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Tricia, Thanks for your concerns. Its hard to make a decision on this because we feel like we will have to get married 'on the cheep' and it not be everything I wanted because we can't live together. The only thing is we wouldnt have the money for that either! It's unfair that gay and lesbian couples are given accomindation but 'unmarried couples' aren't......I have nothing against gay and Lesbian couples as I have family and friends that are gay and lesbian. It's the situation I find my family in knowing that there are people in the services that live together not married when no one seems to be able to help us.

I know of 3 families in this area of Rowner that are not married in married quaters, does anyone know why they are allowed accomidation for thier families but we aren't? am I going through the wrong channels?

I am happy to know however, that there are meetings and discussions regarding the situation. However, I was also in the Navy and I know that this will get swept under the carpet as there will be 'more pressing issues'. I guess My family will have to grin and bare it! Thanks for your help and advice though.

Stacey

Can I just clarify your comments on same sex couples accessing SFA. It is only same sex couples who have entered into a civil partnership who can access SFA. This is in accordance with law and therefore quite correct.

With regards to the families that you mention in Rowner - perhaps you could email me with the details of where they are living. Defence Estates are interogating JPA in order to weed out people who are not living where they should be and within the rules and would be very interested to pursue this.

You may feel that things are not moving forward and I can understand that view, but I would still reassure you that it is being considered and examined at the highest level - something we will ensure continues.

Kim

I didnt realise that was the way it was, im sure you can understand that I only know what I have been told. I am not prepared in any way to give you details of any other families that are living in quarters that are not married as I would not like to be responsible for 3 families loosing thier homes. It would be a completly unfair and its not my nature to do something so crewel. Just because we are suffering because of these 'pre historic' rule I wouldnt wish this on anyone! We have all the rights of a married couple we have tax credits and child benifits as a couple and it just seems that a piece of paper (marriage certificate) is keeping us apart.

stacey,
      being apart from your loved one is part of navy life as u may be aware, having been in the navy yourself.Most forces familes i guess are in the same boat.I came from abroad and left my family behind to be with my hubby.Since being married to him he has spent a lot of time at sea.One of the ships he was drafted to spent nearly two years in refit in rosyth and i was in pompey,so only really got to see him weekends and leave periods.They do get travelling allowances so this will help him getting home when he can.
    AS FOR MQ'S ,you do have to be married or in civil partnership to get one.Maybe those you mention who r in quarters have legit reasons to be in one.
Even being married there r times when one can be refused.I know cos we experinced this when hubby got drafted to portland ,as the draft was under 6 months we cldnt,so it was just a ? of putting up with it .luckliy for you you have family in the uk,something i don't have and there were times when it was really tough.But i got thru it .
    Must say that it aint that easy in civi streeet when it comes to getting housed lol!!!In fact i think married couples earning a decent living dont get much of a look in.
     And in defence of defence estate they were brill in giving us an extension to stay in the mq longer once we got our first eviction due to hubby comming out the navy.Our case was heard and was granted the extension.
       All the best hun,hope it works out for yax

best wishes
natxx..(mum to 3 boys,18,15 and 4 years)

4 got to mention a reationship is what you make it and being apart actually brings u closer!!!!!
     kids do adapt when your oh is away.The kids relationship with their dad has always been a happy one.yes they will miss their daddys/mummys but so long as you tell them what daddy is doing and where he is/ they will be fine.Keeping them ivolved is the way to a better reatinoship.Even if u moved closer to be with him doesnt mean he wont go away for long periods---doesnt work like that.

Yes I do know how it works like i said i was in myself so I know they go away. I know that a relationship is what you make of it but he isnt going away he is at the next establishment for at least 2 years so its not a short time he is going away for. But we'll be married by then. As for being apart it brings you closer.....it's a matter or personal feelings and views about it. When he was away when I was pregnant I was not happy it didnt bring us closer I needed him and I resented him for being away, It wasnt his fault and and I regret the way i felt about it and i mad a bad situation even worse but it wasnt healthy for our relationship to be apart. When Lewis our son was born he got one week to spend with us and then he was off again and I was all by myself with him. Now that was the worst bit. Also how can you explain to an 8 month old that hasnt seen thier daddy for 3 weeks not because he is away on ship but he is only 3 hrs away what is happening and where he is? I dnt think he will quite understand! But thanks for writing with your oppinion. TC Stacey.

stacey ,
      must say u r very lucky that your oh has a 2 year draft alongside in the same establishment.We were never blessed with a draft like that.The most mine did shore based was 9 months!!!!,so count your self lucky.My middle son never really saw his dad in the first year of his life.Hubby wasn't there for the birth,came home few days after that went on a deployment for 8 months.Then came home for a month and abit and then went on another deployment.!He missed so much but its his job.
      Do u get to c much of your oh now????What accomadation are u in now??Cld you not transfer from one place to another?I mean if u want it to work and be with your man you wld try everything.Im just tryin to c how u cld work it to be with him.You cld rent,and then when you marry and are entitled to an mq maybe move in????
   What will u do if he was crashed drafted and say sent on a deployment,u wldnt see him for months.
         Anyway,hope u r able to find a solution.x

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WOW thats amazing what your family have been through how an earth did you manage on your own your very brave in my eye's! He is based there for two years as he is Fast track. He i doing his LH course just now and then in 18 Months he is back to do his PO's course. So we are even more lucky that he wont be going away for a good few years. I think we are privilaged concidering how so many forces families have spent most of thier careers away from thier families. Maybe I should stop complaining and get on with it hey lol. ha ha. We have just lookied into STFAC and they unfortunatly dont have any facilities in Culdrose so thats a little bit of a bumer. We will be married 2010 so not really long now so we will wait untill he gets his Pay for LH and then move in together. Thanks for your suggestions made me look into it more and definitly opened my eyes THANK YOU X

no probs stacey.xxxxx

why dont u come over to the find a friend board??More of us post on there and more active.

all the best
regards
natx

Hello, just to let you know that there is a comment on our breaking news section from the Minister of the Armed Forces, on the response to the Royal Anglian parade through Luton on Wednesday, which may be of interest to you.

Please could someone let me know what day next week HMS Northumberland arrives back in the UK I want to be there to see my daughter come back home cheers

Re ship coming home we dont normally put dates on the boards, can your daughter not let you know the date, unless admin can shed some light on this ?

sbrim

Can you email us at admin@nff.org.uk and we will be able to help you.

Thanks.

Kim

thanks i will email admin