The real florida, and the best florida, is in the northwest.

Really, I swear.

That very wise man spent a solid 10 minutes yesterday looking for his car keys, because they were in his left hand when he expected them to be in his right.

The wise man blames the Florida sun for this.

A very wise man once described the Sunshine State as "Satan's T'aint." Having lived in dade Country for two years, I can say he's right on target.

For some other writing on Florida(more satirical but laugh out loud funny) check out anything by this dude. I met him at a reading* and he comes across wholesomer than shit in person, but his literature is beautifully twisted.

*<small>He takes pictures of every reading. You can just make me and Lisa out in the back row to the left.

Edited by author 10-28-2002 05:04 AM
March 2001... Badcrumble does Florida... not necessarily for the usual Spring Break diversions, just had to get the fuck out of Doofus County for a few days....

A ladyfriend in Orlando works for Disney, nourishes Badcrumble with Generic Mexican Restaurant Margaritas, takes him on the most spectacular journey....

A winding, twisting, citrus-scented odyssey through the backstreets, ending in an employee parking lot that could've been Corporate Anywhere, U.S.A. ....

"Cheeses of Nazareth, where the fuck are we?" asks the hillbilly geekperson.

"Trust me," she says, leading the way through a suspiciously service-elevator-looking passageway.

The real world has disappeared, replaced by Main Street at the MGM-Disney-Universal-thingy Complex, or something like that. Badcrumble, disoriented, is led into a theater, where he puts on cheap 3-D glasses and sits, babbling and pleasantly disconnected....

The "Muppets in 3-D" show was simply too good for words, and exactly what I needed. Statler and Waldorf were real, for cryin' out loud, and Kermit on the fire truck ladder, dangling a few feet in front of my astonished eyes, just rocked. Don't get me started on Miss Piggy.


Yep, I (heart) the Sunshine State, electoral shenanigans and all.....