Here, here, Gribble.

Best spam subject line today:

"Stupid naked orgy"

Either way they mean it, that's funny. Is it "stupid naked" as in "hella naked"? Like, "That girl got stupid naked after I slipped her the roofies."

Orrrr, they mean it grudgingly. Like, "Stupid naked orgy, it knows I will skip work to pay to look at it. I might not even jerk off I've seen so many of these stupid naked orgies."

I love the ones that offer "Universtiy Diplomas." Like THAT'S gonna impress someone. Especially when they can't spell "University."

Honestly, I would very much like a rock hard 8 inch erection. Not right now, I'm at work. But if they could arrange for one to be waiting for me when I get home, I'd probably be a little easier on the spam people. As it is, all they can do is take time away from my interweb searches for pictures of rock hard 8 inch erections in order to fill the (ahem) void.

Edited by author 04-24-2003 05:52 PM
Oh, Shrimp. Sweet, naive Shrimp.

It's a new century. Now, illicit home videos of livestock pleasuring themselves while pulchritudinous shemales try to poke each other's eyes out with their carnival-huge cocks are, are all the, what we really...

I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

The thing that freaks me out about porn spam subject lines is that they seem to be trying to one-up each other in perversion.

I mean, I'm a potential porn customer. Young, male, heterosexual. But why do they assume I want to see a "niece with perverted aunt" or a "nun with a horse, while a goat watches and masturbates". You'd think, with mass mailings, they'd be going after the widest possible audience. Wouldn't "big naked boobies" get the job done?

It's like everyone in the porn industry just loses touch with reality. Who told them good old fashioned sweatynakedfucking wasn't good enough any more?

Edited by author 04-24-2003 04:28 PM
I've been getting lots of email with random names as the sender and the subject line (From: Jeff Barney, Subject: Jones Fiona).

Also, really awesome pairings of smutty ("Titty Max") or non-existant ("Fiderty Opordiale") words make my day.

"Me too" to Chico's comment. It's an easy target; any man with the slightest trace of ego not hanging out on the traces of the bellcurve can, with the wrong words from the right partner, be turned into a burbling mess.

My personal favorites are the ones offering to rid you of pop-up windows and UCE, respectively. Recursion is fun.

I'm starting to get really depressed that I'll never have a ROCK HARD 8" ERECTION.

<obvious>You can have mine.</obvious>

Edited by author 04-24-2003 03:50 PM
The novelty of the rock hard 8 inches wears thin the first time it spontaneously says hello when you're doing something you normally wouldn't consider sexy, making you worry for hours why part of you seems to want to fuck Mrs. Butterworth, Elmo, the trash guy, etc...

I get a lot of Chinese spam since I called myself dong.
They offer a "vedy impwesive 5 inch foh da lahdies."

Oh, of course I know it's wrong.

Color me skeptical, but I somehow doubt you and your eight inches -- sorry, your ROCK HARD 8 INCH ERECTION -- would have much problem stunning anyone you wanted.

What I want to know is, what does "讓你花最少的錢，就能有利的推銷自己 出各類型名片資料庫， 讓您隨意組合更可省下一筆完稿費用" mean? I'd be happy with a pronunciation guide, even. I get this one four or five times a day, and gosh, but it sounds like it'd be fun to yell at someone when I'm hammered.