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stacey ,
      must say u r very lucky that your oh has a 2 year draft alongside in the same establishment.We were never blessed with a draft like that.The most mine did shore based was 9 months!!!!,so count your self lucky.My middle son never really saw his dad in the first year of his life.Hubby wasn't there for the birth,came home few days after that went on a deployment for 8 months.Then came home for a month and abit and then went on another deployment.!He missed so much but its his job.
      Do u get to c much of your oh now????What accomadation are u in now??Cld you not transfer from one place to another?I mean if u want it to work and be with your man you wld try everything.Im just tryin to c how u cld work it to be with him.You cld rent,and then when you marry and are entitled to an mq maybe move in????
   What will u do if he was crashed drafted and say sent on a deployment,u wldnt see him for months.
         Anyway,hope u r able to find a solution.x

Yes I do know how it works like i said i was in myself so I know they go away. I know that a relationship is what you make of it but he isnt going away he is at the next establishment for at least 2 years so its not a short time he is going away for. But we'll be married by then. As for being apart it brings you closer.....it's a matter or personal feelings and views about it. When he was away when I was pregnant I was not happy it didnt bring us closer I needed him and I resented him for being away, It wasnt his fault and and I regret the way i felt about it and i mad a bad situation even worse but it wasnt healthy for our relationship to be apart. When Lewis our son was born he got one week to spend with us and then he was off again and I was all by myself with him. Now that was the worst bit. Also how can you explain to an 8 month old that hasnt seen thier daddy for 3 weeks not because he is away on ship but he is only 3 hrs away what is happening and where he is? I dnt think he will quite understand! But thanks for writing with your oppinion. TC Stacey.

4 got to mention a reationship is what you make it and being apart actually brings u closer!!!!!
     kids do adapt when your oh is away.The kids relationship with their dad has always been a happy one.yes they will miss their daddys/mummys but so long as you tell them what daddy is doing and where he is/ they will be fine.Keeping them ivolved is the way to a better reatinoship.Even if u moved closer to be with him doesnt mean he wont go away for long periods---doesnt work like that.

stacey,
      being apart from your loved one is part of navy life as u may be aware, having been in the navy yourself.Most forces familes i guess are in the same boat.I came from abroad and left my family behind to be with my hubby.Since being married to him he has spent a lot of time at sea.One of the ships he was drafted to spent nearly two years in refit in rosyth and i was in pompey,so only really got to see him weekends and leave periods.They do get travelling allowances so this will help him getting home when he can.
    AS FOR MQ'S ,you do have to be married or in civil partnership to get one.Maybe those you mention who r in quarters have legit reasons to be in one.
Even being married there r times when one can be refused.I know cos we experinced this when hubby got drafted to portland ,as the draft was under 6 months we cldnt,so it was just a ? of putting up with it .luckliy for you you have family in the uk,something i don't have and there were times when it was really tough.But i got thru it .
    Must say that it aint that easy in civi streeet when it comes to getting housed lol!!!In fact i think married couples earning a decent living dont get much of a look in.
     And in defence of defence estate they were brill in giving us an extension to stay in the mq longer once we got our first eviction due to hubby comming out the navy.Our case was heard and was granted the extension.
       All the best hun,hope it works out for yax

best wishes
natxx..(mum to 3 boys,18,15 and 4 years)

I didnt realise that was the way it was, im sure you can understand that I only know what I have been told. I am not prepared in any way to give you details of any other families that are living in quarters that are not married as I would not like to be responsible for 3 families loosing thier homes. It would be a completly unfair and its not my nature to do something so crewel. Just because we are suffering because of these 'pre historic' rule I wouldnt wish this on anyone! We have all the rights of a married couple we have tax credits and child benifits as a couple and it just seems that a piece of paper (marriage certificate) is keeping us apart.

Stacey

Can I just clarify your comments on same sex couples accessing SFA. It is only same sex couples who have entered into a civil partnership who can access SFA. This is in accordance with law and therefore quite correct.

With regards to the families that you mention in Rowner - perhaps you could email me with the details of where they are living. Defence Estates are interogating JPA in order to weed out people who are not living where they should be and within the rules and would be very interested to pursue this.

You may feel that things are not moving forward and I can understand that view, but I would still reassure you that it is being considered and examined at the highest level - something we will ensure continues.

Kim

Tricia, Thanks for your concerns. Its hard to make a decision on this because we feel like we will have to get married 'on the cheep' and it not be everything I wanted because we can't live together. The only thing is we wouldnt have the money for that either! It's unfair that gay and lesbian couples are given accomindation but 'unmarried couples' aren't......I have nothing against gay and Lesbian couples as I have family and friends that are gay and lesbian. It's the situation I find my family in knowing that there are people in the services that live together not married when no one seems to be able to help us.

I know of 3 families in this area of Rowner that are not married in married quaters, does anyone know why they are allowed accomidation for thier families but we aren't? am I going through the wrong channels?

I am happy to know however, that there are meetings and discussions regarding the situation. However, I was also in the Navy and I know that this will get swept under the carpet as there will be 'more pressing issues'. I guess My family will have to grin and bare it! Thanks for your help and advice though.

Morning Tricia and Stacey

Can I reassure you both and anyone else who may have concerns that I have raised my concerns about the Services not moving with the times in this area. Part of our remit is to ensure that Ministers and the Navy Command are made aware of the sorts of challenges impacting on their people and their families.

To this end I have spoken to Second Sea Lord and 2 Defence Ministers on the subject. There is a study currently taking place to look at partnerships with children. I will be making sure that both your concerns are firmly registered in this area.
It isnt going to help Stacey today, but it is firmly on our radar.

Kim

stacey i feel so sorry for you and your family, gay & lesbian couples who have no children are allowed to have service accommodation yet couples who have children and decide to live as man & wife can't have anything. the navy really needs to move with the times and stop been potically correct and disadvantaging against couples with children. we need to bring this matter to the general public and get this problem sorted.

Hi Kim Thanks for your help. I will contact HIVE when I get down there and see if there is any where we can stay if we go and visit. Its just hard to know that we'll be apart. I guess thats just life in the Services hey. ha ha.

Stacey

Hi Stacey

Thanks for getting in touch. You have been given the right information with regard to Service Families Accomodation. You can only take up the option once you are married. Due to the nature of the job, many Naval families experience the same long periods of separation that you are talking about. It isnt easy and everyone has a different method for coping. My husband and I only saw each other (and the children)at weekends for 10 years. It was hard work, but we muddled through. We have been married 25 years and the children have a very good relationship with their Dad.

I would like to think that the ladies who post on the board here will give you the benefit of their wisdom. For me the answer was keeping busy, trying to be positive and keep talking. Our weekends were short, but we both worked at making them enjoyable. You have a wedding to plan which will keep you busy and a son who will grow up fast.

You might want to think about contacting the HIVE at Culdrose to see if there is anywhere at a reasonable cost that you can stay if you visit and make sure your partner is claiming any allowances he is entitled to. RNCom has a chat room too where you can talk to other people in a similar situation. They also have guidance on separation and how to cope with it. If you want more info on HIVE or RNCom let me know.

You are not alone Stacey - shout if there is anything more you need to know or anything else you think we can do. Try the Find a Friend board there are lots of nice ladies there who will offer their wisdom too.

Kim

Hi I currently live in Temp. accomidation with my 8 month old son and my Partner who is in the Navy. He has been posted to Culdrose in Cornwall and we have been told that we can not have Forces accomidation there as we are not married yet. We are due to get married Sept 2010. Due to this situation I have no choice but to seperate my family. I have to live with Relatives (3hrs away) while he lives on base. This is causing such a strain as he will have to pay accomidation whilst there and I wont be able to get a job as there isn't anyone to look after our son. We will only see eachother twice a month because of traveling cost. Dues to this I feel like our relationship will suffer a big strain and I am worrid that this will affect the relationship my son has with his daddy.i would like someone to give me some advice or help with this situation as i am at a loss and dont know whare to turn.

Message for Kate,
                  if u r in the portsmouth area there is a new childrens centre in Hilsea ,Doyle avenue which holds activites for babies/toddlers both mornings and afternoons.They r not just held during the holidays!!The centre is lovely ,i work next door to the centre and have seen first hand what they do.I wld take my 3 year old but im working!

ello nige,im not sure what the visa situation is for spain but all i can say is that you will soooooooooooooooo love Gib.I was brought up on the rock and my family all live there,my mum is Gibraltarian ,... my dad is english(xarmy),
     Remember Gib is not in the Eu.Bit of confusion really as they accept euros!! If u require info about Gib let me know and if i can help i will.When r u off there?????Good luck with it all.x

p.s there is a gibraltar embassy office in london that might be able to answer any ??? u have too!!!Hope that helps.x

i dont normally come into this forum,.... but tracy seeing as your son in in the navy cld he not hire a flat/hse in gosport?????We have hired them out b4 and r cheap too.Obviously its across the water from portsmouth,a ferry ride and quite easy to get to but ideal for what you want.:)