-2003 02:00 PM
A pound Sterling. It was my lame attempt at a Monty Python reference - a running joke in one of their episodes in which Eric Idle plays a character who keeps barging into the various sketches, and offers to let them continue if they give him a pound.

And as to what a snard is - I'll tell you, if somebody first tells me what a splut is!

PS - I just discovered that you can use some HTML here. Is that cool or what?

Mike the Snard - a pound of what? and what the hell is a snard?

Edited by author 12-04-2003 01:45 PM
Re: Todd Rundgren, No World Order, TR-1

If you look closely, his 'rap name' is actually TR-i, which stands for "Todd Rundgren Interactive". It was a play on "CD-i", Compact Disc Interactive, which was introduced around the same time as that album. I can vaguely remember a few CD-i players being sold back in the day, but then they came out with this thing called "DVD".

On a subsequent album (can't remember the title right now, but I own every Todd album, I'll check later), one of the lyrics humorously refers to "the artist formerly known as TR-i"

Edited by author 12-04-2003 01:54 PM
Hey everybody, look at me, I'm special. I have a *STAR* next to my name! And for a pound, I'll tell you how to get your own.

See, I liked Dreamcoat the first few times, but I saw it like five times when it was in Chicago for approximately a millenium, and I suppose I got kind of sick of it.

...that or the hideous sight of Donny Osmond's teeth caused an intense fight or flee reaction, like a jaguar bearing down on a rabbit. I don't know.

Re: One Night in Bangkok:

The lyrics are actually credited to Benny Anderson, Tim Rice and Bjorn Ulvaeus, I think Murray (maybe he's Edith's son) was just the performer. You probably recall the middle name, he has had a few other notable writing credits, including the wonderful lyrics of ... The Lion King. And this other little known religious musical called ... Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Yeah, yeah, I'm ignoring the main one on purpose, just to annoy you. But what's not to like about Dreamcoat? How many people do you know who can rhyme "ride" and "fratricide" in a song lyric? That's almost as good using the words Kilimanjaro and Serengeti in the same line of a song, and having the rhythm come out half-way right.

Okay, I am done rambling for now (only appropriate, since I was born in Kenosha, home of the Rambler), it's off to work.

Edited by author 12-04-2003 07:01 AM
Um, Bill, I think she was talking about when you bring him back from the vet for his neuterotomy. Or did you already take care of that?

LATEST SONG LYRIC SPOTTING: Mamas and the Papas (you ain't gonna get too many of those past me)

PS - I will reply to whomever posts here, or to myself, whichever seems like more fun at the time.

Nope...even when it's done, it never ends. What Hath Splut Wrought?!
Honeybee..."Be careful: B will pee when you bring him back home and K square will attack him because he smells strange."
Uhh...I hope not. Where did you think he went? It was the bedroom for 5 minutes, not the Moon for a year.

Oh Gourd, it never ENDS!

Zef, poutine is "French fries with brown gravy and cheese curds." Not cheese, cheese curds. People say that it's preposterously delicious, but I can only think of one other word in English that ends in "urds," and I'm not eating any.

Matt Rossi sez:
"...the Tod Holton comic. That was one of the most painful experiences of my life in pure, unrelenting gut laughter. I laughed and laughed until I was literally sick from it."

Jeez, people usually are telling me that they pissed and/or crapped their pants reading that, and now you're getting stabbings pains in your colon and vomiting. What, am I going to have to put a legal disclaimer on the thing?

CAUTION: Tod Holton may cause involuntary anal clenching, explosive head injuries, and an abrupt decision that "THERE IS NO GOD!!!"
Repeated viewings may cause a belief that you will soon be visited by MAGIC MONKEYS. NOTE: Magic Monkeys will not appear.

(Here's Mr Rossi's main blog, that of the very long url. It looks interesting, but the second entry was 42,000 words long and I'm too busy wasting my time writing about TOD FRIGGIN' HOLTON thanks to this comments page)

AS REQUESTED, REVIEW OF THE "CHESS" BROADWAY ORIGINAL SCORE,
as regards "ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK" specifically

PLUS:
Rhymes "Oyster" with "Golden Cloister." Twice.

MINUS:
Written and performed by Murray Head. Would the lyric be "I get my kicks BELOW the waistline" if his parents had been in a different line at Ellis Island, and he'd been named "Murray Last Fifteen Feet of the Lower Intestine"?

OVERALL:
I bought the 45. Remember those? I forget what was on the B-side. Remember those? I think that it was called "One Night in Bangkok is like a Century's Worth of STDs in Most Other Cities."

Jeez, people! Don't you see my hidden agenda here?!
I can not write The News and then post here, and pretend that it's content!
Or, I can not post here, but you can, and then I can pretend I have content while not DOING A DAMN THING!
And yet I'm doing BOTH! A LOT!
Get with the damn program, people!

Thenk YEW, Kiru and Honeybee, but my sources who have important jobs emptying the trash cans at Animal Planet tell me that Bonobos are secretly Kung-Fu masters. And that "bonobo" is really a sideways anagram of "BABOON," and the hell wants to mess with a baboon?! NOT ME! They have big teeth and claws and muscles like Sean Penn in his Madonna days AND big scary asses! My sources tell me that the bonobos only admitted these deep secrets from their monkey commune after several bowls of kind monkey bud.
Apparently, bonobos also like Phish and Fritos a lot.

One last thought: "BABOON" is a perpindicular anagram of "MADONNA"! Makes you think, eh?
"Papa, don't preach, I'm keepin' my bonobo!"

Wait wait wait... what exactly is poutine again?? i think it's sold here in mexico!! i love those two shots. how byron gets sooo close to the cam. isn't it damaging to kitty eyes? i mean, the flash..

Hmm. You know, I may not have credited you enough when I posted the link to your InExOb of the Tod Holton comic. That was one of the most painful experiences of my life in pure, unrelenting gut laughter. I laughed and laughed until I was literally sick from it. And yeah, I've read the adventures of Bee-Man, so I know from painfully bad comics.

Thanks for the link.

This is a test (only seems appropriate, given the fact that the thread is named "Testing 1-2-3-4"), to see what it looks like when I reply to a message I received via the "subscribe" option. Will I still be known as "Mike the Snard"? Only time will tell...

  - Mike

This is really very easy! Good!
Thank you to Bill and his two stink food eaters for making the Winter days shorter.
Bonobos are weaklings, wasting all their strength being "gentle to each other". On the other hand: Being "gentle to each other means" your offsprings will walk planet Earth.
Be careful: B will pee when you bring him back home and K square will attack him because he smells strange.

A bonobo would beat a chimp? NO WAY! Bonobos are the hippie monkeys! They'd just give the chimps a joint and tell them to mellow out. At which point the chimps would turn on the fire hose. Then come the daisy cutters. Damn chimps.

Wait, no. I'm thinking of Bush.

I always wondered if the rest of the songs from "Chess" were as good as the one they played on the radio (of course I'm referring to your December '03 page title). Give us a review, please? :)

Kirk:
"And man, that's a big icon alright."
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!! AH-HAHAHAH--
Christ. Did I mention it's 230?
And how come you get a star after your name?

Oh Gourd, it's 230AM. Took me a long time to zip up my coat. Wow, that makes me sound like I'd get rejected for a job as a bagger at the supermarket, huh?
That and BYRON insisting on attacking the keyboard and screwing stuff up. He got a time out in the bedromm.
See? I can't even spell bedroom.

So...here's answers to whoever asked me the hell what:
We'll keep this as the general comments thing until, dunno, it fills up or whatever. More specific comment things will be used as merited. Easier and less formal than email. At least until something bad happens.
MY Lps are NEVER dusty! I've kept all 3,000+ in perfect shape. ("3,000" is not a typo)
I had Jello today.
No, wait, I didn't.

Nice title for the new-new page; nice quote too. Dusting off the LPs lately? :)

Oh, Bill, didn't know you were going to use the same topic for all your comments. Which makes sense...either do that, or make a seperate page with a list of dated links to all the topics you created.

And man, that's a big icon alright. I was thinking a bit smaller.

Poor Byron...and incredibly lucky to end up in a safe, happy home. Maybe you could get him a helper monkey to hear for him?

I really like this comments section. Now I don't have to wonder whether I should email you about whatever funny thing I heard or how I like your blog and worry that you will think I am a lunatic and debate myself about it until I give up and just complile dumb crap I intend to tell you one day. Um, did I mention I've been reading your blog for 4 years? It's hi-fucking-larious.

Byronus Man goes to the vet this month and gets...a little less manly. It's "fixing" time. He doesn't know that he's broken, but he's getting fixed. He's definitely getting microchipped (thanks for the advice, Lilly!) since I'm sure that his deafness is how he got lost as a tiny kitten. And we don't need that happening a second time.

As to getting his hearing checked, I dunno. He can hear a bit, but not much. He's deaf as far as the home version of the game can figure out. If he doesn't hear "BYRON!" screamed a foot from his head, knowing exactly what Nokia ring tones he might pick up really isn't worth it.

Edited by author 12-01-2003 10:28 PM
I dunno, I think you'll be pretty safe from those things. Of course, now that I say that, watch 32142 of them pop up. Such is life. (Thouse things being automated spam.)

And yey! Now I can write random crap here I've thought in response to your entries that I don't feel are worth an e-mail. Unless you get fed up with your crazy net stalkers and nuke this.*G* I was wondering, have you taken Byron to the vet to get him tested for deefness or are you not going to bother?

Edited by author 12-01-2003 08:16 PM
Yay! A comments section! Finally I can quell my hysterical laughter at some of the stuff you offer by writing fifty lines of hahahahahaha....

Also, for those of us who have not had cats for some time and are just DYING without them, it's beautiful to be able to share yours...

Bill, you are so funny. InExOb had me rolling for days. I like your take on the world. Cute cats!!

Canary:
Thanks for the bad news! I never saw all of the last season of Deep Space 9, and it just came out as a 7-disc set. That'd be a lot of TV to watch in the trial month...Guess my insidious master plan to beat the system has failed before it began.

Mr Spaz:
I have no problem with the regular crazies, it's the free bonus ones I don't want. Trolls and automated pr0n spam, f'rinstance. I've seen it happen elsewhere (ask Space Waitress). I was mainly thinking of using for those times I ask people to email comments, as this is easier. I wouldn't put a comments link on every entry. Just special ones--like Ferd'nand!
But I think I'll keep this thing running for a while, just to see what happens. After all, it IS scrumpdillyishly easy!

A bonobo monkey would beat a chimp. A howler monkey wouldn't. 50/50 chance with a rhesus monkey--It'd depend if it could get its special nose-butt attack in before the poop started flying. A chimp would beat Michael Jackson. Bubbles probably already has, if you catch my drift.

This is nice. And it's PREPOSTEROUSLY easy! Great!

So why use comments sparingly? You don't want to hear from all us crazies that read your page? ;)

er, about the Netflix question, I would go with seven discs. If you queue a several seasons of a television show they send the discs independantly. Not that I would do that, of course. I just heard that somewhere. I can't even rememebr where.

Echo!
[i]echo echo cho cho ho o o o...[/i]

I am up way too late after a day of driving BUT I SAW A UFO AND I'VE GOT TO REPORT IT TO THE FBI NOW THAT I KNOW THEY WILL PERSONALLY BELIEVE ME.

Surprisingly enough, the UFO looked exactly like the Flava Flav clock. Uncanny!

Check. Check check. *tap tap*

Who would win in a fight, a monkey or a chimp? I'm guessing that it would depend on the type of monkey.
(testing subscription feature)

That clock! the price! the horror! the perfect example i'm making as to why Bill didn't had a comments section!

glad to be of help, Bill.

Well, as long as I've got this, might as well use it.
Netflix has a free trial. You can get 3 titles. How do they count multi-disc sets? Like a 7 disc one, to be precise. Is that 1, or 7?

This thing on?