Ride the dog down.

Yes, I could get down. I wouldn't even need to rely upon any of the artifacts. I'd just topple off nipples first and then wait for the ground to beak my fall. Easy as pie.

Redefine quaint definitions of safety and fly.

Stop pretending.

Instead of assuming that the pole stands 1 mile above the earth, I'm going to assume the pole is actually 1 mile below the surface of the ocean, with the top sticking out a few feet above it. I would tie one end of the rope to each can, and throw one can to a crew member on a passing barge. Hopefully the can will hit him or land near him and, therefore, get his attention so he can alert his captain to turn the boat around and rescue me and the dog. When we pull into port, I and the dog will disembark and will once again be safely on the ground.

Throw away the epoxy to the dog doesn't eat it and get sick. Smack the can of soup around until it starts seeping out so the dog doesn't starve. Lasso the end of the pole and rappel down, bringing the loop with you as you go. Get the fire department to go save the dog, they live for that kind of thing.

Glue the rope to the side at the top of the pole. let it dry. Climb down with the dog. Once you get to the other side of the rope, glue it the the pole. Climb to the top again and place the soup can under the rope. Fool the dog into trying to eat the can. Once the rope is cut, mourne the loss of the dog, and try to land feet against the pole. Drop down the last few feet to the ground.

There is no way to rescue the dog, it would die of shock during the journey. (Don't glue the dog to your back; it will turn around and maul you.) Forget about the dog, and forget about the soup. Lubricating the pole will only make you slide down the pole faster, and shatter every bone in your body when you reach the bottom.

What you really need is friction. Fortunately, you have a mile of rope. You can't hold onto a mile of rope, so you will need to glue one end to the top of the pole.

Wrap the rope around yourself and tie a knot under your armpits, then wrap the rope eight or nine times around yourself and the pole for support. Now, holding either side of the rope and gripping the pole with your legs, inch your way down. It can be done if you are physically fit. People climb mountains all the time, pulling themselves up and down all the way.

Whenever the rope gets worn threadbare, simply wrap some fresh rope around yourself and throw the worn rope away toward the ground.

When you get halfway down, the glue should be weak from supporting your weight all day. Give it a tug, and the end comes loose. Now glue that end midway down the pole.

Continue inching until you reach the bottom.

          This is rather gruesome, but I'm not much of a dog person anyway.
1)Starve or strangle the dog.
2)Plunge into dog for a sharp bone, skin dog. Drip slime from innards to lubricate the pole (just kind of tip it down).
3)Attach middle of rope to waist, tie a square knot.
4)Use ends of rope to tie another square knot surrounding ole, leaving only enough room for about five extra feet in circumference.
5)Make gloves/shoes out of dogskin.
6)Keeping hold of soup can and the sharpest bone in the dogs body, place the whole circle of rope around the pole and start sliding down, pushing off pole with feet whenever you get too close to it. Continue until you get hungry, then use bone to puncture soup can, stop pushing off pole (you should be able to stop now, there would be no lubrication at this point unless you are really hungry and stopped early), and take a lunch break.
7)Go down the rest of the way.

Edited by author 11-30-2005 03:53 AM
Hi it took me one second to come up with answer, and I have not read any answers yet.

Wrap one or a few loops of rope around the pole use the rope to make a harness. Attach harness to rope with rope;knots. And down you go. Fricion of the rope with your body weight on one side will let you slowly step and slide down. It can be done this way just need to be careful in how you do it.

Cut the rope slightly longer than pole. Glue the ends to each side of your belt (you can tie it aroud you if you don't have a belt. Place the rope around the pole and slide down. You can apply pressure to the rope to slow your progress. Also, you can use the rest of the rope to test your theory and / or rescue the dog. Glue can on the top of the tower and tie a portion of the rope off to the can. You can see how it goes for a short period and pull yourself up if it does not go well. You can also dangle the dog below you as you decend (if it was me the dog would be on his own for letting us get put on a mile high pole without biting someone). You could also cut short pieces of rope that could be glued to the pole at intervals on the way down so you could tie off to rest.

Beginning in the SW position, about 2.4' from the edge, use the rope to trace a mandala around the top of the pole. Any you choose, as long as it's slightly assymetric.

Place the can in the NNW corner, at the very edge.

Bind the dog's legs and place it about 1.2' from the center, in the ESE position, with it's snout pointing due S.

Sit about 3.3' from the edge in the E position, facing NW. Sit in lotus or half lotus, with a straight spine and chant "om kali dariji ya sri ya."

On the fifth day, you, the dog and the can of soup will transubstantiate safely to the ground.

Go back to sleep. You are obviously dreaming. :)

None of these solutions would work in a real world scenario. The glue will take at least a day to set. It's not going to support your weight. The average person doesn't have the body strength to climb down the rope for a mile, etc.

However, to answer the questions:
Can you escape? yes
Is there any way you can reach the ground safely? yes

Any answer is going to require making a lot of assumptions, since limiting parameters are not defined other than vaguely for the items with you. So you might as well assume anything is possible. However, that's no fun, it just leads to infinity as the aswer to everything, so here is my ANSWER.

It's a rope, which means it is likely made of three smaller strands. Unravel it. You now have 1.5 miles of rope. Glue the can to the top of the pole. Tie the three lengths together with one end to the can and the other to the dog. Lower the dog down then climb down yourself.

Use the rope like a telephone pole climber (I forget what they are called). Tie one end of the rope around your waist and loop the rope around the pole (1/2 mile of rope is more than enough to go around a 12 foot pole). Keeping the rope fairly tight you can lower yourself down about 3 feet at a time. Haven't you ever seen theose lumberjack competitions?

cabalist

get the dog to bite open can of soup
pour soup down pole as lubricant
glue dog to your back
tie rope round pole's circumferance - tie loose ends round yourself and dog
slide down pole using the chicken soup lubricant and weight of dog
prey!

1. Glue one end of the rope to one end of the soup can.

2. Place the other end of the rope in the dog's mouth.
    
3. Glue the dog's feet to the top of the pole, near the edge.

4. Deposit glue on the OTHER end of the can.

5. Holding the crope and the epoxy, jump off the pole.

6. When you stop swinging, fix the can to the pole with the glue that you just put there.

7. Jerk the rope from the dog's mouth.

8. You now have a free end of the rope, whose OTHEER end is glued to a can, WHICH -- is glued to the pole, 1/2 mile from the ground.

9. Climb down the rope. You will be less than 12 feet from the ground. Jump. You are free. Allow the dog to die. Humans are ALWAYS more important than dogs.

no. you cant escape. you don't have enough endurance, and probably strength, to bring your bodyweight down an entire mile. your going to die.

Edited by author 12-18-2004 01:50 AM
I tie the can to the end of the rope securely. I swing the can in larger and larger arcs, smashing it against the top of the pole until it bursts open. The dog and I have lunch. I then use the sharp edge of the can to cut the rope into sections and weave a basket carry with leg holes for the dog. I use the epoxy to secure the knots. Similarly I make a seat and attach three identical fourteen foot lengths of six-ply braided ropes and make these into redundant lineman's belts which I attach to the seat with strong knots and epoxy. I make knee pads from smaller woven mats of rope and make ankle pads from loops of rope, careful not to make them too tight but affixing them with epoxy to my clothing and the skin beneath to ensure they don't come off during the climb. I tie a length of rope around my waist and tuck the can into it for later. (You didn't mention clothes, so I assume I have none). I then place the dog in the basket carry and sling it across my back. I drop the loop of the lineman's belt over the far end of the pole and begin working my way down, by leaning back on the seat and bracing my ankle and knee pads against the pole. It's a controlled slide and at an average rate of about 1 foot per second I should be down in about two hours. At the bottom, if there is no one to rescue me, I cut through the climbing belt with the can and release the dog. Then I go looking for the person who put me on top of the pole...

Well there's more then one way.(gear_n_thunder@hotmail.com)

1- shave the word "help" with the glue and the rope on the dog, throw over the edge and wait.

2-unravel the rope, then with the wire make a form of sail. then jump holding onto the sail, gently float down.

3-Glue one end of the rope then let the dog bite the same end(dog dies of poisoning) coat the dog with glue, throw it over the edge let it stick to the side of the poll then jump.

4- (most realistic) break open the can of soup and lube the "middle" part of the rope. Tie both ends of the rope to your forarms and wrist(jumprope style), push the rope of the edge in order for it to "wrap" the edge, get to the edge put the dog between you and the poll and slide down.

This method is nicer to the dog but still leaves him at the top of the cylinder, which seems ungrateful. Spend a little time training the dog to hold the rope firmly in his teeth until ordered verbally to release it. Hang the rope off the cylider and have the dog hold one end of the rope in his teeth while you climb down, holding the epoxy and the soup. When you reach the end of the rope, glue the can of chicken soup to the side of the cylinder with the epoxy, tie the end of the rope around it, and ask the dog to release the rope. Climb down from the soup can.

The dog's intestines would work to bridge the rest of the gap past the rope.....I would use the expoxy to nicely euthenize the dog....use the top of the soup can to cut open the dog and triple loop the intestines, applying epoxy to help hold together the new triple braided rope....

I hope this never happens to me.....or my dog...lol

SLAUGHTER THE DOG AND TURN HIM INTO ANOTHER HALF MILE OF ROPE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Interactive: Wait until the dog is looking almost hungry enough to eat me. Epoxy the rope to the top of the pole and let it hang over the edge.

Then, use the epoxy/pull method to open the can (not likely). Pour the contents of the can onto the top of hte rope (maybe not all of it if it's a big can) and start to climb, remembering to take hte epoxy with you.

When you get to the bottom, epoxy the bottom to the pole and wait for the dog to gnaw through the soup soaked rope. For a german sheperd this should be about an hour, but you've already been climbing.

WHen the rest of the rope falls, dodge it and then climb down.

The realistic. Wait a long time for the dog to get hungry and epoxy the rope. Fail to open a can with your bare hands and decide to climb down anyway (maybe hoping that the dog will gnaw the rope. After about a hundred feet, loose your grip and fall to your death.

my email's hullabaloopie@aol.com by the way, in case Cliff is posting his solutions out.

OK, so there are about 10 trillion cells in the dog's body. If the DNA in each cell were to be isolated and stretched out, each molecule would be 2 metres long. Of course, the molecules would have to be braided to a thickness sufficient to support your weight, which would require some patience and a steady hand -- but apart from that, all you need is to somehow employ the rope, the chicken soup and the epoxy to make the apparatus geneticists use to derive DNA from cells.

Then you're home-free. I mean, 10 trillion multiplied by 2 metres -- that's a REALLY long rope, even accounting for the length lost in braiding. If you don't want to kill the dog, which I'm sure you don't, you could probably remove a million cells or so without doing the animal much harm -- you'd have plenty of DNA rope even then. Or, if you're REALLY solicitous about the dog's well-being, you could just carefully remove the intron DNA from its cells - junk DNA - it would never miss that; might even do it some good.

Once you're down the bottom, make sure you take some of the rope with you so you can sequence it and produce a new German Shepherd. Then, in a sense, the dog's made it down there with you too, and everyone's happy!

Probably pass out a few times from oxygen deprivation before I actually got around to doing anything....

Edited by author 06-16-2004 02:19 AM
I would glue one end of the can down and pull hard to open it and then do the same to the other end to turn the can into an open and sturdy metal tube. I would then thread both ends of the rope through the tube creating a bolo tie of sorts.
I would then gently and apologetically glue the dog's mouth shut, glue its legs together and apply a coat of the epoxy to the palms and finger pads of my hands for protection and increased gripping ability.
Once the glue dried, I would hoist the dog over my head and one shoulder like a satchel. Then drop the rope loop over the edge of the cylinder and grab both pieces of the rope and lower us over the edge.
We should then be able to essentially repel or slide down using the can as a tool to navigate and adjust speed, distance and stability. (Like the old kids' toy where you move the ball back and forth by pulling apart the pieces of rope to move it away and bringing them together to let it come back to you.)
A smooth easy ride with no rope burn!

Use epoxy to fix soup can to side of pole so it is standing perpendicular to pole and parallel to the ground.
Tie a loop in rope and put loop over can and drop the rest of rope down.
Climb down rope.
With a couple feet of slack at bottom of rope, glue bottom of rope to pole.
Hang from part of rope attached at bottom. Shake rope loose from soup can above.
Get pummelled by half a mile of rope as it falls on and past you.
Climb down rope to ground.

If you want to bring the dog, either glue him to your back or glue two of his paws together and put them around your neck draping him over your back. Having your paws glued together is better than starving on top of a pole.

Looping the rope around the pole and tying it to one's waist seems to be the most logical solution. It makes no difference, though, because my severe fear of heghts would certainly doom ME in this situation.

I would just tie the rope arount my waist and loop it around the pole. Then just ease my way down moving the rope as i go and leaning back to make it tight.

Kill the dog by bashing it on the head with the soup can. Take dog's teeth out and use them to split the rope doen the middle. Tie the two lengths together (or epoxy them but to hold a mile long rope glue better be stronger than anything that really exists). Epoxy the the can to the edge of the column (strong glue huh?) and tie one end of rope around it. Tie dog to other end of rope and lower to ground (to stabilise rope). Climb down.
Or.
Get dog to hold rope in teeth. Climb down rope. Epoxy can halfway down column. Tie rope end round can. Persuade dog to let go of rope. Climb down rope.
Or.
Get dog to chew off enough rope to loop around top of column. Epoxy ends to soup can. Loop rope around pillar top and descend by allowing soup can to roll down column while you attach yourself to rope on other side of column.
Or.
Etc, etc.

This method assumes that I am not naked (which seems like it could be a factor, if one were to have a morning like this) and possess more upper boy strength and MUCH more courage than is actually the case, but here it goes . . .



Glue the can of soup close to the edge of the platform (chicken soup, is there anything you CAN'T make better?), tie one end of rope around can and glue it in place. Tie other end of rope around waist. Remove socks and put on hands (because otherwise the rope burn will make me lose my grip), s l o w l y slide down rope, using pole for support. When the end of the length of rope is reached, wrap legs and one arm around pole, then untie rope and remove socks from hands (Elven rope would have made this so much easier). wrap other arm around pole, and slide the rest of the way down (I'm hoping that the perspiration on my hands & feet at this point from being frightened half to death by the entire situation would be enough to slow down my sliding somewhat?). Reach bottom safely, then locate phone so that rescue services can get the dog.


I sincerely doubt that this would work, but I would like to know what the real solution is -- just in case. :)

glue the can of soup close to the edge, take one end of rope and tie it securely to the can, leaving enough behind the knot to make a knotted harness to set in for later. Make knots in 6 foot intervals. Take the other end of the rope and knot another type of seating harness you can sit in, then slowly climb down the rope over the side and in 6 foot intervals glue a section of the rope that's hanging above you to the side of the pole, continue until you reach almost the half mark, hopeing you have enough glue to reach at least close to that mark (minus the rope lengths you've used for the harness's). Then climb back up using the knots as resting spots, get the dog and put it in the harness you first made along with yourself, untie the rope from the can, bust it open to reveal a sharp edge of metal, and then climb over the side,fall 6 feet to where the first instalment of rope is glued to the pole, use the sharp metal to scrape the glue away from the pole and fall another 6 feet, and so on, also leaving the first knot in place,untie the next three knots as you release the rope so you will be leaving a 24 feet gap between the first knot and the 4th knot, do this repeatedly as you go downward, leaving a knot in the rope every 24 feet, until you get to the last glued section, which you leave in place, then you will have to climb down the rope, that has slowly reversed it's self as you climbed down and is now hanging down close to the ground way below you, using the knots for speed control and resting spots, you descend by sliding slowly down to the end of the rope which should be a reasonable distant that you could let the dog drop down to the earth, and then you could follow, if it's way to far a drop, use the dog that went first and is laying still below you as a cushion for your own fall.
Now, Cliff, will you send me your solutions? smile....
rosesntheheather@hotmail.com ....thank you.....
by the way....I'm blonde.....so I have an excuse for such a wacking solution....

Glue the can to the top of the cylinder and tie the rope to the dog. jump on the can until it splits (but only slightly) then, while the dog tries to get the rest of the soup from the can, slide down the rope to the half mile mark. Glue your trousers to the pole. Glue the end of the rope to the pole. Wait for the dog to weaken sufficiently that you can pull it off the top of the pole and watch it hurtling past you. Climb out of your trousers and climb down the rope the rest of the way.
TADAAAAA! (Sorry animal rights types)

Charleynorbury@hotmail.com

Edited by author 01-05-2004 11:38 AM
Smash open the soup can by jumping on it.Drink the soup to keep from dehydrating, then tear up the can to make sharp edges and begin cutting the rope up into 24 foot sections and unravel the fibers. If the soup can metal gets dull teach the dog to chew through the rope at 24 foot intervals. With the unraveled fibers stitch or weave together a 24 foot circular dome made of rope fibers use the glue. Then make yourself a rope body harness. Make the dog a rope harness. From more sections of rope cut 30 foot risers and attach them to the outer edge of the fiber dome. Put the harness on yourself and the dog, leave about 20 feet of rope as a leash. Hook the other end of the risers to your body harness. Grab the dog and yell "Geronimo!" and jump off the edge of the pole. Within 40 feet of the ground, let the dog dangle at the end of the leash so he lands first. Congradulations, you've made your first free base sky dive.

I figure a German Shepard has got to have about 1/2 a mile of intestines.

1. Hit the dog over the head with the soup.
2. Chew out the dogs intestines (Let them dry just a little so that they're more sticky than wet.)
3. Tie the Biggest end of the 1/2 mile of intestines to the rope (If it breaks on the small intestine, you won't fall as far)
4. Glue one end of the rope to the top of the pole.
5. Climb down.
6. Avoid PETA, SPCA, and Karma.

-or-

1. Glue the rope into a nice rug. Teach the dog to open cans. Enjoy some soup with the dog. Wait to be rescued shortly after the first guy with a private plane says to himself, "I've never noticed that mile high pole before."

Ah, what fun.. By the way...how the hell did I end up there?.. Well anyways...heres what to do

Step 1) Wait till the dog is hungry to cut the rope into 30 foot sections. Use your teeth if you need to.

Step 2) Take each piece of rope (will only need two 30
foot sections) and make a loop out of each section. Use epoxy if you need extra strength.

Step 3) Take the first loop and and stick your feet threw it. Then drape it over the pole...Next take the second loop and stick each hand on the both sides of the loop.
Then drap over this second loop over the pole.


Step 4) Next shimmy down the pole. How you can do this is by dropping 5-10 feet at a time, then tightening up each loop (feet and hand loop).

Step 5) Repeat step 4

Step 6) Once on the ground open can of food and eat because you've probably shit out everything else :)

gd luck

(A)
(Only if epoxy is strong enough to support your weight.)

Cut off four small lengths of rope. (Use teeth if you don't have a pocket knife.) Think through the steps below so you will cut the correct lengths.

Use some epoxy to secure one small length of rope near top of cylinder as loop, with nearly-half-mile rope able to slide freely through this. Make sure both ends of rope dangle about the same length down. Carefully rapel 1/4 mile down carrying three small lengths of rope and remainder of epoxy.

At 1/4 mile mark, with a little working room above where your rope runs out, glue another loop. Make sure it's big enough to hold on to while transfering nearly-half-mile rope to the same loop.

Rapel again and repeat at 1/2 mile mark.

Rapel again and repeat at 3/4 mile mark. At the 3/4 mile mark, thread rope through unevenly so that one end reaches ground.

When you reach the point where one end of the rope ends, tie it to other, longer-dangling end. Continue rapelling down to ground.

(B)
If rope is strong enough to support double your weight, unravel it to get two 1/2 mile ropes, tie together to get one 1 mile rope, epoxy at top, rapel off.

(C)
Wait for other people to notice this strange 1 mile cylinder and investigate.

I guess I'm really late with this reply, sorry, I just found out about your site. (Which I love, by the way.)

You could make a belt with a slightly larger diameter than that of the pole, loop the belt around the pole, get between the belt and pole and slide down, with your feet against the pole to slow you down. If you want to use all of the stuff, you could pour the soup onto the rope to entice the dog to chew it to a more suitable length, if you can get the soup open. Also, if you're naked (the list didn't say anything about clothes) you could epoxy some patterns on your feet for extra traction.

Here's what you do.

Wait until the dog is very hungry. Glue one end of the rope to the top of the cylinder, just on the edge. Pour the chicken soup over the rope, and slide down to the half mile point as quick as you can. Now glue the rope at this point, and wait for the dog to finish gnawing through the rope. The rope whips past you, and dangles a few feet from the ground. Descend, hire a helicopter to resuce the dog.

You remember the Cosmic Code -- whatever is embodied cannot be destroyed. So I pick up the dog and jump off, realizing my fall is relative, that there is no bottom and no end.
Don't try this at home. For professionals only.

Opps, in previous message, the phrase "epoxied size of the can" should be read as if it said "epoxied side of the can"

Assuming gruesome solutions are acceptable….

Less gruesome version:

Tie one end of the rope to the dogs tail,
Epoxy the other end of the rope to the bottom of the can
Tie the ‘can end’ of the rope around your waist,
Throw the dog off the cylinder. !
Just before the dog reaches the ½ mile point, you will be pulled off. (there’s a slight loss of rope since it’s around your waist)
While you are falling, place epoxy on the top of the can
Watch the dog falling ahead of you, and just before the dog hits the ground, slam the epoxied size of the can to the side of the cylinder.
The strong epoxy will hold the can which is connected to the rope that is also around your waist, thereby stopping your progress downward a few feet above the midpoint of the mile high cylinder. (it will also stop the dog from being splattered on the ground)
Untie the rope from your waist and climb down the rope.
When you reach the dog, you will be a few feet off the ground, jump down.
Find someone or something to cut the dog down.


More Gruesome version

Glue (epoxy) the dog’s feet to the top of the cylinder, near the edge.
Attach one end of the rope to the dogs tongue, using the epoxy
Attach the other end to the can, again with epoxy.
Add the balance of the epoxy to the can side, and lower the can, avoiding touching it to the side of the cylinder.
When the rope runs out (slightly above the ½ mile point), flick your wrist to swing the can outwards, it will swing pendulum fashion back again, connecting to the cylinder by virtue of the epoxy on its side.
Climb down the rope. You will be a slight distance above the midpoint of the cylinder, next to the epoxied can stuck to the cylinder’s side.
Wait for the dog to die and his body to start decomposing (the tongue will decompose more quickly than external parts, such as a tail or leg or ear, hence the choice of tongue)
(if you are lucky, an eagle might happen along and sever the tongue, hastening the process for you)
Eventually the rope will come lose, and fall to the ground.
Climb down, jumping for the last few feet.

"Can you escape?" (On the Cylinder)

(Source: http://RealityCarnival.Com)

You wake up one morning to find yourself on top of a mile-high telephone pole that has a 12-foot radius. With you is a German Shepherd dog, a can of unopened chicken soup, a tube of very strong epoxy and a half-mile long rope. Is there any way you can reach the ground safely? (The telephone pole consists only of a smooth, cylindrical column. It has no additional structures.) [If you post your own solution, the RealityCarnival editor will trade you by e-mailing his many solutions to you.]