I guess WTO protesters are going to start having to wear tin-foil hats. And shirts. And goggles with metal mesh. And little chains on their ankles to ground it all.

I have tried human hair. Sonic spikes. Kitty litter. Fish heads. Pellets. Gas bombs. Ex-Lax wrapped in Juicyfruit. But maybe cooking the grass can get those f-in' gophers. I'm very encouraged.

I suggest rioters wear suits made of microwavable popcorn. Ablative, tasty armor!

Yeah, popcorn armor . . . I like it. Imagine the hot, buttery smell wafting into the conference center, drooling WTO delegates coming out for a snack, a big group hug, an exchange of vows to find common ground . . .

Then the Chicken Pox bombs go off.