OK, so there are about 10 trillion cells in the dog's body. If the DNA in each cell were to be isolated and stretched out, each molecule would be 2 metres long. Of course, the molecules would have to be braided to a thickness sufficient to support your weight, which would require some patience and a steady hand -- but apart from that, all you need is to somehow employ the rope, the chicken soup and the epoxy to make the apparatus geneticists use to derive DNA from cells.

Then you're home-free. I mean, 10 trillion multiplied by 2 metres -- that's a REALLY long rope, even accounting for the length lost in braiding. If you don't want to kill the dog, which I'm sure you don't, you could probably remove a million cells or so without doing the animal much harm -- you'd have plenty of DNA rope even then. Or, if you're REALLY solicitous about the dog's well-being, you could just carefully remove the intron DNA from its cells - junk DNA - it would never miss that; might even do it some good.

Once you're down the bottom, make sure you take some of the rope with you so you can sequence it and produce a new German Shepherd. Then, in a sense, the dog's made it down there with you too, and everyone's happy!

my email's hullabaloopie@aol.com by the way, in case Cliff is posting his solutions out.

Interactive: Wait until the dog is looking almost hungry enough to eat me. Epoxy the rope to the top of the pole and let it hang over the edge.

Then, use the epoxy/pull method to open the can (not likely). Pour the contents of the can onto the top of hte rope (maybe not all of it if it's a big can) and start to climb, remembering to take hte epoxy with you.

When you get to the bottom, epoxy the bottom to the pole and wait for the dog to gnaw through the soup soaked rope. For a german sheperd this should be about an hour, but you've already been climbing.

WHen the rest of the rope falls, dodge it and then climb down.

The realistic. Wait a long time for the dog to get hungry and epoxy the rope. Fail to open a can with your bare hands and decide to climb down anyway (maybe hoping that the dog will gnaw the rope. After about a hundred feet, loose your grip and fall to your death.

SLAUGHTER THE DOG AND TURN HIM INTO ANOTHER HALF MILE OF ROPE!!!!!!!!!!!!

The dog's intestines would work to bridge the rest of the gap past the rope.....I would use the expoxy to nicely euthenize the dog....use the top of the soup can to cut open the dog and triple loop the intestines, applying epoxy to help hold together the new triple braided rope....

I hope this never happens to me.....or my dog...lol

This method is nicer to the dog but still leaves him at the top of the cylinder, which seems ungrateful. Spend a little time training the dog to hold the rope firmly in his teeth until ordered verbally to release it. Hang the rope off the cylider and have the dog hold one end of the rope in his teeth while you climb down, holding the epoxy and the soup. When you reach the end of the rope, glue the can of chicken soup to the side of the cylinder with the epoxy, tie the end of the rope around it, and ask the dog to release the rope. Climb down from the soup can.

Well there's more then one way.(gear_n_thunder@hotmail.com)

1- shave the word "help" with the glue and the rope on the dog, throw over the edge and wait.

2-unravel the rope, then with the wire make a form of sail. then jump holding onto the sail, gently float down.

3-Glue one end of the rope then let the dog bite the same end(dog dies of poisoning) coat the dog with glue, throw it over the edge let it stick to the side of the poll then jump.

4- (most realistic) break open the can of soup and lube the "middle" part of the rope. Tie both ends of the rope to your forarms and wrist(jumprope style), push the rope of the edge in order for it to "wrap" the edge, get to the edge put the dog between you and the poll and slide down.

Edited by author 12-18-2004 01:50 AM
I tie the can to the end of the rope securely. I swing the can in larger and larger arcs, smashing it against the top of the pole until it bursts open. The dog and I have lunch. I then use the sharp edge of the can to cut the rope into sections and weave a basket carry with leg holes for the dog. I use the epoxy to secure the knots. Similarly I make a seat and attach three identical fourteen foot lengths of six-ply braided ropes and make these into redundant lineman's belts which I attach to the seat with strong knots and epoxy. I make knee pads from smaller woven mats of rope and make ankle pads from loops of rope, careful not to make them too tight but affixing them with epoxy to my clothing and the skin beneath to ensure they don't come off during the climb. I tie a length of rope around my waist and tuck the can into it for later. (You didn't mention clothes, so I assume I have none). I then place the dog in the basket carry and sling it across my back. I drop the loop of the lineman's belt over the far end of the pole and begin working my way down, by leaning back on the seat and bracing my ankle and knee pads against the pole. It's a controlled slide and at an average rate of about 1 foot per second I should be down in about two hours. At the bottom, if there is no one to rescue me, I cut through the climbing belt with the can and release the dog. Then I go looking for the person who put me on top of the pole...

no. you cant escape. you don't have enough endurance, and probably strength, to bring your bodyweight down an entire mile. your going to die.

1. Glue one end of the rope to one end of the soup can.

2. Place the other end of the rope in the dog's mouth.
    
3. Glue the dog's feet to the top of the pole, near the edge.

4. Deposit glue on the OTHER end of the can.

5. Holding the crope and the epoxy, jump off the pole.

6. When you stop swinging, fix the can to the pole with the glue that you just put there.

7. Jerk the rope from the dog's mouth.

8. You now have a free end of the rope, whose OTHEER end is glued to a can, WHICH -- is glued to the pole, 1/2 mile from the ground.

9. Climb down the rope. You will be less than 12 feet from the ground. Jump. You are free. Allow the dog to die. Humans are ALWAYS more important than dogs.

get the dog to bite open can of soup
pour soup down pole as lubricant
glue dog to your back
tie rope round pole's circumferance - tie loose ends round yourself and dog
slide down pole using the chicken soup lubricant and weight of dog
prey!

Use the rope like a telephone pole climber (I forget what they are called). Tie one end of the rope around your waist and loop the rope around the pole (1/2 mile of rope is more than enough to go around a 12 foot pole). Keeping the rope fairly tight you can lower yourself down about 3 feet at a time. Haven't you ever seen theose lumberjack competitions?

cabalist

Go back to sleep. You are obviously dreaming. :)

None of these solutions would work in a real world scenario. The glue will take at least a day to set. It's not going to support your weight. The average person doesn't have the body strength to climb down the rope for a mile, etc.

However, to answer the questions:
Can you escape? yes
Is there any way you can reach the ground safely? yes

Any answer is going to require making a lot of assumptions, since limiting parameters are not defined other than vaguely for the items with you. So you might as well assume anything is possible. However, that's no fun, it just leads to infinity as the aswer to everything, so here is my ANSWER.

It's a rope, which means it is likely made of three smaller strands. Unravel it. You now have 1.5 miles of rope. Glue the can to the top of the pole. Tie the three lengths together with one end to the can and the other to the dog. Lower the dog down then climb down yourself.

Beginning in the SW position, about 2.4' from the edge, use the rope to trace a mandala around the top of the pole. Any you choose, as long as it's slightly assymetric.

Place the can in the NNW corner, at the very edge.

Bind the dog's legs and place it about 1.2' from the center, in the ESE position, with it's snout pointing due S.

Sit about 3.3' from the edge in the E position, facing NW. Sit in lotus or half lotus, with a straight spine and chant "om kali dariji ya sri ya."

On the fifth day, you, the dog and the can of soup will transubstantiate safely to the ground.

Cut the rope slightly longer than pole. Glue the ends to each side of your belt (you can tie it aroud you if you don't have a belt. Place the rope around the pole and slide down. You can apply pressure to the rope to slow your progress. Also, you can use the rest of the rope to test your theory and / or rescue the dog. Glue can on the top of the tower and tie a portion of the rope off to the can. You can see how it goes for a short period and pull yourself up if it does not go well. You can also dangle the dog below you as you decend (if it was me the dog would be on his own for letting us get put on a mile high pole without biting someone). You could also cut short pieces of rope that could be glued to the pole at intervals on the way down so you could tie off to rest.

Edited by author 11-30-2005 03:53 AM
Hi it took me one second to come up with answer, and I have not read any answers yet.

Wrap one or a few loops of rope around the pole use the rope to make a harness. Attach harness to rope with rope;knots. And down you go. Fricion of the rope with your body weight on one side will let you slowly step and slide down. It can be done this way just need to be careful in how you do it.