I'm a farmer, so I'm biased.

We are paid for our produce in a market dominated by countries which pay less for labour and for key agricultural imputs such as fertiliser. All the subsidies we get come in one door and go straight out the other. The people who benefit are the companies which make fertiliser and agrochemicals and farm machinery, and the businesses who buy food from farmers at a derisory price, and then remanufacture and repackage it into an expensive, but convenient, artificially flavoured, textured, and nutrition-enhanced, pop-it-in-the-microwave, corporate profit centre.

It's being reported that we're importing potato-based snack foods from the USA -- I find that hard to believe because Britain has a potato surplus, but we're in a world where British supermarkets imported fresh vegetables from Zimbabwe, and are now buying from South America.

The way things are going, Oxfam are going to have to start a branch of their "Fair Trade" scheme for British farmers. Excuse me while I get a tine of brown boot polish and watch a few episodes of "It Ain't Half Hot, Mum" so I can get the accent right.