Brittney, who the *hell* is this dong_resin person? You must know him, because I can't imagine a stranger talking to anybody like that - especially a stranger who goes by "dong - resin."

I also kiss my mother with these fingers.

You, Mr. "dong_resin," what nerve you have! You haven't the will or satchel to do what I do--expose my everyday trivialities to a room full of people--to be judged and criticized and scorned. You just waltz into others' perfectly civil weblogs and start going ape shit. You are unruly, sir, and I won't stand for the way you fucking curse at me and shit.

I'm a helpless, doe-eyed girl, not yet a woman, with no direction or insight of my own. Sure I'm poor and am ignorant in the ways of the force, but there is fire in me. Just you wait and see...

dong_resin: If you were even one thousandth of a man, or even one smidgen of a human being, you'd say that kind of spiteful shit to me in person. And you'd sit there with an absolutely vapid stare on your face dissing Brittney while I completely pounded the fuck out of your skull for being so insensitive to a nice lady. Would you say that kind of hateful garbage in person, dong? Because if so, then you have a serious misunderstanding of human interaction.

Boy, it must take cojones to smack talk someone whom you've never even met. It must feel good to lob off enmity from an anonymous computer somewhere to a person who, god forbid, simply had the guts to reveal something about her life. Listen, you incompetent microcephalic mammalian dunghill, if you knew two shits about ladies, then you'd know that they don't desire solutions, but they like a guy who's willing to listen. It appears from your recent cacophony of words that you seem to lack ears, much less reading comprehension skills. I suppose that your inch-long simpering phallus is the only explanation for your nonsense here.

You want to fuck with Brittney? I've got news for you, you little bitch. You'll have to get through me.

Brittney: Don't listen to this sack of shit. If he fucks with you again, give me a buzz and I'll completely decimate this loser.

You, Mr. Dong_Resin, have just been put on my shitlist. Prepare to face the music if you commit so much as the tiniest infraction against Brittney or anybody else who's cool enough to be kosher online.

And, Brittney, if you decide to migrate to the Bay Area (or at the very least visit), I owe you either a dinner or a drink.

Edited by author 07-05-2002 12:47 AM
Look, please don't put me on your shitlist, Ed, okay? Please? I don't need that kind of pressure. I have enough worries. I'm sure you're very tough. There's no need to get all nuts.

All I'm doing is pointing out the obvious : girls, all of them, even the mildly impressive ones like Brittney here, are weak and need to be guided and protected by men. It's just a fact of nature. You are right to feel protective of her. So do I. It's why I offered my wisdom, and I think that when the shock of hearing the truth abates, Brittney will come around, and understand what is really being said.

And Brittney... if you want to cross that border into outright womanhood, I think we both know who here among us is the man for the job.
I'm willing to throw you a bone. I think it's what you need most.

Also, I had to look up "enmity".
Very impressive.

Cheeses of Nazareth... y'all settle down and play nice, m'kay?

Mighty Nerdgoddess, a dream deferred is not necessarily a dream denied. You've made a wise decision, based on the best available evidence. You'll make your mark on the world in due time. Breathe.

Heed not the advice of anonymous shit-stirrers....

Edited by author 07-05-2002 05:44 PM
Be especially careful with sarcasm. Subtlety is not communicated well in written form; the reader often does not pick up on sarcasm or irony without some sort of explicit reminder.

*coughs*

Hey, everyone!

if you have no idea what is going on, i'm here to help.

Brittney's post here has somehow turned into a veritable Vietnam of the Internet.

Let us review what has happened....

Brittney wrote an entry in her Blog.

Some anonymous guy using the name "a.non" left Brittney a message which seemed just a bit snotty. He basically said, "Duh.... um.... like, welcome to the real world and stuff, yeah... um.... whatever...."

Anyway....

 ...the irrepressible Dong_Resin took note of A.non's bad vibage. He responded in typical Dong Resin fashion -- with a blistering bit of ultra-sarcasm.

in essence, he wrote a note to Brittney that was a grotesque satire of Mr. A.non's note.

( Which, at first glance, appears to be mocking Brittney. But Dong Resin would never mock Britt, would he? Nope, i should think not.... )

if Dong had been doing this in person, he probably would have been theatrically picking his nose, scratching his butt, and speaking in an exaggerated Tennessee accent to further his point.

.......but then along comes Ed.

Ed is this dude who saw Dong Resin's facetious post and took it at face value.

Ed assumed -- perhaps justifiably, perhaps not -- that Dong was dissing our girl Brittney...

This resulted in Ed's ceremonious adding of Mr. Dong Resin to his "Shitlist." Ed verbosely denigrated the Dong using phrases such as "pound your skull" and other stuff like that.

And then....

Mr Dong Resin could have defused this potentially explosive situation by simply pointing out to over-reactive Ed that he was being sarcastic. Which is the opposite of being serious.

However, since Mr. Dong Resin is the Upcoming Great White Wise-ass of the New Millennium, he naturally responded to Mr. Ed with another swift bit of ascerbic Dong Resin mocking vitriol.

He went so far as to mock Ed's famed "Shitlist."

This only made Ed even angrier, since -- by this time -- no one had yet informed him that the entire debacle was just a bunch of much ado about nothing.

in conclusion....

..it's all very like that one scene in "Reality Bites." Imagine Brittney as Winona Ryder, Dong Resin as Ethan Hawke, and Ed as Ben Stiller...

...you know, that one scene? Where Ethan opens the door and Ben is at the door and Winona is there and Ben says this thing and Ethan says something else and then they're all mad at each other for no good reason because they're just both guys and they're sparring over this hot girl and it's like there's no real reason to fight but they do, because they're guys, you know?

This whole situation is kinda like that.

A little.

Wow, it's been years since i saw that movie.....

And, to be honest, i only saw the very end part.

But that's pretty much it.

That's the story of Britt's entry so far.

i hope i haven't ruined any mystique for anyone.

But.... Britt said i could synopsize it for you.

So i did. So there!

.
.

The moral?

Dong.... Ed... Britt... me.... Farker Badcrumble....

Let's not fight. Let's all Play Nice.

There's a whole world out there.

Well, you know, the possibility does exist that Ed himself was being funny, and in fact has no immediate plans to hunt me down for my microcephalic mammalian dunghill-edness.

The important thing that we all need to take away from this, here, is that Adam Sandler sucks like the cold vacuum of space itself.

Yeah, dong, just think you get to play a Violent Femmes song at a pub. Man, that's like totally cool or something.

Damn, I missed the full unedited vitriol and I missed a.non's original message. You folks have disappointed me. We could have hammered on all night. I could have shown you how to kill Trotsky in Mexico. Or something.

Another curio: when does fucking reading comprehension comes back during the quit smoking period? Oooh...fer shame. Right about now, I'm going to finger my bitchy ass.

Look, I'm a helpless, doe-eyed girl, not yet a woman, with no direction or insight of my own.

Yaay!

Now everyone is happy and all is full of lovey-doveyness!

part of me is sorry that you're not moving to brooklyn. much of my extended circle lives out there (it's a short drive from where i live now) and you seem like a nice girl (heh) with whom to hang.

however! the lease is ending on my apartment very soon, and i am in a situation where i could live in da bronx for a small, small amount of money. i know EXACTLY how you feel about not wanting to move to the big, bad city, for it is indeed big and bad. particularly to us who are just starting out.

take care and good luck and all that.