Brittney's barflies on The Topics of the World:

reincarnation: "In my next life I plan to be The Rock!" (destined to be a squid)

creationism v. evolution: "Fish pulling themselves out of water to walk on dry land? What a load of bull--" (front door broken down by horde of marauding snakehead fish, which proceed to eat all bar patrons . . . sparing Brittney because she helpfully provides the lung butter)

the Middle East: "All I keep hearing is that you can never find piece in the Middle East. Hell, if I lived there, I'd be frustrated, too!"

Hindus and Muslims: "I don't have the slightest idea what the difference between these two even is!" (solved by re-enacting an old Hindu parable--only instead of an elephant, the blindfolded bar patrons are charged with investigating the exposed asses of one Hindu and one Muslim volunteer with their hands. Results are inconclusive: "It's smooth!" "It's hairy!" "It's dimpled!" "It tastes like chocolate!")