Empathies on the rug. Shawn and I got back Tuesday night after a week out of town to find that we had to wash all the bedding -- someone wasn't happy about our absence and decided to let us know.

Lovely. Good thing they're cute.

Oh hell, Dave, the weather here in North Cackalacky is so fickle, you may get heatstroke one day and drenched with pneumonia the next.

The coolest aspect of NC weather was being up in the mountains last week when a thunderstorm rolled in -- the thunder was RIGHT ON TOP OF US, and the lightning hit about 50 feet from us, 4,000 feet up. Nifty.

As for interesting weather, well, Hurricane Fran put us out of commission for over a week back in '96.

At least in Seattle you have good coffee.

Yeah, I told MA about the house, but have had no word from her yet. What a triumph it would be to have a SH workshop in....IOWA!! Hey, if you need a reader (besides your co-frolicker) for SWF, send it along.

I had a feeling North Carolina might end up taking the novelty out of my thunderstorm. There’s something unfair about the way the Atlantic coast gets the ocean and the interesting weather.

I’ll definitely see if I can get something together for Flytrap this time.

Karen, that's a very good point.

Kellie! Hi! Congrats on your new kitten! Simon sounds adorable. I was looking for your book recently and there's lots of Trading Spaces stuff - what's the title of some you've done? I miss you, too!

Sarah, glad you liked the pictures! You should tell MA about that house, as she recently asked about a Midwestern writing retreat house in her journal. I think there's going to be a third SH workshop next year.

And Dave, ditto Tim on sending us stuff for Flytrap 2! Our reading period started today! All of you should check out our guidelines and send us anything you have that you think might fit! http://www.sff.net/people/timpratt/flytrap.html

You say the American Wedding movie/series was in direct contrast to the Chagall exhibit... but you know, the quote of your link ("That man is peeing on that pig's head!") could really be from either.

Hey! Long time no post...

I'm sooo glad your writing vacation was all you hoped it would be! You've been wanting to do something like that for a long time. Hooray!

Kitties, kitties, kitties! I'm sure they're adorable. We have a new little baby, too. A teeny little yellow/orange short-haired striped guy named Simon. Olivia wasn't thrilled the first few days, but now they play and wrestle. She seems to forget that she's twice the size of him, though and he tends to win in a fight. :-)

I'm off to work a little more on Trading Spaces stuff. Glad everything's going well! Miss you!

Badass? I thought she was a smartass. Hmm. Great pictures yesterday, Heather, and I can't wait to see the rest. I miss you, too, and everybody else. Y'know, there's this writing retreat house in Chelsea, Iowa which sounds really great. Except there's no beach.

I love sandwiches even more than thunderstorms. And we get plenty of thunderstorms (and have plenty of corn) in North Carolina, too.

And, yes -- I was struck by the fact that Heather was enchanted by even such plain and broken artifacts of the ocean. I get impressed by seashells, too, but only the very pretty ones, because I went to the beach often as a kid, while Heather did not.

It was a very evocative bit of writing, Dave. You're a fine writer. Hope you'll send us something for Flytrap 2 (guidelines and reading period for which should be announced over the weekend).

Dan, there was a story that dealt with male puberty and we were all struck by how few stories actually deal with the physical changes boys go through. Girls, yes. Boys, not so much.

Jenn, you can't convince me you're not a badass, sorry! Heh. Sorry to have misrespresented how dangerous you are, though!

David, Tim tells me I told the story wrong, that it was the plainess of the shells I was presenting to him and the brokenness of the sand dollars that underwhelmed him. I love love love your description of a Midwestern thunderstorm, and it made me completely nostalgic. I think I've lived out here in thunderstormless California long enough now that I'd be the one standing in the cornfield, rapt, while Tim went to make the sandwich. Tim loves sandwiches!

Re: Tim and the seashore, take him out sometime to a cornfield on one of those thunderstorm summer afternoons when the sun's still gleaming off the copper dome on the county courthouse but the sky's gone slate-dark and as the first fat raindrops start to fall a cooling wind is rising and rustling through the stalks in shining waves that stretch to the horizon... and leave him out there marvelling at it while you go into the air conditioning and watch a little TV and maybe make yourself a tuna sandwich, 'cause what's the big deal?

Or something like that. :)

Hey, my skill at martial arts is definitely not at the point where anyone needs to worry about surprising me. In fact, I hope that's never the case, as I would like to have more control than that. What I was trying to say, obviously ineptly, was that most of the moves that I know result in pain, and aren't useful in a playful sparring sort of way.

Sorry to disappoint you, Heather, but I'm definitely not that dangerous!

The lizards thing, that didn't confuse me much. But what is it you need to know about male puberty?

Jon, that's me being too tired to remember to tell you all the details. There were two workshop stories that had a mention of lizards in them towards the end, and we were inspired by the different things they meant in the stories (I'd quote them, but since these stories are unpublished and not mine, it feels wrong to do so). So we started calling ourselves the shore lizards (actually, we talked about making up a name with lizard in it, but never really agreed on anyting other than "shore lizards" wasn't too bad). So, that's why I was all about the lizards in this entry. Sorry I forgot to give the backstory!

Note to self: do not update late at night when very tired.

Kitty LItter update: Thanks to everyone who suggested solutions! My stop-gap solution was a combination of a new scooper that bags the poo immediately and seals it (so it isn't stinking like it does when the bag is just twisted closed in the trash can), new liners with deoderant on the bottom (though I haven't tried them yet, since I didn't feel like changing the litter entirely last night) and, the best, Arm and Hammer kitty litter baking soda, which worked immediately upon sprinkling it on the just-scooped litter. Defintely combats the odor from the cat urine. Yay!

Mom, I have a covered litter box with a door, so I don't see it when they go. Also, our toilet and plumbing is so old I really doubt I'll ever be able to flush kitty litter in it. It makes it a lot harder, that's for sure.

Actually, the only thing that bewilders me is the title for the entry: "Gushing Lizards"?

Otherwise, that's a mighty fine group of writerly types.

Solid airfresheners. Like Renuizit, which we use. They're nice neutral, pretty much undetectable fragrences (I like Hazelnut vanilla the best, I think) that manage to block the daily cat smell. If it's Bad, you'll notice, and if it runs out, oh, damn do you notice it. We keep it on/near the cat box and it makes a world of difference.

The answer is to scoop everytime you walk by the litter boxes. Don't let the stuff accummulate in the litter box. Scoop and flush, scoop and flush....that's what I do for my 6 kitties. If it's something in the clumping litter box, I scoop and bag it and close the top of the bag to seal in the smell. Mom

Dan: Heather's off to Oregon and away from the 'net for a few days, so I'll answer. Zanzibar's putrid stench did, indeed, clear up when he finished with his antibiotic treatment, so we suppose that was the culprit. Now we're just dealing with commonplace cat-stink.

I was thinking less of the commonplace charms of cat urine and more of this:

Zanzibar is on antibiotics. We hope and pray that the antibiotics are the source of his horrible nose-hair-searing nasty smelly cat farts.

How's that turning out?

I'd love to see the Kitten Operating Machinery trick in action, odor or no odor.

What you really need, instead, is a dog.

Here's a link to a supposedly really good clumping kitty litter: World's Best Cat Litter. The stuff is made out of corn and clumps better, is natural, is dust-free, lasts longer, you can flush it down the toilet, etc (see site for full features). Everyone we know who uses it loves it. We tried it for Jing, but she's old (19+ years) and doesn't like her brand of litter changed (Arm&Hammer Scoopable). She peed other places when we tried the stuff. It's a shame, based on all the benefits that people say it delivers on. Hopefully yours are less fickle.

Jon, no! No killing! I desperately need the kitty litter advice! I forgot it could get so bad! Gasp!

I think it might help once I get them, you know, snipped.

Rachel, according to the SPCA, the clumping kind gets into little kitten tummies when they clean their feet, and it swells up and hurts them. They recommended Jonny Cat, which is cheap, but doesn't do anything fancy such as control odor or clump. I'm about to experiment with it anyway, though; clumping makes a big difference, if I remember correctly :-)

You're not supposed to use the clumping kind with baby kitties? Why not? I don't think we could live without Scoop Away!

They also sell that baking soda stuff that you add to the litter. It helps somewhat, and I think regular baking soda would also do the trick. Fresh Step is also good stuff.

I'm posting on the virtues of kitty litter. Somebody kill me. Kill me now.

Thanks for all the congrats, guys! I hadn't realized that I hadn't responded to those yet! Eep!

Yes, the kittens are tool users. Disconcerting, but true. I bought them little electronic butterflies that beep and light up (their eyes do) when you press them a certain way, and it only took Zanzi about 15 minutes to figure out how to turn them on himself!

If only I could get them to use the toilet! The bathroom stinks to high kitty litter heaven, though, yes, the cuteness does make up for it, Dan. I'm switching to a better kitty litter, though I'm not supposed to use the clumping kind until they're at least 6 months old. But the cat pee is overwhelming, even though I scoop the poop every day! I hope Fresh Step will help to counter this a bit.

Sigh.

Yes, kittens are definitely tool users. Tia figured out how to turn on my old Mac via its keyboard ON key and would tense up, pounce, then immediately check out the monitor to watch it turn on.

Proof! Kittens are Tool Users. Between them and the crows, we're running out of Things That Make Humans Special.

I take it from your untainted praise for the two fluffballs that the strange feline odor has subsided? Or, at least, the cuteness outweighs it?

We don't do the collar thing up here: we never let the kitties out of the house, and fleas don't thrive over 5k'.

I remember when we got Tia and Starlight, though. I don't think they tried to strangle each other (although I'm sure Starlight contemplated it more than once but was far too much the little lady to follow through.)

Congratulations on the honorable mention, Heather! And you're telling me you just wrote the SWF story? Whoosh! I read it yesterday while sitting under a tree in the park, which made for a perfect afternoon.

It's quite honorable to be mentioned in the Year's Best Fantasy & Horror. Congrats, Heather! Look at that--a couple of nice pro sales and an honorable mention, the name Heather Shaw is shining through.

Nick -- what, you don't j-walk?

woo-hoo!

(woulda had this sooner but you hadn't updated in so long -- Jasper took you off his links page, and I piggyback on him for easy clickin')

Let me chime in with my belated woo-hoo! That's awesome news, Heather!

V. cool mention!

BTW, whatever probs you were having with your server before -- I can now read this at work! WooHoo!

: )

Yay!! Kick-ass, woman! I knew you could do it!

Whoo-hoo! And big congrats on the honorable mention; that's fantastic!

Congrats on the honorable mention! Yay! And hope you feel better soon :(

Ah, we're just thrilled to have you back. And congrats on being mentioned honorably! Total coolness!

I heard that she's been cut off from the net by her new non-disclosure agreement with the G-p.

This is why we need the EFF, people, so that the Heather Shaws of the world can fight for their right to update their journals.

Really? I thought she'd gone to Acapulco to learn cliff-diving.

Heard she's gone on tour with the Ice Capades.

Say, whatever happened to Heather Shaw?

Heck, if I divested myself of material possessions, I wouldn't be able to have a journal of spiritual self-discovery! Unless, of course, I accessed Journalscape via the library or something.

;)

Holly's baby's father is off on a, ahem, journal of spiritual self-discovery, having divested himself of his material possessions (except the cash he got for selling said possessions, of course).

Heather: You oughta update! Those "future cats" are very much present cats now!

Is Holly's baby's father around? I may know have known him some years back. Nice baby!

Yay! Kittens good! Ours are getting gangly, but still cute as buttons.

Ah, fresh kittens. Sweet.

All our current crop of cats came from some rescue group, beit the Humane Society or some other regional non-profit org. My only warning: in my experience, shelter kittens can sometimes have diseases they've picked up from the other cats in the shelter, not unlike the way kids put in daycare for the first time catch what's going around with all the other kids. Miles had a host of problems (anemia, hyperglaucimic, malnourished, some breathing retrovirus), Andy had ringworm (that was not fun), and the three whee white 'uns all had a mild eye infection. These five came from three different shelters over ten years, so I think it's universal.

This isn't designed to squash your enthusiasm. God knows, any future cats we adopt in the years to come I'd like to get from the pound, but it's better to be prepared.

Hey Heather,

I'm not quite sure what your suspicions about the microchip are. But I think you're wondering if they work or not. I used to watch a lot of Animal Planet. And I mean, A LOT, and on the various shows, when they find a stray, they scan for the chip and the information does come up and they do find the rightful owners! So it does work. I don't watch so much Animal Planet these days though. I've been watching National Geographic Channel. Lots and lots of Mummies!! And some hottie adventurers, can't forget that one.

My former evil cat (former cat, not formerly evil--he's back in DC with his mom) was an SPCA baby and he was microchiped. There's a little something about the size of a grain of rice under his skin on his shoulder. After three years of him, I keep expecting to feel it on the baby when I rub his shoulders. And if the kittens turn out evil, you just claim they're being controlled by the microchip.

Heather,

Yesterday a stray kitten walked into our house half an hour after midnight. I was in the den with mom who was watching TV. I look down and there is a tiny kitten in our room, and he makes its way up to me, climbs in my lap, starts purring. Tiny flearidden starving thing, no more than three months from the look of him.

We have a new cat baby! It's a sign!!! :-)

Yup, Dan, the G** clothes should fit me to a T (if I get the job, of course). And, according to some articles I've read on my agency''s site, at least some fit models get to keep the clothes they try on.

Oh, and to clear up a common misconception: this isn't a photo/ fashion modeling job. All I'd do (if I get it, why aren't they calling, I want it, hire me!) would be to try clothes on and stand on a platform and hope they don't stick me with pins (and maybe move around if they need to see how flexible the clothes are). If I get my picture taken at all, it's so that the designers can remember what it looked like and modify the clothes to make them more flattering (new collar, new sleeves, etc). I have daydreams where they need a plus-size G** model to dance in their next commercial, but so far no one has said anything like that.

Fingers crossed still on the G** job!

We'll take pictures when we start moving our stuff in, but that could be a couple of weeks.

Wow, the new pad sounds awesome. Yes, pix are definitely in order. Congrats!

Hey hey, congrats on the new apartment! Sounds suh-weet!

Congrats to you both! Ah, 'tis a glorious day in the Land of Prattshaws! Freedom from the oppressor, forthcoming kittens, and laundry on demand. If that's not pursuit of happiness, I'm not sure what is.

Hooray! The masses demand pictures.

(Oh, and no one mentioned the most obvious benefit of being a fit model: you'd always know that G** clothes will fit right.)

Ahhh, new home! Greg, I'm not going to miss those sounds, and if I do, well, that's just scary. I forgot to mention that the new landlady was very impressed by the fact that I'm from Indiana. She told us there's another Midwestern girl in the house, and when we were leaving she mentioned again how much she liked Midwesterners, "No offense to North Carolina, Tim, but I really like renting to MIdwesterners". No, she's from a ranch in the valley (central CA). Funny, huh?

I can't wait for kittens. I'm considering letting Tim name one, as he claims (and is probably right) that he'll like them more if he can name one. I have to meet the kittens first. Oh, and I'm going to get them from the San Francisco SPCA, which is right across the street from where I work.

Oh, and I know, I know there are lots of great adult cats needing homes and I do feel terribly guilty about indulging in kittens, but it's been so very long since I've had a cat and I think I deserve to raise them myself. Dammit.

Nick, I'm pretty sure our current landlady would not allow a dog in the house, despite the fact that we have a fenced in front yard (though it's full of garden right now). She's extremely uptight and wouldn't even let me have a cat, and she lives right behind us (uncomfortably close) so she'd know.

Oh, and Kellie, it's not the same person who called you. The place we're getting we just saw the inside of last night, and since we were the first ones and she liked us, she rented it to us right off! They've had the house for almost 20 years, and I get the sense that she knows what she's doing (I mean, there are more places for rent right now than there are folks to fill them, so she was wise to jump on the first nice people she met). I also get the sense that she doesn't need the money at all -- this place is long paid for, and rent probably goes towards maintenance. I gave her an application (as did Tim) so she might still check our references, etc, but she seemed pretty content to trust her instincts. I mean, the most she said was, "You have good credit, right?" Which, to our surprise, we do.

One thing both Tim and I forgot to mention about the new place . . . it has a outside staircase (soon to be replaced with a new one) that goes into the wonderfully serene back yard. At the bottom of the steps is a door. Behind the door is . . . free laundry! No coins, we don't pay water, we don't have to drive somewhere else to do it . . . just downstairs is free free free laundry!

Ahhh, it's like paradise!

I kind of miss the sounds of L.A. -- drunken sobbing, sirens, car alarms, rapid gunfire and breaking windows ...

But congrats on your new place!

Yay! New house! It was very weird, though, moving home--super quiet neighborhood--from the city setting I'd been living in. Sirens, street noises, loud people at outside bars--now it's so quiet I can hear trucks downshifting on the highway about a mile away, and I occassionally woke up because there were no noises for the first few months. But it's such a nice thing to get used to.

Yay! Kittens! Current favorite kitten picture: http://www.sff.net/people/celia/uimages/stuck.jpg, though the new ones I just took today are pretty high up on my list. I love pictures of just-bathed cats. He's all skinny with big feet. Stilts and snowshoes.

Our place should be empty August first. 3 bedrooms (counting the
half-finished attic upstairs), rent was $1200 a month, fairly low deposit. Don't know if the rent will be raised, though.

Is your old place available? Jody might still be looking...

The new place sounds fabulous! Yip for you! I got a reference call tonight... was it for this place or somewhere else?

Hooray for cats and kitties!

Yeah, I hope your landlady looked sad! She deserves it after all the grief she's given you.

Happy news about kittens. Although I'm personally in sad mode because there are several beautiful adults for adoption at the local PetSmart that get ignored because there are 20 or so kittens... And since I'm in the middle of trying to integrate a new cat into the household (with limited success thus far), I can't even think about it...

'In which the Devil puts in a bid for Heather's soul'

Um. I mean. Good luck. :)

Yay! Much luck, Heather.

Mind the G**

i love how you refer to the Gap as G** - like a fundie christian refusing to name the almighty in print.

"thou shalt not take the name of the Gap in vain..."

best of luck, miss heather!

My fingers are crossed for you too. Hey - you have really good posture and poise and know how to carry yourself well from all those years of dance. AND you have those beautiful eyes! Did they say anything about your eyes? You could really come across in an ad as a sultry sexy beautiful plus-size woman. I would think that you would be just what they're looking for. Love you, MOM

Wow, good luck with that!

Hey! We're sending positive vibes your way about the job possibility. How cool would that be?

(And you *are* well proportioned!) :0)

Sorry I missed your call. Just to warn you, I want to call you back sooner rather than later, but I have three deadlines this week, Brian's hosting an editorial meeting here at home on Tuesday, a designer is coming to look at our guest room to decide what to do with it for a book layout, and Ellen & Sean are coming to visit over the holiday weekend. Remember when I was super stressed and working on my lighting design final and I fell asleep fully dressed on my junk-laden bed because I was too exhausted to clean it off? Yeah. That's how stressed I am.

I need a Shaw strength back rub right about now.

All of that to say, since I probably won't be able to call for a week -- I *do* want to talk. We miss you! And it sounds like you have so many fun things going on! Oh, and I'm fully prepared to give you two thumbs up as a reference if we're called...

Hope to talk to you soon!

Totally awesome job possibility here, Heather, and I am crossing all appendages you get it, because it sounds like an ideal situation for you! Relief from drudgery, plus writing time! *mega-power-super-duper good vibes!*

Sending you the good luck vibes! Hope you get the job!

It does sound cool: Heather Shaw, fashion model and speculative fiction writer. Hope it works out.

Multiple digits crossed for you! Would this mean that you'd be able to have teeth again?

Hey! I was demonstrably happy to see you at the airport, too! If I wasn't jumping to and fro, it was only because I'd been asleep on the plane, and was still befogged!

I solemnly swear that Nick had nothing to do with this. Great minds think alike, that's all.

Honest.

I've been keeping her busy! I update my journal after she goes to sleep, but she has no such reprieve from my company. Blame me!

Edited by author 06-18-2003 04:54 PM
Great, now y'all are ganging up on me! Man! Did Nick put you up to this?

It's been really busy at work lately, and I've had to use my breaks to get off the computer and stretch instead of updating. I'll do my best to get one up this afternoon, though.

Man!

Yes, I was thinking that very same thing.

Well, it's just as we suspected: Tim comes back and Heather disappears.

Celia: I love that picture! So cute! Yeah, definitely have to get a kitten the next place I move that allows them. I can't wait.

Scott: On posting more from now on: maybe?. And I'm not sure anyone other than me is allowed to call him "Timberry", but I can check on that :-)

Nick: Maybe if we were both on fabulous vacations at the same time, but I'd rather vacation with Tim, yeah. Ask me again when we're in our forties or something :-)

Re: Colon Frith: Gonna have to check this man out.

Mike & Rob: I'm much better now about the missing Tim now, thanks! Though I have been expecting him to come interupt me while I worked tonight, thinking any minute now he's going to walk into my room, gently kiss the back of my neck and whisper sweetly in my ear, "when are you going to be done with the connection?"

Jon: Thanks for the link! I went and read up, but once we were up there and I realized it wasn't heavily wooded, I wasn't afraid of mountain lions. Though I did hallucinate a couple.

Hm, it occurs to me it sounds like we were on drugs on that hike, but we weren't. 'Twas merely the fog.

Greg: BEER!

Erin: I used to drink Sammy Smith's Nut Brown alot in college -- Oatmeal Stout was another favorite. I've started buying it occasionally out here, too. Anyway, the liquor store was out of it, too. The ol' grab-in-stab isn't really known for its selection, but it is conveinent.

Edited by author 06-13-2003 02:29 AM
See if you can find Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout (I'm on the east coast, don't know if you can find it out there). Yummy stuff.

As for mountain lions? Um, honestly I'd freeze. But that wouldn't be a planning sort of thing.

Oh! And almost forgot to add that the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice rocks. I have to also admit to being a fan of North and South, which does not have Colin Firth in it (and I never watched soap operas, but I think these were what I had instead).

Beer so totally rules.

Mountain lions? You kick their ass.

(or at least fight back).

Good luck. Luck, luck, luck.

I try to avoid women secretly laughing, because I'm sure they're laughing at me. However, I'll see if I can scare up a copy.

Jon, have your Lisa see "The Secret Laughter of Women." Definite must for Firth fans.

Heather, no cat? Then you must be a Tim person!

Hang on. The week is actually almost over (still, faster faster . . .). :-)

Wow -- glad Tim isn't at Clarion. Or boot camp. :)

Jenn, Gwenda and Vera all have this thing for Pride and Prejudice and/ or Colin Frith.

Good lord. So does my Lisa. Just dropped some cash for that miniseries on DVD a couple days before. Got it home and she just had to watch it (all right, just the first disc, but the next day as soon as she got home, she fired up part two).

She even talked about wanting to go see What A Girl Wants, just because of Mr. Firth. Talked her down from the theater, but I can't help but think we'll end up renting it at some point.

I don't quite get it myself, but then, I'm a straight guy.

So...not a separate vacation couple?

Heather, it's great that we're getting to see more posts from you! Any chance you'll keep it up when Timberry gets back?

And, I just have to say, that I concur with Greg for everything but the eyebrow shaving.

I just got a kitten recently, my first in probably 7 years, since I was off at college for a while, and when my roommate and I got a cat, we got a slightly grown up one so he wouldn't be so lonely while we had to work (whereupon I didn't get a job for 3 months, but shhh. It was a good plan.) I'd forgotten how utterly cute kittens are. I'd forgotten what goofs they are, and my friends can all attest to numerous cat stories, and not-quite-so-numerous pictures (http://www.livejournal.com/users/tanaise/240355.html#cutid1, for example. My favorite is still the one where it looks like the kitten was de-legged in some tragic accident, possibly caused by the dog.)

As far as being people sick--I horribly miss my Clarion class this week. It's been exactly a year, and I'm reading everyone's journals there now, and I keep thinking, "Oh, and then we did X," and it makes me horribly sad. I did the same after college. Sometimes I just hate meeting new people because then I've got that many more people to miss when they're not around.

Oops. THat verged away from cheering up there, didn't it. Ummm. Kitten! or Kiki! I read lots of Sluggy last night, and it made me happier. Something about talking ferrets, I think.

Edited by author 06-11-2003 11:53 PM
As far as two becoming intrinsically entangled, Shawn is definitely my external motivation. As much as I don't like living in a messy place, I can live with it, but if I know Shawn's coming home, I put in the extra effort to actually try to make it a nicer place (I promised him I'd do dishes while he's down the hill tomorrow.)

Oh, and Chris -- sorry about that. I don't know how she got out. Once you corner Ursula, could you just, I don't know, lock her in a closet or something until we can arrange pick up? And don't worry, the venom isn't really deadly, although you might feel a slight tingly sensation if you come in direct contact with the ichor.

Well, Chris, first we need to ask the question "is this, in fact, a cat?" Then we must wonder -- OH MY GOD! WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU?!?!?!

(hurried retreating footsteps, door slam, tires squealing into the distance)

I can't believe you posted in your journal two days in a row. Keep this up and Tim will fly back early just to find out who has replaced you with an alien replicant!

Heather, the mere fact that you managed to go to the gym after work means that you are far-and-beyond a more dignified single person than I am.

I have this (crackpot) theory that when you live with a person for a long period of time, you start externalizing some of the little processes that comprise 'you' onto that other person. Or, to say the same thing a different way, the other person's consistent external patterns and reactions get integrated into your day-to-day functioning, and you form a new equilibrium based on that constant reinforcement. Or possibly there's a new entity that emerges from the combined dynamic systems of the two of you. (Same thing could extend, of course, to groups larger than two.)

So when you're suddenly, atypically separate from such a person, the sense of having lost a piece of yourself is literal and not just an overused metaphor. You've got every right to be functioning a little off, because what you use to function has just experienced a major change and needs some time to readjust. At least, so my crackpot theory goes. :)

Jon, are you saying I don't like cats?

Aw, Heather. At least you've got someone in the house with you who can carry on a conversation. I mean, heck, my cats are sweet and all, but they're not much for talking.

He'll be back soon, we promise. And hey, if you really want the distraction of many many posts, we could always get another flamewar going.

(kidding, people)

Heather, just know that this situation w/o Timbo is temporary, unlike the strangeness of Greg van Eekhout, which appears to be a permananent condition. ;)

I sympathise about the honeysuckle. We own a house, but my husband lost his job a few months ago, and I cancelled all plans to renovate the house or work on the garden (and I had big plans for the garden this year) until we're 100% sure we don't have to move.

As for being apart...Ken and I were apart at least half of the first two years we were together, because his work kept sending him to Korea. It wasn't easy. We had twice-daily phone calls, and lots of e-mails, and I was lucky to have many friends in the area.

However, I can happily say that reunions are a hell of a lot of fun. ;-)

Apologies for the late response; I'm catching up on your board.

I have friends in Beaverton (just visited them last week, in fact)--if you'd like me to hook you up with them via e-mail, contact me at dayleandken@mac.com.

Also, last week I had supper with the above-mentioned friends and Jay Lake, and Jay said nice things about you and Tim. He's also some who you can ask about the Portland area.

Heather,

Try the old BBC version of Pride and Prejudice with David Rintoul and Elizabeth Garvey (sp?) -- I actually prefer it slightly to the Firth version, though they are both great in their own ways.

Talking about gardens, my mom and I have created a total mega-rose garden in our house's back and front yard (in just 3 years we planted about 200 rose bushes! Not to mention cacti, geraniums, new lawn sod, and a multitude of other plants) and I hate to think of what will happen to it if ever I have to move out or die or whatever.

Never thought that this would bother me so much, this responsibility for the garden.

Jenn, yes! Any movie with Colin Firth is excellent company.

And for good measure you can always read I Capture the Castle afterwards and imagine yummy British actors in the parts.

Heather -

I'm a little late with this, but I feel your honeysuckle pain. Make your landlord replace it with a lilac or something. She needs to do some kind of penance. There's probably a level of hell that was accidentally left out of Dante for garden killers. I can send you honeysuckle clippings if you have the heart to try again.

Last summer, I drove by the house where I'd spent the previous six years cleaning the junk out of the yard and building a beautiful perennial garden and it was gone. They'd been there less than a year and had destroyed a low maintenance haven in the urban alley ugliness. I should have just dug up all the plants and took them with me, but they had promised me they'd keep the garden going. We'd already lost a beautiful wild rose bush to the siding crew the year before. There was nothing remaining from all the work and love invested by me and the neighborhood kids. I raged and then cried all the way home.

Kristin

I like watching Pride and Prejudice. It takes almost 6 hours and I can usually lose myself in the story.

If you decide to get IM, let me know. I'm on a lot and would be happy to talk nonsense at you. :)

*HUGS!*

Just pretend you're having a really good time. Watch lots of Buffy and read trashy novels and look pleadingly at your sister (or the baby) until they begin to cook complicated gourmet meals for you.

Or, failing that, invent an imaginary cabana boy and talk to him a lot.

(smile)

G

Edited by author 06-10-2003 06:27 PM
When Lisa goes out of town I eat pbj's.

Then I smear been dip on my chest.

Then I shave my eyebrows.

After a few days, I make a big ball of tape and draw a face on it and call it Lisa.

Then, me and Tape Lisa start going out. People talk, but we don't care.

I love Tape Lisa. I love Real Lisa. I wish they could learn to love each other.

I hear you -- separation is rough! Shawn and I had been only been dating for five weeks when I went overseas for 6, and it was awful. The worst was the phone connections from Russia were such that we could barely hear each other, which made it almost worse than no contact at all.

Then there was the nine months when we were buying the house up in Big Bear and I was working in Tarzana, only seeing Shawn on weekends. And now he's in school down the hill -- at least I have him for almost three whole months over the summer!

But each time he leaves or I wake up and he's not here, things just don't seem right. :(

{hugs}

Thanks for all the support, guys! Jenn, that's exactly what I want to say to Tim every single day. Back when I was miserable and lonely no one ever told me about this terrible fear of losing your true love once you've found him! It's awful!

Greg, it *is* a lovely kind of sadness, though I'd rather not ever have to do this again. It's going to be so good when I see him again next Sunday, though; I can hardly wait!!

Jason, now, you're putting me to shame! You poor things, having to wait months and months! Oh, god! I'm so sorry! Soon after Tim and I got together (two years ago now) he had to go back to North Carolina for a month on a trip he'd planned long before we met. That was HORRIBLE! I'd written him lots and lots of little letters -- one for every day he'd be gone from me. There were pictures, poetry, stories, letters and treats sealed in each envelope, and he got something different every day. When he came back, he gave me a collection of love poetry he'd written while he was gone -- one for every day we were apart. It was lovely, though I'd have given it all up just to have had him with me during that time.

Sigh.

Oh, and I'm glad you like the Timberry nickname, Jenn. I came up with it after he started calling me "Shawberry". Hee! We've got a lot of very cute names for one another, many of them interchangable between us.

I feel your pain, too, Heather. Kenny and I have a huge ritual of yelling "Be safe!" and "I love you!" and "Be safe!" every morning before he leaves. It never gets any easier, and I don't want it to. :)

BTW, "Timberry" is almost the cutest thing I've ever heard.

Lisa and I have been together 13 years, and we still get all sad and mopey whenever we have to part.

If you think about it, it's a really lovely kind of sadness.

I know how you feel, Heather. I only had two weeks with my Janet in Singapore, one of which was ruined by me getting food poisoning. I was sad and mopey at the airport when I had to leave two Saturdays ago, but it really didn't hit me until last Monday when I woke up and realized that she wasn't there, and I wouldn't see her again for months and months. I started bawling like a baby. I've been pretty depressed since, though I'm starting to work on stories again. It's hard being away from the love of your life.

Amber,
I did get your email at my yahoo account, but just in case my reply doesn't go through, I wanted to let you know that I got a pretty definitive rejection from Jennifer de Guzman yesterday. If this is somehow a mistake, do let me konw! :-)

Thanks for following up on this! I really appreciate it!

Heather,
in the spirit of our emails not working regardless of what address they get sent from, via which internet provider on random days, I'm just letting you know (in case my latest email doesn't make it to you) that we have your story and it's still under consideration.

Thanks!
Amber.
Ideo.

Oh Heather, Iäm so sorry about the honeysuckle. I loved that about your house, the wild abundance and Secret Garden feel. That front gate of yours is one of the images I hold in my head to remind me of what I miss about California-style greenery.

(Also sorry about odd letters slipping in as I type, but Iäm on a Swedish keyboard this month.)

Nickäs right, though, it is nice to see you updating so much. Of course, it is silly to compare you to Tim on the subject of prolificness, as that boy is such a slacker.

So far in June, you've updated more often than Tim. Good job!

oops -- should have said the neighbor's definition of weed was significantly broader than mine. She also killed the scarlet dianthus I'd inherited from the previous tenants.

Last spring -- my first one in our own house -- I was really getting into the nesting thing, and I loved weeding our front yard.

Then our neighbor came in one day while we weren't there and decided to be "helpful" by weedwacking the whole thing. Unfortunately, her definition of "weed" was significantly narrower than mine, and she ended up hacking to death all the wild daisies that I'd just transplanted between the lilacs. So, yeah, I understand.

I didn't say anything to her, since I know she'd had a really difficult year (losing both her mother and her daughter to cancer in a 12 month period) and she really was trying to help.

Still, I cried. You're right about feeling violated -- and that wasn't even the five years of love and labor you'd put into the honeysuckle. Best wishes for future gardens (and you may want to ask her about the tomatoes, just in case....)

Rachel: Yes, traumatic is one of the words I used to describe the feeling. Also: devestated, horrified, heartbroken and sad. I feel so fucking powerless right now, too. I'm worrying about my new tomatoes, even though she's never fucked with them before; hell, she never touched the poor honeysuckle before, either.

We can't do much to protest, but we did write three seperate rent checks this month, instead of going to the trouble of consolidating. It's a tiny inconveinence for her, but I'm pretty sure she'll realize why we did it. I hope so. I wish I could make her feel bad for doing it, but she's heartless.

You are definitely not crazy for being affected by this. It must have been very traumatic.

{{hugs}}

Thanks for all the support, guys. It doesn't bring the honeysuckle back, but it's making me feel a little better (and not crazy for crying over the honeysuckle's demise)!

Susan: I know! I can't help thinking about all the folks who haven't seen my house yet, and how they'll never get to pass through the honeysuckle gates . . .

Vera: I fully intend to own my own home (with Tim, of course) and have a gate covered in wild honeysuckle . . . .someday.

Nick: Hm, I see what you mean. It was unintentional, but I'm glad to have stumbled upon a journal topic you don't hate. :-)

Jenn: Oh! I forgot to give her reasoning, mainly because it was weak. If you look at the first photo, you can kinda see where it had some dead branches underneath. According to the landlady, it was "dying underneath" and she had it "cut back" so it could grow back "healthier". Nevermind that all that needed trimming was the dead bits, which I've been doing every year. Nevermind that they ripped the whole thing out and left two tiny stumps that don't even have any branches or leaves or anything on them. Maybe they'll grow back, but there's WAY less there than there was when I moved in, and I hope I'm long gone by the time they grow back to their former glory. I don't think they're going to, anyway; I'm pretty sure she just said that to try and placate me when I confronted her.

Celia: That's awful, about your old yard! Yeah, it runs in my family, too. Mom sent me email this morning with suggestions for fast-growing vines (though I'd have to check with the landlady before planting them and I just don't want to talk to her; maybe I'll plant them and pin notes to them saying, "PLEASE DON'T MURDER US!") and a story about her flowering crabapple tree that was butchered twice over the years by tree toppers hired by the electric company (it's close to power lines). The company has been sued by homeowners for their drastic tree-topping practices, actually. And Kellarina will remember how we mourned when our old landlord, Lou, topped the huge old oak trees in our front yard in Franklin for no other reason than "they might break off and cause damage to the house". At least he didn't rip them out . . .

Greg: Thanks, I think so, too.

Dan: Thanks for your condolences. Re: John Kessel's speech: Don't have a tape of it myself, and I'm not sure where you'd find it. I haven't actually read "Stories for Men" yet, though I plan to.

Scott and Jon: I'll ditto Tim and add that this whole incident has made me start looking at housing prices and the job market in Portland. Need to figure stuff out about Portland, though, such as how far is Tigard and Beaverton, are they nice places to live, and can you commute from there to other places in the city? All the cheap housing (and some of the jobs) seem to be in this area!

Ah, Jon, if only it were so easy. But the rent on this place is a *steal*. Anywhere else in town, we'd be paying at least a third again as much per month for a place this size. We simply can't afford to move (not that we haven't looked for another place within our price range; we just haven't found any). Of course, we're still saving up with thoughts of relocation to a less-urban area, so...

That's a crappy thing to do. And damn pointless, really. And if she didn't give any reason other than "because I wanted it done?", then you already know what to do: move.

That's despicable of your landlady, Heather. I mourn your loss. Does this hasten your desire to move someplace more hospitable?

Heather, my condolences on your honysuckles. That's simply wrenching.

"The very tall John Kessel [...] gave a kick-ass speech, managing to put into words ideas about men and feminism that I've had kicking around my head for years but had never been able to express in any coherent way before."

Any chance of getting a tape or transcript of that speech? I ask because I thought his "Stories for Men" was interesting-though-flawed, and I would very much like to get some more background information on the author. Also, I hate knowing I missed a kick-ass speech. :)

What a crummy specimen, your landlady.

Oh, that's awful. I think some people think of gardens as being instant creations, without understanding how much time it takes to get them looking beautiful.

It's not quite the same, but the house we lived in when I was very young was sold after we moved out. It had had this beautiful yard, with lilacs along one fence--all the colors--and a honeysuckle *tree* big enough to sit on in the backyard, and sumac all along the driveway. And the horribly evil people who moved in there cut *everything* down. It's been almost 20 years, and my mom still gets upset when we drive by there.

Grrrrrr. I can't believe your landlady would do that! What possible reason could she have?? It's terrible!! *Hugs*, Heather. :(

I liked your post because it was all about me.

Oh, Heather. I am so sorry. What a wicked witch of the west!!

Damn.

*grieving along with you*

But -- one day, you will have your own place and you can re-create the secret garden where the honeysuckle rises unfettered to the stars and the scent in the air is wild....

Heather! That's horrible news, about the honeysuckle. I'm almost ready to cry myself, and I wasn't going to get to see your yard again for months anyway.

Ben: I have this wonderful image of Aviva shrieking and beating off her would-be kidnappers with tiny fists of rage. Hee! Good luck with your move back to the states!

Kellarina: Not surprised, no. Let me know if you need any help (sorry, couldn't resist that one;-)

Rachel: Would love to see that home movie! Mine are all of me in dance costumes, preening and pretending to interview my sister and singing songs in a very high voice. Not nearly as fun as deer abduction!

Dan: You know that they have those machines now? I think there was an inventor in Spain first, and now one in Japan. No word on when they're going to have one that translate baby to English, though . . .

This is reminding me of the Simpsons episode in which Homer's half-brother invents a baby translator. At a parenting products trade show, the babbles of a passing baby in a harness are translated (in the inventor's gravelly voice) as "this leash demeans the both of us."

My parents had a harness for me when I was about 2 that they could attach a leash to. Makes sense to me: give the kids a little leeway without worrying about them disappearing.

Of course, there was the time we were at the deerpark and one of the deer started chewing on the harness. My uncle shooed it away -- unfortunately, it was still holding onto the harness at the time.

Yes, we have home movies of this incident.

I'm sure it will come as no shock to you, Mzzz. Shaw, but I'm smack dab in the middle of the purity scale. 50%.

Guess I've got some work to do, huh?

I certainly did not mean to discourage you from defending your neice from the Random Crazy People! That was just the right thing.

Sigh. Switzerland is so innocently scoured of street crime. I'm going to miss that, once we're back in the States. I don't know what to do about Aviva and kidnappers. Subcutaneous GPS chip? (Kidding... kidding...)

Though Aviva's pretty resilient and determined. The kidnappers might not know what they were in for.

Heather (and Tim), if I'm going to go to the Matrix over Wiscon, my thought was tomorrow night after Angelic - i.e. before the con "really" starts...

Rachel: Yeah, it's like magic when singing soothes a baby.

Shannon: Have to ditto Tim on the Matrix during Wiscon question.

Tim: Most people, they send me journal errata in private email when I make a typo. Ya just couldn't resist embarrassing me in public, could you? :-)

Mom: Jeez, I'd hope that it was a given that I'm not having sex with dead people, offal, critters, etc! Have some faith in how you raised me! :-)

Ben: Ok, sure, I can see that with a two-year-old, especially in Europe, where folks are known to be really nice to children. But I stand by my assertion that one does not leave a 5-month-old infant who can't even crawl or speak yet, in his car seat near the door of a laundromat in a shady part of Oakland when you're up to your elbows, three rows of washers away. I was trying to be a bit gentle when recounting the story, but I got the sense that the teenage girl holding his arms down was not right in the head and she was hurting the baby. Aleister can't yell "let go, you're hurting me" nor can he get away. He can cry, which he did, but he sometimes does that anyway, and there was no way to see that he was being hurt until I walked up to him.

As my mother pointed out to me in email, it would have been so, so easy for someone to pull their car up outside, snatch the baby, and be gone before Holly could've even made it to where his car seat was, let alone outside in the parking lot.

And I know I'm probably worrying too much about this, but I'm a worrier :-) I think it's pretty cool that your daughter can run around a supermarket like that safely, but I would worry -- about someone snatching her, about her pulling something heavy down on top of herself, etc. And I think the European tolerance of children is much higher than the American one (I believe I read about this in a Barbara Kingsolver essay, actually); people around here expect children to be kept in line and they can get ugly when they aren't.

No, I'm not a parent yet :-) When we do have kids, I suppose Tim gets to be the lenient one. Ah well. Though I'm not going to put my kid on a leash -- that's just too weird.

Changing topic:

I really didn't think the purity test would get so much response! Man! Thanks for taking the test and posting your scores, everybody. Mom! Did you take the test? What's your score?? Hmmm? ;-)

Hey Ben! How's it going? Speaking of leashes, you ever see those plastic leashes for little kids that over zealous parents attach to them so they don't get too far away? That's some sick stuff...

I think I've run across your daughter at OUR grocery store! ;)

And since we're all going there: Purity 60.36%, but an odd distribution: 8.9% on Straightness, for instance, 73.5% (well below avg) on Fucking Sick, and 86.8% on Sex Drive -- "the Pope is envious". (As well he should be, really.)

Essentially due to having been in one monogamous relationship since I was 20, I suppose.

Go us for crying over Fetch at work, Heather! ;->

And you can totally leave your baby on the other side of the laundomat, if you are watching. At least in Switzerland, or if you can run fast and tackle evildoers. No, but seriously, much insanity in childrearing derives from trying to keep kids -- particularly toddlers -- on too short a leash. My daughter (two and a half) runs all over the supermarket, lying on the floor, taking stuff off shelves to put in our cart (which, if I say nicely, "we're not getting that, honey", she's happy to put back where it goes), trying to crawl under the freezer, etc. If she's out of sight I call her and she calls back. Meanwhile all these other parents are having shouting and pulling matches with their kids trying to get them to stay in the cart. C'mon, people!

Regarding your reply on 5/13 to Nick - I feel much better now! :-) MOM

Oh, yeah -- and we named the car Phoebe, not Phobe. :) Pretty funny typo, though. Our car is afraid. Very afraid. Of everything!

Hmm. I rather doubt we'd fly halfway across the country in order to sit in a movie theater. We go to Wiscon to *talk* to people, not to sit with people and look at a screen. Though it would be nice to see the movie before the convention, since it seems like something people might be talking *about*...

I too haven't been to The Matrix Reloaded, I suspect a group might go and see it at some point during Wiscon... perhaps Thursday night? (if you and Tim are around then)

When my cousin was staying with us, I used to sing her two year old to sleep. It was a wonderful feeling, to be able to do that.

(PS prev subject 54%, but some of the questions I just haven't gotten around to yet.)

Blood alcohol level, I think.

Are we talking about our cholesterol?

It's a good thing to have goals. I guess.

43%, for me. But I'm younger than Heather! Give me time!

Me too, Jason. Heather, when I meant boring, I meant sexually boring. Whatever the hell that means.

Jason, I'm with you. I scored somewhere around 60% and was ashamed to report this back to Heather.

I scored somewhere around 70% on the purity test. I feel like I'm practically a virgin around you people. :)

Within our social circle, owning a Saturn is indication that you are Of The Body. In fact, I've noticed that friends who choose to buy something other than a Saturn feel the need to explicitly state it as such and often explain why.

We're on our second, having traded in the SL1 for a new AWD Vue (three cheers for rebates and 0 percent financing!)

As far as the purity test, I noticed that they didn't include the "Have you have used a purity test as a checklist?" question. ;)

Scott: Hey, thanks for the link! I guess it's old news by now, but yours was the first mention of the P3 TOC I saw, so thanks again! It IS mighty fine company, and I'm honored to included in it. Yippee!

Shannon: Ah, well, we've already bought a car of our own. I like the idea of sharing one, too, but it's really nice to have one at our disposal, should an emergency arise. Thanks for the nifty links, though!

Nick: Aw, c'mon, it's not *that* bad. Many of those things you only have to do once to get credit for, and some of them -- like buying more than $250 worth of sex toys and watching/ reading porn -- are part of my day job, for crissakes! (One of my coworkers actually got so tired of clicking every box she just gave up on the test.) All the really shady stuff -- scat, piss, dead people, incest, bestiality, etc. -- I didn't score on at all, just so you know. I'm not *that* bad.

Oh, and I'll have to retake the 400-question version (with drug questions), as I *have* tried various substances . . . more than the last time I took that version of the test, too. Not everything, though -- so maybe our scores would be closer on that version . . .

Jon: Bah, that's poppycock! Actually, around here, these sex-party-going-types are a dime a dozen, and you get really tired of hearing all the "blow-job-in-the-bar" stories after awhile. I'm totally jealous of your writing desk and (especially) your cats! I wish I had cats! And weren't you the one who did the stuffed cthulu photo-story? That's funny shit man! Totally not boring.

MA: Mwah-ha-ha-ha-hah! You left the Bay Area too soon;-)

Kellarina: I *knew* you'd be proud of the Saturn! I thought it was a SC2 that Brian had -- I remember being surprised you guys bought such a sporty car, but I totally get it now (and am very, very grateful that it saved your lives!). Everyone keeps warning me that I'll soon be part of this "Saturn Cult", but I don't know what they're talking about. Although, earlier today when my coworker asked me why I dressed up, I told her it was because I drove the Saturn in today (to get new tires while I was at work). "Oh," she said, "do you match the upholstery?" "No," I told her, "I just wanted to impress the Saturn . . ."

(It's a reference to a popular TV show. Sort of . . . )

Yippie on the car purchase! I'm excited for you. And welcome to the "Saturn family", btw... :-) I'd believe the seller if she said the car saved her life a few times. We were driving a '97 SC2 when we had our accident -- and Brian's lucky to be alive.

Hooray for Saturns!

Y'know, I had a feeling you might beat me... :-)

Hmm. Heather, I think I might be the most boring person you know.

Garsh. Now we'll have to wrap you in plastic before letting you in the hot tub. Yeesh, talk about a human stew!

Of course, if this were the old purity test with the drug questions, my score would be the same as yours...I only got a 35.5% on this one.

Heather, here are some links that might help:

http://www.bicyclecommuter.com/CarSharingInCa.htm - Article about City of Oakland run car sharing program

The program itself is at http://www.citycarshare.org/ - Looks like a very reasonable program - max charge of $35/day, under $400 to join, about $3.5/hr for the cars - looks very interesting (wish they were here in Chicago)

http://www.flexcar.com/bayarea/default.asp - FlexCar's link for getting notified when the relauch in the Bay Area.

Hope it helps someone reading this - I'm philosophically intrigued by the idea of car sharing, seems a very cool and sensible way of reducing car usage as well as lowering people's costs of living.

Lookee all the people you'll be sharing the ToC with for Polyphony 3! Mighty fine company.

Thanks for all the creative congrats, guys! It totally brought back the brand-new "I just sold a story to a cool market!" buzz from last week. Y'all are the best!

Rachel: I'm so glad someone else likes the kittens as much as I do! I'm suffering from not having a cat for (gulp!) 6 years! I wish my landlady would cave!

Rob: You're very sleuthy :-) Oh, and I didn't mean to be harsh; was just teasing about the fact that only one person wrote to ask. I was impatient last week; now I'm re-basking in the glow, so all is well :-)

Celia: Hello! It's lovely to meet one of my future P3 TOC mates! Congrats on your first sale (and a spiffy one it is, too, if I do say so myself)! And, yes, you certainly know how to put a positive spin on rejection -- that's important for writers, since we get a lot of them!

Mike: Yes, this is the one about the guy with the scars. I read it at World Con at night as my "erotic" story, though as I read it I
realized it wasn't really erotica after all -- it just hinges on a sex scene. Ah well. You and Tim at a kiddie table strikes me as an adorable photo op. I'm still not in your guys' league yet, but I'm working on it :-)

Daryl and Shannon: Thanks for the car suggestions!
Daryl: Not sure about a refurbished car. We just want something
that's been well-maintained and is reliable. I'm getting nervous about buying a "fixer-upper".

Shannon: Zip cars (at least, the website I found) are only back East. Though I have seen electric cars around here at BART stations, I'm not sure they'd work for us; Tim needs to drive to work everyday. Very cool idea, though!

On the car front, just a thought - have you looked at something like ZipCars (?) there are a couple of companies that offer car sharing, with plans as low as $100 or so a month - might be an option, especially if you and Tim only occasionally need to use a car (many of these seem best suited for people who commute, the cars are available in some cases in train station parking lots etc - so might not work for you)

Congratulations on the Polyphony sale!!!

Hi Heather! I just had an odd (possibly useless, but I hope not) thought about cars. What happens to the cars that people donate to places like "Cars for Causes"? I wonder if some of them become available as refurbished vehicles for people who need dependable, inexpensive transportation?

Good luck!

Yay! :-) Good job, chica!

Heather -- verrrry nice. Congrats! Was this the story with the guy w/ the scars? Or something else altogether...?

Man, this makes me feel better about my story making it to the final round before crashing and burning. I guess Tim and I will have to go back to sitting at the little-kids' table...

Edited by author 05-07-2003 01:16 AM
I read your blog before I got my own email, so I didn't catch on to your news till someone pointed out the similarities the next day or so. :) Congrats. Mine's a one word title too--"Wounds." And if not for a fortuitous rejection by SH the week before, this would be my second pro sale. ;) (see how I used the words "fortuitous" and "rejection" together like that? I should be in PR.)

Go you!!!! Heather rocks!!!! :-)

Edited by author 05-07-2003 12:34 AM
Actually, Heather, I've visted the same newsgroup as you. Over at Sff.net Polyphony newsgroup Jay mentioned they would announce the table of contents in two weeks. The same day I read that, I read in your journal about your news that you couldn't report for two weeks. And, since I've read your journal, I knew you had a story on hold from P2 there. I bet she sold to Polyphony, I thought.

It would have been better if I had sent you an e-mail with a guess. Explaining it now just seems lame. However, I'll use this post as an excuse to say CONGRATS again. Now write some more stories and sell them!

Way to go, Heather!

Woot! Woot! That is wonderful news!!!

(I have no shame about exclamation points.)

Congrats!!!

That's wonderful! Go, you!
And I love the kittens.

Sweet merciful crap, Heather! That is fucking excellent! Yay you! Am v. proud!

Holy Jeebus! Whoo! That is some unbefuckinglievable good news! Good job!

(Whoa, gotta cut back on the exclamation points, the damn things are addictive. well, maybe just one more:)

That's really really cool!

Mazel tov!

Thanks, Nick!

Yes, this is the one I originally submitted (late) to P2. They were looking for a "new writer" -- one w/ no previous pro sales -- to fill out their TOC, so I sent it back in November. Then, a few weeks
later, "Famishing" was accepted to SH, making my first pro sale. Not that I know that that's why "Restoration" didn't make it into P2, but I sure am happy they held it and took it for P3!

Whoo-hoo!

You guessed already, huh Rob? Cool! Thanks for the congrats!

Jenn was the only one who thought to email me and ask if I could tell her privately, so she knew already. Well, and Tim and Susan knew, because I live with Tim, and Susan comes over every Tuesday for
Buffy. Susan had guessed, too.

Yay for mysteries revealed! Hee!

I knew it! Congrats, Heather!

Congrats!

Was this the story originally submitted to P2 and that they asked to hold?

Thanks, Greg! I love it when the news is good enough to make you swear!

I haven't posted in awhile, huh? Working backwards . . .

The "Bitches Dance" looks a bit like the gopher dance, Kellie! I'm thinking about having Tim photograph me doing the different movements of it and making a journal entry of it . . .

Karen, comparing me to Alyson Hannigan is a wonderful thing to do! Love it!

Mike, I thought "Bee-otches" was funny!

Um . .. Nick, see above. Or I'll just dance it for you at Wiscon after I've been to several parties and am in my "this might embarass the hell out of me later but what the hell" mode.

Mary Anne, um, maybe we need to have a more private chat than this forum, hm?

Jason, Jon, Greg, Scott -- thanks for the congrats! I'm still dancing!

Jenn and Jon -- yeah, let's take over Viable Paradise one of these years!

Oh, and, yes, I did NOT make it into any grad schools this year. Sigh.

Rob -- thank you thank you thank you for posting so much about Eugene! It actually made us take a long hard look at things and realize that we're better off staying put for a while longer, but it colors in our dreams of moving in a way that web-surfing for info just doesn't!

Karen -- I think it must have been Eugene I visited years ago, because I certainly remember being disappointed by the butt-ugly square buildings you mention. Why does everywhere cool have to be so damn expensive? Meh!

Oh, and if I apply to grad schools next year, #1 on my list is in Madison. Want to study with Lorrie Moore, yes I do! Otherwise, well, it snows! Brrr!

Greg -- cool link on the tunnels, thanks!

Kick! Fucking! Ass!

Damn, Heather, that's awesome. Congratulations!

I'm dancing the secret "Congratulations" dance! I won't tell you what I'm congratulating you on (because I don't know) but I'm dancing a secret dance just the same. I looks a little like "The Gopher" dance, though...

Things sound good, good, good in your wonderful California-esque part of the world. (Sigh.) Iowa-esque just doesn't have the same sort of ring to it.

Yip for your anniversary! You two are so good for each other. But I can't help asking -- when's the wedding?!

Tell Holly hello -- and congrats again!

Heather, I keep seeing you sort of morphily combined with another redhead: Alyson Hannigan in _American Pie_. "Say my name, bitch!"

Happpy Anniversary, you coupla bee-otches!

(oh wait -- did I just insult you? I'm so un-hip it's not cool)

Ah, but Mary Anne -- you passed your orals, which means that *we* are all *your* bitches. You gotta keep these things in perspective.

Doing an animated gif of Heather doing the bitches dance is beyond my technical and artistic abilities, alas, but it would be pretty funny...

Edited by author 04-30-2003 10:47 AM
Clearly, this bitches dance calls for the posting of an animated gif of some sort.

I saw Heather do the bitches dance last night! It was fabulous, as one might have expected.

Now that's just mean, Mr. Timothy Pratt! Maybe I need to spread the word among all the editors that they've been buying too many stories from you and you've started getting cocky...it's been a while since we added anybody to the Secret Master Blacklist.

:-)

You can dance, you can dance, everybody look at your hands...

Congrats on your mysterious whatever!

Maybe she doesn't mean it when she says it to *you*, Mary Anne, but when she says it to me...

What sad is that she *says* "be my bitch" but she doesn't really mean it. Sigh...

Ah, mysterious joy. The best kind, 'cuz it's got that secret thing attached.

Dance, woman, dance! Shake that groove thing!

Yeah, do that "You're all my bitches and I know something you don't know" dance! Woo!

Go, Heather! Do that "You're all my bitches" song and dance! Woo-hoo about the presently unnameable cause for joy!

Hey, you could go here and kill 2 birds with one stone -- a writing workshop in Oregon. :)

I'd like to try Viable Paradise sometime, too. Let me know when you make it "this year," Jon, and we'll flood them with applications. ;)

Edited by author 04-26-2003 10:27 PM
I also eye Viable Paradise from time to time, for the same reasons. That, and Greg sings its praises. Again, probably not this year but next (Always next. Sooner or later I'll make it this year).

Incidentally, does this inquiry about Oregon and parts therebouts mean that grad schools have finally gotten off their duffs collective and responded?

I can affoard to eat three times a day, every day! Sometimes even five! :-)

I have a job that gives me 9 dollars an hour. I barely make twelve hundred a month. I have VERY cheap rent. I find Eugene affoardable. I don't find the prices outrageous at Safeway or Fred Meyer or Albertson's. Is this any help?

Apartments and duplexes (2 bedroom) rent for five hundred and six hundred, there's a lot for seven hundred, then there's some for eight hundred or more. Take a look at the Eugene Register-Guard's classifieds:

http://register.abracat.com/c2/apartments/search/index.xml

That should give you an idea of the rentals available. Summer is a good time because all the students will have gone home and there should be a lot to choose from.

The biggest problem you might have is employment. Oregon has the highest unemployment rate in the country right now. The last I heard, anyway.

Any other information I can get you? More info on Portland? Salem?

Info on Portland's Shanghai tunnels.

Eugene's tempting in many ways -- but could we find jobs that would keep us in the lifestyle to which we have grown accustomed? Heather and I like to be able to eat at least once *every day*!

Heather, I was going to send you e-mail about Eugene, but for starters I'll just comment here.

Portland is two hours away. That's where you go for the airport. I've flown out of the area more than a half dozen times and I've only flown once out of Eugene. Porland is cheaper to fly out of. Also, you're two hours away from Powells. Not as good as being, say, twenty minutes away.

I-5 corridor isn't at all busy in my opinion. However, Portland rush hour on I-5 can be slow. I've only experienced that a couple times though.

The ocean is around an hour's drive away depending on where you want to go. Going to Rockaway Beach is longer because that's further north. I like going to Rockaway.

I know nothing about Oregon underground tunnels, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

Eugene is green. And yes, the buildings are square and squat, but it's not full of strip malls. There's great coffee here and many coffee stands. There are cafes, Allann Brothers Coffee have two, and there are a few others.

I come from a part of Minnesota where the land is flat, so when I saw the hills around Eugene they were like mountains to me. You can hike or drive up these buttes and take in a view.

The Saturday Market is like the sixties all over again (at least that's how I've heard it described). Tie-dye galore, but then you don't need to got to the Saturday Market to see it. Artists sell their ware there--booths of merchandise and crafts and jewelery. There's music, bands playing, and sidewalk musicians. Food booths too.

Smith Family Books have two stores (used and new), though they don't have as much as Powells. Not even close.

There are plenty of parks and Eugene does have a rose garden. Probably nothing like Portland.

The selection of restaurants could be better, I think.

Let's not forget all the writers. Can't swing a cat without hitting one, as I've heard Jerry Oltion say. The Wordos have a workshop every Tuesday.

That's it for starters.

You could probably find the city-with-greenery blend you're looking for in Portland, although the city itself isn't cheap. When we lived there we were in the city, not a suburb, but the area had a nice neighborhood feel to it and there was a cherry tree growing in our yard. We chose to live in Portland because when we arrived the road was blooming with red roses covering even the highway dividers, and then when we got off the highway and parked beside a restaurant at random, it turned out to be the best Thai food we'd ever eaten. And yes, Powell's is about as good as a bookstore can get.

Eventually, something about the Portland vibe was just off for us; it wasn't quite the right fit. But that's the kind of thing you'd have to really go there and experience for yourself to decide on. It's a fine place.

We only visited Eugene briefly and I have to say, my main impression was of butt-ugly square buildings everywhere, looking like they'd all been thrown together fast and cheap, sort of like San Jose. But a number of interesting people seem to live there, so presumably they're finding something worthwhile.

Now if you want to see me be enthusiastic about people moving to nice-cities-with-greenery-and-universities, tell me you're thinking about coming to Madison...!

Greg and Jon: I'm glad you liked "Wetting the Bed". The house story (which I'm working on now) has a similiar feel to it; hopefully it will come out as good as its older sibling!

Trey: Glad you liked the con report. I was pretty thrilled to get to go, even if I was only there as support for Tim. He's a pretty cool fiance, that one.

Jenn: I love you. You're the best. I can't wait for the Nebulas where Tim is supporting me, either. Of course, the best would be him and I both nominated in the same year (but different categories). Hee!

Vera: I *think* I've been to Eugene once, 9 years ago. It was back when I lived in Indiana, and I was out visiting my first 'net romance, so I wasn't really paying attention to the name of the city. It was south of Portland a couple of hours, though. This was Janurary, so it was grey and cold, though it was way neater than Indiana so it made a pretty good impression. If it was Eugene.

Nick: That is a very tempting offer.

Sam: Will try to find a good picture of me in the dress. Had severe "Famishing" -like reactions to the photos we took, so I need to readust my body image and post them. Oh, and I seriously want to see the Oregon underground tunnels now! Were they natural or manmade?

Jason: Ditto Tim. Though Franklin really doesn't fit many of those criteria (it is DIRT cheap though).

Greg: Yay Powell's! Thanks for reminding me of them! It's another point in Portland's favor, that's for sure!

Christopher: Hello and welcome! I meant Ashland, Oregon. It's home to one of the biggest Shakespeare Festivals in the states, and is surrounded by breathtaking scenery. It also is reportedly very cute and pedestrian-friendly with cafes and good restaurants. However, it's an oasis, and I'd like to be a *bit* closer to a bigger city.

I've heard wonderful things about Asheville, NC, but Tim and I are looking to move to Oregon, it being just up the coast from where we live now and someplace neither one of us has ever lived before.

Everyone: Thanks for the Oregon comments! This helps a lot! Keep 'em coming!

Ashland? Do you mean Asheville, maybe? The only Ashland I can think of is not a city that meets any of your criteria. It may even be the opposite of your criteria.

The bicycle riding around both Boone and Asheville is excellent (on and off road) if that's a factor. A lot of US based pro riders train in the area.

Oregon also puts you in reach of Powell's, which is simply the greatest place on Earth.

Well, the greatest place on Earth where you can buy a cup of coffee and a copy of Third Alternative, anyway.

Edited by author 04-25-2003 04:16 PM
There are lots of places like that, Jason -- Boone, North Carolina has good weather, cheap rent if you live outside of town, it's 1.5 hours from a major airport, there are jobs if you don't mind working for the university or in tourism and not making tons of money, it's close to the Blue Ridge Parkway, there are great local bands, good restaurants, a handful of good cafes, etc. But I went to college there, and I'd like to live somewhere else, preferably someplace less snowy. Heather's college town, Franklin, was similar (well, not in weather or geography), but we don't want to go there for the same reasons -- been there, done that. Plus we think Oregon would be good because it's close enough to load a truck with all our stuff and drive there without spending days on the road...

Heather, when you find that town, let me know since I'd certainly want to live in a place like that too.

And also, I forgot. :) I knew a woman who lived in Corvallis and she really likes it up there. She studies soil content or something like that. I remember calling her the Dirt Goddess. Oregon also has neat underground tunnels. I haven't been to those tunnels, but I saw them on "Secret Passages". I really do watch too much Discovery Channel.

Hey Heather! Sounds like you had a great time at the Nebulas! I want to see pictures of that dress you were talking about. Sounds really pretty.

Sam

Hmm, whatever Viable Paradise costs, I'll let you come out here for half for a week of doing nothing but writing and talking about!

Heather,

I have only been to Eugene, Oregon for a weekend for a friend's wedding, but I can tell you I fell in love with the place -- lovely, green, peaceful, perfect for writers. Not to mention people like Bruce Holland Rogers, Leslie What, and a whole lot of other writer Oregonites seem to live there. Check it out! :-)

I look forward to the Nebula report where Tim is just there to support Heather and *her* nominated short story. It's not too far off, I can feel it!

Great report. I almost feel like I was there.

Well ... no, not really. I'm just a bit jealous, is all.

It was a good story. Sounds like you had a lovely time overall.

I like that story with the kids on the beds, too.

Ah, what a handsome bunch of 'trappers. Congratulations to the lot of them.

Hey van Eekhout, don't tease unless you've walked a mile in our greasepaint.

In Flytrap 2, we'll have stories by clowns, sociopaths, weeble-wobbles, AND clay pots with faces painted on them.

Derek James? Jay Lake? Mike Jasper? Susan Marie Groppi?

WHAT A BUNCH OF CLOWNS!!!!

Let's just go ahead and break out the Weeble Circus.

And don't even get me started that well-known sociopath Jenn Reese.

Heh. Well, we could print it up and have it ready by Wiscon, probably -- if someone wants to donate a couple hundred bucks to fund it. Otherwise, we have to wait a few months for money to accumulate...

Thanks for sharing your enthusiasm with us, folks! I'm pleased as punch about our lineup and I'm so thankful I have such talented and generous friends and collegues. I'm also thankful that I'm done writing rejections for awhile -- I worry over them quite a lot, as I know what they feel like when they're done wrong. I had to really mull over quite a few of the stories I ended up not taking.

Nine stories sounds like a lot, but many of these stories are around (or under!) 1000 words. Lots of quality packed into those words, of course, but not as long overall as you might think at first.

Eee! I'm also excited about the artwork and the nonfiction and the poetry and . . everything! I don't know how I'm gonna wait 6 months before we print this baby . . .

It won't be hard to get copies of Flytrap. We'll have copies available for sale via our website, or to anyone who wants to send us a check, and we plan to have it available through Project Pulp and Erin Donahoe's soon-to-go-live poetry-centric equivalent to Project Pulp. We're also looking into distribution possibilities, so with luck it'll be available in the odd bookstore, too.

So, my parents & partner are already asking... how does one get a hold of copies if one isn't going to the Con?? Can they order them?

BTW, thanks Heather - I'm *still* bouncing!

Sounds fabulous! Looking forward to reading it.

Nine short stories in one issue!

Bang for one's buck!

Not sure about print-run yet, Scott. We're still looking into distribution options, etc.

But basically we'll print a bunch, and if we run out, we'll print more!

Yeah -- what Scott said. A kick-ass group of folks to be in a ToC, 'cept for that Jasper slacker... Can't wait to see this 'zine!

Sounds like a great lineup! What's the projected initial print-run?

So, Heather -- new dress?

: )

It really does surprise me how much just the presence of my other half makes a difference. I don't sleep very well when he's not around.

Protests are interesting creatures. How do you condense a roiling set of mixed emotions and sometimes conflicting beliefs into a simple chant?

But at least you were there.

Hmm. Might have to mail you zip disk with OS updaters. More investigation needed.

Also: glad apartment didn't burn down. V. good.

Also also: Vera correct, day numbering desig. totally inspired, quite trippy. Make with part two already.

Heather,

Forgot to say, I totally loved your Day "numbering" desination for Lady/Nimue, like "Day Candle," etc. Totally eerie-weird and character-appropriate. I am doing an irregular numbering too for the Grail entries...

V. much fun!

Must stop! ;-)

Edited by author 03-13-2003 10:22 PM
I'm looking fwd to finding my craft/sewing/ostensibly guest room (it's currently buried in everything that was making the rest of the house messy and I haven't gotten up the gumption to brave to flotsam) so I can do crafty things and maybe even finish that cloak I started over a year ago.

And the frabbit is NOT deformed! Just unique in its own, special way.

As far as the hubby being a vampire {ahem}, we won't discuss the neck wounds. ;)

I should really keep up with my message board! I read them all as soon as you post them, but it takes me awhile to get around to responding, doesn't it? Here we go:

Jon: I'm running Mac OS 9.0.4 on an old iBook w/ 128 MB of memory and a 6 GB hard drive. Was so speedy and shiny and new when I bought it and now is grandmommy. Meh. Not sure what our router is, but can check and let you know (if it matters). The house is wired for ethernet, and a friend suggested we buy the router and get DSL but then my teeth went rotten and . . . well, you know the rest.

Jenn: I do all sorts of crafty stuff. Sewing, stained glass candle holders (though neither of these lately), collage, shadow boxes, jewelry boxes, deformed beanie babies . . . Yes, I'm hoping to sell some of this stuff at Wiscon, if I can actually get some of it finished by then!

Karen: Am v. pleased that you think my VSD is prettiest. Go me! Am writing company email in VSD style. Help!

Rachel: Allergic to chocolate! Oh, you poor thing! I love the thought that you might be married to a vampire, though . . .although I guess it'd put a damper on vacations to the beach.

Mandy: Was trying v. hard not to think about income tax in Oregon. Wish you were here to help us, but am v. happy for you and Nick, so it's ok.

Rachel: Thanks! Those two days are my favorites, too; am v. proud of them. I'm so amused that you can't read my site at work! It's not like I post entries about graphic sex every day or anything! Hee!

Just read the Camelot VSDs. Oh, my GOD yours was funny. I think Days Kirtle/Oxblood are my favorite. Maybe it's a good thing I can't read these at work.

Oregon has no sales tax. However, their income tax'll kill ya.

If I was there I'd see if I could help you guys troubleshoot your computers. But I'm not. Sorry.

Dunno what OS Heather's running. I'm running Ubiquitous Crapware -- Windows 98. We even have a router, because we foolishly thought we could afford to get DSL, before bad teeth and such befell us... just don't know how to make our computers chat with one another...

Funny, when most people hear about the garlic allergy, then notice that his pupils aren't round ('struth -- they're round at the top and go straight down to the whites at the bottom), making him incredibly sensitive to sunlight, *then* they find out we met at a Kindred game, well....

Let's say that defending *himself* against vampires isn't much of an issue.

; )

Not only that, but he won't be able to defend himself against vampires (okay, he could always break out the Holy Water Super Soaker).

In one of Life's Great Tragedies, my husband is allergic to garlic. Between that and my being allergic to chocolate, we are seriously deprived.

VSD style v. addictive. Unable to stop either. Think your Lady/Nimue piece is still the prettiest.

Edited by author 03-11-2003 05:39 PM
And what kind of crafty stuff do you do? I dabble quite a bit in handmade books, stamp carving, etc. And I want to learn how to watercolor and make mosaics. :)

Anything that you'll be selling at WisCon?

Heather, what mac OS are you running? And what does Tim use? I'd bet there'd be someway to make 'em cooperate.

Edited by author 03-10-2003 08:34 PM
Thank you, everyone!

Jenn, I'm sorry I spoiled your puppet fun; blame the notorious style monkeys for making me revise it (though it's better this way, it really is).

Kellie, you'd never convince me that Miss Olivia is turning cartwheels over fiction. And I'm so happy for you about your own project; I can't wait to see it! It's so cool to see you and Todd (my old college buds, for those who don't know) hanging out on my message board!

Todd, thank you so much! You know that you were my first audience, way back in college? You were my motivation for writing, way before Mary Anne even! (Ok, so I only wrote one short story in college, but you know what I mean; who wouldn't be inspired after reading your Duck Flambes?) I'm glad you approve :-)

I'm so full of the warm fuzzies! Thank you all for reading and commenting and liking my fiction! Whoo!

I'm gonna go sleep on a pillow and purr for awhile now.

I just read Famishing. It's definitely the best story I've read of yours, ever, and just for the record, I've always thought you were a very talented writer. Congratulations on the sale. You deserve it, and more.

Fabulous review! I'm turning carwheels for you. Okay, I'm not but the cat is. Well, um, she's sleeping on a pillow, but I'm smiling really big!

It *is* a well written story and it is certainly worthy of a good review. Congrats!

Great review, Heather!

Heather, I think that's a fabulous review!! Damn!! Major happy dancing on your behalf over here.

Okay, you wanna know what I don't like about "Famishing"? I don't like that, a week before I read it, my older brother gave me a Balinese puppet from his trip to Bali over Christmas. Now that damn puppet is just too freaky to look at! The way its pointy little elbows move on the sticks...

*shudder*

Whoo! Well done to both of you.

Yip! Congrats to you and you and you! I know how it feels to have a lil' book with your stuff in it now, although not as cool as having your own story in an anthology. I haven't talked to you in a while, but the first Trading Spaces book will be on the shelves in another week or so. The advance copies look great -- even if it is a wheel in the ever-annoying corporate marketing hoo-ha machine. I swear, I don't know how TLC manages to air anything as disorganized as they are. Ah well, money is good. I like money. Speaking of money, I should get back to writing stuff for the other two TS monstrosities... I hope to call soon, really, I promise... :-)

Yay for all the ShawPratt goodness! Especially on the new story. Please give yourself a huge, warm hug for me. And hell, give one to Tim for me too. ;)

Congrats on the selling the collab with Mr. Prattastic, and congrats on the reprint sale, and congrats on finishing the new story.

I think that's quite enough for one day, don't you, young lady?

Congrats again! And especially congrats on finishing a new story! Very cool. Look forward to reading it (hint, hint).

Hey Heather, I'm probably not a good measuring stick for when it comes to teaching. I'm not really extroverted by nature, so teaching is hard for me -- I like getting OTHER PEOPLE to talk. So lecturing was always a chore.

I think you're more outgoing than I am, so you'll be fine. I'd bet you could find a regular teaching gig instead of subbing tho. Substitute teaching -- yikes! :)

Don't let the gas prices fool you, Heather. The price of gas is usually higher than anywhere else because stations have to hire employees to pump gas. Isn't minimum wage an indicator of the cost of living? In Oregon, minimum wage has just gone up from $6.50 to $7.00.

I'll have to check the link Jon posted here, but I don't think of Eugene as having a high cost of living. And not only is Eugene pedestrian friendly, it's bike friendly. There are bike lanes on many of the streets.

Edited by author 02-27-2003 08:09 PM
This might be of some interest:

The Cost-of-Living Calculator.
http://www.homefair.com/homefair/calc/salcalc.html

To be clear, it only compares salaries overall, rather than break it down bit by bit. So while gas might be higher in one place, rent might be lower in the other. And so forth.

Yeah, Mike, I don't know how much teaching will drain me. The last time I taught was substitute teaching, which I did while also waiting tables at night, so I was just drained all the time anyway. I'm having a time trying to find out how to sub in Oregon; looks like you have to have a teaching license to do so (at least in the Portland schools), which to me seems to be missing the point a bit, but what do I know? In Indiana, when I did it, you only had to have a clean record and two years of college under your belt. There are many more rules out here.

Does anyone know if there are any teaching certification programs in the Portland area?

Yeah, Rob, I've heard about the writers and the rain up there. It sounds so lovely. Really, it does. I'm sure I'm idealizing it, but I tend to prefer overcast days to sunny ones, at least usually.

Gas prices are close to $2 a gallon here, too, but then cost of living is higher out here as well, so I guess that means it's worse in Oregon, huh? The hope is to live somewhere that we don't need a car so much, you know? I know Portland is pedestrian friendly, how's Eugene?

I'm glad my entry was entertaining. Thanks!

Edited by author 02-27-2003 10:28 AM

Heather, Oregon is green, a bit wet right now, and as you may know, Eugene is full of writers. And gas prices are high! I don't know what they are in California, but it's close to two bucks a gallon. Nobody pumps thier gas here. It's full service.

Anyway, your entry didn't sound negative to me. Rather entertaining, actually. Take care and be well.

Heather, like you, what I really really want is to not have pain in my neck, shoulders, arms, and hands from RSI (repetitive-stress injuries). I had the same exact thought as you about teaching to get away from keyboards, but I'm a chicken. Teaching drains me too much.

Oregon is very cool. Best of luck to you in your scholarly and real-estate endeavors... !

Thanks, guys. I forgot to mention in my journal entry that as of today, I have officially worked out (with my tongue) all my stitches myself. Thank you, thank you. They still want to see me to make sure everything is ok, and I think that's a good idea; damn mouth is still sore.

One thing I have discovered: soft foods are fattening.

I know how you feel, Greg. I'm jealous of Tim, but not in an unhealthy way. Of course, getting a pretty new gown and an event to wear it to helps soothe the pain.

Heather, you have my deepest sympathies. My recommendation is to eat lots of chocolate pudding, sprinkled with powdered Vicodin on top.

Your poor mouth!

I hope to have reason to go the Nebs someday as more than an uninvolved spectator, and sit at the grown-up's table in my pretty gown or scuba suit and eat canapés and trade bon mots with movers and shakers. I'm jealous of you guys, but not in an unhealthy way.

Jason: Thank you so much! I got the idea for the photo bits last spring when Susan posted a plea ("tell me a story") on her website. I was already working on the Bali parts, and when I wrote the dance scene suddenly it all clicked how I could give the background of this character without sounding too cheesy.

Oh, and thank you so much for posting on the SH board, too!

Ms. Kellarina: Hee! I was just looking through old photos (to see if I had enough other ones like the ones I mention in the story to post on this site -- the result is that many of the photos are either still in Indiana or a conflation of several different photos) and I ran across that cast party where we all took pictures of each other dancing with the Swanson's yellow collander. Oh, those were the days (when I could hold my liquor . . .). It's sad how many names I've forgotten.

Oh, and I'm glad you liked the story, Kellie, thanks! Not that R. will ever read it, but it's my little revenge for her saying that . . . ah, the power, it corrupts me! Mwah-ha-ha!

Nick: If you really have a little tap-dance outfit like that in your size, bring it on. Mine, unfortunately, doesn't fit any longer, so we'll have to cancel the duet. Do you also have the tap shoes and fishnets?

I have an outfit just like that little number in the photo.

Maybe I'll wear it to Wiscon.

Hooray Heather! If I were there, I'd do a dance for you with a colander on my head. Really. Great story -- it's wonderful to see you progress and grow as a writer. I'm very proud of you! And, hmmm, who's that sorority sister?! :-) Congrats!

Excellent story, Heather. I really liked how you interspersed the narrative with the progressive photos of your main character and that period in her life. And the end was just creepy. Great job.

Thanks, guys, for the birthday wishes and for reading my story over at Strange Horizons. It's been a very good day for writing related news here at the Prattshaw household: we just found out that Tim's story (from SH last year about this time, called "Little Gods") has made the Nebula final ballot!

Whoo-hoo! Sushi tonight!

Heather, that was pretty cool. Well done.

Yaaaay Heather!!! Looking forward to reading this story to see how it's changed since you read it at WorldCon! Very cool.

Now, I expect many more stories and novels from you. Get to it! :)

Happy belated birthday, Heather!

Always good to find another Aquarius <grin>. I'm exactly three days younger than you -- uh, if you ignore my being 15 years older, that is.

     -- Daryl

Happy belated B-Day, Heather.

I just wound my way hear to follow up on "The Lovely Bones". I finished it up, and didn't really much like it by the end.

Extended comments are here:

http://www.journalscape.com/derekjames/2003-01-27-14:53

I'd be interested to hear your take...

Happy Birthday!

Sam

Yay, blue crab has a happy home!

Heather, I didn't even know it was (almost) your birthday! But you showed up in my dream last night. It was a way cool dream. You were the only real-life person there (unless you count Matthew McConaughey, who, inexplicably, was a key figure). We were battling the forces of Evil! I was sleeping with the Dark Lord (to keep him from suspecting that I was actually trying to save the world). You were behind a closed door in a hotel room, hiding a man I thought was the Stick Man (a crucial innocent/omnipowerful messianic/fool figure. Think Leeloo Dallas Multipass in The 5th Element). The man with you tried to make contact with me but I ignored him because I didn't want the Dark Lord to read my mind and become suspicious of him. But later it turned out that the man with you was really the Warrior, who was supposed to help me save the Stick Man except that I'd blown off his help so I had to do it alone. And then McConaughey came whistling down the road looking happy-go-lucky and dumb as a post and I realised *he* was the Stick Man after all. Together, you and I distracted the Dark Lord for just barely long enough to bundle the Stick Man into an elevator which then zoomed straight up the hotel building and rocketed off into the sky! The Stick Man was safe and free! The world was saved!

So thanks, and happy birthday.

When I turned 30, I threw a pirate-themed party with the slogan, "Turning 30 and Taking No Prisoners." My husband got the weirdest looks at Baskin Robbins as he tried to explain that yes, he wanted *black* icing, and he brought them a picture of the skull'n'crossbones he wanted on it.

Happy (pre)Birthday!

: )

That actually is a really fine rejection from one of the most important editors in the business. You're entirely justified in feeling good about it.

And Happy Birthday!!!

Nice pictures, Heather. That's one cute baby. And a future happy birthday to you, although the only advantage to turning thirty is that you'll be legally old enuf to run for the U.S. Senate. At last!

In a weird note, I had a dream last night that I read in your journal that you'd married someone other than Tim, and that you'd changed your name to Heather Fullerton. Who this Fullerton guy was supposed to be, I have no idea. But when I woke up I was extremely confused.

And you got a personal rejection letter from Ellen Datlow. I am really impressed (all I get are the generics).

We've got a similar problem: my husband's name is Shawn, and his best friend's name is Sean. At least we can tell them apart over email.

And then there's the MS Word autocorrect, which insists that our last name is Hellion (which, sadly, doesn't surprise people who know me.)

Great goals, Heather! I have no doubt you'll achieve 'em.

Actually, no, Rachel. Her name is Heather too, but since I was there first she took the nickname Heathen (which, in the past, has been my nickname too) to avoid confusion. People still get confused, of course, but at least I've managed to get my boss to refrain from referring to me by both first AND last name anymore. It always made me feel like I was in trouble, hearing her say, "Heather Shaw!" Not at all like when Tim says it.

>>I love most of the people I work with, especially _Heathen_ and Richard<<

Freudian typo?

; )

-- Rachel

Gorgeous! I cried. As if there was any doubt. Set a date for the wedding so I can come out and meet him and coo over him and hold him and pet him and squeeze him and name him George -- I mean, uh... You know... Send my congrats to Holly! (I have a lil' somethin' for him, but I won't be able to ship it until we come back from Loogootee for Christmas. But he'll have it after the new year!)

>> Who names their son Tiberius? <<

James T. Kirk's parents, I guess.

Heather, my congratulations in the extreme to your sister, you, Tim, your mom, etc. And thanks to Susan for filling us in.

Tiberius? Who names their son Tiberius? That's just . . . weird.

Heather -- some free writing advice, totally unsolicited, and probably worth exactly what you paid for it...

Just write the stories you wanna tell. Don't worry about what others think.

And write the storied you'd want to READ. Just keep practicing -- writing regularly -- and the rest will fall into place.

And now you have a nifty sale to add to your cover letter! Woo-hoo!

Oooh! Thank you, thank you for the pictures of Holly. So glad I came in to the office to hunt down my list of things to do...which of course I've just wasted tons of time looking for at home and here. But I did find it! Love the pictures. Getting sooooooooooooooooo excited!! MOM

It'll be easier to gush over the baby, I must say. Up until then, all that can be pretty much said is "Yep, she sure is pregnant all right."

Post baby pics, when available.

Hey, hey, hello! I can't seem to catch you (Heather) on the phone lately so I guess I'll say a quick hello and send a hearty congratulations on your board.

(Read quickly): Hello!

(Read heartily): Congratulations!

Ahem, okay. I'm very excited for you! I'm sure that the two of you will be very happy! I knew when I met Tim that the two of you fit together well and I wanted to say to you (like you did to me) "You've met the man you're going to marry!"

And selling a story! Yip! I'm so proud of you! You're a *per-fessional*! Could I use more exclamation points?!

We're both thinking about Holly and hoping all goes well. It's funny you mentioned her tattoo because I've been wondering how it was, um, shaping up. We're sending lots of positive thoughts her way.

Oh, and building on your words of encouragement the last time we spoke I started a lil' jewelry business -- Trish & Shala. Yip!

I think this is the first Christmas in a while that we won't see each other, so I hope all goes well!

Love and rockets and wockets in your pockets...

Thank you all so much! I can't believe how happy all this makes me, and this joy is a welcome relief of the doom and gloom we've been experiencing lately. Talk about putting life into perspective.

Individual responses (where needed):

Sam -- No, I haven't started scouting (for the wedding)
yet, though I'm pretty sure we're going to rent the Oakland Rose Garden's wedding terrace for the ceremony, for romantic reasons (it's also a bargain). The reception is what has me worried, though. Considering having a potlluck . . .

Mike -- Thanks! The story is a bit different now; I've added a scene earlier on, and the ending has changed. I think it's an even better story now, and I'm thrilled, thrilled, thrilled to have it be my debut pro story. Especially nice to have it at Strange Horizons, which ties with LCRW as my favorite 'zine to read.

Greg -- you crack me up. As usual. I highly recommend getting a story accepted right before sushi with the editor. Raw fish never tasted so good!

Jenn -- I know! I'm knocking on wood and spitting between my fingers to keep my good forturne coming! Dunno about the Pulitzer; I think I'd settle for, you know, a sale to someplace else nice, such as SCI FICTION :-)

Thanks again, everyone! I'm so deliriously happy!

Congrats x 2, Heather!

YeeeeeeeHAW for Heather Shaw!!!

An engagment to the wonderful, adorable, fantabulous Tim, AND a fiction sale to SH?? My god, woman, you're on a roll! What do you do as an encore, win the Pulitzer?

Of course, I like Greg's post better, but I would have left in "CRUSH THE ENEMY, SEE HIM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU" part. Who doesn't love that?

Happy Happy Jenn :)

Yay! Congratulations, Heather!

Whoo, congrats on all counts!

Good job!

Conan, what is best in life?

SHARE LIFE WITH TRUE ROMANTIC! EAT SUSHI WTIH GREAT FRIEND! SELL STORY TO STRANGE HORIZONS!

Cheers and congrats!

Oh hell yeah, Heather! Way to GO!!! Having heard this story read aloud at ConJose, I can say without a doubt it's a great story, and will be a perfect Strange Horizons story.

Looking forward to reading it!!!

Oh, and congrats on getting engaged too... ;)

Heather:
I don't know if you've started scouting for locations and the like, but man, no wonder people get wedding planners!

Edited by author 11-19-2002 12:09 AM
Thanks, everyone! Tim and I are very happy. Tim's right, I am all bouncy and glowy. I'm showing my ring to everyone: my coworkers, my boss, my friends, the UPS driver and mailman . . .

Sam, congrats! That's wonderful! 'Tis the season to become engaged, huh?

You guys are so friggin' cute! Congrats!

It's a beautiful ring; the hippies came through, eventually, and we're quite happy with it. It's nice to see Heather all bouncy and glowy and happy!

Thanks, y'all.

Yeah, congrats to you, too, Sam! Sean told us about your engagement when we saw him a couple of weeks ago.

My engagement:
I need a new ring. I want a diamond ring. Let's get married.

Ta-dah!

Engagement was one week. We're married.

More details

http://www.lingthemerciless.com/2002/index.cfm?journalID=74

Awwww!!! How sweet!

Seriously, congratulations, you two! You make a great couple. Hang in there through these tough times.

Yay for Flytrap!!! ;)

You might wanna bring up the mood stuff with your doc next time you've got an appointment. There are four hundred zillion formulations of the pill, and some of them just don't work well for some women.

There's almost certainly a prescription you can take which screws with your moods less. Of course, stress in your life just screws with all that stuff, so it could just be that.

In that case, a good friend spoke very highly of Kava Kava as a way of de-stressing. Prolly best to be careful with it though, since in significant quantities it's an hallucinogen.

Whoot indeed! Burgers of Doom are good. Perhaps, someday, I can be a Cyborg of Doom.

And it's easy for me to say, now, that I'd like to be posthuman as soon as possible, that I want to be uploaded into utility fog, but when the time comes, one never knows... I may hesitate... I am, after all, rather fond of my body. But if I can just *emulate* my perception of having a body perfectly enough, until such a time as I pass beyond the need for the fleshy security blanket...

Alright. After Burgers of Doom, Tim is THE MAN.

Not in the pejorative, oppressor-state sense, but the slangy, subculturey cool sense.

Way to go! Whoot!

Mike: Yeah, when we read that book, Tim and I were all "I bet there's a whole audience for this book that Carol hasn't even heard of." Then again, maybe she has. You really never know.

Tim: Aw, thanks sweetness.

Erin: I'm still working out the robot question. I think they're supposed to be cool. I think they are kind of cool, but have yet to write anything about them, and I doubt I'll ever achieve Tim's level of enthusiasm for them. He's all wanting to become a cyborg once it's possible. Um, ick.

What is it with you people and robots?

Though she is a bit oatmealy of late, I can assure you that Heather is not lumpy in the least.

Edited by author 10-10-2002 09:22 AM
Hey, Heather. I think you misunderstood my posts about publishing -- I was definitely not saying that it can't be important to publish in certain venues. Publishing in The New Yorker would crank my pay scale up very nicely, for example -- I'd love to do it. And if you're trying to break into the sf/f community, publishing in some of the pro markets is clearly the way to do it. I can even understand feeling like a particular story *should* fit really well into a particular market (really, why doesn't Susie take *all* my erotica stories for the Best Of American Erotica series? :-).

But all that said, sometimes a market just doesn't exist at the current time for a particular weird-ass story. My sex toy-teddy bear robot story being a prime example. And then you just gotta not take it personally -- it doesn't mean it's a bad story, and it doesn't mean you're a bad writer, and if you choose to put the story up for free somewhere (which I'll do one of these days with that story, I promise), it doesn't make you a bad or even an amateur writer.

Obviously, it's easier to be firm about this position once one has sold some stories at pro rates somewhere people respect. Hang in there, kiddo.

Heather -- with regard to pony play, well, I'm looking at the cover of Carol Emshwiller's new novel _The Mount_ in a whole new light now...

Giddyap!

That is so untrue. Tim, I'm going to bump you off my forum if you insist on telling lies. I wasn't in bed. I had just logged on and was doing other things while waiting for it to connect, because I wanted to check email one more time before bedtime. And at least I'm nice when he asks for the connection. When Tim's online and I want to just check my email quickly before bedtime it's all bitch and moan and "I need to be online to do IMPORTANT RESEARCH!!! I can't do this if I'm not online; you have to go to bed without your email, young lady."

See? See the cruelty?

Ahem.

Anyway, Tim and I have already determined that we don't agree on which of us hogs the connection more. Both of us think the other is whack, which isn't unusual. But you should all know that I'm right and he's wrong.

At least, on my forum.

Thpt. Whatever, yo. Heather's always online. Earlier tonight she was in bed, reading a book, and her unattended computer was online. And when I was like "Can I disconnect you?" she said "Let me check my e-mail one more time." Man. Such conditions. It's a wonder y'all hear from me at all.

And, yeah, I guess we're some kinda specialty flavor, with the caramel core.

Greg: You are such a sweet man. Thank you; that made me feel really good.

Tim: So, I guess we're like, a Ben & Jerry's flavor then?

Nick: Twice the size of your head? Er, we carry some of the biggest butt-plugs around, and they're maybe twice the size of your fist. There's always the ever popular "Who's Your Daddy?" dildo, which is bigger than your forearm .. . .

And, I mean to update more frequently, I really do. But you try to fight that Pratt boy for the dial-up connection when he's working online.

Personally I like buttplugs twice the size of my head.

Anyway, hope this board encourages you to update more frequently, H.

And then, of course, there's French Vanilla -- basically vanilla people who like a little light spanking or to be tied up loosely with silk scarves...

Such an apt term, vanilla. Some people equate it with boring, but really, there's nothing like a dish of really good, high-quality vanilla ice cream.

You know, Heather, if the job of a writer is to take the reader somewhere s/he's never been, and tell the reader something s/he didn't know, then it occurs to me that spec fic really needs you.

Yeah, Mike, it's amazing how quickly we become used to looking at naked bodies if we're exposed to them for any length of time. Around here we're pretty jaded; it's hard to review a new book of naughty pictures because we've seen all that and more so many times before . . .

One thing about those naked chicks on the boxes -- did you notice how they put naked *women* on everything? Pocket pussy? Use a picture of a naked woman! Big honkin' dildo? Use a picture of a naked woman! Doesn't matter whether it's supposed to be men or women using the product, they always show women. The only thing we can figure is that the manufacturers assume that men are buying the dildos and vibrators for their partners.

Pony play is where they dress people (usually women) up like ponies with bits, tails (guess how they put the tails on), harnesses and sometimes even saddles and make them act like horses. Very popular among some folks; not exactly my thing, though sometimes the harnesses are pretty . . .

Oh, and being vanilla (liking straight sex, with no kink to it) isn't the same as being square and puritan. We have lots of vanilla customers; you can do a lot without ever venturing into what we'd call kinky.

I'm not going to touch the bestiality thing. What y'all do with your naked poultry is your own business.

Naked poulty, now that's HOT. Yeah babeee!

Clearly I'm very square and puritan. What's the deal with the naked chickens?

Oh, wait, I just reread that, Mike. Naked chick. Okay. That does make more sense.

Just wanted to clarify -- my wife and I didn't go to the sex toy/video shop to find something to use WITH the other couple! We were, ah, "just browsing."

It's funny -- Elizabeth and I went to a local sex toy/video shop this weekend with another couple, and after a while I was just like "Oh, there's another naked chick" after looking at all the boxes and stuff. It's weird how sex is such a big deal, especially in America. But when you boil it down, it's just parts.

I'm not even gonna ask what "pony-play" is...