another of his songs (honestly):

"Blessed Be That City"

Now there's lots of folks been talkin'
'Bout real travel, not just walkin'
Makin' chases to the places you and I might never be
From the city to the country
From the mountain to the valley
From the canyon to the ocean
From the desert to the sea
They'll be flyin', drivin', sailin'
Some survivin', some be failin'
As they chase their dream of thrills that cannot be
More and more will soon be learnin'
Our deepest longing, yearning
Can't be satisfied in cities without (?)

(CHORUS)

Blessed be that city, burning bright city
Where the streets, they're paved with gold
Blessed be that fountain, crystal clear fountain
Where the river starts its flow
Blessed be that singing, angels are singing
Voices blending in perfect harmony
All of the races, from all places
Smiling faces singing praises to the King

Now there's lots of folks acquiring
And even more aspiring
To have things and toys and stuff that bucks can buy
They got boomboxes 'a blastin'
Big bass boats for castin'
More new tricks and truck
Than you and I could ever hope to drive
They got 4-wheel drives 'a turnin'
Credit cards just burnin'
Seekin' kicks and highs on which you can't rely
There's just one thing satisfyin'
He's the one who did our dyin'
And he's 'a waitin' in that city in the sky
Now there's lots a folks 'a been thinkin'
That real joy it comes from drinkin'
At the well of pleasures that the world provides
But the fleetin' highs they're feelin'
Gonna send you rockin' and reelin'
With an emptiness you must confess
That eats out your insides
We got hot-shot jocks explainin'
How eatin' right and trainin'
Gonna save you from yourself and make you free
But just buildin' up your body
With kung-fu and karate
Ain't no ticket to a bright eternity

(CHORUS)

This is absolutely the funniest thing I've seen all week...

I am afraid. I'm a very afraid....

Hey, you know what someone needs to do? They need to sample Ashcroft's voice and make a computer model, and them have a computer sing, in his simulated voice, that song from _The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T_ where Hans Conried sings about his "spody-do-duds."

My cousin points out that Ashcroft was part of the Senate barbershop quartet.

There ought to be a law against this.

Make the bad man go away.

Wow, that was fantastic. We need more politicians having Mel Torme moments.

wtf?

Edited by author 02-28-2002 02:26 AM
I can't believe how much Ashcroft has become a comical "Bob Roberts-esque" stereotype for how ridiculous the fanatic, old, white, right wing-christian zealots are and what they represent. I can just see him thinking, "I'm singing, see I'm 'hip'. The young people of America will really respect me now! ...Unless they're communists or worse, black."

If anyone needs me, I'll be huddling in my closet, clawing at the bloody and tattered remnants of my ears.

Edited by author 02-28-2002 01:14 AM
I found this on Belief Net:

Once, in 1997, while walking through a field on his 155-acre farm in Missouri and praying about the spiritual condition of the United States, Ashcroft says he saw some eagles flying across the dawn sky. The senator was discouraged about the national impact of President Clinton’s moral problems, but the sighting of the eagles conjured an almost prophetic message. He was inspired to write a song about America’s brighter future.

The words:
“Let the eagle soar,
Like she’s never soared before.
From rocky coast to golden shore,
Let the mighty eagle soar.
Soar with healing in her wings,
As the land beneath her sings:
'Only god, no other kings.'
This country’s far too young to die.
We’ve still got a lot of climbing to do,
And we can make it if we try.
Built by toils and struggles
God has led us through.”

Holy F**K was that creepy.

Main Entry: suck
Pronunciation: 's&k
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English suken, from Old English sucan; akin to Old High German sugan to suck, Latin sugere
Date: before 12th century
transitive senses
1 a : to draw (as liquid) into the mouth through a suction force produced by movements of the lips and tongue <sucked milk from his mother's breast> b : to draw something from or consume by such movements <suck an orange> <suck a lollipop> c : to apply the mouth to in order to or as if to suck out a liquid <sucked his burned finger>
2 a : to draw by or as if by suction <when a receding wave sucks the sand from under your feet -- Kenneth Brower> <inadvertently sucked into the... intrigue -- Martin Levin> b : to take in and consume by or as if by suction <a vacuum cleaner sucking up dirt> <suck up a few beers> <opponents say that malls suck the life out of downtown areas -- Michael Knight>
intransitive senses
1 : to draw something in by or as if by exerting a suction force; especially : to draw milk from a breast or udder with the mouth
2 : to make a sound or motion associated with or caused by suction <his pipe sucked wetly> <flanks sucked in and out, the long nose resting on his paws -- Virginia Woolf>
3 : to act in an obsequious manner <when they want votes... the candidates come sucking around -- W. G. Hardy> <sucked up to the boss>
4 slang : to be objectionable or inadequate <Attorney General John Ashcroft's frighteningly awful debut as a singer/songwriter sucked so badly that it became a singularity>

I just vomited. Thanks!

a a a a a a a a a a a a ah...........

As to what Ashcroft must be On or Using:

Self-righteousness.

Dear Gawd! How long did the unedited version go on?

Kidding aside, this reminds me alot of the kind of singing I run across while channel surfing on Sunday morning, with Ashcroft playing the role of the heavily pomaded minister.

My favorite line: "She's cried a bit for what we've put her though!" For Ashcrofts's constituency, I guess that means the way those Washington librals don't have laws to take care of all those hippies, homos, abortion doctors, gun banners, and women who wear pants.

EEEEEEK!!! Do you think he was bribed, or drugged? Or maybe it was a coded message to US operatives overseas? I couldn't even watch the whole thing. Set my teeth right on edge, it did.

Rivals Bill Murray singing Star Wars. The putz has gutz.

wow! truly awful!

I notice that the song is in the key of B-flat, which a lot of band instruments are tuned to. The songs' comin' to a football game and Fourth of July parade near you!

That man has got to be using *something*!

I'm traumatized. <gack>